That's NOT a Bad Word?

My son, Gomer was looking up words in the dictionary. Every week for school he has to look up new words and write down the definitions. When he's done with his homework, he peruses the dictionary to find the definitions of new words he'd like to learn.

Now, we just had our parent teacher conference where his teacher told us what a bright and inquisitive child he is, so you would think that he would use that extra time with his dictionary to look up words like: 

Profligacy: recklessly wasteful; wildly extravagant, profligate behavior
Apoplectic: sudden loss of the ability to feel or move

Yeah, not my kid. 

So, I'm working in my office and in comes Gomer with his dictionary and huge eyes.

Gomer: Mom! Guess what?

Me: What?

Gomer: I was reading my dictionary and I discovered something.

Me: Oh yeah? [I stop what I'm doing and I wait for my son to enlighten me and expand my vocabulary with a word like Ersatz: used as a poor-quality substitute for something else, inferior to an original item.]

Gomer: Yeah. I was told "ass" is a bad word, but it's not! It's a donkey! So when someone says, "I'm going to kick your ass, they just mean "I'm going to kick your donkey!" Right? [he thinks for second] Oh wait. It's the second definition they're talking about isn't it? [he whispers] The butt one?

Me: Yes, Gomer, it's the butt one that's bad.

Gomer: But I can still use the word ass when I'm talking about donkeys, right?
Me: No. Because I know what you're doing. You're pushing the envelope. No one uses the word ass for donkey anymore. You're just trying to get away with using a word you think is bad.

Gomer: Hmm. That sucks, because I want to tell people: "My favorite video game is Ass Kong."

I had to leave the room so he wouldn't see me laughing at him. My son's laconic sense of humor slays me every single time.

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lennie said…
Thank you for my first laugh on a Monday morning!
the notorious b said…
"Ass Kong" is NOT a video you'd want kids looking up - I'm guessing.
My 13 year old son and I recently had a discussion on why, if there are no bad words, as I've taught him, he can't just go around saying the F word all the time.
I told him he'd never get in trouble for saying any word that wasn't used to hurt someone, but that words *do* carry weight in society and some are more acceptable to use amongst peers rather than cross-generationally... And certainly not to be used in front of grandparents or at school - because some people ARE offended by certain words.
I wish I could be as cool about it as I want to be.
Darcy Perdu said…
love that kid!
Mosaicwench said…
My (then Spelling Bee Champ) son was asked by another kid how to spell "bastard." He spelled it out correctly and promptly got a detention. The kid who asked got nada . . . . .life just aint fair.
Tracy said…
My kids think "butt cheek" is the funniest phrase ever. Last year it was "fart" that was so hilarious, but clearly their sense of humor is maturing.
Anonymous said…
Be sure to tell Gomer that Bitch is technically a legitimate word. It is a female dog. I think kids tried to use that as an excuse to say it back when I was a kid!
Alan Keatinge said…
it gets better when you go cross linguistic, as an Irish schoolkids we were tickled pink to discover the verb for look was "feic" (pronounced feck) it was like swearing without swearing) then a few months later we found out the word for word was "foical" (pronnounced f*** all), this one had us rolling in the ailses, you try teaching a bunch of inquisitive ten year olds words like that, I feel sorry for the teacher, frankly
Jana Brown said…
Too too funny. I grew up farming and there are a lot of words that you learn can be applied to cattle that can never be used in polite company. ;)
PediNP said…
None. They had me looking up the urban dictionary...
Amy Flory said…
I spend so much time trying to convince myself that it's just a word. As a writer, I know there's so much power behind "just words." But Ass Kong? That's good shit right there.
Rory Bore said…
Ass Kong!!! Best ever.
that's one of those "teaching moments" that you just wave to as it sails on by....and have a good laugh.
Kathy Glow said…
Oh I cannot wait for my boys to start doing this. My 8 yo had four boys over on Friday for a party, They kept saying "breast" of course talking about how it had been breast cancer awareness month, but really trying to get away with just saying the word breast.
Marni Jarman said…
Ass Kong ..I can't stop chuckling!
Ass Kong is priceless.
spymay said…
This past week, my five year old has taken to saying "Your face looks like a butt." and then laughs himself silly.(I thought he had learned it from one of his friends at school)My husband heard him let that gem loose this weekend and said,"Where on earth did you learn that?Who taught you to say that?" He promptly ratted out his 17 year old brother who was standing right next to him at the time.I had to leave the room so I could laugh.Guess which kid got the lecture on saying hurtful things and which kid got the lecture on being a good influence?
Ass Kong LOL! I couldn't stop laughing for 5 minutes. Too funny.
Khuff said…
Thank GOD your kid didn't notice you laughing at his very funny joke. He might get the crazy idea that it's okay to push the envelope... That'd be terrible.
Anonymous said…
I think I am going to call it Ass Kong from now on just because of this. So frickin funny, I love it! And I would like to know your magic that allows you to be able to hide the amount of laughter I would have coming out of me if that had been my kid....the kind of laughing that tooting would have been simultaneous. I mean, good thing I am in an office by myself right now!
I am SURE there's a special kind of movie out there by that name!
Frank Egan said…
I had an English teacher, who in the course of delivering the lesson, would interject new words to expand our vocabulary. He made a comment, then said he meant it "from the cockles of my heart." After an exposition defining the cochlea ventricles of the aforementioned "blood pumper", I asked "Would that make vampires cockle suckers?" It was treated to 1-2 minutes of him bent over his desk trying to compose himself. Had I been 8, rather than 11, or 12, it would have been a prouder moment. Words can be swords or scalpels, for the clever, wielded clumsily, merely a bludgeon.

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