Surely, by now you know who Maria Kang is: perky mother of three kids (in three years) and owner of a very small pair of booty shorts.
Maria took a picture of herself in her booty shorts with her little boys in the foreground and put the caption "What's your excuse?" (and her website) across the top.
Let's not even worry about my excuse. I have no excuse other than I hate to sweat, I love chocolate, and my doughy center is my best part.
The problem I have is that I'm really torn on Maria Kang. I saw her picture and I watched her on GMA (in her bathrobe with full hair and makeup making breakfast for her kids) defend her position and I have to say that of course I think she's a fame whore and after blogging for eight years she's finally found her moment. She's awfully conceited and faux. When you go to her Facebook page and blog there is a lot of humble bragging going on. For instance, she claims this family picture is one she took to just "update my Facebook profile picture." Yeah, I'm going to call bullshit on that one.
I can see both sides of her question. She says "What's your excuse?" is meant to be inspirational, although I didn't read it that way. To me, "If I can do it, you can too" would have been far less in my face and a lot more inspirational. But then again, I am a chunky monkey sitting on the couch making excuses every day why I can't work out, so of course I took her question to mean "What the fuck is your problem, you lazy piece of shit? Get off your ass and do something already. You disgust me." OK, maybe I didn't interpret it that harshly, but I did feel like it was more accusatory than inspiring.
I think she started a war between women and I have no desire to fan the flames. I think she looks amazing (even when she isn't airbrushed) and I know that many women would love to look that way and many can't for one reason or another (many have real excuses). I think her question was inflammatory and her "apology" was bullshit, but when I go to her Facebook page I see hundreds if not thousands of women who are inspired by her and good for them. I hope they achieve what they're looking for.
I know I said I have no desire to fan the flames, but I I lied. I'm ready to fan away.
I think what rubs me the wrong way about Maria Kang is that she just isn't owning it. Don't beat around the bush with words like "humble" and "blessed" and "amazed." Just fucking own it, Maria. Just say, "Yes, I look damn good because I get my ass out of bed and I sweat every day. I don't do a shitty 30 minutes of lunges or burpees in the park while my kids are swinging. I hit the gym and I work out until I puke. Besides working out like a fiend, I was blessed with some kick ass genes to begin with. There are many of you out there who will attempt to do the same workouts I do and you will never get the same results, because I was born fairly hot to begin with - sucks to be you. I didn't take this picture so I could update my Facebook profile, I chose to pose for this picture, because I was hoping it would go viral and catapult me into pseudo-stardom. That is why I dressed the way I did. I had to wear booty shorts because I wanted the world to see me and what I look like. I look damn good and you can't tell that if I wore jeans for this picture. I know your husband is probably spanking it right now, but that isn't my fault - that's yours. Of course, I'm rocking a spray tan and I had some photoshopping done, but what model doesn't go through that? Yes, people. I'm a model. I'm not just a little old housewife with three kids who squeezes in a workout here or there, I have worked my ass off and starved myself every fucking day for this moment right now. So, please, do me a favor and share this picture and make my dreams come true - I'd like a reality television show to start with."
If you like this follow me on Facebook and Twitter, because I am also trying to achieve pseudo-stardom, but not a reality show.
This week I dropped off Gomer for his first day of high school. I think he was in kindergarten when I started this blog, so I can't...
So I'm pretty sure I'm going through a midlife crisis. I feel like I'm falling apart. I feel like the more I try to keep fro...
My friend Kim at Let Me Start By Saying wrote an essay that was featured on the Huffington Post . It was about reading her five-year-old...
By now we have all heard of the adorable little Elf on the Shelf . Almost everyone I know has one. Some people even have two! (Now I'...