People I Want to Punch in the Throat: 8 Ways to Say "F*ck You"

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8 Ways to Say "F*ck You"


8 Ways to Say "Fuck You"

I've noticed a real trend on the internet lately. The passive aggressive "fuck you". We've all been a victim of it and I'm betting we've all dropped one or two of our own on a douchebag here or there.

I've rounded up some of my favorites, but I know I missed a bunch, so leave yours in the comments!

1. Namaste - I'm seeing this one crop up more and more. It's like the hemp crowd wants their own fuck you. They will cut you for not eating your placenta or using reusable toilet paper and then at the end, they sign off with "Namaste."

2. Just Sayin' - This is the most abused fuck you phrase out there. By adding these two words to the end of any sentence, it's suddenly turned into a "joke." It's meant to take any phrase, no matter how horrible, and turn it benign. But you can't say "Your kids are disgusting and ugly, just sayin'" or "You're an idiot, just sayin'" and think that's OK. My standard response to this one will forever be, "You shouldn't be allowed to leave your house, just sayin.'"

3. Bless Your Heart - Only people with a southern accent can get away with this one. When the rest of us say it, it sounds like "Your mom's a whore."

4. Smiley and/or Winky Face - I have been known to use the winky face to express sarcasm. To me that is the only way to show tone of voice until a sarcasm font is invented. I only use the sarcasm winky face on people who I knew well and who understand my sense of humor. I would never say to a perfect stranger "You're a terrible mother. ;)" And yet it happens. Every single day.

5. Don't Take This Personally, But - As opposed to not taking it personally? When you say, "Jen, don't take this personally, but let's just say I would never do it the way you did." You just told me I suck on so many different levels you don't even have the time to educate me.

6. It's Just My Opinion - This one and It's just my HUMBLE opinion are two really good ones. There is nothing humble about your opinion. If you were humble you would keep your asshole opinion to yourself.

7. Whatever - This is the fuck you from the 13-year-old crowd that has slowly worked its way into adult vocabulary too. It's always used when the speaker has run out of anything intelligent to say or realizes he is going to lose his argument. It used to be "Agree to disagree," but apparently that was too many words and it has since been shortened to the charming "Whatevs."

8. I'm Not Trying to Offend You, But - Then just stop right there, because I'm already offended, Namaste.

You know what else is filled with the F-bombs?  My NEW BOOK!

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113 comments:

Michelle said...

Ooooh - these are great. The one that gets me, though, is, "You're so funny!" as in, "You don't want your kid to eat at Culver's before the concert because you're afraid she'll get diarrhea? You're so funny!" or "You won't let your kid go ice-skating the day before you are leaving for Hawaii because you're afraid she'll fall and break her ankle? You're so funny!"
I have a friend who says this to me ALL THE TIME. Can you tell? Drives. Me. Crazy.

Second Shift Mommy said...

I'm going to add another one. The sentence that ends in ..... Like this: I understand if you want to let your kid cross the street alone.......

Lori Wescott said...

I knew "Just sayin'" would have to be on there. Here's how I say it, "I HEAR what you're saying and appreciate your candor, but..."

Karrie said...

With all due respect. . .

tdeselm said...

I used whatever for years, before facebook. My husband always knew that if I said whatever then he was REALLY in trouble. Now it's overused and I have to find something new. I'm open to suggestions.

Robin R. Hoeppner said...

My daughters use (on other people), "That's cute..." Very effective and results in me laughing hysterically. Bad mommy...Ha!

Alyson H. said...

I go with sounds - uh huh, hmmmm, ummm - basically anything to deter my mouth from actually forming a word because if I do it will be Fuck You.

abbyhasissues.com said...

"With all due respect..." Fuck off, professionally speaking.
"Good luck with that!" Fuck off veiled in passive aggressive sarcasm.

Laura Harris said...

"It is what it is" is the corporate version of "Fuck you, we're doing it my way."

krimu said...

because you KNOW they are giving zero respect

meabritapitandanitwit said...

OMG. That phrase makes me nuts. Of course it IS what it IS - what else would it be if it isn't what it is!?!? I say that and people get very confused. :)

sheshe said...

Our family favorite is "If you say so..."
You can make it worse by rolling your eyes and/or shrugging your shoulders when you say it.

TheVeganAsana said...

Not to start something...
I don't mean to upset you, but...
No offense, but...
I say this with affection...

CV said...

This is just awesome and I'm going to make it a goal to use at least 2 of these every day in my goings on within the cube world.

nicd283 said...

Yes, you and me both! I've been saying "whatever" for years and years. Now I sound like I'm trying to be an adolescent.

glassgirl said...

As a southern expat, I'd like to refine the "Bless her heart." I never thought of it as FU. Rather it's a nuanced backhanded insult. Let's say the mother you don't like fixes cupcakes for a school event. You sidle up to another mother & say, "Did you taste those cupcakes she brought. DRY as DIRT! You KNOW she used a mix. Bless her heart."

It's a nuanced thing. You state what the person did, then you offer sympathy, but it's a sympathy you'd reserve for someone from the short bus who is trying pathetically to fit into civilized society. It is a classically southern cut - if an outsider hears it, it sounds so kindly, but it's got quite another message.

Rabia Lieber said...

Don't take this personally, but in my humble opinion everything you've written here is...ummm...whatever. Bless your heart. Namaste.

(How'd I do?) ;)

Kristin Magnant said...

Just kidding. way, way worse than just sayin.... but, I'm just saying....

Amy Flory said...

"To each his own." His own stupid opinion, asinine way of doing things, and fucked up kids due to shitty parenting.

I totally use "whatever", because I'm for realsies a grown-up, that's why.

Gwen Kirchner said...

My sister and I say, "Whatevs." to each other. Then we throw up three fingers as a W sign and flip each other off. I now have other people saying, "Whatevs." It's used very sarcastically to make each other laugh. Now for the southern , "Bless his/her/their/heart." Yep, I'm southern and learned it at my mama's knee. :-)

Carrie Sparrow said...

My FORMER daycare provider gave me a "Don't take this the wrong way..." on a Tuesday. I saw her "Don't take this the wrong way" and raised her a "This isn't anything personal..." that following Friday.

Kara said...

Agreed... People also tell me "You're so funny!" when I say something that's in reference to anything halfway cerebral. Yuck.

Kara said...

Precisely. Well explained.

Nicole said...

How about "adorbs"? I've found that adorable is still adorable, but adorbs is the new f*ck you, at least it is with the people around here.

Mr.Cybrarian said...

The classic one is "I'm sorry you feel that way." That is just a glorified F-U.

RachRiot said...

Sometimes I like to shorten my "Bless Your Heart" to just "Bless." Some fuckers don't even deserve the extra two words, ya know?

Mary Grigg said...

My mom used to say suit yourself. I hated that and now I understand more fully!!

gcwilkins said...

So many of these made me laugh. As a Southerner borned-and-raised of a certain age, I simply cannot make "the ef word" come out of my mouth -- but I wield a mean "bless your heart."
My mother-in-law is notorious for beginning a sentence with, "I don't want to make you mad, but ... " By the time she gets to the but, I've already got my back up because I just know she's about to make me mad enough to spit! Bless her heart.

lspence said...

"I'm just being honest" I always hate it when people hide their rudeness/cruelty behind the guise of honesty. For example, "Lindsay, you look like an elephant in that grey dress" then when they see a look of hurt of shock in your face it's "I'm sorry I've always been an extremely honest person". Bullshit! Being honest and being cruel are two different things.

MILF Runner said...

Yeah, I dunno...

I've seen all of these and then some. I like to meet passive aggressive with a good, solid, unmistakeable, out loud "fuck you." I like people to KNOW where I stand ;)

Laura Harris said...

Exactly! It drives me insane. Usually, I'm asking a valid question and they respond with "It is what it is" which is infuriating AND not a helpful answer.

Domestic Diva said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Domestic Diva said...

Love the entire list. I think my MIL has used 7 of these on me before with the exception of Namaste. Will be beating her to the punch next conversation and working that in somehow.

Phantomfucker said...

One of my favorites is "Well that's nice.." and of course, "Good for you!"

nursewannabeinfl.com said...

Basically.

It means "you're not smart enough for the medium or advanced versions, so we need to take down to the lowest level, for your tiny brain."

Christine Max said...

I use "That's an interesting perspective"
as "fuck you" + "you're an idiot" combined into one.

Emily Hall said...

LOVE this!! As a Southerner, I use "Bless your/his/her heart" on a daily basis.

I recently got attacked by "just saying" on FB. A woman I have not seen or spoken to in over 10 years commented on a status I posted while pregnant. I mentioned the difficulty in having to settle for Mountain Dew (a small can) during football season instead of a nice, cold beer. I got this comment: "Mountain Dew has a very high caffeine content and is very bad for your unborn child. You might want to rethink that decision. Just saying."

My response: "Last time I checked, you are a realtor, not a doctor. Just saying."

lostinsuburbia.com said...

And then there's the passive-aggressive fuck you which is the Facebook de-friend and block. Especially effective when it is your sister-in-law who blocks you.

spymay said...

Another Southern saying that runs along the same line is "I'm going to pray for you" meaning you are so fucked up that only God can help you now.

42 things said...

Karma

barb said...

I find myself saying "yeaaahhh, ok" with a tone of skepticisim. Hows that for passive agressive? And southern makes me think of "isn't that precious?" when it obviously ISN'T.

Ron Vandegrift said...

"I'm Confused" - tops my list. But there are so many....

spymay said...

My fuck you repetoire includes,but is not limited to:
*Bless your heart
*I'mma pray for you
*You need some Jesus
*Aren't you special?!
*You're so pretty(good for when someone says something especially idiotic)
*Huh(with raised eyebrow)
Sometimes though,people need a blunt "fuck you" in the face...possibly with a fist.

Krysti said...

Those are all so defensive that as a defensive person I'm nearly offended.

Except not, because I can take a joke.

My favorites are:

-Mmhmm (my former best friend said that one ALL. THE. TIME.)
-If you say so!
-Isn't that special? (Bonus points for a SNL Church Lady impression)
-How nice.

I hear these and more fly out of parents at my school all the time.

Lisa said...

"To be honest" shouldn't you almost always be honest? And if it is that rare that you need to announce it so I brace myself? No thanks...

Christine Burke said...

I find that a well placed "Seriously?" is just as effective as Fuck You.
And I also enjoy "No Disrespect"....especially when it's with a tough guy, NYC accent.

Sue said...

My sister in law is a transplanted Southerner, and she works in a bank. Her favorite southern expression (which is code for f-you) is, "Isn't that niiiice?" Sort of like "Bless your heart" but more general:)

Ashley McFarland said...

I personally find extremely useful. Spread the word.

Sara@iSass said...

I can LITERALLY HEAR the voices of the people who've used these on me! Talk about people I want to punch in the throat! (Rolls eyes)

Sara@iSass said...

OMG Carrie! That is HILARIOUS! Not that you had to get another daycare provider, the comment!

FineIllTakeTheHit said...

Jeezy weeezy, my nine year old uses 'I'm just being honest'regularly, especially when she's giving her feedback on something that has happened and I've tried desperately to think about what she is really thinking and a more descriptive term to use. But nope, I'm gonna let this play out naturally and so ready for the new direction our conversation will head:)

Sara@iSass said...

My MOTHER says this to ME ALL.THE.TIME. I wish I didn't have all the class I do because just once I'd like to respond with I'm sorry I was birthed from YOUR loins and didn't tear that shit up on the way out! How's THAT for how I FEEL?"

FineIllTakeTheHit said...

But for myself personally in the grown up part of my day..... I would love to say fuck you so often.... now I just stop convoy, say 'can you hold on real quick' and walk away. And I just don't come back. If coworker finds me later I do it again,. Its not very mature I know. But I love the idea of Fuck You and if I can't say it I want to show it!

Sara@iSass said...

I like to say; You THINK so? As in; "That casserole you brought was soggy." Or " you parked a little crooked." I respond; " You THINK so?"

Minnie Burger said...

Another one I hear often is "Don't take this the wrong way, BUT..."

Kristen Mae said...

^^^ You get the award for best comment.

the towell theif said...

I so use a form of that, only mine is, "I hear ya, but..."

Kristen Mae said...

BOOM goes the dynamite! (these comments are just as entertaining as the post!) =)

Nicole Shaw said...

You're a tiny package of brilliance, you know that?

Confessions of a PTO Mom said...

Well, That's Fantastic.
:)

Becky said...

Excellent comeback!!!

Maria Reaser said...

Yes whatever has been code here for years. It means shut your pie hole now or this bitch is getting ugly

mjc said...

Uummmm .... okay!?? As in your an idiot.

Lindsey Barnes said...

Yes! Any comment that starts with "with all due respect" typically contains zero respect.

Kari Arvidson said...

I finally went back to using "Fine" - works great in SO many places! It also keeps my husband guessing because he's never sure when I actually mean it and when it means the complete opposite.

Kari Arvidson said...

OMFG!! My husband says this CONSTANTLY and it makes me want to pull my hair out!!!

Kari Arvidson said...

One I am hearing more and more that makes my brain want to explode: "I'm not sayin', but I'm just sayin" In what world does that make any sense?? It's starting to feel like "just kidding" and "Just sayin" got together and had a baby . . . it has the effect of both.

Mala Venkatesh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mala Venkatesh said...

OH MY GOD !!! Dying from laughing too hard !!! :)))) All you ladies - your comments - need a like button so I can like ALL of them.

al said...

When my hubby and I are mad and can't drop the f bomb in front of the 5 year old, we say NICE! As in, "Hubs, you did laundry but only your clothes?! NICE!"

Ashley Granger said...

My sisters and I use the "whatevs" all the time too lol

Ashley Granger said...

I HATE the "just sayin'" and the "just kidding!" When someone says "just kiddin" I want to quote Ellen Degeneres: "Well then you don't know how to kid properly, because we should both be laughing."

Chocolate Fondula said...

Don't forget, "do you want a button or a cookie".

Lauren said...

Love Ellen! I see you got a haircut. You didn't pay for that did ya? I'm just kidding! :)

Amber Evans said...

In Texas we defiantly use" bless your heart" butt my favorite is the many variations of sweety. I love you sweety, is oh so nice however when used like this " oh sweety you really didn't wear that?" or "bless your heart your a sahm of 4 kids 2 autistic, I'm so sorry sweety" that's a southern fu

copykat said...

When i show this to my husband and he (inevitably) says "Whatever," am i allowed to use the term "passive-aggressive" in my response? Pretty please??

Shylo Oconnor said...

how about What-the-fuck-ever , thats typically what my hubby gets lol

Tracy Aldous said...

How about "...But you decide", strategically placed at the end of a rant about why you should or shouldn't do something or think a certain way. With all due respect, I HAVE decided, thank you very much!

Robert Webb said...

Not to start something because I don't mean to upset you and don't take offense because I mean this with affection... "literally" doesn't mean what you seem to think it means, just sayin'

A said...

Oh, I always say adorbs when I really mean it. I hope it doesn't sound mean.

woodra01 said...

Great post! I personally dislike "I'm saying this as a friend..." before anyone says something that a friend would never say.

SarahB52 said...

I had a friend that would always say, “blunt and honest." That always annoys me. Blunt and honest, you're an idiot and a drama queen. Seriously.

c69b9e5c-3137-11e3-ad4d-000bcdcb471e said...

On that note, "I just asked a question," or "It was a simple statement," followed by "I don't understand why you can't just have a simple conversation."
Those would top my alternative FU list.

Jenn In Real Life said...

To clarify, "Bless your little heart" is usually meant endearingly. "Bless your heart" usually means "you skanky whore" or something similar.

Unknown said...

Ending a comment calling the other person "hun"
"but we don't need to argue this on facebook, hun"

Jodi J said...

I just say fuck you to avoid any chance you might misunderstand what I am saying. If I am trying to be PC, I just don't say anything!

Deborah Brookhart said...

"That's special" is another one...along with "How nice", both using the unsaid-but-understood NOT attached.

Lisa Newlin said...

I enjoy actually saying "Smiley face/winky face" when I'm being sarcastic. It adds an extra element of fun.

Autumn Homer said...

I like "Yeah, sure, why not.." and as a southerner, "Okie, dokie". My mom always said, "I'm so mad I could just scream!!" Okie, dokie Mom..=)

Carrie - ASassyRedhead.com said...

Uh, huh...all good ones. Being the southern girl I am...when I roll my eyes and throw out a "well, God love it", that's another way to say it.

With a little charm.

Or not. =)

Rory Bore said...

"mileage varies.." is a favourite of many forums. what it's really saying is "if you had any ounce of Intelligence you would clearly see that my argument is way more valid."
I respond with "Jem's last words."
which is a movie quote -- that they now have to look up.
because giving homework to haters just makes me feel all warm and tingly.

Dana said...

LOL, I say that all the time. It IS the corporate version of Fuck You....LOL. I also use "well, let's agree to disagree" that usually results in doing it my way because I was right ;-p

Mom2jwn said...

Do you want a metal or a chest to pin it on???? :P

Sanstrousers said...

As a southern gal, I can attest to the fact that sometimes "bless your heart" (or bless it, as I like to say) really does mean "your mom's a whore." Most of the time, really.

Rob Allen said...

Whatever.

Gabrielle Paz said...

Well, Gwen sweetie, How's ya' momma'n them?

GrandmaKelli said...

REALLY! this was my favorite blog post I have ever read. People I want to punch in the throat. I am a girl who appreciates the English language. I want to be descriptive enough so that people know precisely what I am trying to say, so my favorite way to say fuck you, is FUCK YOU!! But, if I can't, I say REALLY?!

paxan said...

It is what it is isn't saying fuck you...It means I didn't make the rules and you can't change them so don't bitch about it and just do it...I use this all the time.

Susie Powers said...

This actually made me laugh out loud; something I rarely do these days. It came at the perfect time for me since I was berated on the phone last night by my ex....plus, we live in NC. Thank you, Rach! I needed this!!!

Millianne said...

my favourites are 'naww, bless your heart' (which, btw, i INTEND to have sound like 'your mums a whore')
and 'thats nice dear' which is actually meant more along the lines of 'go fuck yourself you worthless piece of shit im done listening to your dribble' but i needed a shorter version that i could say in front of my kids so yeah...

Jennie Daniels said...

although, usually when 'bless her/your/his heart' is used for kids, it's used nicely. that's my experience anyway.

Jennie Daniels said...

i could totally see my anatomy partner from last semester using 'you're so pretty'.

Peter Lane said...

Probably because no respect is due. Just sayin.

veggie girl said...

3a would be bless your pea pickin' heart, which is a big ole fuck you.

Crystal Ponti said...

I would add: Really? Love the list!

Faith G said...

^^ that's intense.

Mommykinz said...

My very favorite thing about my son is he can take a joke and he doesn't care what anybody thinks - just rolls with it. I'll tell him, "Pal, you look like a dweeb with those orange socks and green shoes, no offense," and he'll laugh and say, "Some taken," and get on the school bus.

MommaP said...

I'm trying not to let the other cube dwellers hear my laughter! I guess I've got a southern heart as I use 'bless your heart'. And I have managed to say to my boss 'that's nice' and not get in trouble, yet.

Rory Bore said...

"frack you" is our polite way (nod to Battlestar Galactica)
and if hubby and I want to speak in code - say around little ear's or because we don't want the people we are talking about to know..

"Jem's last words." If you have ever seen the movie The Town with Jeremy Renner -- you know what his character's last words are.

jodie buckley said...

My kids always use the seriously. The 5 year old is the worst for it

Dalai Mama said...

I am guilty of using Namaste. It says fuck you but in a calm, zen kind of way. Occasionally, I use the 'Namaste bitches' if I really want to emphasize the f ' you.

K Ferris said...

I do HATE passive-aggressive replies and have been known to ask them to please spell it out plainly or keep walking. I'm also the mother who used to wear an embroidered black sweatshirt during pick up and drop-off that read, in Old English script, "I was thinking the same thing about you." I don't qualify my statements because if you have pissed me off bad enough for me to have a come to Jesus talk with you, then I'm going to make sure that you know who's speaking to you and why. We were in a bar one Sunday and the place looked like a freaking daycare center. The parents were absolutely faced and the kids were out of control. After multiple adult customers left because of the din and being pelted with stuff, I walked over and let one of the mothers have it. No yelling, just plain and simple offer for of a vasectomy and social services. The bartender paid our tab and thanked us. I also called the police on my way out. I'd rather hear the straight truth than some whiney BS because I've offended someone :) Someone once complained because I cursed in a bar and their child was upset.

Dom Di Lallo said...

Lisa I've always held the same view but it isn't always so black and white. Recently my brother and I had taken our cousin's personal belongings by mistake, however, I saw her the following day and clearly enraged and under the misassumption that my brother alone was to blame was shouting angrily about what a thoughtless pea-brained half-wit he was. I became overwhelmed with guilt and then the words just fell out of my mouth - 'To be honest we thought it was our stuff.'. It doesn't show me up as someone who lies all the time except for this one time.