Miley Cyrus and Her Foam Finger

I didn't watch the MTV Awards last night. I'm a forty plus woman living in suburbia. I'm not really their demographic. However, I didn't have to watch the show in order to know that Miley Cyrus skanked it up pretty good. (Don't even bother leaving me a comment about how I'm slut shaming, I honestly don't care. I stand by my calling her a skank.)

After being alerted by the Internet that Miley had done something HORRIBLE and I needed to stop everything I was doing and watch right now, I watched the video of her bizarre dance with teddy bears. I thought to myself, OK, that's really weird, but what do I know? Plus, what's the deal with the tongue? Is that hot? And I have to mention those giant teddy bears again. What gives? Is she a furvert now?

And then, I watched her strip down to flesh colored undies and then bend over for that douche Robin Thicke (don't even get me started on why I can't stand him, but he looked like a dirty old man last night - and a little bit like Beetlejuice).


When Miley wasn't sticking her ass in Robin's crotch, she was fondling herself with a large foam finger.

OK, seriously, WTF, Miley? Are you high? Are you drunk? Are you an idiot? Which one?

After watching her make a total ass of herself I went looking for her parents, Tish and Billy Ray, because I pretty much blame them for unleashing Miley on the world. Lucky for me, my kids were too young to get hooked on Hannah Montana, but I saw enough of the shitty clothes on everyone else's kid that I instantly hated her and her parents. We all know, her parents are the ones to really blame. Let's face it, that child did not wake up one morning and say, "Daddy, give me the keys to your truck, because I'm going to go and make an album." Someone had to drive her to the studio and someone had to convince the powers that be that Miley could be a hit. Someone had to let her pose in a sheet when she was 15. I'm looking at you, Billy Ray. When your mullet was too much for us to bear, you turned your attentions on your little girl so you could live vicariously through her and you ruined it for the rest of us.

So of course she's acting this at 20 years old.

I'm also completely confused by her "engagement." Really? I saw Liam Hemsworth on a talk show the other day and he seemed so normal. Sure, he was a little boring, but not insane. I fully expected Miley's fiance to be insane. Who else would put up with her ridiculous shit? What did he say to her after last night's performance? "You looked, hot, babe. Bring that foam finger home tonight - oh, and a bear suit."?? How could he look her in the eye after that and say, "You did good."??

I'm not surprised she did it, I'm just disappointed. I always have such high hopes for the young women in Hollywood. I always hope that they don't self destruct in front of millions. I'm not a terrible person, I really feel bad for these girls. I once rooted for Lindsay Lohan too, but there's only so much that you can put up with.

It's going to sound weird, but I feel like Miley has hit that point that my eight-year-old has hit. When he was four and five and six he could get away with stupid, outrageous behavior because he was still young and cute and naive. Now at eight, he's lost his baby face and his adorable toothless smile that he used to flash when he wanted to get away with murder. Now that he's eight, he gets the whole, "You know better. You're too old to act like that!" I feel the same way about Miley. When she posed in a sheet at 15 I could convince myself that she was duped and taken advantage of. Now that she's 20, her shit isn't cute anymore, it's just embarrassing and tired.

You know it's too much when the Will Smith clan looks at you like this:

Source: Twitter

Their son is dating a Kardashian and they think Miley is outrageous!

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47 comments:

Angela Hawkins said...

Miley is just trash!

Annie Stow said...

Absolutely mind boggling and disgusting. SO glad my kids don't know who she is. It's so sad that something like that is ALLOWED to be aired on television to America's youth.

Michelle said...

She's beyond disgusting. Seriously, we own a giant ASU foam finger and I almost went and burned it just so looking at it in the future wouldn't give me PTSD.

Nancy said...

Couldn't have said it better myself. As a mother and professional musician, I am embarrassed for her.

KelleyB said...

Your whole commentary was awesome (as usual), and perfectly capped by the Will Smith photo/quip!

Jessica Boyd said...

Amanda Bynes was watching saying "That B^#$# is cray-cray!"

Janine Huldie said...

From the first line she had me today. I am too old and was watching old reruns of 90210 while I was working last night online (at 36 this is still more my speed then the MTV crowd either). and my Facebook blew up like a Christmas Tree about her behavior. First off, most of these people are my age or older, who were watching and seemed to care, which I guess was a bit bizarre to me, but still. So, yes I had to watch, because when the whole world is talking about it, what do you do? And the Smiths' reaction by far was the best. I am so with you, she needs to act her age and should know better. Just sad and pathetic in my eyes to be quite honest!

lovetoread600 said...

But you read about it, watched the video and then wrote a blog post about her? Just like MTV wanted you to.

RompinAround said...

When her song "We Won't Stop" came out, my SIL discovered that the line, "Dancing with Smiley" was code for Ecstacy. She promptly had my niece delete the song from her iPod and she is not to listen to any more of her music. Thank goodness she thinks Miley is too crazy now anyway. Dancing bears and singing about drugs? What a turn Hannah Montana has taken.

Submommy said...

Meltdown Britney-style in 5....4.....3....

The Macons said...

So gross, what the hell is the deal with the tongue?? Ugh I can't take it!

RachRiot said...

Miley makes Ke$ha look like Amy Grant.

meechla said...

Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke are both disgusting and gross.

spymay said...

You know she's in the looney bin somewhere saying,"Finally...somebody else is queen of the crazy hill.I bet I'm looking pretty good right about now."LOL

Kmart said...

you want to know why miley is doing this? how many people are talking about her today? and how many people were talking about her one year ago today? there's your answer.

Anonymous said...

Embarrassed for her. Really am.

Nicole Pyles said...

Her performance was AWFUL! I watched it this morning. It was just someone trying way to hard to be disugsting. Boooooo Miley Cyrus boooo!

Missi Smith said...

Liam left that cray b***h weeks ago ... she is single and probably will be for a long while after that bats**t insanity!

AM B said...

the foam finger doubles as a Red neck contraceptive sponge

Mel said...

I hope someone burned the foam finger afterwards... yuck!

Jennifer said...

So happy that I only have sons at the moment! And even happier that young boys don't seem to idolize and copy young male stars the way that young girls do with female celebrities....otherwise, I'd be a whole lot more worried about the Bieber trainwreck right now! =)

Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms said...

Yay, for the dialogue this opened up with my teens.(That's not 100% sarcasm, we did have a good talk.) She is just trying so hard to be edgy that it is painful to watch.
Thankfully Selena Gomez was the picture of class, but did she get the national spotlight? No. There's the shame. Ellen

K. Russell said...

Not that I don't agree with you she is a train wreck and I'm so glad that my daughter lost interest after her Hannah days. But you do have some facts wrong #1 the Smiths reaction was to a Gaga song (google it)and #2 She and Liam called it quites awhile ago.

I feel bad for her and she is clearly acting out to get attention be it positive or negative from both her family and publicly. Her parents are going through a messy divorce right now, She and Liam broke things off and as some have hinted but its not confirmed she is on drugs. Her destructive behavior is on display for all of us to watch as her personal and professional life goes to hell.

Susan said...

One for the book!!

S Amalla said...

Wishing MORE THAN mere words can express that I could erase the searing images from My memory banks this morning......
Britney......Lindsey.......Miley....all came from "Disney".......now I ask You.....COINCIDENCE?????

Wendy FitMom said...

And THIS is why you are awesome and should be the official spokeswoman of Mom's and Wives who are tired of people's crap!!

barb said...

don't you imagine MTV had ALOT to do with the whole thing? Historically they've always pushed the limit, and the publicity from these kinds of stunts is priceless. Not saying Miley is innocent, not by a long ways. But I'm sure she was encouraged.

Anonymous said...

I'm traumatized by watching her performance. Some things you just can't unsee, unfortunately.

~Kim~ said...

Jaden Smith looks that way every day of his life. Pass the eye bleach.

Rachael said...

Someone needs to have a serious talk with that kid about self respect and the (not very fine) line between sexy and creepy.
I assume she was going for risque, what she hit was plain fucking awful.

Psychic By Internet said...

Ugh I hope you don't have a daughter. Something tells me she will be locked in her room for the rest of her life. Just for this, I think I will buy every single Miley Cyrus album, in protest of the public's stupidity!

Psychic By Internet said...

More in depth about why I think this post is idiotic, since no one else is willing to speak up:

1. People have said this already, but the Will Smith photo is a reaction to Lady Gaga. Not that we should even care about the opinions of most celebrities.

2. You think telling people not to tell you that you are slut-shaming is an argument? Wow, you just went full retard. Acknowledging that many people think the reactions to this performance are a form of slut-shaming does not make you right in calling Miley a whore.

3. This performance is not at all remarkable or even noteworthy compared to anything else in pop culture (rap videos, pop music, commercials, movies, etc). If you think this is the worst you've seen in terms of promiscuity you are either an extremist Mormon or lying. Also, why are people more upset over this than the Blurred Lines video? The only problem with Miley's performance is that it is mindless, doesn't offer anything meaningful to it's audience and the music is boring and conventional.

4. I do agree with you on Robin Thicke: he is a douche. However, it seems like you are focusing the blame on Miley instead of him, even though they participated equally in the composition, rehearsal and performance of the spectacle in question.

Thanks for sharing your opinions on this subject (which you are entitled to), but I do not agree.

Anonymous said...

wow. I am really concerned about where this culture is heading in terms of what we think is sexy and alluring... this is really sad.

Kenna said...

I couldn't stop laughing at the word "furvert". I enjoyed your post and I really hope this young woman gets it together.

Meg said...

She couldn't keep her hands away from her crotch! WTF! Can you imagine having front row seats and then having her stick her ass in your face?? I'd be like, "Um... No thanks!!!" She is whacked and her parents are idiots for allowing it!

Jankowski Family Fun said...

I did not know Miley was engaged, and I think the boy you mentioned is from One Direction? And Will Smith's boy dating a Kardashian?! Who needs TMZ when we've got PIWTPITT?!!!!

GJT said...

Amen. And that foam finger needs to be heavily sanitized, or even better, incinerated. You're absolutely right, her parents have a say in this shit too.

Penelope Lolohea said...

+1!

Dan said...

Imagine if there were a performance like this and no one reacted to it, no one wrote an article about it, no one discussed it. Instead, we whip up all this misplaced indignation, write about it for weeks, build her a bigger stage and buy the magazines that promote it. Well, you buy them. I don't. If you want less of this, let it die quietly.

Anonymous said...

Miley and MTV are both getting exactly what they wanted, everybody talking about it. She, or at least her "people", are not stupid.

Janno said...

Miley, why don't do the ultimate shock for the world and actually act normal - that would be the best shocker of all!

a said...

pedo bears. those were pedo bears.

Krysti said...

I'll keep my opinion out of this because 1) I have ALWAYS detested Miley Cyrus and 2) I was only watching the VMAs for 'N Sync (fangirl and proud right here) and ignored everything else. I just wanted to link you and others looking to this article written about it.

If you look at it from that point of view, she is either brilliant or batshit crazy.

elizabethie said...

Slut-shaming is politically incorrect?? Let's just keep giving our kids big pats on the back and "good job, sweeties" no matter how embarrassing and self-shaming they behave.

Tracey said...

Speaking as the mother of a child with disabilities, do you think you could have used a different word other than "retard" to imply stupidity??

mom keck said...

miss miley makes many people a lot of money. you don't really think she has anything to do with putting together her
"shows" she is just the puppet just like she has been for most of her life. she gets the attention and they get the cash.

Angeline Rhyne said...

Good luck with in the Awards - think that was how I establish you last year.
feel affection for all the orange - it truly pops.
Awards

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