Ryan Lochte and His Mom



UPDATE 8/18/16: I wrote this post 4 years ago when I first discovered the douchiness that is Ryan Lochte and his mom. We're wrapping up another Olympic season and once again Ryan and his mommy are in the news. Ryan and his bros went out drinking one night in Rio and came back to the village to tell his mommy that they'd been robbed at gunpoint. Mommy told the media and then all hell broke loose. Ryan told this elaborate story about being in cab that was pulled over by Brazilian police officers. The officers told him to get on the ground and he refused because he had totally done nothing wrong, y'know? But THEN the police officer put a pistol to his head and Ryan was all, "Whatever" and got on the ground. These dudes robbed Ryan of everything except his phone. Leaving the phone always sounded a little fishy. Phones are prime targets in Rio. Kids swipe them all the time. Why would these bandits leave Ryan's phone? Hmmm ... everyone smelled something fishy, but they couldn't quite put their finger on it. Everyone (including the Brazilian government) started questioning the validity of Ryan's story. That's when Ryan bolted faster than Usain Bolt and got the hell out of Dodge -- er, Rio.

While his bros were being rounded up and pulled off of planes for more questioning, the King of Douches tweeted "My hair is going back to its normal color tomorrow." Well, thank the Lord!! We've all been waiting with bated breath for his fucking hair to stop being gray/green/whatever the fuck you call that color. Because THAT'S what's been on all our minds. Fucking vapid waste of space.

NOW it's being reported that the story is fabricated and that there is video of Ryan and his bros busting down a door on a gas station bathroom at the same time this alleged robbery happened. A security guard demanded that they pay for the damage they did to the bathroom and they refused. That's when he pulled a gun on them and then they paid.

Hmm ... interesting. Very interesting.

The plot thickens. I'll be curious to see what happens over the next few days. This should be good. Popping popcorn now.

Back to the original post:

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I've got Olympic fever and I would watch even the most boring Olympics.  But the drama this year just keeps bringing me back!  As one of my Facebook friends said yesterday, "I can't remember a bigger badminton scandal."  Truer words have never been spoken/written.  The humanity!

Aside from the riveting soap opera over on the badminton courts, there is the whole Ryan Lochte vs. Michael Phelps made-for-television rivalry.  My guess is at this point, Michael Phelps just says to Lochte, "That's so cute what you do in the pool.  I've already done it, though, so there's really no competition, you d-bag."

Michael might be the better swimmer, but Ryan is beating him in one area:  looking like a dumbass.

I'm not talking about his fucked up fashion sense where he thought it would be a great indication of his individuality to wear a bizarro $25,000 grill over his teeth when he accepted his gold medal.

I'm talking about an interview his mom gave to "Today" where she told them that Ryan is so dedicated to his sport that he does not have time for a relationship.  Instead, he goes out on "one night stands."  WTF, mom??  That's a good mom right there.  Why not tell the whole world that your son is a slut and can't commit to a woman, but would rather just love 'em and leave 'em?  I hope that Mrs. Lochte is completely out of touch and has no idea what "one night stand" means.  Maybe she thinks that means share a cup of coffee and talk about rainbows and sunsets.  Otherwise, she is an idiot.

If the thought of being simply a notch in Ryan's belt isn't enough to keep you away from this creeper, he gave an interview to Women's Health where he indicated that once you are a notch in his belt, he has no qualms swapping stories with his buddies about how good (or bad) you were.

I think what makes him the biggest ass, though, is that he said he thinks sexy women always "keep a fit body."  OK, I get it.  No one is digging Ryan for his brains either.  Every woman in the world is downloading his pic so we can stare at his pelvis cleavage or whatever you call those protrusions under the belly button but above the shorts.  He's eye candy for us too.  He's obviously pretty to look at, but not very  bright when it comes to his image.  A smart man with millions of adoring female fans around the world should say something like: "A sexy woman is confident and strong with an amazing personality."

Not this guy, he goes straight for the hard body.  It makes me think his mom does know what "one night stand" means.

The other thing that rubbed me the wrong way was Ryan's approach to picking up women.  He makes eye contact and winks at them and then ignores her for a while so he can "keep her thinking" before he's ready to ditch his bros and pick up a ho.  What a fucking dick.  Nothing like a good mind fuck before a decent (I'm not going to say good, because I can't give him that much credit) actual fuck.

Congrats, Ryan.  You get another gold medal.  In douchecanoeing.


If you want to see Ryan in action, you MUST watch this interview with Mike and Sheinelle of Good Day Philly. It gets really funny AFTER Ryan is done. HILARIOUS.

105 comments:

Anonymous said...

I heard someone refer to him as Ryan Douchte and I thought it was perfection. The guy is clearly an ass.

ErinMSW said...

I hadn't heard any of this, but just looking at him I got a feeling he was a dick. This just confirms it. That grill was just embarassing.

ilikebeerandbabies.com said...

His whole family was on the other day taking about how people want to fuck their son/brother/uncle. Um...SKEEVES!

Though maybe he will get less offers now that everyone can see what his Speedo has to offer...

JessN said...

Uh wow. I must have missed the interview. Wow. I knew something was amiss the other night when they showed us around his home in Florida, and his closet was the size of my room, and held more shoes than Imelda Marcos's closet.

Overpriviledged trash. It's too bad.

Anonymous said...

Great-now all his illegitimate kids can read about him in 15 years....Not going to ask for THAT kidney if they need a transplant!

cmgsmiles said...

Thing is he can only get away with his bad behavior when a girl allows it. So he might be a dick but the girls that allow it are just as bad and as long as they do he will continue to be a dick.

Cynthia said...

Ugh... he just cannot.stop.talking.about.Michael.Phelps. I read an interview where he answered a question about whether or not they were friends with something like "well, I don't call him up and talk to him when we're not competing, but I hang out with him and talk to him at meets so we're friends." Umm... no, you're not. You're someone he puts up with at meets, douche nugget.

And the grill? Welcome to 1996, moron.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget about his shoe fetish, and how he designed his own shoes with his name on the bottom. I believe the quote from him goes something like this "These are my favorite shoes because when I walk on a wet deck everybody can see my name". I'm sorry, but what self respecting woman would sleep with a creep like that? Oh, wait, NONE! Just the sluts and hoes of society who need to take your mom quiz before they reproduce!!!

Pam said...

Ha,ha,ha! I hadn't heard any of this either. It's too bad people like him don't know how to grow up, be mature and represent our country in a better way

Anonymous said...

My thoughts exactly!!! It's scary how often when I read your blog, I think, that's exactly how I feel about that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, makes me feel normal.

walk of shame said...

I agree that he seems like a douche... Can I just say that I think there should be swimming on tv everynight? I could enjoy my evening glass of wine while watching these guys, with their hot boddies, swimming and walking around in those speedos...damn!

Teri said...

Listening to him speak, he really does sound like there's an unbalance there. Heavy on the swimming talent, but light on the thought-to-speaking ratio. He is very pretty to look at, but like I tell my kids, cute will only get you so far.

I HATE the 'grill' he wore, and you are spot on, that made his douchecanoe stock just skyrocket!

Teri

Anonymous said...

Seriously, way to not let winning go to your head! I didn't like his comments about how it was his year, not Michael Phelps'. Loved when he blew the lead in the first relay. Not because I wanted them to lose to France, but because this guy needs a reality check. Michael Phelps has 19 medals so far, how can he possibly think he's going to replace that guy?!

Between his and his mom's comments to the media, it tells me they should just keep their mouths shut if they ever want to amount to anything. I don't think anyone is going to want to endorse such a loose cannon for very long...

sheshe said...

Thanks Jen. I didn't see the interview and was perfectly content to stare at him in his Speedo and think nasty thoughts to myself and smile a little. Now I will look at him, think of herpes, scream "UNCLEAN" at the TV and cry. My husband will look at me like I have lost my mind (again). Thanks again for ruining him for me. Sigh. :)

Anonymous said...

amen!

Stacey said...

I read an article this morning about what his mom said. I was thinking the same thing, that hopefully she is one of those clueless moms who uses a term like "One night stands" and thinks it means something else, like maybe he goes out on one date and then never sees them again. But the other part of me simply acknowleged that she told the world her son is a douche. He is definitely the type of guy that you would be in bed with and say "No. Shhh,shhh don't talk!" lol What a complete tool , though.

Cynthia said...

You know, something else occurred to me when listening to him and his MOM and his entire family go on and on about how many girls want him and how he's a "love 'em and leave 'em" type - OVERCOMPENSATION.

It made me wonder if they're putting forth this image of a ladies' man to cover for him being gay. Not that I think that there's anything wrong with being gay - but I can see why a bunch of douchetards like his family would think that it was a problem or would hurt his endorsement chances. Because nothing says "wholesome Olympic athlete" like being a manwhore.

Peg said...

Not only oes he look like Dennis Reynolds from Always Sunny in Philadelphia, but he acts like him too!

patricia e said...

I pretty much laughed until I peed my pants reading this. YOU are fracking HIGHlarious.
I will say this...as much as he is/was arm candy since the 08 Oly's...when I hear him speak, it is like a stoned frat boy who just woke up in his own vomit with a sharpie cock on his cheek. Am I right or am I right?
Love you Ryan Douchte!! If you ever realise that a hot woman is a confident, humourous, intelligent, independent one....gimme a call. I'm in San Francisco, we have pools.
Oh and after I "one night stand you", I will want breakfast and then...well...you know where the door is.

Anonymous said...

Should have posted a pic of his whole body for our reading enjoyment ;)

Anonymous said...

I bet Ryan would love my 4 months on bed rest body.

EJ said...

How do you not have the picture of him "biting" his medal with the grill?! That's the epitome of douchebaggery!

WendyTN said...

I knew something about him struck me as slimy. I just figured it was the water from all the swimming, but now I know it's the douche!

Amanda said...

He is just overcompensating because he doesn't have as many medals as Michael Phelps. I'm sure Phelps got plenty of tail after Beijing but you don't see him bragging about it.

christa9198 said...

I'm thinking "decent fuck" is a little too flattering. Anyone who loves himself so much and thinks it would be a woman's privilege to have him bed her is probably not into satisfying anyone but HIMSELF! Great post!

Nicole said...

I had no idea about any of this...WOW. At least he's still nice to look at.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Jen! I seem to be the only one around here who thinks he's a giant douchecanoe! Everyone else is all, "Oh, he's so dreamy!" Are you KIDDING me?!

The Judge said...

Truth. Especially that girl called Mommy.

Jessi G said...

Just to play devil's advocate (I hate that phrase, but I don't know what else to use), I'm going to go out on a limb and figure that the women he's hitting & quitting aren't exactly innocent little lambs. He's Ryan Lochte. He's a world famous Olympic swimmer with the body of a (minor) god. I'm sure women flock to him, and the vast majority are angling to get that Olympic notch in their own belts. Can't say I wouldn't mind having that on my resume. And if all's fair in loving and leaving, then who really cares?

I do agree with you about the family members being proud of his sexual attraction... that's vomit-worthy.

The Judge said...

You're right - but it's the way he presents it that makes him gross.

Lora King said...

I guessing he also pees in the pool!

Anonymous said...

All I can say is in order for UF to have a Tebow, I guess they had to take a Lochte. (Every action has an equal negative reaction.)

Anonymous said...

You are so freakin awesome!! I wish i could post this all over the place! Olympic MOMS? really?? try being a Marine Mom, my son is headed for deployment in the sandbox. Yeah, I can appreciate an olympic athlete's ability,(I am a runner so I know on a smaller scale the commitment/dedication blah blah blah) but my son is about to put his life on the line for his medal and I will be here "surviving" each day just to know he is OK. Ryan and his Mom ( and those gymnast asshole parents too) can fuck off.Love your blog and posts... (this is my first time commenting on them but I am true fan)!!

Submommy said...

I bet he's bad in bed. Over confident. i.e., sloppy.

Just stand there and look pretty, Ryan. Don't speak. Ok, fine, swim once in awhile, but don't speak.

colleen said...

Yes. This. Men's swimming always on TV. Like it's own channel so I can watch whenever I need to look at hot, mostly naked men with rock hard bodies dripping with water...

Eileen said...

Reminds me of your Magic Mike assessment...Just shut up and swim, please!

What I've learned today said...

ha ha that's great, hit the nail on the head Jen

Anonymous said...

wow. thank you for informing us of this douchebaggery. i was too blinded by his pelvis cleavage to catch all this other stuff. I'll leave him on mute from now on.

Katie said...

Pelvis cleavage!!! Yes!

Lisa said...

I had no idea! I enjoyed many things about watching him swim, now I know that I just would put my finger over his lips and say "shhhh, no talking"....what a douche.

Anonymous said...

I would take his teammate Ricky Berens over Ryan Lochte any day!

Anonymous said...

I was waiting for you to do a blog entry on him! I cannot stand him (the diamond grill is just too too much) and loved your post!!!

Anonymous said...

At least he is honest about it. Way better than some guy who pretends to be faithful and cheats. Anyone willing to sleep with him in the first night knows what they are getting into and is using him as much as he is using them.

Anonymous said...

Can someone please introduce him to Hope Solo, another Olympian who can't keep her mouth shut and quit making us look like a country of skeeze bags?

Dvora Koelling said...

I have learned much from this post, Jen. I just googled "stupid things Ryan Lochte has said" for the fun of it, and came up with this gem:

"When I was actually flying back home from Beijing on the plane, I had a long time to think, and I just thought about myself," Lochte said.

Ok, there is more to the quote, but I prefer to stop there. :)

Anonymous said...

Truer words...

Anonymous said...

:) I spit my coffee out at this one!

"like a stoned frat boy who just woke up in his own vomit with a sharpie cock on his cheek" ugh...we all know the type

kelly said...

No mom should ever discuss their childrens sex life in public. I managed to get all three of my kids to adulthood with outanyone getting pregnant or a STD beyond that I don't really want to know about their sex lives now that they are grown, it is just TMI for me.

Anonymous said...

I personally think Ryan Lochte is gay. No straight man owns 130 pairs of shoes that HE designed, goes to fashion shows, wears a red, white, and blue diamond grill in their teeth to "show their individuality." The fact that he can't or won't commit to a relationship and prefers one night stands reeks of overcompensation in the "I'm a mans man" category. I couldn't care less if he's gay just wish he'd be honest with himself and others.

Anonymous said...

True that- and he deserves a DOUBLE PUNCH.

He is an idiot and now I hate him. (didn't know about his wacky dating ways).

LOOSER.

I love your blog so much.
Kelly (blog-less)

Anonymous said...

He is a world class athlete. His mom was wrong for saying that but as a swimmer right now, he has no time unless you are talking about him dating another swimmer. He talks about Michael Phelps because...well who wouldn't? He is the most decorated athlete in olympic history, who wouldn't be proud to say that he beat him. He will never be the athlete Michael was but he has beaten him and that is accomplishment not to mention EARNED a gold medal. Does he sound like a douche? Yes... honestly, how many amazing athletes aren't that way when it comes to fame. The grilz and the shoes are a little gay but he can do what he wants, he is a world class athlete. Ever seen what the basketball pros wear at interviews? Y'all should know the story about Tiger and how many girls he got with. Is Lochte an amazing guy when it comes to girls, doesn't sound like it. But don't ever take away his accomplishments because he earned those 100% and should be respected in that re guard.

Anonymous said...

Yes! Both attention whores! They would make quite a pair!

Heather Mayfield said...

Oh Punchy (Punchie? I can't decide if you are a "y" or an "ie"..),
How I love thee. I have been trying to pinpoint why Lochte eebs me out. You're right. It's the douchecanoeing. What a jackhole. Sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Who tells millions of viewers (or even one person) that her kid is a sleaze? Wow.

His accomplishments in the pool are impressive, but I think I'd prefer to stay on dry land to avoid him.

(Also-- I'm adding "pelvis cleavage" to my personal dictionary as we speak.)

Anonymous said...

They are all probably like that, using their medals and pelvic cleavage to get laid! I shouldn't assume that, but you know they probably do.But that grill, UGH! I hated it in Beijing. What year is this again? I'm sure they are a few out there that aren't like that. Nathan Adrian sure is a cutie! I sound like a swimming stalker/cougar.

Melissa said...

Wow. The only think worse than Tucker Max is a Tucker Max wannabe.

Wordchazer said...

An ass with a body most men would kill for and a half-decent smile too. And rather a lot of money to keep a gold-digging WAG happy plus enough fame to satisfy a celeb-hunting ho.

Anonymous said...

I was hoping you would hear about the interview and blog it! Thank you, he is a douchecanoe and his mom is the driver.

Julia said...

"no shhh,shhh don't talk!" hilarious! it should be an official category or men.

Anonymous said...

Why is it that all the really gorgeous ones are such douchebags? I was having such fun looking at him during the olympics . . . . sigh.

The Riddles said...

RIO 2016: Douchecanoeing. "Does your paddle have what it takes?" Clearly, Lochte will sweep the event.

Hallie Sawyer said...

Here's the link to the Huffington Post I saw today. I cringed, barfed, and shuddered throughout the entire article. Blech. I hadn't seen the grill yet and googled it. Hideous times a million.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/02/ike-lochte-ryans-mom-talks-one-night-stands-single-girlfriend-today-show_n_1733433.html#slide=1295839

Kristin said...

So he'll be a douchebag dad in a few years? I mean, he can't have that many more Olympics left in him..

pam b said...

The whole looking at a girl and then ignoring her is called 'negging', like negative attention. It's part of a set of rules by a guy called Mystery, who is a Pickup Artist. The idea is that women are intrigued by jerks, and will work hard to turn your negative attention to positive attention. Men get to work out their frustrations by treating women badly, and women beat themselves up trying to figure out how to change them.

Ryan Lochte will always get girls because he is an athlete, and some women just want that notch on their belt as much as men. Other women will be convinced that they are the ones who can change him.

What surprises me is that his mother thinks this is all fine and dandy. Great parenting, there. I would think she would be too embarrassed to tell the world that her son is a douche, but evidently not!

Bandgeek77 said...

I confess, swimmers are my favorite bodies to look at, with their wide shoulders and rock hard abs. Yum. I would pay premium for a channel like that.

Bandgeek77 said...

Oh, he DOES look like Dennis! Too funny. I never would have made the connection until you said something.

jen e said...

I wanted to love Ryan Lochte so bad this year. I felt like he was overshadowed by Phelps in Beijing and deserved some attention. Now I think we all know why they didn't let him speak in 2008.

And thank you for "pelvis cleavage"...I never knew what to call it, I just knew that we don't have any at our house!!

Anonymous said...

I saw an interview a few weeks ago where he said he wants to start his own clothing line after the Olympics, and he has over 300 pairs of shoes, blah blah. Pretty boy with no depth, only his looks & girls stupid enough to fall for it.

Debra Glass said...

LOL!!! Love this. Ryan L seems like such a pussy. He must be a virgo.

Anonymous said...

YES, YES, YES. As soon as I heard how many pairs of shoes he had and that he wanted to design fashion AFTER all this douchbaggery about ho'ing around, I said, this dude plays for another team. Which, fine, that's your business, man. But could you please keep it your business and stop puking overcompensation all over us??

Penelope Lolohea said...

Love this post. It's totally spot-on (as always). My favorite comment of his is this: "My last Olympics, I had a girlfriend — big mistake. Now I'm single, so London should be really good. I'm excited." <----what a jerk!!

Chris said...

I'm going to apologize for this ahead of time because it seems I got limited out by the character count allowed but I couldn't stop myself from writing this. Plus once I wrote it, what was I going to do- not post it? So truly I'm sorry for the multiple post:

So I read this post and I couldn't stop myself from commenting (probably going to regret it later, but you live and learn). Please go back and read this blog with the mind set from his perspective. You're referring to a young man who is on an international stage that is having a little fun with harmless one liners. Did he really hurt anyone by wearing his grill on the podium? Was there some sort of foreign policy that was destroyed because a 27 year old acted a little childish? While of course these questions are ridiculous and the answer is an undoubtedly "no," here's a more important question to ask yourself: will anyone remember he did it in a month from now? I'm thinking the answer is still going to be no, but only time will tell and maybe you will be able to prove me wrong.

And as far as his comments about sex are concerned, he's really not saying anything overly shocking. How many of you are aware that Durex supplied the 2012 London Olympic Village with 100,000 condoms? (In Vancouver in 2010 they tried to order 70,000 but they ran out and had to order more.) I promise you they aren't being used as hand puppets. ("I am aqua man!") Sex is pretty much ingrained in all cultures of the world (some more suppressed then others, and we see how well that works out in the end), and more importantly it's a part of human nature. Put a bunch of young, attractive and talented people in close quarters who are all looking for ways to escape from the pressure of the media and the people that will criticize their every move and you will get a lot of heart warming conversations that will lead to people being naked afterward, it probably doesn't hurt that some of these athletes are either drinking to either celebrate or drown their sorrows but I digress. So yes, sex is apart of the Olympics and Lochte is talking about it, but he's not the only one: http://es.pn/NpvYfB. (Read it, you'll be surprised and probably want to start punching more people.)

He's also not the only one talking about encounters he has had. Please go through the list of people commenting (which seems to be mostly women thus the reasoning for me directing this comment towards a female audience) and ask yourself how many times you went back and talked to your girlfriends about an experience you had with a guy in college or that really cute guy at the bar, maybe even that night you and your friends went out for a girls night and got so drunk that you all "had such a blast!" So don't throw him under the bus for admitting that he engages in a time honored friendship ritual that most of society encourages. A ritual that most of the girls he sleeps with will most likely partake in after they have sex with him. Sex is a two way street and it takes two to tango, so for how ever many girls there are that he is picking up I'm going to guess that all of them and the truck loads behind them were all more then willing. I'm not seeing him being accused of forcing himself on to any one, which is where the creepy line is drawn in the sand for me. Honestly, show of hands here of the girls that would sleep with Ryan Lochte, good or bad, just for the story-just to say you did it. Flipping the roles around, I'm not afraid to admit I would with some of the female Olympians.

Chris said...

As far as his shoe collection and wanting to start a clothing line after the Olympics are finished, sounds like he's more so trying to cash in on an entrepreneurial opportunity then show off how many shoes he has. How do you think Lochte's shoe collections matches up against Jay-Z's, Donald Trump's or Justin Bieber's. (I thew in people from all different ends of the spectrum for argument sake.) Look at it this way: you have a young adult who is not married, with no kids, and probably requires very little to actually live. This same kid has a lot of money and is into style - what do you think he is going to spend it on? Toys and clothing! Some like shoes, some like t-shirts, some like suits. (I'm more of a suit guy myself, but if I was bringing in his cash flow I definitely would have a healthy shoe collection to match.) Oh and try not to forget about the sponsorship deals he has and corporate events he makes appearances at. I'm sure Gatorade, AT&T, Nissan and Ralph Lauren give out great goodie bags. (If you'd like me to continue I can name drop Procter & Gamble and Gillette, but I'll leave you to do a little research for yourself.)

When it comes to his mom, where did you think he got his open, straightforward attitude from? She's a woman from upstate New York what did you think she was going to say "Oh Ryan is so focused on swimming, he just hasn't found the one yet." Please, everyone would have seen right through that answer. He went to school and trains in Gainesville, FL which has a population just north of 125,000, it also happens to be home to a huge university that has an enrollment of a little more then 50,000. You think is mom is dumb? You think she's expecting him to be training and playing video games? This is a time and age when parents and children are closer and more open with each other then any generation before, his mom is probably one of the closet people in the world to him because she maybe one of the only women he can trust now. (Fame and money has a way of not only changing celebrities; but it can also change their friends- in case you didn't know.) So of course she is going to know a lot about him, even his sex life. It maybe awkward for some of you to understand but in some house holds it is the norm. I can only expect as a mother you want your children to be open and honest with you. I don't know any parent that wishes their kids will hid things from them.

So call him shallow, call him sleezy, call him whatever you want, but there's no denying that he isn't being truthful about who he is and where he is at in his life. Isn't that what you girls are always asking from guys anyway? Don't you just want a guy that is going to be truthful and honest? See the problem with this argument is that Ryan Lochte is giving people what they ask for from public figures (the truth) but not what they want. What they really want is to be lied to and to be told that everything is rainbows and roses. So he's either to young and hasn't been groomed by PR people to lie or he just doesn't care.

If I had to guess, it seems like you would be the type of person who was on the Michael Phelps band wagon 4 years ago and is a little perturbed to see another swimmer macking in on your wonder boy's lime light. So you're using a private blog (because God know the Huffington Post wouldn't let publish this stuff on their site) to criticize a person who steps into the media two times in his life for not getting it perfect. (I say two because Phelps was the story in '08 and Lochte will definitely be the story in '16, but I can't imagine him racing again after Rio and how many people actually follow swimming outside the Olympics.)

Chris said...

Are these guys representing our country? Yes. Do people look up to them? Yes. Are they perfect role models? Of course not. (Michael Phelps included and no, I'm not talking about what he did in London 4 years ago.) I'm not arguing for the side of Lochte, in fact I was thrilled to see Phelps take home number 19 and actually was pulling for him during his 200 IM. I'm just advocating to cut the guy some slack and not to judge. There's a saying that has something to do with throwing rocks and glass houses that I'm reminded of when I read stuff like this.

-Side Note: Agree with me or not, it's completely your opinion and you are welcome to voice it especially on your blog. I do ask just one thing for the sake of keeping this argument on topic: don't start off a rebuttal by attacking my grammar or typos I may have missed during a brief proofread. I didn't graduate with a degree in English, nor do I pretend to have one. So don't use a cheap distraction method by attacking sentence structure or something petty. I'm sure you're a better writer and debater then that.

The Riddles said...

Chris--meet Jen...
"This blog is called People I Want to Punch in the Throat not Rainbows & Unicorns. I'm a funny, negative, bitchy type of person. If you can't handle that, then it's been real. Thanks for stopping by, but don't waste your time flaming me for being a grouch.

Also, this blog is a JOKE. A lot of times it's meant to be funny and satirical. You don't have to take me seriously, because I don't take myself seriously."

way to go, buddy!! thanks to your novelette, you may headline tomorrow's post!

Anonymous said...

Just because you're good/great at something doesn't mean you automatically command repsect. I have to respect the whole person, and you earn that. All he has earned is mocking and disdain. He can't date because he lacks time? Then DON'T. Abuse yourself, not sad desperate women. Just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you should. And dear heavens how can you not be grossed out by his family's obsession with his sleazy sex life?

Tracey Washington said...

part of me believes that the 'favored to win gold' Lochte, did not win gold yesterday because I very much believe to be a hero in a sport, you should be a hero in spirit... and he's just an ass.

Kelly and Sne said...

Hmmm - I thought only professional sports players like basketball or football players behaved this badly... In any case, once the fame ends (and really, with the exception of Phelps who will be the most medaled olympian in history period, who remembers swimmers???) he'll probably turn out like any high school jock who rode that fame horse a little too hard (pun intended) - an overweight blue collar drunk spending way too much time on a bar stool in some crappy little town lamenting over the "glory days" which are now long gone...

Val said...

What a tool!! This is a hilarious article I came across after searching for "Ryan Lochte douchebag"

http://jezebel.com/5931055/10-reasons-ryan-lochte-is-americas-sexiest-douchebag

Sarah said...

I've considered your perspective, and overall I cut most athletes a little slack. Anytime you get into the upper eschlon of sports there's an overall increase in douchery in the population. It comes with being very good, being told your awesome, being the center of attention, and often it is part of the personality that thrives in those sorts of high pressure situations.

I wanted to pull for Lochte, I appreciate how hard he has worked and trianed while Phelps took time off. I thought the grill was funny, even after being turned off by his brotastic closet.

But honestly it's the fact that he won't shut-up about his wunderlusting penis, sexual prowess and ridiculous style that makes him unappealing, and the fact that his whole family apparently is willing to discuss and consider his sex life publically and at length that makes it creeper.

Are lots of athletes having sex, yes, and good for them. Are lots of athletes doing multiple interviews about how much sex they plan to have? Not so much. Are most athletes mothers also discussing their offsprings open door genitals policy? Ew.

And don't try to blame the media, if the Lochte's weren't willing and creepily eager to talk about it, they wouldn't keep getting asked about it. That's really where he heads from baseline douchery into douchecanoeing. And while 27 might seem young to you, it's old enough to be a doctor, so let's not act like everyone is just crazy at that age.

In the end, I never really wanted to punch him in the face either. He mostly strikes me as someone who tries to hard to seem cool, and that's more sad than anything.

Ali said...

Watching a Ryan Lochte interview with my 15-year-old daughter this morning, she says "He seems like an asshole." Even a teenager can see through him.

Rachel said...

He was bragging on radio about peeing in the olympic pool. Such a douche!

Susan said...

Now he's admitting to pissing in the pool! DBag!

Chris said...

Sarah,

I appreciate your opinion and have no problem admitting that this will be an issue in which people have to agree to disagree. Although, I will partially agree with you that sometimes he comes off as trying a little to hard, this doesn't give any ground to classify him as a douche.

I also won't deny that Lochte acts immature from time to time. However, I do think that because of his hype and stature at these Olympics his actions and comments are made into bigger stories by the media. Again, he's not saying anything different then what other Olympians have said about sex at the games in the past. (I'm not sure if you got a chance to visit the link I posted in my comment but it was to an ESPN article that focused on that issue and while he was commented in it, he wasn't the only one.)

I also think, and this is probably the biggest point overall, that some of the questions that he is being asked by the media which create these "Can you believe Ryan Lochte said this?" stories are being stirred up from smaller stories created by a lesser known Olympian's quote and he's just answering them honestly. The recent story about him peeing in the pool is a great example of this ripple effect. Yes, he has the choice to dodge or deflect the question, just like a typical celebrity who had been trained by experts, time and mistakes, or a combination of both would. However, he doesn't get that training and his short lived time in the lime light does provide for him the chance to learn from his mistakes and then blame it on being a novice because at his age he's already expect to be an expert. My guess would be that come 2016 we will see a more publicly matured Ryan Lochte and then they will criticize the next young gun for being an arrogant douche.

I guess the real point of my comment was to try and give another point of view on him. The internet is filled with these types of blogs and while I understand the satire and appeal of controversy they stir up (plus the money that can be made on selling ad space on them), they are cheap and really aren't any different from the online bullying a kid in school does. I'm not saying Jen is tweeting or sending direct messages to Ryan Lochte calling him a douche, but you can see where these types of blogs fall onto the similar side of the spectrum.

Honestly, I should have done more research on the writer before I commented. I probably would have not responded if I would have had a greater appreciation for the market appeal she is trying to portray and that one of her goals seems to be to spark such types of debate. The business side of me applauds her drive and intuition for recognizing and capitalizing on, what I like to call, a "Tucker Max-Tell it like I see" comedic sales pitch.

Nancy said...

sheshe gets my vote for the best comment, ever!!!!

Nancy said...

Ryan Seacrest asked him about that. He said yes, of course!

Anonymous said...

I never said I wasn't disgusted, simply that this doesn't not surprise me. Most athletes are like this, unfortunately. I understand you may not have respect for his personality for neither do I, but if you don't respect what he has done to the sport of swimming and what he will do in the future?!...Well thats simply idiotic and not understand athletics. Which again is not his fault. Is he a man whore? Is his mom wrong? Yes. But that doesn't change his olympic MEDALS which he DESERVES.

Erika said...

Actually, I'm kind of impressed with his mom. Her son is so emotionally stunted that he can't manage a relationship that lasts longer than a wipe-off, and he probably can't tell you the last name (and not many of the firsts) of most of his sexual partners, but she is owning that shit on national television. You know that she's reading all of the criticism online and thinking, "F- you. How many gold medals does your kid have?"

Anonymous said...

Someone vying for his own show on MTV. $1 says he's the newest Bachelordouche this fall.

Abbie Mcgeek said...

Just wanted to throw out that, thanks to the monstorous laughing that can be heard throughout the police department where I am employeed while reading your blog.. I used "doucheCanoe" on my fb status this evening. It was fabulous!!!

Marla Jensen said...

Pelvis cleavage.... bahahahaha

Anonymous said...

Thought you'd find this article amusing: http://jezebel.com/5931055/10-reasons-ryan-lochte-is-americas-sexiest-douchebag

SouthMainMuse said...

Wow. I needed that laugh. His mother said what? Like was she really sheltered and no know what ONS meant? Or was she trying to be really hip? Thank you for educating me. I like him because all I knew was that he swam for Florida. And I love the University of Florida. That might make me stupid and shallow, but even I am not vapid enough to Just Say No to Lochte.

NotesFromAbroad said...

Here is an example of the Good and the Bad of living as an expat in Argentina. I have no f*ing idea who Ryan Douchte is .. and I think I am glad.

rodrunnr said...

I think it's more like a crush...

Missy2 said...

He's been self-promoting and jonesing for a spot on Dancing with the Satrs and the Bachelor. If he gets the Bachelor gig, I admit, it may be the first season I don't watch - though it will confirm just how desperate those tramps are... and he knows he'll get to "dip his feet in the pool", too. What a douche.

Anonymous said...

I think Ryan Lochte is a total Douchebag, but I love Michael Phelps. I hated Ryan as soon as he appeared on T.V. for the olympics. He said he practiced for the games by lifting large tires which made me laugh, seems like a stupid work out to me. I especially hated him after he said he was going to beat Michael Phelps. I love it how he won the gold on the first race and got all cocky and then started doing shitty. Hilarious

kaptnkarl said...

All we need to do is hook Ryan up with McKayla Maroney and see what kind of ultimate uber-doucebag children they can come up with.

Valley Girl said...

What's a WAG?

nancy slagle said...

I think the problem lies in part with this Generation Sex and its collective casual approach to "hooking up". Ladies, do ANY of you recall sleeping with a dude you just met? Okay, besides at a frat party. Usually that was considered slutty behavior, and I recall a few girls that were NOT asked to be a Little Sister in the ATO fraternity for sleeping with too many brothers.

Now its normal to do that, and "having a boyfriend" is passe. WTF???? Who was the dude who brainwashed mainstream American females that this is acceptable? Girls, stop being so easy, and asshats like Ryan will strike out more often.

Even the murderous Oscar Pistorius has a fan club of brainless bimbos supporting him while he's IN PRISON!!!

Kelly said...

Omg...that video is the best! Gold medal for sure...

Nancy said...

That video made my day!!! The anchors are hilarious! Thanks for the laugh, Jen.

Julie Mancini said...

I'm gonna skip his show and wait for your review :)

Morgan said...

Just remembering when he was featured on a local station talk show,some time ago. He was so dumb the broadcasters had unstoppable laughing fits when he left. Only E, home of the dumb and shallow, would give him a show.

Jillometry said...

is it me or are all male swimmers douchebags? i mean between the stanford rapist, this guy, even michael phelps has dui's and seems a bit douchey... idk, i have not really heard of any non-douchebag swimmers.

knight4444 said...

ryan is a perfect example of white privilege, many people were delighted to give this asshole all the benefit of the doubt!! Now watch fox news bring him on and try to make ryan a poor little victim!

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