I've said it before and I'll say it again, I've got Olympic fever and I would watch even the most boring Olympics. But the drama this year just keeps bringing me back! As one of my Facebook friends said yesterday, "I can't remember a bigger badminton scandal." Truer words have never been spoken/written. The humanity!
Aside from the riveting soap opera over on the badminton courts, there is the whole Ryan Lochte vs. Michael Phelps made-for-television rivalry. My guess is at this point, Michael Phelps just says to Lochte, "That's so cute what you do in the pool. I've already done it, though, so there's really no competition, you d-bag."
Michael might be the better swimmer, but Ryan is beating him in one area: looking like a dumbass.
I'm not talking about his fucked up fashion sense where he thought it was be a great indication of his individuality to wear a bizarro $25,000 grill over his teeth when he accepted his gold medal.
I'm talking about an interview his mom gave to "Today" where she told them that Ryan is so dedicated to his sport that he does not have time for a relationship. Instead, he goes out on "one night stands." WTF, mom?? That's a good mom right there. Why not tell the whole world that your son is a slut and can't commit to a woman, but would rather just love 'em and leave 'em. I hope that Mrs. Lochte is completely out of touch and has no idea what "one night stand" means. Maybe she thinks that means share a cup of coffee and talk about rainbows and sunsets. Otherwise, she is an idiot.
If the thought of being simply a notch in Ryan's belt isn't enough to keep you away from this creeper, he gave an interview to Women's Health where he indicated that once you are a notch in his belt, he has no qualms swapping stories with his buddies about how good (or bad) you were.
I think what makes him the biggest ass, though, is that he said he thinks sexy women always "keep a fit body." OK, I get it. No one is digging Ryan for his brains either. Every woman in the world is downloading his pic so we can stare at his pelvis cleavage or whatever you call those protrusions under the belly button but above the shorts. He's eye candy for us too. He's obviously pretty to look at, but not very bright when it comes to his image. A smart man with millions of adoring female fans around the world should say something like: "A sexy woman is confident and strong with an amazing personality."
Not this guy, he goes straight for the hard body. It makes me think his mom does know what "one night stand" means.
The other thing that rubbed me the wrong way was Ryan's approach to picking up women. He makes eye contact and winks at them and then ignores her for a while so he can "keep her thinking" before he's ready to ditch his bros and pick up a ho. What a fucking dick. Nothing like a good mind fuck before a decent (I'm not going to say good, because I can't give him that much credit) actual fuck.
Congrats, Ryan. You get another gold medal. In douchecanoeing.
UPDATE 4/21/13: Apparently since the Olympics, Ryan has been so charming that E! in their infinite wisdom has given Ryan his own show. "What Would Ryan Do?" It premiers tonight and I can't wait to watch what this asshat would do.
If you want to see Ryan in action, you MUST watch this interview with Mike and Sheinelle of Good Day Philly. It gets really funny AFTER Ryan is done. HILARIOUS.