People Who Work With Children, But Don't Like Them
What is the deal with people who work in professions designed to cater to children and then they can't stand children and/or they have no patience with children?!
We take our kids to a pediatric dentist. He costs us far more than a "normal" dentist because he is a specialist, but I wanted to take my kids to a dentist who supposedly wouldn't scare the shit out of them and who I assume is trained to work with the under 12 crowd.
This guy has an office that looks like a carnival. He has kids movies on the big screen, aquariums full of beautiful, bright fish, video games, stuffed animals, goody bags, balloons and, of course, ice cream (he's gotta make sure we still keep getting cavities - he knows where his bread is buttered). His staff dresses in matching outfits that are different colors every day and they all have perky, glow in the dark smiles. That's where the fun ends.
It is like a crap shoot when you walk into his office, because you never know which dental assistant you're going to get. It seems as if only half of them have been told that their job is to interact with children and poke-y, noisy, scary tools all day long and that the combination of these things can make kids react poorly.
We took Gomer in about a month ago and they said he needed x-rays. OK, let's get some pics. Open wide, Gomer. Wider. Wider. Wider, damn it!! The assistant could not get the film in his mouth. She snapped at him and told him to open even wider. When that didn't work, she practically mounted him and shoved his head back so she could "try another angle." She gagged him with the film and then she finally gave up in a huff and said we wouldn't get x-rays because Gomer was "uncooperative."
Gomer is 7. He has a terrible gag reflex and she's shoving a 4 inch piece of plastic down his gullet without any warning or compassion. She's lucky she still has all her fingers. Needless to say, we're looking for another dentist.
There a salon down the street that brags that they specialize in children's haircuts - especially baby's first haircut. Again, it's another joint that's decked out like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory with an over priced toy store attached (think crap from the dollar bins at Target marked up to $12). This salon is run by people who I think barely graduated from beauty school. I made the mistake of taking Gomer there for his first haircut. They have this whole package deal where you get before and after pics, a locket of his precious baby hair and for an additional upgrade you can have the whole thing video taped. We stopped short of the video tape option. (Don't punch me, I was naive and this was my first child, I had no idea what a fucking racket this was. We never took Adolpha - that should get me some of my cred back.)
Gomer was terrified of the stylist and cried and screamed the whole time while this woman bobbed and weaved with extremely sharp and pointy scissors. I tried to keep Gomer's attention and calm him down while the Hubs snapped about 100 pictures of this momentous occasion. It quickly became apparent this woman had never cut a baby's hair before. She was completely out of her comfort zone and had no idea what to do. At one point, she actually grabbed his face in her hands and told my 10 month old baby to "settle down." I told her to get her hands off him and focus on her damn job. In the end, Gomer screamed himself hoarse and he ended up with an incredibly uneven hair cut. The Hubs got a fantastic picture of him giving the stylist the evil eye though that still makes us laugh.
And then there was the preschool teacher who hated preschoolers. She was a total bitch. She worked in Gomer's classroom a few days a week and Gomer told us he hated her because she was mean to him. We thought he was exaggerating until a few months into the school year and I finally met Miss Diane. It was Gomer's 4th birthday and Adolpha and I arrived at school with treats. Another teacher wished him a happy birthday and Gomer reminded her that it was also Adolpha's 2nd birthday that day. Miss Diane sneered, "Are you still telling that lie, Gomer?" WTF, lady?
"Gomer isn't lying. He and Adolpha were born on the same day, two years apart. I should know. I was there," I said.
"You mean it's true?" she sputttered.
"Of course it's true. Gomer doesn't lie!" (I wish I could still say he never lies.) "And besides, why would you think he lied about something like that in front of his mother?"
"Well, I don't know. It just seemed far-fetched to me. That's got to be pretty rare to have two kids, two years apart."
"I don't know how rare it is. I can tell you how special it is. Gomer is thrilled to have such a unique birthday and he loves to share his day with Adolpha." Bitch.
These are just a few examples, I know there are more. Let's hear it.