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Saying Goodbye to the Elf on the Shelf

I can't believe that tonight the Elf on the Shelf will go back in his box (I mean, fly back to the North Pole to be with Santa, blah, blah).  Gotta keep the "magic" alive!

It's been a big season for our Elf.

We've owned our Elf for about 4 years now and we finally got around to naming him this year.  Privately, the Hubs and I had called him the "little bastard," but to his face, he was "Elfie."  We'd never written it in the book though (I can never bring myself to write in a book - it just feels so wrong), so the name was up for debate since it wasn't "set in stone."

After much negotiating and power brokering, he was christened "Choppy Elfie."  I have no idea why.  Mostly because it was a compromise between my kids.  The boy liked Elfie and the girl like Choppy.  So, Choppy Elfie it is, because Elfie Choppy didn't have the same ring to it.  Good thing I don't have 4 kids.

This year Choppy Elfie's powers over the kids were not as strong and I was a little disappointed in him.  He was slacking a bit this year.  At one point I found him swilling out of a beer bottle - I'm beginning to think he spent most of the season drunk!

Tonight he will go back in his box, but some people are suggesting I bronze the little guy.  After all, when he came out of his box in November - OK, mid-December - less than 100 people had ever heard of me or my rant about him.  Now 1.5+ million people have read the rant, I have 26,000 people on Facebook who like my blog and I'm getting hate mail (a sure sign that I'm doing something right).  It's not the world domination I have planned for 2012, but it's a great start and he was there for the beginning of it.

I can't bronze him.  That would ruin my kids' childhood.

No, Choppy Elfie must go back in his box.  Some others have suggested I leave him out in a place of honor all year.

I can't bronze him and I can't leave him out all year.  If I leave him out, he'll get a swelled head every time he checks his inbox and sees people wetting their pants, crying tears of laughter and LTAO (Laughing Their Asses Off).  His ego will be enormous and we don't have room for that - mine takes up way too much space.

I'm sorry, but Choppy Elfie must go back.  He shouldn't be sad.  He should feel like he had a great season.  We had a good run and in the end, I even remembered to move him a few times (thanks to all the reminders from people on FB).  If people are sad about Choppy Elfie going back in his box, they should remember I never set him on fire (accidentally with a lamp or on purpose with a campfire for roasting s'mores); I never put him in compromising positions with Barbie or Dora or Santa or G.I. Joe; I never hung him from the rafters; and I never made him fish out of the toilet.  I kept his dignity and that's saying a lot in this house.

We will miss Choppy Elfie and we will be excited next November - OK, mid-December - to take him out of his box and welcome him back to his familiar circuit of perches: three kitchen shelves, the mantle and the Christmas tree.

We love you, Choppy Elfie and this Mama is sooooo glad people decided to go Elfin' CrAzee this year!!

23 comments:

  1. Thanks to you....not only did I start following your blog (amazing), get our own elf named Knottmee (which my three teen sons are into making do naughty things...putting the holiday back into their "Why bother, just give me the cash" Christmas spirt, but I also started to blog about the trials and tribulations of my son with Aspergers. I don't care if I get followers...but boy does it feel good to write it all down! Thanks and Merry Christmas...it's almost over...yipee!

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  2. Elfin' Crazy - love it! (I'm stealing this phrase.) Merry Christmas!

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  3. We don't have an elf; we have a #ASD Tazmanian Devil but have enjoyed your post b/c we too have too much drama already to think up nightly naughty elf stuff.

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  4. I can't thank you enough for your initial post about the elf. Because of that my husband and I have been laughing our asses off at all of your older posts and wish that we would have found your blog sooner. It is amazingly funny! I cannot wait to pack up our elf tonight, but so glad I found your blog. Keep the laughs coming!

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  5. Good decision on the elf, and great blog! :)

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  6. Congrats on the following! You deserve it. Your blog is awesome.

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  7. I just found you (thru fb friends) a few wks ago & I have been caught 'LOL'ing so many times! Thank you for making this crazy time of year so much fun! Merry Christmas!

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  8. Congrats on all your success - Thanks for giving me a reason to procrastinate more this holiday season. I may actually attempt to blame my 1/2-assed, cleary unfinished Christmas on you but it was well worth it!

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  9. I think I love you this is so funny you could be a new Erma Bombeck

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  10. I think his name should have been Elfin' Crazy. Just sayin'

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  11. Although I won't be running to the store to buy an Elf on the Shelf anytime soon, I will be eternally grateful to him because it led me to your blog! I as well was introduced through a FB post and now I can't get enough of your blog. I love your writing style and sense of humor. I even did my own "elf on the shelf" blog post, and don't worry. I linked it back to your blog. I don't want to be the source of a punch.

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  12. I've got to say, I was directed over here from the comments section of my other favorite blog, STFU Parents, where I was first introduced to the Elf on the Shelf. Your elf article was so funny that you've gained (yet another) new reader.

    After reading that first blog entry, a morbid sense of curiosity had me traveling over to Blossom Bunkhouse to read her other insane elf ideas. I guess she's updated "101 Elf on the Shelf Ideas" recently, since she has a bunch of links on that list to your first rant about Choppy Elfie.

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  13. HAHA!! Love this one and the other about the elf. I was so freakin excited to put our elf back in his box, I actually did a jig and said the little f@#*er is going away tonight and my husband said we should snap his neck. I'm still laughing!!!!!!!!!!

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  14. My niece introduced me to your blog yesterday, love it!
    Now I can find out what happens behind all those lovely holiday wreath covered doors in suburbia.
    I had not heard of that creepy Christmas Chuckie doll in Elf clothing before yesterday. What all those "concerned moms" ought to be worried about is all the paranoia disorders their kids are going to grow up with because they are unwilling or unable to discipline their own kids and are using a fake Santa's helper to do it!

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  15. Awesome! Love, love, love your blog ! Thanks for your wittiness!

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  16. We named out elf the same way. Elfie Chrsitmas Carol. Two boys, two choices, one name.

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  17. WOW... Well, thanks to you wanting to punch Choppy Elfie (or anyone else for that matter) in the throat, I have found your blog and am LOVING it!! As a Kansas native myself, (Overland Park area), I feel as if I'm able to picture these trips and malls, etc. Like the "bad mall", I think it was the Metcalf Mall when I lived there... Anyways, Thank you for bringing a huge smile and lots of laughter!! Can't wait to see what the New Year brings for your blog~ Congrats on the following!!!

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  18. So love reading your posts...this one is a gem!!

    http://mom2the5k.blogspot.com/

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  19. I love your post but hate my elf. Wonder if anyone else thinks he's the cheapest piece of crap ever?? That sucker won't even sit on the darn shelf w/o duct tape or super glue. Can not believe I paid good $ for him!

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  20. Hate mail? Really? ROTFLMAO!!! Oh my... :-)
    Thank you :-)
    (P.S: I came here from Pinterest.)

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  21. Anonymous08:01

    I found my elf in the freezers drinking chocalate.! You should try that! Next year when choppy is back!

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  22. Our Elfie didn't last 12 hours in our house and HAD TO GO! He really creeped out twin B. She couldn't bear the thought of being'watched' while she was sleeping. She suffered with insomnia worrying that the little guy would be in her room. http://undercovertwins.wordpress.com/2012/12/12/the-elf-on-the-shelf-epic-fail-for-this-family/

    Parker C Quinn

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