People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Parents Who Don't Teach Their Kids Manners

FB

Parents Who Don't Teach Their Kids Manners


I don't know about you, but I try to teach my kids manners whenever the opportunity arises.  If my kids receive a present I say, "What do you say?"  If they leave someone's house from a play date I say, "What do you tell so and so's mom?"  If they get in someone's way when we're at the store I say, "Say 'excuse me.'" That sort of thing.  I know a lot of people do it and I see my friends' kids doing it, but for some reason there is a small population out there who doesn't and I seem to come into contact with them all the time.


Last week I had to run to Hobby Lobby for a quick trip.  I was in a big hurry and somehow I got stuck behind the woman who thought it was a great idea to let her 2 year old walk and browse the store.  Ugh!! When is this EVER a good idea?
They stopped to admire something completely inappropriate for a 2 year old - spray paint - and blocked the aisle I needed to get to. Of course.


I got up close behind them and hoped they'd "feel" my presence and get the hell out of the way. Instead they continued to stand there while the mother said stupid shit like, "Hayden, do you see a green one?  Oooh, look at the pretty blue one.  What do think you can do with this spray paint?"  Seriously, lady?  Spray paint?

I could paint pretty pictures on the house, Mommy.  Or inhale it and die.  Let's get some!

Apparently my presence was not strong enough so I had to say, "Excuse me, I just need to get down this aisle."

She looked at me like I said, "Excuse me.  Could you show me your breasts?"

For a moment I really had to replay in my head what I'd said out loud.  Did I call her a bitch?  Did I tell Hayden to move his little ass out of the way?  I was thinking those things, but I didn't think I said them out loud.  Was she a mind reader??

"Hayden, this lady needs to get down this aisle.  Are you almost done?"

Are you almost done?  If I didn't call her a bitch out loud before I was about ready to now.

Miraculously, the 2 year old did not behave like a normal 2 year old and said he was in fact done. Hallelujah. We could have been there all day when you give a 2 year a choice like that!

Great!  I maneuvered my little Hobby Lobby cart and tried to squeeze by their little Hobby Lobby cart in the little Hobby Lobby aisle (Damn you, Hobby Lobby!  Would it kill you to have wider aisles and bigger carts??).  Hayden stood rooted to the spot and didn't move.

"Excuse me, please," I said.  Hayden was a statue.

"Can you just move over a bit so I can my cart past you?"  I asked.  Hayden stared at me unblinking.

Finally, I gave up and said, "Nevermind, I'll just leave my cart here and scootch by you."

Hayden  continued to stare.  His mother looked at spray paint with so much interest I thought maybe she was a graffiti artist.

I got what I needed from one side of the aisle and the remainder was on the other side.  Right behind Hayden.  Ugh.  I didn't want to physically move him out of the way (well, yes I did, but I'd be arrested) so I reached around him rather than trying to get him to move again and got my stuff.

I walked out of the aisle and dropped everything in my abandoned cart and started to wheel away when I overhead mom say, "Goodness!  She was in such a hurry wasn't she?  Couldn't even wait for us to be done!"

Are you kidding me?  Really?  Oh no.

I was late.

I was irritated.

I did not have time to fight with an idiot in the middle of Hobby Lobby.

I was getting pissier.

I could feel it coming on me.  This must be what Bruce Banner feels like.

I decided I'd make time.

I wheeled back around and said, "Yes, you're right.  I am in a big hurry and you are slowing me down. How hard is it to move yourself and your kid out of the way?  I don't understand.  You see someone else coming, you move to the right and get out of the way.  It's common courtesy and common knowledge.  Why are you making it so difficult?  And don't be so passive aggressive next time.  If you have something to say, say it to me, not to Hayden.  That is sooooo annoying."  

I waited to see if she had a response.  Most people will just tell you to "Fuck off and mind your own business."  (I get that a lot.)

Instead, she looked like a fish with her mouth flapping open and shut.  She had no idea I'd come back on her.  She didn't know what to say or do.

I left her standing there flapping in the wind.

I can't blame Hayden.  He's TWO!  He doesn't know what "Excuse me" or "Scootch by" means.  He has to be taught.  That is the perfect time to teach him.  You can easily say, "Hayden, this lady needs by, we need to move to this side so she can get her cart through." or "Hayden, you're standing in front of what this lady needs.  Say 'Excuse me' and move to the side."  or "Hayden, you need to pay attention when you're in a store.  You're not the only person shopping and you need to be sure you're not blocking people from getting down the aisles or getting the things they need on shelves."  That's it. That's all she had to say and I would have been sooooo much more pleasant to her.

I'm soooo sick of hearing kids say things like "Move!" when they need to get at something or "Gimme!"  I'm tired of kids never saying "Please" or "Thank you" or "Excuse me."  I tend to call the kids out on their bad behavior and I do it very loudly and passive aggressively when their own parents are standing there.  I figure that's the language they speak, so they must understand it best.

"Oh...did you need something, Amalia?  I wasn't sure what you wanted since all you said was, Gimme and it's hard to know what means since it isn't even a word." or "Oh...sure Brayden I can get you some more broccoli.  That's what you need right?  When you yelled Move and pushed me so hard to get at the food table, I can only assume that's what you wanted.  It's great that you love veggies so much.  Here you go!  You're welcome!"

I can't blame the kids.  Kids are naturally animalistic, narcissistic megalomaniacs. It's the parents who must mold them and break them down into responsible, polite contributing members of society who move the damn tiny Hobby Lobby cart out of my way when I'm in a hurry!


144 comments:

ahunn said...

Amen

~Abbey~ said...

i.love.your.blog.

KarenS said...

<3
Couldn't have said it better myself!

TXSurromom said...

This should be given to every parent upon leaving the hospital. Maybe you could write a pamphlet?

Jaguwar said...

LOL Precisely! I've been known to actually say what the parents should say to their kids. "What do you say?" or "Can you say please?" or, more passive-agressively, "It's so much nicer when people say please and thank you!" The problem is the adults themselves are, in these cases, narcissistic, self-centered, megalomaniacs. They confuse giving of themselves to their children with giving in to their children. The result: an entire generation with many more brats than it used to have.

And we wonder why bullying is on the rise, or why it's more devastating than ever before. I honestly think the two are related.

~ Val ~ said...

Well said! Love your blog title :)

Renee Guest said...

oh my gosh!! i love you!! hilarious!

Vito said...

You absolutely hit a hot button for my wife and me! Kids have ZERO manners today! It isn't just please and thank you, or excuse me. They are not respectful in any sense of the word. I don't know about you, but growing up I was taught that you listend to and respected ANY adult (even if it was not deserved). Today kids address you like they are your peer (for example, calling you by your first name rather than "Mr. XXXX" or "Mrs. XXXX"). And forget about going to the store. What you experienced is minor. There was a boy (maybe 9 years old) sitting on the floor in Toys R Us with his legs spread across the isle playing with one of the toys. When I brought my cart through he didn't even look up and said in an irritated voice "go around!" I simply replied he could move his legs or I can run them over. He moved but I could hear him from the next isle telling someone how the "old people in the store act like they own the place". I can tell you if that was any of my kids it would not have been pretty.

mandido said...

You are an awesome lady that may just be my newest idol! Keep the blogs coming, they let me know that I am NOT the crazy lady in the bunch!

Britt said...

I agree that we should teach our children manners. That's why I don't agree with your overboard elf on the shelf post. Yes, I got a good laugh, but I remember reading this post awhile back and found it a bit ironic that you want to teach your children manners when you just bullied another mom for having a little fun. We all have our opinions, I guess.

Miss Rantnrave said...

I too teach my kids manners, but here's what pisses ME off. I am the one in the store that says, "Mikey move out of the way so this woman can pass", he does and she passes. What comes next should be a Thank you from the woman, but half the time it never comes! What is wrong with people these days? I did my part, my son did his part....now YOU do Your part! Manners are hard to come by in ALL ages!

Brandie said...

I LOVE your blog! You are so spot on!

MommyEst.09 said...

I can only hope a few of those parents (my in laws would be great) read this.

LandtLady said...

Glad you went back and taught the mother something about courtesy and parenting!

veloct said...

My wife chewed some lady's ass at the grocery store for precisely the same thing. These two ladies were chit chatting like the own the freaking store and my wife who was 8 months pregnant at the time was trying to get by and they wouldn't move. WTF is wrong with people. LOVE the blog.

Judy said...

OMG....I think I LOVE you. I agree, could we not just have basic MANNERS? I am a daycare provider who teaches ALL my daycare kidlets to be polite and respectful. And you know what?? While they are HERE they ARE polite. But as soon as mommy or daddy show up they turn into demon spawn. Kids should NOT be in charge! That's why 30 year olds push out babies and not the other way around.

LOVE it!

www.justthebabysitter.com

ThinkerBell said...

Seriously Britt, I think you missed the point. They could always go back to their "fun" once they've respectfully acknowledged another shopper. What they were doing wasn't rude, it's how they did it that was rude. You might want to read that again.

Robin said...

WHERE have you been all my life! LOL

Love this!

Amber said...

I agree that the lady and her son at Hobby Lobby were inconsiderate. But I think you need to learn the difference between "requiring manners" and "teaching manners". There's a difference. I teach my children manners, but I don't require them. You might think I'm shirking my responsibilities as a parent, but I would disagree, and think it's unfair to make that assumption. I don't get all up in arms when kids forget to say please and thank-you. I do, however, think it's ridiculous that the majority of adults these days (whose parents likely DID require manners) can't be bothered to be kind and curteous to others (in actions, not just words).

Amanda's Customs said...

A friend of mine linked me to your blog. She's a pretty cool friend,so I figured this would be a pretty AWESOME blog. Your first post was a bit much,with your "My Elf on the Shelf is a lazy shit because I fail as a person in general",but I was like,"Eh,we're not all perfect,blah blah blah". Then I read your MICHELLE DUGGAR DESERVED THAT MISCARRIAGE bullshit post. And was like,"Okay maybe she's just completely asinine. Let's read further the blunders of the Asshat.." and then I found this post.
Let me begin with,I'm southern. Old school southern. My kids say Yes Ma'am and No Sir. Thank You and Please. We say excuse me and my boys hold doors open for women. So I agree in the sense that we as a society need to bring back manners and respect. I 100% AGREE with that statement. I do not however,agree with your PMS hormonal rampage of blundering shit that proceeded after that. Yes,the Hobby Lobby thing was a bit much but then again that's how HAYDEN'S PARENTS raise him. It's not there fault you left something til the last second and needed to haul ass.
But more then that I think you are RUDE and presumptuous to assume all children (and parents for that matter) should be 100% like you. That if a child is even remotely "off" on your meter of "perfect" you deem yourself the FIX IT JESUS. I have 3 kids. 2 boys and a girl. My sons know the rules when we go into the store. Stay with us. No running off. Say excuse me and be polite. My daughter also knows these rules,but she's also autistic. So while she says,"Yes Ma'am" when I say the rules,she may not be able to 100% follow them. And to people like YOU,she may be deemed "unrule-ly". Like when she has to touch all the bottle of shampoo on the aisle because it calms her. Yes,I'm indulging my child. Yes,it may make people like you LATE. But it makes my 3 yr old happy. And if you can't respect that,then I'd have to kindly issue you an,"Excuse me ma'am,but fuck you entirely"...maybe next time instead of handing out judgement and blame,you should consider not all children (or parents) are the same. We do the best we can,with what we've got.

Piper said...

Smack silly, fer sure. But punch in the throat? Not my style...

Joshua Judd said...

OK... Instant fan of this blog.

Joshua Judd said...

... and for the record Amber... you are part of the problem. Yes, you make manners a REQUIREMENT for kids!!!
If you don't make it a REQUIREMENT than they won't do it!! If your teacher gave you suggestions for reading but didn't REQUIRE it... would you read... of course not! Lord knows my children aren't perfect, but we make having manners in our house a REQUIREMNT, because thats what parents do. It takes to seconds..."Say please pumpkin" or "say thank you bud" It's not hard.

Joshua Judd said...

Sorry for the spelling, but I tend to lose focus when exlaining Parenting 101 to another parent. This trend is akin to the "me" culture that is killing this country.

Joshua Judd said...

Amanda I dig your take. Pretty spot on. I guess it would depend on how the woman was responding to the author of this blog. Sometimes you get a feeling for people that are just dimissing your presence. But the autism thing is very true. My Nephew is autistic and there are m oments when his needs are going to overshadow that of the perfect stranger thats in a hurry. Overall though, 90% of the time, I agree with the author. I think she hoes overboard to get readership and attention to her blog.

NaptownKatie said...

This was great and I have to thank you for putting this out there to the public. The problem is the parents, you cannot blame the child in the same way that you cannot blame a dog taught and encouraged to be mean and violent...

I had a similar experience recently during which a father decided a Saturday morning was the best time to teach his four children all about using the ATM. Mind you, the oldest was about 6 and many, many years from needing to use the ATM. There were four other adults in line, including me, who had to wait while this man let his children attend to every step along the way. It was infuriating because it was so inconsiderate of the other adults in line. I think it's wonderful to want to teach your children, but not to the detriment of common courtesy. It was rude of him to continue and not to acknowledge to his children that they needed to hurry it up.

We all need to be mindful that in this new world of immediate gratification with online, texting, cell phone, emails, we are becoming less and less connected as people. Manners and common courtesy is the best way to keep us from completely becoming animals and not caring at all for our fellow man. And, the only way to continue to mind this is to teach manners and to require that those lessons are learned!

I see things like this and it truly makes me worry for our society. Honestly, it does, so thank you for putting it out there!

Chris H. said...

Testify!!

natesmom said...

Um... she was just asking them to scoot over for a second to get her cart by- she wasn't asking them to stop their fun in the aisle altogether. Not understanding aat all how that is wrong...

Then again, I do require my kids to use their manners that I have taught them.

KatieDidn't said...

As a runner and a inline skater, I sadly have to run by Hayden and his mom all the time. Its no problem when I am running, I can run in the dirt to get past them, but when I am going 9-10mph on inline skates that do NOT move in dirt, I fall, it kills me that people can seem to just move a little to right to let me by..... grrr

l'smom said...

Wow! Hey people, if you don't like this blog here's a crazy idea...move ON! Nobody is REQUIRING you to read it! Some of us have a sense of humor and understand that most of this is meant to be funny and sarcastic! Furthermore manners should absolutely be a REQUIREMENT...for both children AND adults!!! Way too many rude people out there. It takes just a moment to say please, thank you, excuse me, etc.

Britt said...

Thinkerbell, I was simply referring to this post to make the point that she wants people to teach their kids manners as she teaches them to her children...yet she bullied another mom about her blog post. Teaching by example clearly isn't her goal. I agree with how she handled the Hayden situation.

Piper said...

I was in Costco last week trying to shop with a gazillion other people but my ear was being tweaked by the loud echo of a piano being banged upon by small forceful hands. I assumed that child's parent would put an end to the embarrassment quickly, but I was wrong. After suffering through about three minutes of it, I went searching for it to shut it up. In the center of the warehouse sat a 11-13yo boy dragging his fingers up and down an electric piano's keys. I pushed my cart directly towards him and caught his eye. He paused for a moment and let me stare him down. When I got up to him, I said, "Take lessons. You suck," and walked away. He started again almost immediately, in defiance, but petered out about 30 seconds later, my comment seeping in, no doubt. A woman who saw what I did said to me "Thank you!" so I nodded and continued shopping in peace!

Rhondamum said...

OH MY GOSH! You are so freakin' hilarious! I love you! I can't stop laughing and my husband just keeps saying, "What?" I SO WISH I could have been standing there to witness that! Thanks for making me pee on myself!

Je said...

Dearest Amanda: You are the minority. You add to the problem. Perhaps you ARE the problem. And you've missed the point of the post in its entirety.
Take care and be well. And oh, ps: If your 3 year old's happiness comes before the functionality of society, dare I say: Stay the fuck home.
Sincerely,
The vast majority of the public.

Laura Burciaga said...

Love this post and think your blog is hilarious!! I seriously laughed out loud! So spot on! The haters who left comments are obviously part of the problem and must be annoying members of society!

Laura Burciaga said...

And the comments about there being a difference between "teaching manners" and "requiring manners" are absurd and dim-witted.

medusaoblongata said...

HAHAHAHAHAAH I AM FREAKIN' DYING OVER HERE!!! I've been reading your blog like a madman for two days straight. I love how you make fun of all these stupid-ass names people are giving their kids. Hayden, Jaden, Braden, Kaylen, adding 'Y' in place of every vowel lyke yt's a game of hayngmayn gone wryng. You rock my ass.

Amy said...

The problem with this society is that manners AREN'T required, therefore, they are not often practiced. The evolution of self-entitlement is growing like a black hole. I will NOT allow my boys be be sucked into it. There's no reason Hayden and his dimwit, passive aggressive bullying mother (yeah, the blogger was not the bully... the other woman was, and thank you for standin up for yourself!) couldn't look at the spray paint AND allow another person by AT THE SAME TIME. I am constantly telling my boys "we are not the only people here, we need to make room so others can shop, too." It's really that simple. One persons presence in a store does not (or should not, for those who don't think anyone should require considerat behavior of them) preclude another person's presence.

One time, at Walmart, where the aisles are wide and the ingorance wider, I said "excuse me" THREE times to a woman who was taking up the entire aisle. She looked at me like I'd told her that her that her baby was ugly. It is possible to look at the stewed tomatoes with your cart in a position so that others can pass.

It's also possible to allow your autistic child to touch shampoo with your cart in a position for others to pass. I don't get the gripe there.

A 60ish man once cut in line in front of my then 3 year old son. He was waiting to buy popcorn at target. All proud that he was doing it "by himself" (I was feet away) with his coins lined up nicely on the counter. You bet I told that guy off. There was NO excuse. A THREE year old! Honestly. I think we all need to start requiring manners verbally. Sometimes a missed "please" or "thank you" is fine, really, especially when the tone of voice is appropriate. Anyway, I'm right there with you, sister!

Willow said...

Okay, my turn to weigh in. I have an autistic preschooler too, but I disagree with the comments that someone else should wait patiently for my child to stop stimming. The solution is - I CAN MOVE MY CART THAT'S TAKING UP THE OTHER HALF OF THE AISLE!

See, easy compromise. I also acknowledge the other adult and apologize for taking up the entire aisle. I also gently guide my still stimming son to the side so the other person can pass by. I mean, SERIOUSLY, it's not that difficult.

Yes, I think my son is a special snowflake, but I know that the rest of the world doesn't agree with me.

there's a monster in my backyard said...

How about why you speak to a child (because we say Hey to everybody here in the South) and they look at you like you have two heads...and so do their parents?!?!

Angie said...

"Yes,I'm indulging my child. Yes,it may make people like you LATE. But it makes my 3 yr old happy."

Yes, Amanda, your sole purpose on earth is to ignore the rest of the planet in order to indulge and make your 3 yr old happy by blocking the aisle at a store.

(eyeroll)

I bet you're the same one who takes up an extra parking space so your ginormous "I have one kid but his life is of the utmost importance & so we bought a tank" SUV won't get dinged.

Seriously.

Angie said...

BTW, as an auntie to an Aspie, the autism excuse doesn't work here. Autistic kids will, yes, focus on a particular thing, but I didn't see that in the post. The kid staring blankly, maybe, but mommy's passive-aggressive statement, refusal to move...not so much. Parents of autistic kids usually indicate & educate - "I'm sorry, he has autism and is really focused right now" but mom here was a jerk.

Boo Baby said...

I had to add this to the comments as I read through them. I teach high school in the south. Most kids are very respectful to us, teachers as well as staff members, but there are the ones who make every teacher want to cry when they see the name on their roll. Well today (last day of school) one teacher was making a student who had been suspended for a few days make up his work instead of partying like most of the other students in the school were doing. He was suspended for staling from a club for the third time and bragging about it even after he found out he was suspended) A group of boys in the back of my class began saying what a bitch the teacher was. Then another said it was because she was pregnant. Then another said and I quote word for word "Well if she just keep her damn legs closed we wouldn't have to put up with this shit".
Okay, not only is this incredible rude and inappropriate conversation but she is a married woman. When I as the teacher said something to the guilty young man I was then told that he stood behind what he said, she had no business having all these kids back to back. When I replied that she only had one other child and that child was 3 years old his reply was "I don't give a damn, I stand by what I say, she needs to just keep her legs closed." NO ONE thought there was anything overly bad about these comments but me. No One! Not the other teachers I told, not even the teacher they were talking about. I don't understand. Where have the boundaries gone? Where is the respect not only for a teacher but a woman in general? Manners are non-existent for a large population of teens today and if that is the case, what in the world is this world going to look like when their kids take over. God help us!

Kimberly said...

Love your posts!! @Boo Baby being a teacher also I am on your side! Many of these KIDS think they are our equals & peers. If I were to make that comment about one of my many HIGH SCHOOL students who have multiple children I would likely lose my job. However had their mother's kept their legs shut we wouldn't be dealing with so many issues right now. Let's face it, when you teach 16 year olds with 2 kids of their own....... and I love it when they ask me why I don't have any kids and I reply because I am not married they tell me you don't have to be married to have kids. I tell them I do. I would have written that child up for disrespect & left him start his vacation a few hours early.

ChrisM said...

Show me a child that has no manners and usually you find a parent that doesn't have them either. I know lots of parents that remind their children to say "please" and "thank you" but rarely use the words themselves. Ultimately children model the behavior they see. Apples do not fall far from the tree, unfortunately...

crazedmama said...

That Amanda chick up there is a moron, plain and simple. It's called having respect and manners. Get out of other people's way. If your kid doesn't move, pick him up and move him!! Just because your 3 yr old is Autistic, doesn't give her the right to just be in other people's way. It's just basic manners really. Don't make excuses. I would have done the same thing at Hobby Lobby if someone didn't move their damned kid out of the way. I have 3 kids myself and always make sure they move out of other's way or say "excuse me" if they accidently bump into someone. I got into an argument with someone at the grocery store once because she and her cart were blocking the entire aisle. We were waiting to get through, and there were people waiting on the other side to get through. We waited.. and waited. Finally, I said, "EXCUSE ME!".. and I heard the one woman utter to the other, "how rude".. oooh nooo, u wanna see rude?? My response was, "no! Being rude is just standing there blocking the entire aisle when there are like 10 people waiting to get through!.. have some f'n manners!"... "... we are picking out salsa!".. "well move your ass over to the side so the entire store doesn't have to wait for you!". Ugh, people always piss me off. Now I want to throat punch Amanda for annoying me, too.

Heather said...

I work two jobs, one as a lunch lady in my kids school and then at night as a waitress in a popular restaurant. I could go on for HOURS with stories about bad children and the parents that made them that way. Amen girl for putting that bitch in her place!

Erin said...

I feel hope when I read that others think that we have a serious lack of manners in our society, with our kids AND adults. My cousin was recently honked at for stopping for an elderly person to cross the parking lot. And yes, the person behind her saw why she stopped considering she was in a tiny car and they were in a giant SUV that towered over her. Mindblowing, I know.

Everyone who agrees with this blog post needs to check out John Rosemond. He's the only voice of reason with concerns to parenting. He talks about how parenting changed little for 1000s of years, and then all of a sudden we get these pop-psychologist "Parenting" experts who have not only ruined what was once a simple and natural thing (child rearing), but have also made parenting incredibly hard on mothers. He talks about taking back "leadership parenting", which is what the majority of you are saying (being the parent, teaching manners, etc). Anyway, check some of him out if you are interested: http://www.rosemond.com/johns-columns/

ButteryMuffyn said...

I live in the city of perfect parents (Seattle), home of the passive aggressive fleece monster, and amazed that people comment all the time on what great manners my kids have. They don't. They usually remember please/thank yous etc but because the lack of manners here is so widespread, they stand out! If you don't know already, Im English, and we pride ourselves on having at least some manners :)

*Melissa* said...

I am a middle school teacher and I find myself teaching my kids manners throughout the day. It makes me sad that they aren't learning them elsewhere. But I don't mind, because my students always stick out from the others-in a good way.

Kristin Scoggins said...

It's always so odd to me that ever since my two boys were around three we could take them shopping or out to eat and have people comment on how well behaved they were. I thought they were pretty normal kids, so the others out there must have been really bad! We started early, and when they refused to comply a prompt swat on the backside helped a bunch! Their sister proved to be a bigger challenge, but we were up for it. You are so right. We will have a generation of monsters if we aren't careful.

Moira Incendia said...

I had to go to Best Buy today to get a replacement part for my Hub's computer. The part I needed was on a low shelf, at almost floor level, so I crouched down to see it. My knees were touching the shelf-I was literally as close to it as possible without sitting on the shelf. A 50ish woman with a 7 or 8 year old little boy in tow HIT ME WITH HER CART while she was shoving past in the dead center of the aisle... and KEPT WALKING. Not a glance to make sure I was OK, not an apology, an excuse me... Even a "Get the hell out of the way!" would have made more sense than just totally ignoring the fact that she smacked into me hard enough to scoot her basket back toward the other side of the aisle. And don't even get me started on the little monster children running around in circles (literally-one of them ran into an employee) with absolutely no adult supervision whatsoever. Parents and kids both need a return to manners and polite behavior, ASAP!!!

Candy Girl said...

Amanda, I too am the parent of a child with autism, who likes to line up and touch everything in the store. Unlike you, I don't believe his need to stim overrules the need to teach him courtesy and social rules and manners. You are doing your child a disservice if this is really how you do things. If my child's behaviour is not bothering anyone or disturbing anyone else's property, I may let it go a little, no harm done, but I do think it is my responsibility to teach him that his autism is not an excuse to be thoughtless and rude. If I don't teach AND require him to be aware of social rules it's not something he will pick up on his own. Early intervention is key, as they say, and this applies not only to diagnosis and speech therapy (or whatever the chilkd needs) but to socail behaviour! That is where our autistic children will encounter the greatest challenges in their adult lives and where we parents can make a difference NOW. Sadly, I know many parents of children with autism or other challenges who simple excuse THEIR rudeness by saying "my child has autism". Your child may, but YOU don't. It's your job to say "I know you want to line up the soup cans, but other shoppers need to shop" and allow other shoppers to shop! If that produces a meltdown, so be it. The world does not revolve around our autistic children and we need to help them learn that.

Candy Girl said...

Excuse all my typos, I got a little heated while typing my response - inflated senses of entitlement by my fellow parents of autistic children does that to me - they give us all a bad name.

FTR I have not read all of this blogger's posts so I am not championing other things she has written - but in this case, I agree with her!

Jenn said...

I get so annoyed by this! My children have manners, they aren't hard to teach. If they forget to use them, I remind them immediately. As a parent and member of society, the woman should have made her child move and acknowledged you. She is the adult and should act like one! I'm tired of seeing disrespectful and irresponsible parenting. Example: parents who let their children just run around wild in the store, restaurant, parking lot, etc. It takes the blink of an eye for someone to snatch a child and be gone or for a kid to run out in front of a car! Hold your child's hand or put them in the cart.
As stated above, its not just children who lack manners either. I got into it with a woman in her late 50s I think at Walmart the other day. As busy as the store was w/ everyone preparing for Christmas and she and her cart were in the very middle of the freezer aisle talking to two other people who were standing at the end of her cart. A line formed behind me of people trying to get down the aisle and after a minute I finally politely asked her to move over so that we could get by. She ignored me completely and kept talking. Mad after that I said "You are really in everyone's way. You need to move now." and she responded with "There's no where out of the way here." I told her the middle of the freezer aisle was definitely not the place for chit chat. She rolled her eyes and moved and I did receive thank yous from people behind me.

Soapy said...

*high fives you!*

bluenotebacker said...

I'm glad to hear you said something to this woman. People who behave as she does in public will never change if we always keep our remarks to ourselves. Well played.

kellykelly said...

I could feel it coming on me. This must be what Bruce Banner feels like.
(sorry I am still laughing at these 2 sentences)
I do hope your next store trip is better. Maybe go to Michael's next time?

ps. I think this lady should have been punched in the eye. That is all.

MummyOfSeven said...

I've not read all of the replies, but the autism one really ticked me off. I have seven children, two of them (boys aged 16 and 6) are on the autistic spectrum. The youngest is about as high on the spectrum as you can get, he's literally off the charts. Once he's focused on something, that's it, he's gone, zoned out. However, I drilled manners into ALL of my children from the cradle. I abhor bad manners and rudeness for the sake of it. If someone is unjustifiably rude to me, my husband craps himself because he knows what's coming.

Well done for saying what many of us think but wouldn't dare voice!

Julie said...

Ohhhh I wish I had the guts to say something like that!!!! GOOD FOR YOU!!!!

Laura said...

I hate to say it, but this lesson also needs to be taught to a lot of old people--usually women!

ohiogirl1975 said...

I don't have any kids of my own but I deal everyday with kids in their early 20s - the first wave of the entitlement generation. Let me tell you, not teaching and requiring your kids to have manners or courtesy to anyone is seriously not doing them any favors. These kids can't keep a job to save their lives and when they get fired for whatever stupid irresponsible thing they've done (excessive tardiness, telling off a supervisor, just not giving a rat's a** about their job) it's always someone else's fault. Yep it sure is - the idiotic parents who think the world revolves around their kid and that the rest of society has to conform to them. UGH!!!

Sara said...

Amen sister.

Stasi14 said...

Great points, we have all been there. And for the record, my son is on the Autism spectrum as well, and is also almost completely non-verbal. I STILL, in clear English, consistently reinforce please, excuse me, thank you. Does he say it? No. That isn't the point.Some day he will say it. Why? because he consistently heard it at the appropriate times. If he doesn't understand, "hey buddy, can you please scoot over and let this lady by?" then I move him, period.If he is screaming, or he doesn't respond to someone talking to him, I patiently and kindly respond for him and explain that he doesn't talk. Then I encourage him to say hi,bye, or thank you. He doesn't do it, but by God I will keep trying, because "manners maketh man" William of Wykeham. Why set your child up for failure by letting him be rude without correcting it. Someday when the cashier gives him a lollipop, he will say thank you instead of me saying it and him staring at her. Or he will sign it, but he will learn it. Teaching and expecting manners from your child is an act of love. She doesn't expect everyone to be like her, she expects civilized and simple manners from adults and expects it to be passed on to children. Period. and it starts in the cradle,period. If you find her arrogant or rude, you probably should not go on a blog called "People I want to Punch in the Throat" and then you won't open yourself up to be offended. Common sense, really.

The Lint Trap Blog said...

I read but never comment, i have too today, your title reminds me of my mom who recently passed. She would always say, "That kids doesnt have a mother, if he/she did, she would have taught her...etc" ...i now say the same things to my two babies.... love the blog!

Chickenpig said...

Right on! I also have a son with autism, and he has excellent manners. To the point where he will tell his twin brother and his sister to USE THEIR MANNERS, THAT LADY SAID EXCUSE ME! Then I have to get into an explanation about using his indoor voice again :)

Manners need to be taught, and they need to be used, by everyone.

Julie said...

Whew - take a breath and calm down!

Remember that this is a humorous blog - meant to be a funny read. And I can totally see where Jen is coming from. I would have been driven crazy by the situation too. The issue isn't with a child that may have the need to do something a little different, it is with the total indifference of the parent standing there, ignoring the fact that someone is actually trying to (gasp) shop at a store. Even if your daughter is wanting to touch every shampoo bottle at the store, you can look up and see that someone else is trying to come down the aisle and move your cart over to the same side as your child to not block the way. Those of us trying to quickly do our shopping because there are other things we have to do are not heartless, just exasperated when we run into people so wrapped up in their OWN world that they don't pay attention to anyone else.

donofalltrades.com said...

I hate to admit it, but I'd have done the same thing as that other bitch and spoken to my kid as a way to admonish you. I wouldn't have stayed in your way or blocked the aisle like this heifer, but, for example, when my daughter or I hold a door open for somebody and they don't say "thank you", I'll still say "YOU'RE WELCOME"! Lol, ah, passive aggressive behavior...god love ya!

BadParentingMoments said...

Manners are the cornerstone of a fully functioning society. Looking people in the eye, saying please and thank you. Apologizing for being unaware of others' space. Being kind and courteous to strangers. When parents stop teaching these (not to be minimized) basics, we end up with a generation of adults who roam blindly through life neglecting the needs of anyone other than themselves, and yes, it starts in the spray paint aisle when a lady who has just as much right to be there as the 2 year old needs to get by.

donofalltrades.com said...

I hate to admit it, but I'd have done the same thing as that other bitch and spoken to my kid as a way to admonish you. I wouldn't have stayed in your way or blocked the aisle like this heifer, but, for example, when my daughter or I hold a door open for somebody and they don't say "thank you", I'll still say "YOU'RE WELCOME"! Lol, ah, passive aggressive behavior...god love ya!

Chickenpig said...

Amen! I have a son with autism, and learning the rules of social behavior is very important. When he is at school, he has a whole team of teachers on board that are helping him to learn how to function in school. But my husband and I are his first teachers and the people that have to teach him everything else. He wants to follow the rules, so telling him that it is a rule to allow people to pass, and to say excuse me, please, and thank you has worked very well. There is also a time and place to stim. My son is in to ceiling fans. And while we may go and spend time in the aisle at Home Dep*t on a Tuesday afternoon, we aren't going to block an aisle on a busy Saturday. That stuff is for the PARENTS to understand and deal with accordingly.

technimom said...

I have to admit that I'm one of those people who lets their 2 year old walk around and explore the store. She hates being confined to the cart and it's not a battle I'm willing to have, not to mention I think walking around on her own helps her learn how to behave in a store. However, I always make sure she is close by my side, and if she stops in the middle of the aisle and blocks other people, I grab her hand and physically guide her out of the way. Then I tell her something like "we don't stand in the middle of the aisle and block other people from getting through." I think you were totally right to do what you did, and I probably would have done the same.

One of the places I often see bad manners from kids is at the playground, especially with the older kids. I bet you could do an entire post on playground behavior lol. Usually the parents are off to the side chitchatting or playing with their iphones, and not watching their kids. So I have no problem correcting their bad behavior myself. I've actually sent kids running crying to their parents lol. My kid is only 2 and a lot of the big kids don't see fit to watch out for her (and some of these kids are like, 12, and way too big for the playground equipment). One time she was even purposely pushed down by a 3 year old, but the parents did at least pull him aside and talk to him about it, and they made him apologize. I personally would have made him go home, but that's me. When they push her or knock her down without even apologizing or looking back, I yell. And these kids look at me like I'm crazy, while their stupid parents sit there totally oblivious. I guess all we can do is teach our own kids good manners. We cannot force others to do the same, unfortunately.

jexy said...

I love you, this is so true. My Mother never let me act even remotly close to how kids act now. I feel like i'm surrounded by brats and pain in the ass kids all the time. the few that actually have manners are like a breath of fresh air for me.

Samantha said...

Love this blog post!!!

I taught my kids manners, please, thank you's, and excuse mes. If they forget I remind them. My boys know to hold open a door for the person behind them.

My oldest son (who will be 9 tomorrow) was holding open a door at the mall, 6 or 7 people went through and all said thank you but one person, as this person walked passed my son said, " You're welcome." The person stopped dead in her tracks and gave him a dirty look, she never batted an eyelash.

I could only shake my head. I told my son that not everyone uses their manners, it is not a requirement in today's society, sadly.

Adrienne Via said...

In light of the fact that this was at Hobby Lobby, I have to say, "Well that's a fine Christian attitude!"

rsrusso said...

I'm sorry but I don't see how your comment is any different than you complained of Jen's posts being. Hardly old school southern. Did you seriously spew that much unnecessary vitriol after saying her elf post was "a bit much"?

And I also don't think it has anything to do with her leaving something to the last minute. It's just plain rude to block people for an indeterminate length of time so your child can essentially play in a store where people are meant to be shopping. It's not a playground. You want your kid to touch all the shampoo or spray paint - fine. But don't presume that other people's time is less valuable than your own.

And look at that...a whole comment devoid of completely unnecessary cursing. It IS, in fact, possible. And I'm not even southern.

Veronica said...

You're right, not all parents and children are the same...some are rude and some are not. Whether or not you allow your children to behave in the manner that Hobby Lobby Mom did with Hayden, that doesn't mean you're better because you would stand idly by and let someone treat you rudely. Hayden's mom was just plain RUDE and that is unacceptable. Maybe she realized she was being rude, maybe not, but if she DIDN'T realize it then it's about damn time someone piped up and brought it to her attention. And as for leaving stuff til the last minute, I don't care if I'm on my lunch break running an errand or if it's my day off and I have not a place in the world to be, you're going to piss me off if you waste my time with your inconsiderate behavior. And for the record it bugs the crap outta me when people let their sticky-fingered germy children touch stuff in stores that I may want to purchase. Teach your damn kids to keep their hands to themselves, that is gross. However, thank you for admitting you let your kids do that crap, because I will now know that thanks to inconsiderate asshat parents that I need to sanitize my shampoo bottle upon purchasing it.

rsrusso said...

Amen.

rsrusso said...

Do you also teach your kids they shouldn't eat candy for dinner but not require it? Or that they should do homework but don't require it?
You're absolutely right. There is a difference between teaching and requiring something. That doesn't mean it makes sense.

Sammy said...

I think it's funny, too. I get exasperated, a lot.

Then, I think . . . I really need to slow down and be entirely engaged with my kids and screw the rest of the world. I'll happily live in the kid bubble, your haste be damned.

Michelle Drum said...

SO TRUE!!! I remember being in a jc penny at christmas time and there was 5 year old unattended shuffling through merchandise.. I needed to get by and said excuse me 3 times to what I thought was a deaf child. - I was getting ready to say in plain english get the hell out of the way. but I tapped her shoulder and I said sweetie i need to get by.. and suddenly she was like OHHHHHHH..... you were talking to me.. and im in the way.. :( Excuse me is apparently not taught in school anymore so it sounds like a foreign language.. SO SAD... it becomes very evident that the fruit does not far fall from the tree when you see rude children out in public. :( If you don't want to raise kids, then take precautions to make sure you don't have them so the rest of us don't have to deal with them! RME..SMH

rsrusso said...

You go, girl! I tend to avoid conflicts unless it's to defend my kids, in which case the mama bear comes out. So I probably wouldn't have told off the mom but I am so glad you did.

It's just a matter of common courtesy. Thinking you should hang around cooling your heels while they finish perusing the spray paint? Seriously??? Who does she think she is to be that self-important?

Mama Moo said...

so the addressing adults thing has always been a problem for me. I know I am not the only one because my husband is the same way. As kids we were strictly taught call adults by Mr. or Mrs. but then there were ADULTS who insisted we call kids by their first names. It made me (and my husband agrees) so uncomfortable that I just didn't address adults. I wasn't rude, I'd just wait until they were looking or avoid addressing them. Then there is the nightmare of your friend's parent not having the same last name as your friend, but unless someone tells you what it is you don't know. I'm trying to teach my sons to address adults with the Mr/Mrs but again, adults tell them to call them by their first name. So I've switched to teaching my boys to ask "How may I address you" or "What may/can I call you?" That way they address the adult politely and address them in the manner they prefer.

But ugh, we all think kids are rude, but I do believe that the adults are definitely responsible. Nature doesn't teach manners, nurture does.

Mama Moo said...

Oops, insisted we call *adults by their first name

Mama Moo said...

What gets me is when parents make excuses for rude or inappropriate behavior. I recently went to a library story time. My usually busy two and a half year old was shockingly sitting still and listening/participating. It was wonderful, then a mom with twin two year old boys came in towards the end and started running around. Cue my son thinking he can run around the room during story time. So then I had to tell him, "No, it is not time for running" and "We are going to listen to the story now". The mom then says "Sorry, they've been cooped up and don't really like reading" While I can sympathize with having two young active boys in the middle of winter, I am still within my rights as a parent to use the opportunity to teach them that this is not the appropriate setting for such behavior. She wasn't even trying, she just let them run around and be crazy. That's what the mall play area is for, not library time. She kept trying to explain away their behavior instead of also using it as an opportunity to teach more appropriate behavior for the setting. Sigh. Sometimes teaching my kids manners and respect feels like such an up hill battle.

Mama Moo said...

Oh, by teach them I meant my own children. I wouldn't be so bold as to correct another person's kid unless I'm told I can. I really should proof better before publishing!

Maura said...

Piper, what you said to that child playing the piano was just plain mean. An adult telling a child he sucks at playing the piano as a way of getting him to stop? Come on.

As Jen's blog post made abundantly clear, the parents need to be responsible for the behavior of their child. If he was never taught to not touch things at Costco, how is he to know? I think an, "Excuse me, please stop playing that - it's not appropriate behavior." would have had the same effect without bullying the child.

That being said, Amber probably thinks people can be almost pregnant and Amanda needs a cocktail. Or at least the people who exist around her do.

Amy Harrison said...

I was taught the same thing, and to this day I find it hard to address my professors and the parents of my friends by their first names (and I'm an adult now too!)

Jennifer Krawiec said...

Here's what I love: You are trying to get down an aisle and someone is in your way, so you say "Excuse me." And they say... "Oh. You're fine!"
Um, no, I'm not saying "excuse me for bumping into you" because I clearly did not. I'm not saying "excuse me for getting too close" because I really am not that close to you.
I am saying "Excuse me move your ass I can't get past you" in a polite way.

Amy Harrison said...

The only difference between teaching manners and requiring manners is the spelling. If you go to the trouble to teach something, then you expect the person to use it. Like when my Stats teacher went to the trouble of teaching me how to conduct an impartial test, and then had me use the test in real life.
And this lady had not taught her son manners. He didn't move, and she was rude as well. So your point is both invalid and extraneous.

Amy Harrison said...

Ok, you got your point in. And can you please show me the part where Jen says she's perfect, and she has the perfect family.
Once a parent brings their child into the public, they should (it used to be that they had to) teach their children the way to act in public. In public, it is taken for granted that others have other priorities, and that one should be courteous and remember that the world doesn't revolve around them.

Heather T. said...

Luckily, if I'm shopping with my 3 year old son, I don't have any worries if someone is blocking the way. He will gleefully exclaim, "Excuse us please!!!" if anyone is within a three foot radius of our cart.

Or better yet, if it's the grocery store and he's in a "car cart", he'll honk the horn about 10 times and say, "BEEP BEEP! Coming through!!"

He's damn lucky that he is amazingly adorable...because he gets away with it!

Amy Harrison said...

I agree with the no excuses for Autism. My brother has Asperger's, my cousin has autism, I work with the autistic. They need to and do learn how to function in the community. Their goals include going to the store, library, etc. Making purchases, renting books, going to dances and parties. They have no excuses for being rude. They just may need a little more time to learn the skills.

Amy Harrison said...

Well, I find it unjustifiable that I can't raise my children the way I see fit. Society? What's that? And IT HAS RULES???!!!?? I thought that raising my children to be cannibals was fine. How dare you judge my little snowflake for eating your foot like a chicken drumstick! And don't judge me for raising him that way!

Kari Arvidson said...

Mama Moo - We have struggled greatly with addressing adults, especially with the different last name situation (we are guilty of that in our house . . .) If they are to address an adult I am familiar with, we teach them Miss "Jen" or Mister "Bob" and if I am unfamiliar with them, they use sir or ma'am until the adult instructs otherwise.

Amy Harrison said...

Also, I love your blog, and someone I know is pregnant. Yours is one of the books she's getting for her baby shower. And I voted for you!

Kari Arvidson said...

Amanda, my son is autistic and I feel your pain and frustration in stores when your child is having a more difficult day. Even with the increased awareness, so many have NO idea what a day is like for us. However, try and remember that some times when an adult is complaining about the out of control child, they are referring to the family where the parents act as though the child isn't even theirs, they ignore the situation and could care less how their actions will effect the child's future. After reading your expectations of your children, no one would EVER mistake you for one of those parents. After 10 years (7 with a diagnosis) I have learned the difference and when to speak up because someone is not understanding. I look forward to the day where no parent of an autistic child feels the need to stand up and protect their young because people will actually understand the difference.

The Crimins said...

I used to work in child care and had the kids call me "Mrs. Sarah", which most of them shortened to "Miss Sarah" because it's easier. I agree that last names are tricky because of all the blended families these days and I honestly think it's a bit outdated. I don't want to be called by my last name, that honor belongs to my mother in law. However, I teach my children to use Mr. and Ms. or Mrs. when addressing adults. We're in Texas now and they are true to the stereotype with the 'yes maam's and yes sir's' and addressing adults by their last names so I encourage it when I can but when the adult says, 'call me John' my kids learn to say "Mr. John". Keeps everybody happy.

Tracey said...

You people who don't "require" manners or think we're expecting too much are doing your kids NO favors. What's "cute" when they're little isn't so cute when they get older and it's downright repulsive when they become adults. They're in for a rude awakening when they venture out into a world that won't find them as adorable as mommy does.

Stasi14 said...

yep,deliver me from peasants.

Kathy Bakkelund said...

I'm right there with you, Amanda. I have an autistic son as well, and have gotten all sorts of dirty looks and rude comments when I've had to bring him into stores with me. He doesn't respond the "right" way to people and will actually pitch an autistic fit if somebody tried to prod him out of the way. I do my best to keep him calm and under control and not disrupt other people's shopping, etc., but for crying out loud, have a little patience, people! Some of us are doing our ever-loving best to deal with a special needs kid. My son, also, touches everything... so feel free to sanitize every damn thing you buy. Not my problem. That's a pretty rude and absurd comment that woman made about kids touching things in stores... seriously!?!? Your product just made it's way to your house from God-knows where being handled by God-knows who and you want to whine about a kid touching it? Go live in a bubble. Yes, parents need to teach their kids manners, but please remember that try as we might, not all kids are able to grasp the concept yet.

Raabster said...

I agree with this side-thread; I've been teaching my son to address adults by "Mr." or "Mrs." or "Miss" and then their first names or last names, depending on their preferences. I ask most of them ahead of time, and I like the suggestion of teaching my son to ask adults how they would like to be addressed by him.
Tomorrow we start our thank-you cards for the birthday gifts from the weekend! ;-)

dandity said...

Your rage-o-meter is at an all-time high of infinity, lady. I think you must have been seeing red, literally, after reading the other posts prior to this one that were not to your liking because your comprehension of what what written failed at a first grade level. Seems like someone just wanted to stand on a soapbox and bring a nonissue to the table. You obviously don't understand the humor at this blog, and your unintelligent bashing of the author isn't going to woo anyone to your defense.

Jennie Daniels said...

Wow that is pretty intolerant of you. While I disagree with everything she has said, I know first hand of an autistic child needing to stim, as my daughter is autistic and usually behaves wonderfully. What her daughter is doing is trying to overcome overstimulation. What do you do when you're over stimulated? Sometimes my daughter touches things because she wants to feel the texture because it's different to her, but I'll tell her to put her hands back in the cart so we can keep moving. If you were. our shoes, would you keep your kid home hidden from the world, or would you try to integrate them into the world so that they can learn to be a productive part of society?

Jennie Daniels said...

I agree, and I have done that with my daughter as well. I just can't abide the people that act all holier than thou about our kids touching things, yet the adult themselves pick up tjings off of a shelf and puts it back. Who's to say that they don't have germy hands. Another phrase that gets my goat is 'keep your kid at home'.

Jennie Daniels said...

Yep, my girl nearly got trampled by older kids a few months ago at the park, and their parents weren't paying attention to them or weren't there. Boiled my blood.

salgalruns said...

I am principal to 675 kids every day and this is truly an area that I struggle with in the lunchroom! I am constantly reinforcing table manners - eat over your tray, use the wonderful spork as a utensil, etc. When I questioned why the kids chose to eat their beans or salad with their hands, they shared that that's the way their parents did. Many of them are no longer sitting down to eat as a family, which is truly the natural time to teach good table manners. It just saddens me.

PrimaModa said...

On my daughter's first day of kindergarten I was very pregnant and her school does a phase-in morning, parents come in, check out the room, have breakfast with the kids before leaving, I was doing okay until I had to pee, immediately, I made my way to the door and was confronted by a group of four overly-done mothers chatting and blocking my escape, "excuse me" I tried politely, and then "excuse me" a little louder (but still politely) when they did not react, then the leader of the pack looked me over and went back to her gossiping while the others looked at anything except me, finally I shouted "move, I have to pee!" They moved and have not spoken to me since, I am sure that I made a great first impression but I don't care, I had to pee and they were being bitches! How can people who have no manners themselves be expected to teach their kids anything different?

Veronica said...

So true! Attentive parents are, sadly, hard to find. If a parent tells their child to move, stop touching the stuff I've put on the conveyor belt at check out, etc, I always smile and say thank-you. After all, if I had squeezed by an adult in an aisle, I would thank them for letting me by. Children deserve the same respect.

Veronica said...

@Kathy, when I was a child, I was given a pre-shopping directive by my mother to keep one hand on the shopping cart and the other to myself. I knew better than to touch things that did not belong to me. As an adult I have maintained that this is not an unreasonable expectation of children. I have spent great lengths of time around a good friend's autistic son, from before he was diagnosed as a toddler through his teenage years now. While we did make allowances for his behavior because of his autism, he still wasn't allowed to run his hands over merchandise in stores! If he was doing something inappropriate, he was told no, and if he was going to have a fit then so be it. And it definitely sucks having your child pitch a fit in a store, whether that child is autistic or not. Small kids throw tantrums over the most random things. I can't speak for anyone else, but for myself, I never would judge a mom who is actively engaged in her child and in fact will offer her a small smile if our eyes meet to try to convey that it's obvious she's dealing with a tough situation. The only thing rude and absurd is that you think that everyone else ought to make allowances for you and ought not to expect polite behavior.

[email protected] said...

Awesome! So many of us think what you actually say. If people don't stand up to dipshits like that, they will always think their behavior is ok. My 2.5yo has learned that I have a certain look I shoot him (one eyebrow raised) when he doesn't say please. That lady isn't parenting - she's letting her child dictate the situation, which isn't right. Kids count on their parents to provide social guidance - they actually appreciate it.

ToniT said...

You are magnificent! Brilliant! I'm so glad you made time :)

Stacey Hatton said...

I wish I could have been there with you to watch you in action. I couldn't agree more. And that bitch should write you an apology note ON paper, with a stamp in the U.S. mail, for her poor behavior! Kid is sadly doomed to repeat those behaviors. ACK!!

HEATHER HOLTER said...

I have 5 kids, age 5-11 that act like this in stores A LOT, but when I say "get out of the way, that lady is trying to get through", they do. When they ask for a sucker from the cashier, I say "ask nice" and they do. When they get said sucker I say "what do you say" and they say thank you. When they get in someones way I tell them to say "excuse me". They are very impolite little monsters, not for lack of my trying to teach them, but my hope is that one day they will start to do these things on their own without me having to tell them. Kids are selfish, and think the world owes them, I am trying to teach them otherwise. I tell them all the time that everyone has rights, not just them.

mitzibel said...

A few weeks ago my nine-year-old brought a classmate and that classmate's little brother over to our house. I came stomping in through the front door, in a really pissy mood for various reasons, and was met by these two kids. They came up. Introduced themselves to me. Called me "Mrs. Nuckolls." SHOOK MY HAND. 10 and 7 years old. Oh hell yes. *These* parents are DOING IT RIGHT.

Jessica Burns said...

I'm so glad you got to say your piece! I've often wondered when it became rude to say "Excuse me" to someone when you need to get by them. I get rude stares all the time while out shopping for this very reason. I find it impolite to hover over someone, waiting for them to take a hint, rather than to kindly ask them to move. There's far too many people in this world and not enough time in the day to wait for others to complete their agenda... Or lack thereof in some cases.

Amy M. said...

I just read this today - and thank you! Parents are supposed to teach their kids manners and remember that they are little sponges that will 'monkey see, monkey do'. We have a 2 1/2 year old that we have taught manners to...it really isn't that hard, just keep at it. Last week, we went to the mall for trick or treating and upon walking back out to our car - there was a group of people talking behind their car...which was parked next to ours - when I said "sorry, we're parked right there, can we get through?", my son then said "excuse me please"...because he knows that when someone (or a dog) is in the way and you want to get past - if they don't move say excuse me. They made a hole an the 3 women in the group all 'awed' and then discussed within earshot how nice it is that there are still kids out there that have manners - because they don't see that a lot anymore.

So thank you for reiterating that it's not the kids fault - that they have to be taught...at a young age. :)

robin said...

Ugh! These people are everywhere! It makes me sick!

tatooine84 said...

haha We are trying to convince our 4 year old that "Move please," while better than just move, is still not as good as "Excuse me." She thinks please makes it all ok, and at least she only says it to us and her sisters, in public she says excuse me.

Molley Mills said...

If one more person say mmmmhmmmmm when I say excuse me or thankyou or whatever I think I'll explode! Not to mention how many times I hold doors for people and then have to call after them YOU're welcome! Call me passive aggressive, I don't even care. People are rude and ignorant...

Elizabeth Catalano said...

Love your righteous anger!!

Stephanie Rufa said...

Oh I love that you went back to the mother and called her out. I would have wanted to but don't know if I would have had the nerve. I hate when people act passive/aggressively and then "sing/song" to their kids about the other person. Good job!

Rachee said...

LOVE!
I work in a public library and I get of tired of allowed rudeness. When kids act like they can't talk even though they've seen me weekly for at least six months. When parents walk up to me, mid conversation (mine) and demand to know of they can have help. When kids walk up to my desk and don't speak but request something. Hello. Hello. Hello. I'll even take a "Hey"

K Ferris said...

I love the parents who bring children to a bar/restaurant after 8pm and then have the audacity to ask me to tone it down because I've offended their child. My other half usually just steps back because it's about to get bad:) I offer to pay for their spay/neuter, so that they don't continue to make children who have to raise themselves. Preach on sister!

Caitlin Compton said...

Oh man, wish I could have seen this happen. I would have initiated a slow clap for you.

Samantha said...

OMG - I was trying not to skip to the end to see if you got your New York on! Thank God you did.

Mommykinz said...

I am sure this will sound awful, but truth is, if your child is autistic, your child still needs to live in the same world the rest of us live in. If your child needs to touch every shampoo bottle, and you are okay with that, then sit there and wait while she touches every bottle, but do not allow this situation to impact any other shopper in the store. My son was in a gymnastics class when he was 4 years old, and there was a boy who apparently was autistic, but we were not aware until later. He constantly hit my son, and my son did not hit back, because he'd been taught not to. But one day he had had enough, and he punched the kid back, and you would not believe the lecture this boy's mother gave my son about hitting back when her son could not help it because he was autistic. I'm sorry the little boy is autistic, but if he cannot participate without disrupting the class, then he should not participate.

Angela said...

I am so tired of lazy parents and parents who are more concerned with being their child's friend than they are doing the job they were given as parents. Your job as a parent is to raise a decent human being! It's hard work, it's exhausting, and there are definitely days you want to yell "f*** it!" but you don't get that option, you have to keep right on doing it anyway!

Linda Kish said...

Well said

Noah Rosenthal said...

karma for going to hobby lobby?

Jen Piwtpitt said...

Pretty much.

Ashley Fuchs said...

Etiquette and opinions are not the same thing. If you don't want to have your toes stepped on, stay offline. If you don't want to deal with humans in a polite manner, stay in your house.

Noah Rosenthal said...

And I think I felt that way about going to hobby lobby before the whole anti-contraception thing. I mean, who wants to go to hobby lobby? Fortunately, I my throat-punching wife does that sort of thing in our fam! :-)

wtfelsewhere said...

I cannot express how RIGHT you are! I get SO TIRED of parents acting like their kids are entitled to everything; including rotten behavior. It's like manners are somehow "old-fashioned" or abusive to impose on child these days. I am just like you in stores - I abhor people who insist on clogging up the aisles doing their mall-walk thing with 4 kids in tow. Like everyone else should WAIT for your tribe to finish up and MOVE ON! Grrr..!

Stephanie Clinton said...

Shut the front door! You actually went back and confronted her? You are my hero! I would just fume all the way to my car and then had an imaginary conversation in the safety of my front seat that ended with me kicking her ass. Maybe.

Periwinkle Paisley said...

I so agree with you Mommykins! I'm sympathetic to kids with disabilities but you don't get a free pass to go hitting people just beacause you have disabilities. Don't these parents realize that this sort of unchecked behavior is exactly why there is a stigma against autistic kids? It's one thing to be touching shampoo bottles. That's harmless. It's quite another to be physically aggressive.

Autistic kids are all about rules and structure, how hard would it be to make it a part of that structure that if you're in a store and someone needs to pass, move over and then you can get back to touching all the bottles you like.

And to the person who said that was gross, calm down. It's going in your shower and it'll rinse off just by leaving it on the soap ledge.

Periwinkle Paisley said...

I think what you are trying to say is that it's not good enough to require your kids to say please and thank you if you yourself don't say it. No need to get all up and arms, but if you are an actions-speak-louder-than-words kind of parent saying thank you and please IS an action. It's an action that acknowledges that another person has done something, or will do something for you.

Not only do I reqire good manners from my kids, I require them of myself. Not just out in public with strangers, but at home with eachother too.

Sara Cunningham said...

I honestly don't understand why everyone harps about "teaching" kids good manners. I never taught my daughter to say please or thank you.

I think the real problem is that we forget that kids learn by watching what their adults do, not by listening to what their adults tell them to do. I SAID please and thank you to my daughter every day. I modeled good behavior and kindness and manners in front of her.

Sometimes, yes, I have to remind her when she's being shy (she's only three, after all) to say thank you to someone who compliments her dress, but I wasn't even with her the other day when she ran ahead of her grandma and great grandma when they were both carrying things up the stairs and opened and held the door for them without being asked.

I didn't teach her that, but it's something I would have done.

Callen said...

So true - it is the ADULTS who need to teach children to be polite and respectful. The problem is most adults (including little Hayden's mother) seem to think they are more important than everyone else and that the basic rules of society don't apply to them. I will continue to teach my children otherwise. Just being NICE in life goes a long way!

Kate said...

I have solved the problem of rude/lack of social grace children in my own home several times in the past and recently by assuming the role of the caring parent. Even if I am not related to the children, when in my home, they are treated like my own with gentle correction and guidance. Recently, had a 'devil-child' visit my home, and when I witnessed the mother completely ignore the behavior, I stepped in and corrected the behavior. The offending mother said nothing. I don't even know if she noticed. The next time the child visited my home, she was perfectly behaved.

Thomas Peterlin said...

I prefer to teach the epithet "Comrade" instead of the outdated bourgeois terms like "Mr." and "Ms.", which are also gendered and enforce artificial roles and ideas. Comrade is a title which, to the person using it, empowers them with the knowledge that all humans are equal, and to the bourgeois pigs, puts them in their place as equal with the people who are useful. Old style parenting in the US is damaging, outdated, and based mostly on either anecdotes or force, or merely on superstition. The socialist parent disregards these bourgeois and feudal trappings and engages children as members of the proletariat worthy inherently of a certain degree of respect, and whose ideas and thoughts should not be disregarded (as is so often the case with weak-minded adults who can't be bothered) but rather engaged and in that process critiqued, cultivated, and refined. The red banner does not fly over a people blinded by tradition and the chains of feudalism's remnants, but over the new socialist peoples who in brotherhood and camaraderie have destroyed their oppressors and the means by which they oppressed.

Darisse said...

For those of you special princesses who think the author was rude, shopping and living in our society is not like waiting in line to wash your hands in kindergarten. Just b/c the other woman and her child were there first doesn't entitle them to the whole aisle. This is a store where you share space and items with other people which usually requires some decent civility and manners like moving aside when someone needs to pass. Get off your thrones and be nice and considerate to those around you. Not only is it polite, you never know when you might need that stranger you screwed earlier-karma is a bitch, especially if you were one.

Cherri Northcutt said...

Jen - I thought you were boycotting Hobby Lobby.

Jennifer Roberts said...

I don't have kids. When I am with kids, I tend to be more open to letting them run free, examine dirty shoes, have fun putting caps on and off bottles, and generally break rules in the name of self discovery. All of that said, in my past I have also worked with kids with special needs. (Or different needs.) It actually doesn't do kids any favors when you fail to teach them the expectations of how to interact with the people around them in a reasonable way. It cripples them. Temple Grandin, a famous person with autism, frequently thanks her mother and attributes her success in life to her mother forcing her to conform to conventional manners. This was before people really knew what autism was. In her opinion, all kids need this, especially kids with autism. It can be a process of negotiation so that everyone is comfortable and gets their needs met, but kids need to understand that other people do need to get their needs met. People who work with autistic kids and other different abilities are trying to help them adapt in this way.