1. Anything to do with vomit and/or diarrhea. WTH? Who shares this stuff? Why did you think we needed to know this? At least it's usually it's kid-centered - I can handle that a lot better than I can hearing about YOUR diarrhea! "Guess who woke up early from his nap and spread his poo poo all over the wall? Uh oh. Silly, King! I'll post pictures later! ;)"
2. Love notes to boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses. I love the Hubs, (I can't even believe I just wrote that, because even that is too personal) but you will never ever see me write something on either of our Facebook wall that goes like this: "My darling, wonderful, sexy beast of a husband just emptied the dishwasher and I am so lucky to have him in my life. I love you to the moon and back again, schmoopy!! Can't wait for our date night tonight!"
You do realize your wall is not private and when you're proclaiming your love for one another it just makes the rest of us want to retch (and then, of course, post about it - see number 1)?
3. Challenges to repost stuff. You know those ones. They're about moms, husbands, brothers, sisters special needs kids, cancer survivors, idiots, etc. My mom is the best mom, blah, blah, blah if you love your mom repost this. My kids are the best kids in the world, blah, blah, blah, repost if you agree.
There's always that one that says something like "let's see who reposts this" like it's some kind of gauntlet they've thrown down. Psht! If you know me at all, you'll know a challenge is the worst way to motivate me. I live to break chain letters and this is just another stupid chain letter.
4. Music videos. I don't know why, but the music video posters are getting on my nerves these days. It just seems like they've got nothing to say, so they'd rather have Adele tell me all about it.
5. People who announce they're leaving FB. Have you seen any of these? I'd never seen one until a few weeks ago. Now I've seen a couple more. They say something like, Life has become too busy and I can't keep up with Facebook so I've decided to leave. Farewell friends and keep in touch!
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with this info. Am I supposed to beg them to stay? "No, Joanne, please don't leave, I love reading your creepy foreplay posts!" Am I supposed to post less so they have less to read on Facebook and then won't feel so overwhelmed? And what's with the "keep in touch?" I keep in touch through Facebook, I don't even know your phone number and I'm never gonna write you a damn letter - so you're right, I guess this is farewell!
6. People who write "inside" posts. Something like: "Big announcement coming in a few weeks. I know a couple of you know already (shhh). The rest of you just wait - it's going to be BIG!" Those aren't as bad as the weird, enigmatic ones like: "Thank you, Mary, for the words of encouragement today during such trying times. It's good to have a friend like you."
I'm such a nosy person, I totally want to know what the big announcement is and what your trying times are! Stop teasing me! Don't you know that Facebook is a public forum and if you don't want me to know what you're talking about, then don't write it on your wall - that's what email is for!
7. Sports related posts. I think we must be in a sports lull right now because I haven't seen much since the Final Four ended. That time period suuuuuccccckkkked. I'm assuming our crappy baseball team must still be crappy since there hasn't been much discussion.
8. Boring posts. These are some actual posts over the last several weeks:
- Cuddled with the cat today.
- The weather is rainy.
- One day I want to copy someone's status word for word and see if they notice. (I actually think this falls under number 3.)
- I've lost my keys.
- Neti pot, do your thin g! (Falls under number 1.)
- Contemplating what the future has in store for me...
- Playing basketball.
- Does oatmeal count as dinner?
- Analysts say the price of peanut butter will jump soon.
- Suck it Hawks. (Falls under number 7.)
Before you think I'm all high and mighty and NEVER post anything boring and/or annoying on Facebook, I'll have you know, 2 of the above posts are mine. I'm just as boring as the next guy.