People I Want to Punch in the Throat: People Who Post Annoying Things on Facebook

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People Who Post Annoying Things on Facebook

There are a lot of annoying posts on Facebook. I know we've all done these, but somehow they're not annoying when WE do them, right? Ha. Let's see if I can cover the basics:


1.  Anything to do with vomit and/or diarrhea.  WTH?  Who shares this stuff?  Why did you think we needed to know this?  At least it's usually it's kid-centered - I can handle that a lot better than I can hearing about YOUR diarrhea!  "Guess who woke up early from his nap and spread his poo poo all over the wall?  Uh oh.  Silly, King!  I'll post pictures later! ;)"

2.  Love notes to boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses.  I love the Hubs, (I can't even believe I just wrote that, because even that is too personal) but you will never ever see me write something on either of our Facebook wall that goes like this:  "My darling, wonderful, sexy beast of a husband just emptied the dishwasher and I am so lucky to have him in my life.  I love you to the moon and back again, schmoopy!!  Can't wait for our date night tonight!"

You do realize your wall is not private and when you're proclaiming your love for one another it just makes the rest of us want to retch (and then, of course, post about it - see number 1)?

3.  Challenges to repost stuff.  You know those ones.  They're about moms, husbands, brothers, sisters special needs kids, cancer survivors, idiots, etc.  My mom is the best mom, blah, blah, blah if you love your mom repost this.  My kids are the best kids in the world, blah, blah, blah, repost if you agree.

There's always that one that says something like "let's see who reposts this" like it's some kind of gauntlet they've thrown down.  Psht!  If you know me at all, you'll know a challenge is the worst way to motivate me.  I live to break chain letters and this is just another stupid chain letter.

4.  Music videos.  I don't know why, but the music video posters are getting on my nerves these days.  It just seems like they've got nothing to say, so they'd rather have Adele tell me all about it.

5.  People who announce they're leaving FB.  Have you seen any of these?  I'd never seen one until a few weeks ago.  Now I've seen a couple more.  They say something like, Life has become too busy and I can't keep up with Facebook so I've decided to leave.  Farewell friends and keep in touch!

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with this info.  Am I supposed to beg them to stay?  "No, Joanne, please don't leave, I love reading your creepy foreplay posts!"  Am I supposed to post less so they have less to read on Facebook and then won't feel so overwhelmed?  And what's with the "keep in touch?"  I keep in touch through Facebook, I don't even know your phone number and I'm never gonna write you a damn letter - so you're right, I guess this is farewell!

6.  People who write "inside" posts.  Something like:  "Big announcement coming in a few weeks.  I know a couple of you know already (shhh).  The rest of you just wait - it's going to be BIG!"  Those aren't as bad as the weird, enigmatic ones like:  "Thank you, Mary, for the words of encouragement today during such trying times.  It's good to have a friend like you."

I'm such a nosy person, I totally want to know what the big announcement is and what your trying times are!  Stop teasing me!  Don't you know that Facebook is a public forum and if you don't want me to know what you're talking about, then don't write it on your wall - that's what email is for!

7.  Sports related posts.  I think we must be in a sports lull right now because I haven't seen much since the Final Four ended.  That time period suuuuuccccckkkked.  I'm assuming our crappy baseball team must still be crappy since there hasn't been much discussion.

8.  Boring posts.  These are some actual posts over the last several weeks:

  • Cuddled with the cat today.
  • The weather is rainy.
  • One day I want to copy someone's status word for word and see if they notice.  (I actually think this falls under number 3.)
  • I've lost my keys.
  • Neti pot, do your thin g! (Falls under number 1.)
  • Contemplating what the future has in store for me...
  • Playing basketball.
  • Does oatmeal count as dinner?
  • Analysts say the price of peanut butter will jump soon.
  • Suck it Hawks.  (Falls under number 7.)
Before you think I'm all high and mighty and NEVER post anything boring and/or annoying on Facebook, I'll have you know, 2 of the above posts are mine.  I'm just as boring as the next guy.  

It's time to be annoying and share this on your Facebook (and Twitter and Pinterest) so your friends can say, "Uhh . . . this is annoying!"

I'm annoying on Facebook and Twitter, so make sure to come and find me. You can also Subscribe to me via-email.
  

155 comments:

Dana @ WhatWereWeThinking? said...

Number 3 makes me want to stab people in the eye.

Number 7 is your problem not mine. I can't wait for college football season to start back. ;-P

Jamie said...

Guilty of several of these but I guess the difference is I just don't care who I annoy. ;)

Jen said...

I'm just as guilty as anyone, Jamie. Like I said, two of the examples are MY OWN. I need to spice up my posts! ;)

Jen said...

Dana, I'll have to kill myself when college FB starts up. People put play by plays. Arghh!

Lynne said...

SO FUNNY, I can't pick one that I agree with the most. They all bug me.
"Feeling unappreciated" - really, well maybe this punch will help.

I have friends that constantly update about their workouts. I've never wanted to hurt someone so much. :-)

amy said...

I think this is you best work yet.

danygrl said...

A #6: Really???? (With no indication as to WTF they're talking about). I don't even have a FB account... I just nose around my husband's sometimes... so a #6 violation is the worst for me!

Poppymann said...

I like Lynnes post. The workout thing is really annoying.
"had a super yoga class with Thom. Soooo relaxed"
"I really love my ayurvedic gyrotronics teacher, she's so wise and i'm soooo relaxed"
"Great Pilates session today,my colon in sooooo relaxed"

Jen said...

LOL, I think I must have lazy friends because I only get 1 or 2 Zumba posts a month.

David Clark said...

My suggestion to you is get off Facebook or delete the friends you have that are doing these things... As for me, I post what I want and if others don't like it they can follow the suggestions I gave you...

milwaukeelady said...

The fish lips picks. Please stab me!
CONSTANT updates.
#4

Chrissy said...

One big annoyance for me: the morons that post things merely for attention. ie: "I'm soooo faaaat" (bitch is a size 6, really?) or those that are constantly bringing their relationship drama to their walls for all to see, then change their relationship status more often than the rest of us do our underwear. Those people should be banned. It's facebook, not Dr. Phil. Please go play in traffic.

Leslie H said...

i have one cousin that is posting #1 all the time.... no one wants to know that you're exhausted bc you were up all night long with a constipated child and no one is interested in the suppositories you have to give her! she also takes rediculous mirror pics of herself every other day. no one is that interested, youre a mom, get out of the mirror and go tend to youre constipated child.

Liz said...

Jen, I am curious what your thoughts are on people that make their profile picture their sonogram? I think this is no better than posting the pictures drs take of your intestines during a colonoscopy - keep it to yourself! Plus, what can we tell from a sonogram picture, they all look the same? (I realize this is an old post, but I'm a new reader and can't get enough!)

Mitz said...

I HATE, HATE, HATE the beeotches who brag about leaving the hospital in their skinny jeans or getting back into them quickly after having a baby. My "baby" is 28 months old and I'm still fighting to lose baby weight. Pretty sure I'm not alone in this, and I'm also pretty sure when my kid was 6 weeks old I had a helluva lot more important things to do than brag on FB about being skinny. Lets punch them in the throat too.

Stacy said...

I have a friend that almost all of her status upsdates (she does about one a week) are vague and begging for attention. A few examples are: I really wanna sleep!!! Need to shut my mind off..., UGh! Worst day ever!, Just spent 4 hours in the ER,--this one has been posted numerous times with the numbers of hours changing, never any mention of which child or it was her husband in the ER. Husband has had health scares so it is reasonable it be him. People will reply and ask what is wrong and who was in there. She will reply to her own status to 'talk' to someone who asked her a question, but does not give any new info.

Stephanie said...

people who post about money problems are the worst!! That is way to personal to be sharing on Facebook. And what am I supposed to do with that information? Give you money? So annoying!
LOVE your blog! You remind me of my all time favorite person, Chelsea Handler!!

Anonymous said...

I can't stand reading what people cook or eat. "Just made boxed Mac and cheese-YUM!!!" Any adult who writes "yum or yummy" needs a smack! It's even worse when they take pictures of the food.

Caroline said...

Any mom who asks other moms for advice on facebook because it always results in a shitstorm of one-upsmanship from the mommies. Call your effing ped; that's what s/he is there for!

Marcella said...

OMG yes!!! #6 - seriously! Stop leaving cryptic messages only you get.

Here's a sample post from a guy I had to delete. All of his posts are like this and it hurt my head to much to read it anymore:

"Hang n wit the kids for Monty trick or treat glad they get n older so I don't have to b the daddy walk n miles upon miles door to door but then again these days b over soon wear did time go god bless all babies no matter how old"

FAIL

Cyn said...

I cannot stand #6, the attention-whorish cryptic posts with absolutely no explanation/answer when someone asks what is going on or if the person is ok. Also hate #2 - when people do that shit I have to assume they are trying very hard to convince themselves and everyone else they are a happy couple.

tatooine84 said...

I found your blog the other day and love it.

Most of those kinds of posts drive me crazy but I saw the BEST copy and paste post once, it was about fire breathing dragon attacks, lol. Only one person reposted it that I saw. I know I post boring stuff a lot but sometimes talking to myself on facebook is the only adult interaction I get during the day.

Anonymous said...

No 3 drives me crazy, I don't have to repost something or I don't believe in Jesus, Its a guilt thing, I hate those. Love notes I can deal with but you are right on about the others.

Anonymous said...

Naked baby bump pictures. Every single day, throughout the entire pregnancy.

Anonymous said...

People that wish their toddler/infant happy birthday. Really? Because last time I checked your small child can't read and furthermore does not have a page on facebook. I call these people attention whores. They are also usually the same people who wish their "amazing" husband a happy anniversary and thank them for the most amazing XX years ever!

Anonymous said...

People who change their status from engaged to single or married to single with no explanation. Now I want to know what happened! Just as cryptic as the "trying" times post...why not delete your marital status entirely. Oh, that's right, attention.

Rachel said...

Have you been fortunate enough to see someone post their "special" pictures they had taken as a gift for their significant other?! First of all, I just don't get the point of these pics. If you want him to see it, get naked - don't have pics taken though!! And for the love of everything holy PLEASE don't post them for the world to see! Oh yeah, and then get all bent out of shape and go on a tirade about how rude people are for telling you they aren't fb appropriate! Best part of this story, the recipient of the "gift" is my hubs' cousin!!! AGH!

Holly said...

I so want to post this on FB, but I think I would lose half of my friends and a small portion of my extended family. On second thought how's that a bad thing? WTFC

Jill Brogdon said...

The most boring is "I am about to clean up my friends list." Please clean my happy ass out of it. I truly don't mind. Go number 5!!! HAHAHAHA

Jill Brogdon said...

My secret word for publishing my comment was reaper. That is creepy.

Anonymous said...

I hate people who post about what a deadbeat loser their ex is - in graphic detail - along with info about their dirty whore new girlfriend when we all know they are Facebook friends with their kids! I really wanna call them out, but if they de-friended me I would miss out on the drama. It gives me something to talk shit about.

Penelope Lolohea said...

Wow, I hate all of these. Number one especially holds a dark place in my heart; why on EARTH would you post something like that for the whole world to see? I also hate it when people constantly post updates that tell you a whole lot about their low self-esteem: "Feeling better today, but I still wish I wasn't the only person on the planet without a man." or, "Sometimes I feel so alone, like I don't have anyone who cares about me." How the heck do you respond to that? With the delete friend button.

Oh, and the most boring post from today: "Nice stop." <---WTH?

bacon said...

I went through a mass defriending. I got rid of everyone who posted sport's updates, reguardless of how good of friend they were. I also defriended people who posted pictures of their kid yawning from twenty-five slightly different angels, or who updated about whether or not someone went pee pee or poo poo on the "big girl/big boy potty." SO annoying.

Anonymous said...

one thing that just irritates me: Political postings!!! especially when thats the majority of what they do on fb! ok ok we know how u feel about the president now, Get over it! don't need to post some stupid article on our govt 5x a day!!! And also... being friends with "Jesus Christ" on FB...Really?? really??

Anonymous said...

One of my FB friends actually posted the strips/hair from waxing someone's back. I thought I would DIE.

Mrs. C said...

i have a cousin that posts stuff almost daily about her "LOVE" to her fiance. Here is a small example: "I love you ________!!!! I miss you so very much and I hope you're having a very good day at work. I had fun spending time with you today. I cant wait to hear your handsome voice after you get off work tonight. Mwah mwah mwah! : )" - i took out his name & this is a small one. Its annoying as hell, & mainly b/c anyone that knows them personally like I do knows their relationship is bumpier than the rocky mountains. They break up at least once a week. Its pathetic. She isn't the only person I know to do this either. I swear by the assumption that people that post their "love" for their partner all over facebook really do not have as great of a relationship as they claim to have! Just my opinion.

Athea Core Photography said...

Number 6. Ive blocked people for this. Give me a freakin break. Do you really think you are so important that we are going to sit at the computer and refresh the page every few minutes? Those people I want to punch in the throat. Good luck telling me your all important new then jerkface.

Danielle Smith said...

I have a friend who posts about her daily goings on with her husband and daughter: "Went to get the mail with my best baby girl and my hubby!!" "Went to the DI(a local thrift store)and got my baby girl her first pair of adidas!!"(this one had a picture included, seriously?!) "Had an awesome night with my baby girl and my hubby watching the Amazing Race! I love my life!" Her name is Aimee and she named her daughter Eemia. Really? Wow. Please punch her in the throat for me so that I don't get arrested for doing it myself.

Danielle Smith said...

PS-I hid my own brother from my news feed on facebook because of his constant song lyric facebook statuses. I love him and therefore will not punch him in the throat.

Katie said...

Your kid is 2. I hate when people state their kids ages in months if the kid is over a year old.

Life with Claire said...

lol!! cracking me up. i do wish my kids happy bday but i post a pic with it so my fam can see it. but holy hell it totall annoys me when people ramble on about how amazeballs their kids or hubby are, etc.. LMAO

Jennifer said...

me too, LOL just the other day this happened with someone I just met, and I followed up with, "oh cute, my oldest is 133 months" she looked at me so confused...

Cat Love said...

I hate # 6 posts bc I'm nosy to. I also hate when ppl change their relationship status to "single"... WTF no explanation as to why your marriage of forever just suddently vanished over night? And then you want to ask, but instead you have to hint around with the "if you need anything let me know, or if you want to talk". But what you really mean is "tell me what the fuck happened?!"

barb said...

freaking game updates. Who is stupid enough to play games on FB anyway! Don't they know that's where all the virus' come from? And yes, I know I can block the game updates, and I do, but as soon as I block one, three more new games show up. Shoot me now.

And also, if you can't spell, stay the hell off of FB. And i don't mean auto correct problems, I mean learn the difference between there, their, and they're. And your and you're. Unless you haven't studied it in school yet (in which case you're too young to be on FB anyway) then by God, get it right!

Why yes, I am a spelling Nazi, thanks for asking :)

Anonymous said...

Pictures of your kids removed wisdom teeth! Now that's just straight up nasty.

Jenna @ Sharing My Jennarocity said...

I kind of hate when people are constantly telling us that their kids are sick. I have a few that is all they ever post. I am like, so your daughter is sick, right now, throwing up with a 102 fever, and you are stopping to get your phone or computer to update your FB status update? It is such a clear cry for attention, so people will go, "hang in there!" "It will get better!" "Poor mama..." Ugh. Or people who complain constantly about how their kids are making a mess in their house. "Just cleaned the living room, it only took my kids 1 minute to destroy it." but it's not just one post like that. It's like, one every day. NOBODY CARES THAT MUCH!!!

Brett Minor said...

I have a friend I recently blocked because every post is about how her kids are being picked on.

Nobody messes with my babies.

The teachers are mean, the neighbors are mean, the garbage man scowled at them.

Grow up and get a backbone. Quit raising your kids to be victims.

melleecat said...

My DIL posts like this. Drove me crazy. We had a falling out and so I don't have to worry about reading it anymore.

Renae said...

This cracks me up! My husband is new to FB, and just commented to me about how annoyed he is that people do that! I told him to either get used to it or hide most of his friends ;-) Far too many people do this - drives me nuts!

cbuckner said...

I would rather saw off my own foot than read another posting by a married couple...who live in the same house...and see each other EVERYDAY...post comments back and forth to each other. It is in no way, shape or form cute! This also applies to dating couples that manage to tag themselves in each other's postings.

OMG I just may lose sleep over this also tonight...

Anonymous said...

OMG I can't stand these--the single mothers who post all day long about their beautiful, amazing children, not just on their birthday but ALL THE TIME. Women that post all day about their kids to validate their own existence. And then it seems like everyone comments because they feel obligated: "Happy Birthday!" "He's so cute" "Oh my God You're Blessed!" "What a brilliant child you have!" and you feel like everyone is commenting because they know it's a single mother struggling financially, and she doesn't even bother the buy the kid health insurance.

Anonymous said...

OMG glad i found somewhere to vent. There's a couple of friends who keep posting show off comments about their kids. Oh please i wish they would shut up, everyone has kids, post something original and interesting. And then there is friend of mine who constantly feels she has to vent and give certain old high school friends a piece of her mind of why she's living a better life than they are. Basically she still holds a grudge against the mean girls from back then and can't get enough of showing off now thats she's obviously better off than them. At first i used to smile at her posts cos she told me how she felt and all so i was ok with it that she was expressing herself but now its like part of her character. Come on stop that, its nasty, like get over this already! And then there are people who always post praises to God which is ok, but i have to say it kind of gets a bit holier than thou sometimes. I am Christian but i don't put it out there for all to see. What matters is the heart and who you really are. After all the bible warned about show-offs like the Pharisees and Saduccees fasting and telling everybody their business and how holy they were.
Facebook imho is just a platform for people to show off and really all they're doing is looking to see if anybody responds to them and all the while they don't really care about reading other peoples' status updates.

p.s oh and i HATE HATE HATE those friends that friend you in order to sell you stuff. Constant updates about their product and how well their customers are doing and why am I not buying the diet pill. Flip!? cos i am SLIM and i don't need it THAT'S freaking why and if get fat i can always jog around the block or just control my appetite....or go on a fast to boost my metabolism or SOMETHING.Anything but that pill of yours because next you'll be constatntly reminding me to order some more...

Vent over. Phew! i needed that.

Andre' Spence said...

who ever wrote this article is a whiny little bitch. I agree with most of the authors points but im not going to write an article about it. Who are you to say that people are using facebook wrong. I think you should stop using facebook because obviously its to much for you to handle.

Anonymous said...

Say that to my face not online motherfucker, see what happens

Beverly said...

I could do without number 2 & 3

Keesha said...

It' s the love notes thing that makes me fucking crazy. Although I write these notes for my kids birthdays but not about the Hubs. Hmmm, what does that say?

Janine said...

People who check in at lame places like Walmart or McDonalds.

Amy Garnett said...

I'm only guilty of #7 and #8. But, in my defense, I'm from Alabama and we just HAPPEN to the be National Champions (I'm talking college football here). Roll Tide. That is all.

And #8. *I* don't think I'm boring, but according to my teens, it is not cool to post things like "My nose is running. Hopefully it will lose weight". Who knew... One of my NY resolutions is to be less of an embarrassment to my kids. So now, instead of posting annoying FB messages, I'm doing entire blogs about them. That'll show 'em!!

Maggie said...

Somehow, I am lucky enough to have two or three friends (that are on facebook day and night) that post everything they can possibly find about how pit bulls are such great dogs and being picked on in the dog world. Ugh. Seriously, I could care less. Spare us.

Maggie said...

Oh and I love cute kittens as much as the next guy, but I seem to get an overload of cuteness with all the kitten posts!

cakeburnette said...

Amy, you and I could be twins. RTR, indeed (although I am actually an Auburn fan--WDE--almost the only one in my extended family, who are all HUGE Bama fans; we pulled for each other's teams this past 4 years).

Nicki Foxy said...

I HATE sports, well mostly football, so it's so annoying for me when I come on FB and BAM see a sports posts, BUT I just found I can take those certain people off my feed, just until the season ends, which makes me more mad that I even know what the season is because of FB posts *sigh* HAHA

Nicki Foxy said...

The one that bothers me the most is when people constantly post about how perfect and happy their lives are, how they just spend a wonderful day with family or how perfect they are as parents because their child just got an award. They never write anything bad that goes on in their lives. I know they could say that it's public why would you want to write about the bad when that should be private, then why write all the good? and make it seem like your life is perfect? At least if it was balanced I would believe what they post. But those are the ones I really question if they really are happy.

Lisa said...

One of my friends recently posted pictures of the kidney stones she had just passed. I saw the photo, was very confused about what it was (she had it sitting on a dime for size) and then wrote something about how much they hurt coming out. Ick. Ick. Ick.

yourfriendrobin said...

The most surprising thing to me was when I first heard someone say they hated when people put pictures of their kids on facebook. Seriously? That's all facebook is for me.. and stalking people.

I hate intentionally vague statuses like, "I'll just keep being strong" or "I should have known." Because even though I'm curious, I totally treat them like you do the chain mail ones. I feel like they are daring me to ask what's up and I will die before I give in and ask.

KelleyB said...

I tend to be nosy, too, so #6 gets me when I read "RIP, so-n-so, gone much too young." These are indeed sad, and I immediately offer appropriate condolences. And then I turn into a morbid Private Eye and won't rest until I know the tragic circumstances that brought this on. If there's nothing in the person's feed, or any of their "friends"'s open feeds, it's off to the incredible world of Google. Admittedly, it is stalking in its most vile form. But I don't limitmy treachery to Facebook. I've long made the Obituary column the first page I look at in the paper, both in print and now on-line. I do the same type of "research" when I see listings for anyone my age or younger.

Mother of Many said...

I'm totally guilty of number 1 which seems to occur fairly frequently as I have 6 kids. I mentor (and have as friends on facebook) a number of university students so I rationalize my vomit posts by saying they're reminding these women to use birth control.

Sue Diamond-Phillips said...

I do it all the time. Most people hate me. I'm ok with that.

Veronica said...

That drives me batshit crazy! I also hate the ones that get into a fight with their significant other, change their status to single and delete the other person...and in a couple hours they make up and re-friend one another and change their statuses back to in a relationship. Suckfest when someone comments on the status update and says, "Oh good, I never liked that worthless whore anyway" and then they make up.

Veronica said...

I'd keep that friend around just for the entertainment factor.

KelleyB said...

Oh - and the friend who posts 100-300 pictures of her kid's cross-country track races. Seriously! Many albums the whole season long. Do we need 147 pictures at a time of the high school team running through the woods?

Jenn said...

My biggest FB pet peeve? Overposters

Teri Biebel said...

Thanks for sharing that, Schmoopy. Big hugs to you.

coppertresses said...

I'll add another. People who post extreme political opinions. I like and accept you for who you are. Please don't force feed me your opinion. One of the worst firestorms for me had to be the time I posted that I was happy to unhide people after the election. After a dozen or so "likes" and random comments, the extremist jumped on the thread and started a nasty fight. Please don't use my wall for your fights. What was once fun and light got so ugly I had to delete the thing.

ginny said...

It's a public forum of people spewing out the first thing that comes to their minds. I doubt it is all that different from what a friend would say to your face. We all have friends, who over coffee vividly describe their bought of stomach flu last week or inundate us with ultra sound photos. They remain our friends, because despite their flaws, they add something to our lives; humor, perspective, even a fleeting sense of delicious superiority (even if we know it's not real and that we are guilty of the same, very human, personal defects.) I'm not certain I see any point or useful outcome in being annoyed by what other people choose to write on their facebook page, as it nearly always, has absolutely nothing to do with me personally. I might take umbrage with a friend posting something along the lines of "REPOST if you have ever vomited on VIRGINIA CALLAHAN!" As that breaks several of the above mentioned rules. On the other hand, all three of my kids could post it truthfully, along with a couple of college roommates. I might just be amused.

Underachieving Mom said...

I have three sisters who like to air their craziness.

Sister 1 - One always post things about wanting a relationship and how strong she is and how no man appreciates her. She is desperately desperate.

Sister 2 - Posts things about her boyfriend and their amazing sex life and their need for threesomes(dad is so excited).

Sister 3 - Posts stuff about her panic attacks, her sad thoughts and how nobody likes her, blah blah blah.

I am here, "yep those three gems are related to me, so proud."

They will tag me in posts and crazy pictures. I about trip over myself getting to computer to hide the post from my timeline.

spymay said...

I'd like to add people who overshare their medical problems to the list.
I have a friend who feels the need to not only tell us all about her medical problems(and they are extensive)but also posts pictures of her open wounds and xrays.I had to take her off my feed because I never knew when a gross picture would pop up and make me throw up in my mouth a little. I'd love to unfriend her because she is a whole bag of drama,but she's also my next door neighbor and our kids play together. At least she's stopped coming over to tell me her problems in person since her claustrophobia has kicked in.

Kelly and Sne said...

I want to add a punch to those who post messages to friends which are a not-so-subtle attempt to make everyone jealous of their popularity: "Emily, I can't wait for our girls' weekend to start! Squeal!" or "Mary, thank you so much for sending the outfit for little Missy. She looks adorable in it." What? Are we in high school still? Just send a private message not an announcement to the world.

Amy Harrison said...

My favorite boring post? "Neti pot, do your thin g!". Because what is Neti? a name, a plant, a pet, what??!!? Why is a pot involved? And you can read thing as thin g. G might stand for something, like giraffe. Or gallop. Or gentle. And all of those things being thin is different. And the fact that something can "do" them, in any sense of the word "do", is kind of funny.

Caroline said...

OMG, love this comment!

The Girl Next Door Drinks and Swears said...

YES TO NUMBER 3!! I apparently have my road to hell all paved in gold for ignoring so many of those damn things. WHA? If I don't like this picture in 3 seconds then I don't love Jesus? I think it took me 6 seconds to look it over. Shit.

Oh. Almost forgot. Like this comment in 3 seconds if you've punched anyone in the throat today.

Jessica said...

Number 6 is the worst! I hate when people post cryptic hints about their drama, but won't actually say anything of substance. Maybe they think it makes them sound more interesting? "I'm so over the drama right now!" "Man, you really find out who your friends are when the shit hits the fan." "Thanks to the one or two of you who have actually been there for me when I've needed you this week. All I can say is I've always been there for all of you!" It's just a ploy for a pity party, and I refuse to give in and add to the other comments of "Oh no, what happened?" which of course never get answered! Barf. I have at least three people who post crap like this about twice a week (each!). How much drama can you seriously have in your life?! Sweetie, if your life is really as bad as you're making it sound, and your only outlet is to (sort of) spread your business all over Facebook because your friends are such crap, please sign out NOW and proceed to your nearest therapist's office. Or since this is probably just you trying to get some attention, why don't you try shutting the eff up, stop MAKING the drama, and maybe, just maybe, someone will be able to stand talking to you soon.

Marnie said...

So true -- I have a lot of friends who proclaim their love for their schmoopies online and I've been afraid to speak of my loathing for this, so I'm glad you said it. STOP. Just stop!

And of course, number three -- the modern day chain letter. Assholes!

kworthmom said...

Completely agree with hating the work out posts! All the check-ins at LA Fitness, "getting my work out on", "great Zumba (Spinning, Tai Bo, whatever!) class,it really kicked my butt. UGH! I also hate the posts that SHOULD say "everybody comment and tell me how pretty I am". Instead, they say "hating my hair lately, I look like a Bushman." "down 10lbs, what do ya'll think?" "Is this dress too sexy for the Hubs office party." (eye-roll!)

Daisy said...

What about the daily selfie in the car...now that about makes me want poke my eyes out with a fork... but all of the above are funny and seen daily.

ps- love your blog, laugh so hard i cry...seriously

emily @morefromthemoorefamily said...

one of the girls I went to high school with posted this long post about why she was leaving (after the CT shootings) to spend more time with her family... then she proceeded for the next week to post about a million pictures of her family and never left... what's the point? At least if say you are going to delete your FB page, have the guts to just do it. she's back to posting every bite of food she eats... guess FB was too hard to give up!

emily @morefromthemoorefamily said...

Another one... what about all the people who invite EVERYONE to their home parties? I live 1,000 + miles from you... don't invite me to your 31 party.

Jessi said...

You know what's even worse? When you are friends with both the wife/husband and they split up and de-friend (or un-friend, or whatever the hell it is, each other) and then each goes on a bitch fest about the other on Facebook. It was kind of funny at first, but now I'm about to de-friend both of them. There's only so much "I'm writing a poem about my ex and I need a word that rhymes with "bar ho"" or "I'm going out to the bar with my girls!" that I can take. LOL

Kamie Burton said...

Ha ha I almost spat wine! ...maybe this punch will help. LOL

d77dea6e-5dbb-11e1-9260-000bcdcb2996 said...

"Just had the best pear ever! Got it today at Stew Leonard's a red Anjou." or "Van Houtte's Chocolate Raspberry Truffle k-cup & chocolate mini muffins & strawberries are today's yummy breakfast."
Who gives a fuck? No one asked you what you ate for breakfast lunch or dinner. I don't care what you're eating or where you got it.

d77dea6e-5dbb-11e1-9260-000bcdcb2996 said...

...or when they are not broken up or divorced yet, and start bitching about each other sleeping around! That's fkd up!

liz said...

These are the ones I hate:

1. A picture of a horribly abused animal (or child) saying like or repost if you would help this poor animal/child. WTF, how is that going to help anyone and it's disturbing!

2. Those repost requests that say all passively-aggressively "I'll understand if you don't repost this...99% of my friends won't..."

3. Like or repost if you know what this is, then they show a picture of something stupid like a lemon juicer or a cheese grater or that button on the floor of the car that you used to push to turn your brights on. Duh, we all know what they are, it's just now we can buy our cheese already grated and our lemon juice already squeezed and I can't remember the last time I turned on my brights, maybe the lights are better now.

Dan said...

An old but still accurate article on the same theme. Like and share if you agree or just ignore if you hate the baby Jesus.

http://articles.cnn.com/2009-08-20/tech/annoying.facebook.updaters_1_facebook-users-friend-online-social-networks/2?_s=PM:TECH

c6437988-403f-11e1-b76f-000bcdcb5194 said...

I am sometimes guilty of 4 and rarely 6. But when I do post a music video it's usually something at least marginally funny, e.g. "I'm Awesome" by Spose when I do something stupid. I am probably guilty of 8 just because I think we all are depending on what each individual "friend" finds boring.

I dislike seeing song lyrics (especially if by Adele, Taylor Swift, and if I see any lyrics from "Hurt" one more time...) and those "'80s ('90s)Kid" "Like if you remember" posts. And the "I'm so uglyyyy" with the duckface photos - really, are you 16?

The worst posts, though, are the people complaining about other people's posts. Sure, we're all complaining right now in an appropriate setting. I think the worst I've seen was when a "friend" posted something along the lines of "I am so sick of seeing photos and posts about your kids, your cats, and all that other boring stuff. Come on people, are you all really that boring and self-centered?" but within the next week or so, she posted at least three "humble brags" (some with photos) about her average kids and quite a few photos of food that she didn't cook herself but thinks makes her more interesting (sorry kids, pho is not exotic). Then she proceeded to get all defensive when people pointed this out.

I just sat back, laughed, and then quietly "un-friended" her when I became the subject of one of her rants. It is all really entertaining. Except for 8. That's just boring.

dairyair said...

I'm guilty of posting the occasional music video, sorry! It could be worse though!
Probably most annoying for me are the vague posts-which actually have a name "vaguebooking"!
As far as the working out/at the gym posts I do think they are annoying but- when I trained for my first marathon I sure as hell posted how far I ran and was definitely bragging, not gonna lie! :)

c6437988-403f-11e1-b76f-000bcdcb5194 said...

I think working out posts are motivating in small doses. They get annoying when it's just a "check-in" every damn day. I could "check-in" at the gym and sit in the hot tub. But a marathon? Post that! Post the hell out of it! I have a friend who is one of those crazy ultra runners and although I sometimes have to Google WTH she is saying, I still get really proud of her when I see that she ran, like, 100 miles.

Anais Nun said...

My friends and I are sharing this post all over facebook, challenging people to repost it saying they want to punch YOU in the neck.

Anais Nun said...

I mean throat. Whatever.

Mei said...

I think oatmeal does count as dinner....
Actually, lately I've been finding my own posts annoying. I can only wonder what other people think.

sparkydmb said...

People who post pictures of their or their partner's ultrasound. Yes, you are pregnant, congratulations. No one gives a fuck what your ultrasound looks like and they all look the same. Unless you are having more than 3 babies or they have horns on their head, then that would be ok.

Mary Novaria said...

Agree across the board.

Also really sick of the humble braggers a la those Christmas letters you love: We are so thrilled that little ChastityJane made the honor band and won the essay contest. This is why someone invented those "My kid can beat up your honor student" bumper stickers.

And despise the passive aggressive posters. Wrote about them awhile back: http://www.marynovaria.com/2012/06/extra-grace-yes-please-especially-on.html

Amy Flory said...

If the fact that you said you live to break chain letters didn't make me want to hump your leg, using your own statuses as examples of boring posts totally did.

Anne Albright said...

Omg, I'm a 31 rep & this made me lol! I specifically tell hostesses NOT to do that because it's so annoying! Being invited somewhere is supposed to make the guest feel special, but when you invite the whole interwebs you kinda lose that. ;)

Spring said...

#5 and #6 . . . for sure!! Usually the folks in #5 come back a few days later. #6 is what I like to call "VagueBooking" - just say it already!! quit fishing for us to say "what happened?" "what's wrong?" or "are you okay?" . . .

One you did leave off though - is the one where someone announces that they are going to "clean up their friends list" and then say something like, "if you make it, lucky you and if you don't - well you know what that means" . . . ummmmmmm, okay?

Ed Irkitated said...

Totally agree!!! Love the blog by the way, can't believe that i have only just found it!

We post about similar things... I recently wrote a post about the top 12 most annoying people on Facebook http://www.irkitated.com/2013/07/top-12-annoying-types-of-facebook-user.html

leilani berkheimer said...

I hate fat bitches who hate skinny girls for having a different body...It's a pretty ignorant reason to hate anyone. I'm insecure about my body so let me post these obnoxious memes putting down someone with the opposite body type. Just be happy with what you have or work to improve yourself. Whatever you do don't be a jealous bitch. You can lose weight but yah can't lose a craptastic personality.

Antoinette Hughes said...

No one said you have to look at their page, dumbass.

Katherine Estrada said...

Right on! Don't like what you see then delete your account!

Gideon Waxfarb said...

Agree with all of them except #5. It sucks to go PM someone on Facebook, and then you realize they're not there anymore. And then you notice that they've changed numbers, and so you have no way of contacting them. Sure, maybe they wanted it that way, but perhaps not in all cases :)

GAC said...

Agree with all. Cannot stand the constant posts about food. Who gives a crap about your salad or stupid class of wine? Also, the "Date Night!" posts drive me insane.

Leigh Segel said...

Especially people with "800 friends" you know that bitch doesn't really have 800 friends. It's just creepy.

Kharnage said...

The people that have to tell you how old their baby is every...single...month...since the baby was born. "omg baby is x months old today! Time goes by so fast." Ummm...duh. If I cared how old your kid was, I'd count on a calendar. That's what it's there for. And humblebrags. Ugh.

peter jones dela cruz said...

LOL! You should add preachy religious folks. So irritating.

cjax said...

No shit! After reading this post I tried to imagine in ( my wildest imagination) that I might ever post a "selfie"wondering what people thought about my outfit! Refer to number 1...yep gag...Punch me now!

Johi Kokjohn-Wagner said...

The lovey dovey posts always make me throw up in my mouth a little.
But then again, people call my husband and say things like, "Have you SEEN what Johi said about you on facebook????"
For the record, the people calling him about that are the ones posting overly affectionate, dripping with goo love posts. Puke.

Lisa said...

2, 3 and 4 especially! Also people who "lie tweet" things on their facebook..FB is not twitter you dweeb! Also people who don't know how to create photo albums and upload 80 pictures individually.

Jenna Moore said...

Three is my pet peeve. I cannot stand those stupid pressure posts that people put up. I've gotten to the point that as soon as I see that opening phrase "Let's see how this goes..." or anything similar, I just skip it and move on.

courtney hertle said...

28 months sounds like a federal prison sentence

Rebecca said...

actually, it's not a guilt thing; it's a money making thing for trolls on FB who gather the info of the people who repost this stuff then sell the info to advertisers.

rantgirl said...

#3 gets and instant hide posts from this person. soon the only person in my feed will be my Mom who posts once a year if that.

CarrieNash said...

Going to the store or Cleaning or cooking or My kid is napping...seriously I don't need your moment by moment play book!!!!

Emily said...

Yes! I have a couple friends who always post after runs/workouts. One always takes a picture of her "cool" running shoes, and the other always takes a pic of the sweat under her boobs, trying to get people to comment on her stomach. Annoying as hell. I also have a couple friends who simply post "feeling sad" or "no one is ever there for me" like please shut up already!

Kristi Phillips said...

My favorites are the pictures of a stereo-typical looking Jesus and it says "Share if you love Jesus, or ignore if you love the Devil". Then people share with a comment about if you deny Jesus in front of your friends, he shall deny you in front of his father. They also make similar ones about your mom and kids. I guess I dislike Jesus, my mom, and kids because I never share that garbage.

Kristi Phillips said...

I have a friend who posts everyday about how fulfilling and awesome her life is, and she can't wait to it to get even more awesome. She also posts about 1,000 messages a day about going to the gym, being addicted to working out and living a clean and healthy lifestyle and is not afraid to tell you how awful you are for making cookies. These posts are followed by "Im so drunk and high right nooooowwww".

Kristi Phillips said...

Hahaha, someone must be guilty of doing every single one of these things on this list. :)

Kristi Phillips said...

My step mom did this. My dad was NOT happy. She also takes a million "selfies" a day.

the robot mommy said...

But Jen, my last post was about my daughter and "Firerrhea"!!!
Yeah, maybe too much info on FB. I'll stick with Twitter.

Melissa said...

What about all those stupid quizzes..."which stupid tv show character are you?", "which state/country should you be living in?", etc. There are a ZILLION of these stupid quizzes. I can't believe how many people waste the time to take these stupid quizzes and THEN post the results on Facebook. Seriously, who gives a sh*t!!!

CarolG said...

I agree with all of these, and I'd add people who constantly post pictures of food, people who speak in hashtags, and holier-than-thou religious posters.

Tracy said...

When people do #2 on your list I always assume somebody is cheating... because really? who are you trying to convince. I knew a girl that would do this when I knew for a fact the bf was sitting on the couch next to her. How about you just turn your head and say it to him.

Rory Bore said...

I always assume that half of what I see on Facebook is a lie. Especially if you just left my house, bitching about your husband over coffee, and then I see one of those lovey-dovey posts in his honour later that night.
that's just the guilt talking.
just drink wine like the rest of us and be real dammit.

CarolG said...

They drive me insane, too!

sbt said...

You forgot about the people who only post what they're eating/cooking. "Sausage in the crockpot!" Who cares?!

Hope Kadish said...

I hate when skinny people post about feeling fat or needing to lose weight. I'm a small person myself. But seriously your already to small & posting that shit! It just makes me want to punch their skinny ass in the face & feed them a double fucking cheese burger with a large fry! Most of us no matter what size aren't happy , I know. But If I ever complain about my weight on FB please come punch me in face & lets go get a cheese burger & a BEER!

Veronica said...

What about the pictures of people's sick kids on fb? I've seen a ton of my friends doing this and I simply do not understand that. A simple post saying your kid doesn't feel well is sufficient. Why are you snapping pictures of your sleeping/sad looking child and uploading them to fb?

Craftaholic said...

OMG #6 tops my list! Can I add people who get really into working out (don't hunt me down I have nothing against taking care of yourself) and become self proclaimed fitness/nutritionists posting pictures of their food and bragging about how much they bench pressed acting like they are trying to be inspiring when really all they want is someone to "like" their post or tell them how awesome they are. Thanks for another laugh you're the best!

Katty Koo said...

People that are always posting religious stuff, animals that are abused or on death row, and pictures of their meals drive me up the freaking wall. I wish FB would let us block posts by keywords.

Sarah Balding said...

I've done #2 before whilst dating the hubby. I'll have you know I haven't in a while. Rehab for over sharing and such. :) I hate the guilt trip copy and paste statuses the most, even if that means I hate kittens and Jesus.

Amanda said...

I think the workout posts are annoying too! Like, good for you that you're being healthy and exercising, but I don't need to see your gym selfie. I also don't care how many miles you run...

Amanda said...

I have friends who insist on posting controversial subjects on their Facebooks. One, during the election would proclaim that anyone with a different opinion than his on a matter should just unfriend him because they're just ignorant, or whatever the excuse. I get it, but I don't simultaneously. Like, if you're going to post about hot-button political/social matters and people respond differently, how can you get mad when you're the one who instigated it? Plus, how can you expect people to respect your opinion if you're shitting on theirs?

I also think the statuses that are a paragraph long of life philosophy are super annoying. I know a girl who posts SEVERAL large statuses per day like this. And selfies in the same exact post.

Amanda said...

You can block posts form particular people. I have a few FB friends that I just "hide" their posts because their tomfoolery is annoying.

Eileen said...

I have to say that I agree with every one of those! The cryptic messages drive me nuts! And then you have those who broke up with their hubby/boyfriend 2 years ago and are still complaining on Facebook about it. Get over it and move on, please.

Miki Smith said...

These are hilarious. I could do without pics of super fit friends in bikinis, on the beach, while we're all suffering through the coldest winter in history. Those pics are kind of cruel.

I'm guilty of saying nice things about my husband. I have fun at his expense too. Maybe it balances out. We've been married a long time. I hope it isn't too offensive.

Aleta Fullenwider said...

Hash tags. I dislike people who post and then hash tag it. What are you doing!

Chris @ Celebrations At Home said...

Can we talk about the OVER sharing of pics of their kids, please! I'm friends with the adult, not the kid, thank you very much.

Susan Jaye said...

I don't like the new Facebook format that came about in the last couple of weeks. Come to think of it- since I don't like it, I haven't been on it nearly as much as I used to. Probably a good thing.

Rusty Bryant said...

LOL jealous much? i post my runs cause im proud of them, if you have a problem with that, must mean you are lazy

JHRayne said...

Religious posts. I don't care what you worship. Keep your neurosis to yourself, please.

Kirstie Brote said...

Agreed. I post my workout stuff. But I am a personal trainer/ group fitness instructor, so social media is also a tool for work for me. When I don't post that stuff, I get people complaining because they do find it motivating. Different strokes...

Tim my said...

Stupid people who can't spell and say "u" instead of "you".

Lee Mather said...

Agree. Unless you're going to share the recipe, then no one gives a F.

The worst is Sundays and people posting about their "football food."

Lee Mather said...

Pretty much all of this. It's all annoying. Ugh.

I can't stand football Sundays, though, and the countless posts about football and "football food." Like, "Chili is in the crockpot and we're ready to watch the Pats." Throat punch.

cimarock said...

This is more of an irritant.... As soon as it hits triple digits outside, or close to it, you see the obligatory photos (from numerous people) of their thermometers in their cars, like when they first get outside and realize, holy Sh!t, it's hot!! It's okay, really, I KNOW it's hot outside. I don't need 10 different pictures from 10 different people showing me their car thermometers. Geeze already!

cimarock said...

Okay, one more pet peeve. There's a couple of friends who change their profile pictures constantly, like every couple of weeks. Dummy me is always expecting (hoping) it will be something a bit different from the last one, alas, no. Every. Single. Profile. Pic is exactly the same! A VERY close up picture of their faces. Face only mind you. What very little in the background might change, but good Lord, that profile pic is the same!! You might get a little tilt of the chin, a small smile, no teeth showing, maybe showing her face slightly from the side, but mostly head on. It's just SO close up, it's startling. I suppose this might be one of those things that you have to see to understand what I'm talking about. It's very startling. It probably sounds like I have issues with people having their face as profile pictures. I really don't. Just back up a tad so the pic doesn't take up the whole frame. Both of these friends are lovely women and beautiful to boot, so it really takes away from the pic being that close. Only in my opinion of course.

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