Weekly Wrap Up 9.22.13

This week has been a busy one. I don't know why, but something possessed me to run for the PTO board and because those races are NEVER contested, I won by a landslide (thank you to the six people who voted in that election). Apparently, there's a lot to do when you're on the board and there are a bunch of meetings to attend. This week I've been learning more about fundraising, volunteer appreciation and carnival budgets than I'll ever need to know again in my life.

I've started leaving my house to speak to people. It's terrifying and fun all at the same time. I've got some upcoming dates set for the Kansas City area, so if you're around and you want to put some pants on and come out and see me, you can see all of the locations here. Thursday I will be at the Johnson County (KS) Library on Thursday, September 26th talking about blogging. Want to learn the secrets of blogging? Want to make millions and have fans who adore you? Want to make Tina Fey call and invite you to lunch all because of something you wrote? Yeah, me too. If you find out the answers to these questions, let me know, will ya? Otherwise, I can just teach you how to get started and make enough money to buy Starbucks for you AND a friend every now and again.

I've also planned the First Annual I Just Want to Pee Alone Day Ladies' Night Out. There are lots of cities participating and I'm always looking for new hostesses. You just need to pick a time and location and email me the details to add to the EVENTS page.

Tonight is the Emmy's and you know how much my Twitter pals and I enjoy making fun of whatever horrible ensemble Guiliana Rancic's team has put together for her. I really hope Riverboat Madam is still in style this awards season. I'll be tweeting tonight and you can join in by following #spikedpunch #emmys.

This Week's Most Popular Posts:

Is Nuts Better Than Balls? - My precious snowflake, Gomer, shocked me with the sentence, "So then I got kicked in the nuts" and it wasn't the fact that he got kicked that upset me so much.

Friends are Hard to Find - This is the post that inspired me to host a nationwide ladies' night out last year.

IJWTPA Day National Ladies' Night Out - I've declared a new holiday: I Just Want to Pee Alone Day and to celebrate I'm organizing another nationwide ladies' night out. Check the EVENTS page on the I Just Want to Pee Alone Facebook page to see if there is one near you. If there isn't, then you should totally host one!

Every Move You Make. I'll Be Watching You - This one is total gossip and so worth a read.

My Favorite Comments (and My Replies if Necessary):

I would've said this is an age-old question that really has no answer but by all the responses I see there are as many answers as there are words for nads (my favorite of the moment--I reserve the right to change my mind!) You gotta love the endless variety of the English language, not to mention other languages, as someone pointed out. This was hilarious. on Is Nuts Better Than Balls?

We've always called them their "McNuggets". Sorry McDonald's, lol! on Is Nuts Better Than Balls?

I was one of the pro-nuts FB peeps. I have 3 boys and a man-child. Nothing is sacred. My house always smells like ass & dirty socks. Someone is always laughing about the fact that mommy has 'bewbees' and no nuts. Underwear is worn on the head instead of the ass, and going commando is expected on the weekend. All I ask is that they keep it in their pants. It's hard to breathe in all this testosterone. on Is Nuts Better Than Balls?

My son was about the same age when he referred to being hit in the "nuts", "balls" was used as well but nuts was the favorite. One day my daughter, 2 years his junior, came in the house and said she got "hit in the nuts" while playing ball. After a good laugh my wife and I decided not to correct her. She was very happy having something in common with her big brother that she always has (and still does) looked up to (both are in college and share an apartment). She would find out soon enough the truth, no harm. And it was pretty cute. on Is Nuts Better Than Balls?

I apologize now for laughing while I read this. Our boys are five and almost three. Their father has taught them to call their, er, privates "anaconda." Yes, anaconda. I dread when snakes are discussed at school. As for why mommy doesn't have an anaconda (yes, they have asked)? Daddy tells them I lost mine in a poker game. Nice. Our older son recently started exploring his nuts. When he asked what they were, I said "nuts." He looked at me and said "You're kidding!" No, no I'm not. on Is Nuts Better Than Balls?

For a girl who love the f-bomb and doesn't even mind the c-word, I sure have a hard time hearing my kids say "butt" and "fart." Not because of the words themselves, but because it suggests my children are older. When they display their growing independence by wiping their own asses, it's awesome. When they do it by graduating from babyish terms for body parts and functions, it isn't. on Is Nuts Better Than Balls?

Hmmm...I might come out, I'll check my schedule tomorrow :) Sounds fun and I would love to meet you, Jen! on IJWTPA Day National Ladies' Night Out

So excited! Last year it didn't really come together for me, but this year the meet up is less than 10 minutes away! How can I say no? Looking forward to it! on IJWTPA Day National Ladies' Night Out

So excited to be a part of this! And by so excited I mean scared shitless. But what's the worst thing that can happen? I have an awkward couple of hours. And what's the best thing that can happen? I make some awesome amazing friends for life and we grow old together and wipe each other's asses and shit. on IJWTPA Day National Ladies' Night Out

This. is. GLORIOUS. on IJWTPA Day National Ladies' Night Out

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Weekly Wrap Up 9.15.13

Well, it's been awhile since I've written a weekly wrap up and I thought it was time to get back in the habit. I was stupid busy this summer with writing and raising children. I'm too cheap to send the kids to camp all summer long, so instead I have to entertain them and there is only so much television they're willing to watch. You know you're failing at parenting when your kids start complaining that they've already seen this episode of "Full House" and they'd really just like to go to the pool and get some exercise or listen to you read them a book.

I managed to finish my manuscript for Random House a couple of weeks ago. Right around the same time the kids went back to school so now I have time to blog again (have you noticed?). I'm excited about the manuscript (and school). I think it's going to be a good book. I mean my mom really enjoyed it even though I made fun of her a lot in the book. I hope a few of you are saving your dollars so you can buy a copy for yourself and a friend, because your friends need to laugh too.

I've started leaving my house to speak to people. It's terrifying and fun all at the same time. I've got some upcoming dates set for the Kansas City area, so if you're around and you want to put some pants on and come out and see me, you can see all of the locations here. The next one will be at the Johnson County (KS) Library  on Thursday, September 26th. OK, just kidding, pants are only a suggestion.

What else is going on that's exciting? Ohh, this isn't my news, but it's still super crazy exciting. Remember last week when I encouraged everyone who already didn't own Ketchup is a Vegetable and Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves to go out and buy it? Well, if you did then you helped catapult one of my favorite writers, Robin O'Bryant straight onto the New York Times Bestseller's List. The NYT list is the freaking Holy Grail and Robin did it (with your help). Thanks to everyone who supported her. I'm so excited and thrilled for her. I just hope she's holding me a spot on that list. I'd prefer number one, but I'll take whatever I can get.

Alright, let's get to This Week's Most Popular Posts:

Apparently Yellow is the Color of Money - There's a disgusting trend among pregnant women with access to Craigslist. I'm just sad I'm not pregnant, because I could use some extra scratch.

BMI Grade Cards at School - Schools are sending home grade cards with kids to tell them that not only are they failing Math, they're also too fat all while serving something called "Fish Treasures."

Pet Amber Alert -  This company annoys me and they should totally let me write their ads like the one I wrote for a missing cat at the bottom of the post.

We Can Do Better - Mrs. Hall, mother of three impressionable young boys, wrote a letter to the hootchies of the world who keep blinding her precious snowflakes with their fish lip photos. Poor Mrs. Hall got an earful from the world. I jumped in and gave her my two cents.

Every Move You Make. I'll Be Watching You - This one is total gossip and so worth a read.

My Favorite Comments (and My Replies if Necessary):

"Have you seen me-ow?" Good Lawd, I died. on Pet Amber Alert

Hehe, my cat's name IS Batman BruceWayne Ourlastname. When he is being a mischievous asshat, I yell at him using his full name. I wonder what the neighbors think... on Pet Amber Alert

That is the best name ever. If I ever break down and get a pet, I will probably have to use this name. Or Professor Punch. It's a toss up.

So many awful things come from well-intentioned idiots. on BMI Grade Cards at School

Oh girl, you know my thoughts on this. This is a national epidemic. As soon as impoverished families can buy fresh produce and lean meats at the same price as a Happy Meal, we'll start moving in a positive direction. Obesity is not just a social problem, it's an economic development issue. Telling children they are overweight does not even scratch the surface here and no need to tell parents they "should" be giving their children healthier/lower fat options. They KNOW this but, people only have the food dollars they have. Also, in most communities, like mine, a VAST majority of the public school children are on free/reduced lunch. They are getting 2 of their meals there. Let's change the direction of the telescope... on BMI Grade Cards at School

We need to educate parents on what constitutes a healthy weight/BMI and what is proper portion size for a child. In my practice, I use the BMI to validate to parents whether a kid is overweight, a healthy weight, or underweight. I see a fair number of patients who come in because their parent tells me the kid doesn't eat...or thinks they are too thin. Most of the time, neither statement is true, it is the expectations of the parents that need to be addressed. Maybe the school could take a bigger role in managing childhood obesity by first stop serving crap like chicken nuggets and pizza for lunch; one of my patients, an overweight youngster who attends an after school program (at her school) told me they were being served pizzas and nachos for an afterschool snack! Seriously? I'm working with her and her mother to help control her weight. Her mom had me write a letter to the program telling them she could only eat her healthy snacks from home. on BMI Grade Cards at School

5 years ago, when I was preggo, a good friend asked me to pee on a stick for her, so she could play a birthday prank on her vasectomized husband. She changed her mind when he fell down the stairs and cracked his skull open, just from a clutz move. She didn't want to see what would happen if she showed him a positive pee stick. on Apparently Yellow is the Color of Money

Lol. I am what you consider an oversharer. I totally posted my pregnancy test and every ultrasound pic, and have since posted billions of pics of my kid that maybe nobody but me wants to see. But I don't care! :-) I tried for this baby girl for six years and dang it, I had to/ have to share! on Apparently Yellow is the Color of Money

We're all oversharers of some kind. You overshare your baby and overshare mine (the blog). What makes you and I better is that we can laugh at ourselves for being oversharers.

This regularly-attending, actively-involved chuch lady LOVES your blog. I'd love to have you speak at one of our women's events! Keep on bloggin'! on Every Move You Make. I'll Be Watching You.

You haven't said, "get your fucking backpack and get your ass in the car" not even one time? on Every Move You Make. I'll Be Watching You.

Not to the kids. Maybe to the Hubs ...

How I took Jen's reaction was not that she was mad that the Pearl-Clutcher was upset. It was that instead of speaking to her church members about her reservations or contacting Jen, she went on a website designed to re-sell a specific brand of clothing, posted a part of one blog, and she (and every commenter) based her entire opinion about Jen's speaking ability/appropriateness on that. on Every Move You Make. I'll Be Watching You.

Yes. That was my reaction exactly. Thanks for explaining.

"Always watching..." Like Roz from Monsters Inc. : ) on Every Move You Make. I'll Be Watching You.

I am more like Roz than I care to admit.

The content of your blog is offensive to church goers/church leadership. Why would you expect to be welcomed to speak? Sure, you can censor yourself and behave in public. But your private life doesn't match up to what the Bible teaches (not that anyone's does, but it's clear here that you aren't trying to watch your language). Churches want the real deal. They have enough problems with people accusing them of hypocrisy. Allowing you to speak would be endorsing language/thoughts they find sinful. It would be more hypocritical to allow you to speak, imo. I'd give them a break on this issue. on Every Move You Make. I'll Be Watching You.

You're right, my private life doesn't match up with the Bible, but private lives matching the Bible hasn't stopped churches from opening their doors for years to worse offenders than me. Like tele-evangelists who steal from the offering plate or cheat on their wives. Or blame earthquakes on homosexuals. Or cover up sexual abuse for years. I'm the least of their worries when it comes to hypocrisy.

THANK YOU. Several friends posted this the other day and I was bothered by it but couldn't find the words. Once again, you found them for me, and they are way funnier than what I would have said. THANK YOU!!! on We Can Do Better

I agree somewhat and I get what Mrs. Hall is saying here but the whole...my boys are holier than thou so stop tempting them thing did make me roll my eyes. Come on, they are TEENAGE boys...they ogle girls in traffic for goodness sake and probably everywhere else. I'm all for monitoring online activity. I already do this with my son who is only 11. And I probably wouldn't be too happy about girls sending photos to my son. BUT I'm also a realist and I know this is going to happen at some point. All that I can do as his mother is prepare him for dating and falling in love and having feelings about girls. Sexuality is a normal, natural thing. However, you are correct that we need to teach young girls AND boys to have respect for themselves first and then for their chosen partners. I am trying my best to raise an honest gentleman who treats his future girlfriend(s) like a lady should be treated. on We Can Do Better

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said her post depicts her boys as being victimized. I agree that girls should not be posting skimpy, provocative pictures, but also some responsibility lies with boys in general & how they react to those & perceive all girls. Be respectful & don't respond to those kinds of posts (ie: delete them or block them). on We Can Do Better

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Weekly Wrap Up 5.5.13

This week has been crazy busy. In fact, I think this is just going to be my life for the next several months. If you didn't read my BIG news from last week, let me fill you in. I signed a publishing contract with Random House and I have two books coming out in a year and a half. That means it's time for Jen to get cracking. I've got my kids in school for about four more weeks so I need to hit it hard while they're gone all day and my house is empty and sort of silent (the Hubs is still here and I can hear him breathing). That means I'll probably be a bit quiet around here for a little while.  Don't despair, though. I say I'll be quiet, but you know you can't shut me up even if you wanted to.

Speaking of shutting me up, I will be performing live and on stage (oh shit) next Saturday at the Unity Temple on the Plaza. That's right, it's finally time for Listen to Your Mother. We practiced today and it's going to be a great show. I can't tell you what I'm going to read, but I can promise you that you will laugh at mine. And then you'll cry a little and laugh some more and nod along in agreement and you might even shout "Amen!" (we will be in a church after all ) when my fellow cast mates get up there to read their fantastic pieces. Tickets are $12 in advance and $15 at the door. I hope you'll come and support us. It's going to be a great night.

Top Read Posts This Week:

Douchey Dads - This was an oldie, but goody. I know that DDs can be found in just about every town, city, suburb across the land, so I know you all can relate this one.

Adolpha Gives Me Advice on Love - My daughter the sage. For a girl who never wants to get married or have kids, this girl sure pays a lot of attention to relationships. (Maybe this is why she never wants to get married or have kids!) Thanks to her, I've stepped up my game.

Rebecca Martinson - The Crazy Delta Gamma - Rebecca blew her fucking top and it will probably haunt her for many years. This is a fucking cautionary tale to the youth.

Some BIG News - Yeah, I told you the news already at the beginning of this post. Still worth a read though. Thanks to everyone for their kind comments!

Book News:

I Just Want to Pee Alone is doing grrrrrreat. My co-authors and I are thrilled with the response. Thanks to everyone who has bought a copy - or two - or ten! If you haven't left us a review on Amazon yet, please do so. We need them so we can feel pretty. If you haven't bought the book yet, you really need to. This is a great book for Mother's Day. Especially if your mother has a sense of humor. This is also a perfect baby shower gift. I'm going to a shower next weekend and you can bet she's going to get a copy.

My Favorite Comments of the Week (and My Replies if Necessary):

Words have meanings. Rebecca Martinson knew what she was saying, and she also thought she was entitled enough to say them without experiencing a negative response. But I can't think of a person alive who would LIKE to be viciously scolded in front of and along with a house full of twenty or thirty roommates (or howevermany), and find it even less of a probability that one of those scolded wouldn't take some kind of retributive action. I do kind of feel bad for her, but not because she's been kicked out of her house and has become an internet pariah. I think she's earned that. I feel bad for her because she's got a lot of unresolved crazy-making rage issues (just read the screen shots of her (now defunct) Twitter feed), and that can't be an easy way to live. But don't worry about her! Surely in a year or so she'll be a reality TV star, happily demonstrating her knack for the cunt-punt on a national basic cable network (I'm looking at you, TLC; maybe a road show with her and Honey on Rebecca Martinson - The Crazy Delta Gamma 

As sad as it sounds, I'd probably watch that show. Damn it, I'm such an idiot!

Congratufuckinglations! haha! Way to go! One question: did you have that same mouth at five? on Some BIG News

You know I did, motherclucker. Don't forget to bring the cock 'n candy next week to Listen to Your Mother!

As someone who knew you back when you were just my funny as shit wisecracking IRL friend I am couldn't be more excited and a bit proud! As women we need to support each other in our post-motherhood goals and I am happy to have been an original fan of the blog who helped get the word out! on Some BIG News

Weekly Wrap Up 3.24.13

I'm suffering from deja vu. In February we had a long break from school and then just when it was time to go back BAM! we got hit with a snowstorm and the kids had a bunch more days off from school. This week was Spring Break. The kids are supposed to go back to school tomorrow. Guess what came last night?? Yup. Lots and lots of snow and still more on the way. I did not get enough milk!

I know, I know. For those of you in Minnesota and Upstate New York and Canada and Russia, this seems silly, but this is Kansas. We don't do a whole lot of snow. We do tornadoes.

This week I received an email from someone claiming to be my friend who had a little "constructive criticism" for me. Then she went on for several paragraphs about how I'm "losing her," because I've become a shameless self promoter who talks about nothing except my books and that my posts are getting dark because I blogged so much about my phobias this week. And, oh yeah, my blog is ugly and it would be great if I could take all of that book money I'm earning and redesign it so it's pretty to look at. And she ended it with the fact that I could "take" or "leave" her advice, because she was "just sayin'." Ugh. Just sayin' is the absolute worst.

When I read this email, I went through a range of emotions. The first was, "Are you for real?" to "Wow, that was harsh and a bit undeserved" to "OK, really? Now, I'm just irritated."

I'm irritated, because this is not how a "friend" acts. This kind of behavior is exactly the sort of rudeness I rail against. We are not "friends" if you tell me I suck. This is not what a friend does. A friend supports another friend - even when you think I suck. A friend would send me an email that said:

Hey Jen, congratulations on your new book. Wow. A best seller in less than two weeks, huh? Fucking amazing. I'm so happy for you and so proud of what you and your friends have accomplished. This just proves to me that when women get together and support one another they can really do anything! I can't wait to get my copy and share the word with my friends who could use a good laugh. Also, I was wondering. Is everything OK with you lately? It seems like that trip to St. Louis kind of screwed with you. Who knew you were so afraid of small, dark spaces? If you need to talk, I'm here for you. I know your birthday and your two year blogging anniversary are coming up and I was wondering if you had anything special planned for the blog? Wouldn't it be cool if you did a whole re-design of it? I have lots of friends who are affordable web designers that could probably help you if you ever decided to change it. Just let me know. That's what friends are for!

See how much better that was? That's how you treat a friend. You don't tell a friend, "Your ass looks big in those leggings, just sayin'." Because that is basically what this person did. No. You say, "Hey friend, I loved how great your ass looked the other day when you wore those cute jeans. Why don't you wear those tonight instead of those leggings?"

I don't know if I've made it clear or not, but I enjoy writing on my crappy looking blog (I think that the fact that it's ugly is part of its charm). I write about whatever comes to mind. Sometimes it's small, dark passages in a kids' "museum," sometimes it's celebrities who eat their own placentas, sometimes it's men who want to control my reproductive rights, sometimes it's overachievers ruining Valentine's Day, and sometimes it's me being an idiot. I will continue to write on this blog about whatever catches my eye and I will continue to write books.

I try to walk a very fine line between tooting my own horn and looking like an asshole, but let's face it, I'm kind of an asshole. I have been from day one. I've never tried to pretend like I'm not. If I don't promote myself, who will? I've never been a humble bragger. I am just straight up braggadocious. And you know what? I'm excited! I have had two books now that have been best sellers. That's a big damn deal to someone who is trying to call herself a writer. Of course I'm going to talk about them! Why wouldn't I? Anyone would. I wonder if this woman has a best selling book? Just sayin'.

Now. Let's forget her and move on to some more shameless self promotion to really piss her off:

If you live in the Kansas City area then you have two opportunities to come out and see me! I've created two Events on the Facebook page where you can RSVP and get the details.

Book Signing at Mommy Shop - April 27 from 10 am to 12 pm I will be signing copies of I Just Want to Pee Alone at the Mommy Shop in Overland Park with my Bic Lady Pen. I will be joined by my co-authors, Tara of You Know it Happens at Your House Too and Stacey of Nurse Mommy Laughs. Mommy Shop is putting on a bit of a to-do. They'll have mimosas and muffins and swag bags if you're one of the first to arrive. Please come and see us so that we're not sitting there all alone getting drunk on all of those mimosas. Please RSVP so we know how many to expect.

Listen to Your Mother - May 11 from 7 pm to 9 pm I will be appearing live and on stage at the Unity Temple on the Plaza in a fancy new pair of Crocs. There are several writers who will be reading that night and I'm not sure what they have in store, but I will be reading something hilarious and funny, so be sure to wear your Depends. I will be terrified, so I'll probably wear Depends too, just in case. I'm also thinking that if there is any interest, I'll plan an after the performance get together on the Plaza. Like another Friend's Night thing. You can buy your tickets to LTYM here.

I Just Want to Pee Alone is still available for sale (nope, I didn't stop selling it after my friend told me I talked about it too much). Do you have your copy yet? Still on the fence? Here are a couple of reviews to check out to help you make up your mind:

Crappy Pictures

When Crazy Meets Exhaustion

The Sweet Chick's book review

And this happened this week:

Swoon.

I met The Bloggess and gushed like a freaking fan girl. I practically cried. I waited for three hours to get her signature (but it was fine, because I was kid-free and I brought a book to read - bliss). She is a rock star and an inspiration to funny women everywhere. I also managed to slip a copy of I Just Want to Pee Alone into her hands for a little light reading for her plane ride home.

Top Read Posts This Week:

This Museum Should be Called Phobias "R" Us - I can't decide if this place is fun or a torture chamber.

Just in Case I Wasn't Feeling Crazy Enough, We Decided to Go to the Arch - The next time a troll tells me I don't love my kids, I will refer them to this post.

Why I Don't Want Another Baby - I love babies, but I love them more when they're someone else's.

Companies Who Think Women are Dolts - First there were lady pens and now toy companies think women don't know how to play with cars.

My Favorite Comments (and My Replies if Necessary):

I went up with me husband, our 4 month old, and some random other couple. We JUST get in and my son messes his diaper- big time, to this day it was still the worst diaper blowout ever. Trapped in a pod...my hubs says oh gonna change him? How is that going to work, we are shoved in here T2A with complete strangers...excuse me we haven't met, is it okay if I stretch my sons poop smeared legs across your lap while I clean him up? Oh no? We sat there in silence as we SLOWWWWLY crept up the arch and the smell crept crept up our nostrils. When the door opened the other couple busted out of there like there was a fire. Welcome to St. Louis ya'll! on Just in Case I Wasn't Feeling Crazy Enough, We Decided to Go to the Arch

I think that you've got the theme for your next book started! "Move Over - I Think I'm Gonna Hurl!: Stories of Family Trips in America" Should be a best seller, based on this start! on Just in Case I Wasn't Feeling Crazy Enough, We Decided to Go to the Arch

You know when you look out those windows on the way up and there is that rickety staircase just in case of power failure or whatever? Well, about 20 years ago, I had to get OUT of one of those stupid cars about 2/3 of the way up and WALK DOWN. I was sure that I was going to die - fireman help or not. (Power outage - they let us out after nearly 45 minutes of sitting there in the dark). Never. ever. again. on Just in Case I Wasn't Feeling Crazy Enough, We Decided to Go to the Arch

That sounds like a place I could say to my husband - "Hey - I heard about this awesome thing in St. Louis. Maybe you and the little man should have a guys' weekend." Then I would do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Hmmmmm on This Museum Should be Called Phobias "R" Us

While I can relate to the phobia's, I LOVE the City Museum and so do my kids. It is one of the coolest places in the world. You will never see anything like it again. And please tell me you found 10 story slide...and the bar. You know they sell booze there, right?!? on This Museum Should be Called Phobias "R" Us

Sadly, I did not know this. This is why they need a damn map!!

Jesus, sounds and looks like something from the set of "Escape From New York." on This Museum Should be Called Phobias "R" Us

Thanks for the review, now I know where to take my husband when I'm ready for him to die. That would definitely kill him "naturally." on This Museum Should be Called Phobias "R" Us

It doesn't come pre-loaded with the Period Tracker app? Assholes. And, if I had been invited to the Hot Wheels Training Whateverthefeck Thing, I would've just sat there, running the cars into my head and asking them why they have to make things so complicated. Assholes. on Companies Who Think Women are Dolts

If I had been a blogger and been invited, I might have gone. Just to embarrass them (and myself, probably). I'd have the car wheels-up, then look to the closest man "Mine's broken. Could a big strong man like you help widdle biddy ol' me? What? Those round things go on the ground? That's so smart. Are you a doctor?" on Companies Who Think Women are Dolts

Barbara the Builder! She would have a spatula and a glue gun. Also a mirror b/c a lady should look her best. on Companies Who Think Women are Dolts


I would love to get down on the floor with little Nathan Jr. to play vroom vroom but I'm wearing my ePad Femme. It's highly absorbent but makes it hard to sit down. on Companies Who Think Women are Dolts


Oh man! Her Wheelz? Don't just give away those golden ideas for nuttin' yo! that shit is brilliant! onCompanies Who Think Women are Dolts 


The trademark is in the works!

Weekly Wrap Up 3.8.23

This week was a big week around here. The kids went to school for an entire week!!! The snow is melting!!! The sun has been shining!!! I don't want to jinx it, but it looks like spring might actually come to Kansas (sorry East Coasters, looks like you have to wait a bit still).

I've been nominated for another award this week. This one is really cool: "WEBLOG OF THE YEAR!" That one sounds pretty amazing, right? You want to tell your family and friends that you read the WEBLOG OF THE YEAR, don't you? Well, I can't be the WEBLOG OF THE YEAR if you don't go and vote for me. Good news is, you can only vote for me once, so I won't remind you every day to vote. The bad news is, they want deets from you like an email address so you can verify who you are, blah, blah, blah. It takes 30 seconds more, but it's so worth it. You can vote for me here. Thank you!

Oh yeah, do you need a new book to read? Because I Just Want to Pee Alone is available. Boom. It's already Number One on Amazon. It's hilarious and a must have for every mom on your list. However, just like me, this book is definitely R-rated. Check it out here.

Here's a tidbit for ya:

Top Read Posts This Week:

Open Letter to Marissa Mayer - Marissa Mayer is the new CEO at Yahoo and she is laying down the law. I'm thinking about getting a job at Yahoo, because I'm running low on highlighters. Mmm . . . free office supplies.

Taylor Swift - Oh no she didn't!! T-Swift drank some crazy lavender lemonade and then said my BFF Tina Fey was going to hell. Taylor needs to get the stick out of her ass. Meanwhile, Swifty just sold the house she bought on the Kennedy compound for a million dollar profit. Damn! Maybe she can buy a sense of humor with that money! 

Life is Hard When You're Six - Adolpha let me know that it's not all rainbows and puppies when you're six.

Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition - I think I've been living under a rock for several years and didn't realize that this issue doesn't really include sports or athletes. WTF?

My Favorite Comments of the Week (and My Replies if Necessary):

There are so many things wrong with Taylor Swift right now. First of all, she's offended by what Tina Fey and Amy Poehler said about her? But, she was all forgiving when Kayne West slammed her for her shitty music? (his words - sort of, not mine). Secondly, Taylor Swift dates high profile douche bags. My guess is she's a virgin and when these guys can't get in her panties they give her the boot. The fix? Stop dating actors and musicians who can bed any girl they want. Duh. on Taylor Swift

Oh, T. Swizzle... Here's the thing: Smart women don't help dumb women just because they both have a vaginas. Tina and Amy did you a fucking favor by even breathing your name that night. Get over it and stop embarrassing yourself. p.s. Can't wait to sit at the cool table in Hell! Fuck yeah! on Taylor Swift

I use to hold your Elf on the Shelf post as the gold standard of bat s@$t crazy, funny post, but I think this one now has the slight edge. I also have put in a reservation for the circle of hell where Tina and Amy (and now you) could potentially reside. Harps and clouds are overrated. on Taylor Swift

I will stand behind Swift dating a bunch. Remember where we were 20 years ago? DATING A TON OF GUYS. Most were douche bags. It's the joy (not) of being a girl in your 20's. But Taylor Swift, if I can give you a piece of motherly advice. Thou shall not ever take aim at Tina and Amy. Not in Vanity Fair drinking lavender lemonade. Not on Twitter. Not ever. You call them. Apologize. Send a nice gift basket. Preferably something that includes chocolate. These women have kids and chocolate will sell like gangbusters. That's what you do. on Taylor Swift 

I obviously am one of those who lives in a cave, cos I MISSED this one. First of all, as a 40-some odd mum from Canada who's heart was broken when Michael J Fox married a Yank - I'd like to say Alex P Keaton Jr is MINE!!!! So.....paws off MS Swift!!!! You're not ruining this man. But let me get this straight, she can date who-ever she wants. Tell the world they are jerks because they dump her. Write songs about them and make millions. Poke fun at others. But no one's allowed to poke fun at her? Grow.The.F.Up!!!!!!! on Taylor Swift

The list of indignities is unending! I think I'll stick with being thirty-mumble. on Life is Hard When You're Six

Yeah, a life watching cartoons and having people do stuff for you is such a difficult burden to bear. As my 8-yo says "I need another assistant, besides you." Thanks a *bleeping* lot, kid. on Life is Hard When You're Six

"Besides, a little glitter would actually improve the decor around this place." My (almost) six year old daughter informed me that she doesn't like my clothes because they are boring. She thinks I should incorporate sequins into every outfit. Apparently, she thinks I would look better if I looked like I was dressed like I was ready to club it up at Studio 54 in 1970s. on Life is Hard When You're Six

In 10 years, this post will be SO embarrassing! OMG MOM! In 20 years, you'll sit down with a glass of wine together and laugh and laugh and laugh. on Life is Hard When You're Six

They should make a movie of Adolpha's life... maybe a "Triumph Of The Human Spirit" kinda thing. Call Meryl Streep! What? She can *definitely* play a six-year-old-- the woman is amazing. on Life is Hard When You're Six

Being CEO of Yahoo may be like be the CEO of Blockbuster A point to ponder. on Open Letter to Marissa Mayer

Wait... what? Yahoo is still around... I thought they went belly up years ago! on Open Letter to Marissa Mayer

My problem with it is she is building a nursery next to her office, but is now telling other parents you need to find child care for your kids. It's not easy finding good affordable child care. These families now have commuter expenses. What if the family only had one car because one worked at home? on Open Letter to Marissa Mayer

She's built a nursery next to her office. My guess is she has a nanny that goes to work with her and the baby every day. She's achieved her mega-corp position not just from talent but also because she's been the person who is often most willing to put in the longest hours. The point is, she DOES work from home. It's just not from her house. on Open Letter to Marissa Mayer

Weekly Wrap Up 3.2.13

I know, I know. It's been a while since I've done a wrap up. I've been buried under snow, laundry, and children who never go to school. It looks like maybe next week they'll have a full week (just in time to be released for Spring Break).

I've also got a piece in the anthology, I Just Want to Pee Alone. Have I told you about this a hundred times yet? I have? Well, guess what? I'm going to talk about it a hundred more times. It is in the final production stages right now and should have a mid-March release.

I've been nominated for another award this week. This one is really cool: "WEBLOG OF THE YEAR!" That one sounds pretty amazing, right? You want to tell your family and friends that you read the WEBLOG OF THE YEAR, don't you? Well, I can't be the WEBLOG OF THE YEAR if you don't go and vote for me. Good news is, you can only vote for me once, so I won't remind you every day to vote. The bad news is, they want deets from you like an email address so you can verify who you are, blah, blah, blah. It takes 30 seconds more, but it's so worth it. You can vote for me here. Thank you!


Top Read Posts This Week:

snOMG - Our winters are usually cold and drab and I like to spend my free time praying for snow. It looks like I got three years worth of prayers all in one week. I've been stockpiling discounted sleds in my garage, so we got to put those to good use.

Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition - I was lamenting the fact that ladies don't have a swim suit edition to ogle. I've since been directed to buy a sexy fireman calendar or subscribe to the International Male catalog. Several helpful readers have actually sent me nudie pics. They're giving the Hubs a complex, so I think we're good now. Thanks.

Hey Girl . . . This was for my special Valentine (me).

Is it Possible to Be Too Sexy? - The Hubs has started working out too and he's worried he needs to take it slow or else he will get "too big."

The Hubs Thinks My Readers are Hot - The Hubs keeps track of my Twitter followers for research purposes. Honest.

My Favorite Comments (and My Replies if Necessary): 

Honestly, the only reason I searched for photos from the SI issue online this year was that we had dinner with another couple and he was talking about the cover model being heavier than usual. (I know this guy he means it.) Was watching the Super Bowl with him and he commented on Beyonce being heavy. That just shows how screwed up this is. I know, I know -- I should have probably punched him in the throat. Twice. on Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition

Surely a double standard, but equal male exposure is NOT the answer. Even a super hot dude in a thong makes me flinch. Yuck. Yes, Magic Mike was a disappointment. I didn't need to know that male strippers had feelings. But, on the bright side, Channing Tatum has a killer bod and is an amazing dancer. If he'd danced with fuzzy nuts and his dong flapping, I don't think I would have been as entertained. on Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition

Hubs has a point. I have always sworn that the scrotum is absolute proof of evolution. I just can't bring myself to believe in a God that would create that ugly sack and say "Perfect!" on Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition

Yes, yes, YES! More naked men all around please. Speaking of which, have you seen "Troy". I will just say I do NOT watch it for the acting. on Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition

Well, since funny is hot, I hope I qualify. Also, ladies, he was talking about me. My picture is a teddy bear with a camera. ;) on The Hubs Thinks My Readers are Hot

I just dropped a lump of buttery cracker and cheese on my leg and then ate it off my trousers. Pretty sure it wasn't my twitter pic. on The Hubs Thinks My Readers are Hot

I used to be skinny/fat and now I'm just full-on fat/fat. I'm desperately clutching on to my quick-fixes, like flowy blouses, Spanx and spray tans. 'Cause everybody knows tan fat looks way better than Casper fat. That's just science. on Is it Possible to be Too Sexy?

My mom tries to make like she didn't hop on the Jennifer bandwagon by saying that she named me after the actress Jennifer Jones in the movie "A Portrait of Jenny". I have another friend who swears her parents named her Jennifer because they never heard it before. I was born in 1973 and she was born in 1971. Gimme a break, goofball parents!! on People Who Do Studies About What Children's Names Mean For Their Grades, Their Future Salaries, Their Luck Factor, Blah, Blah, Blah

Since my name starts with a 'V', I'm going to consider it a win that I can even walk erect. That I can usually form coherent sentences and get myself through the world with minimal destruction in my wake? All icing on the cake, baby. on People Who Do Studies About What Children's Names Mean For Their Grades, Their Future Salaries, Their Luck Factor, Blah, Blah, Blah

*                      *                       *

This is a first! This is an award-winning comment. As of right now, this comment has 27 responses! This guy has won The Douchiest Commenter Award! Congratulations Timothy Faust! Your mom must be so proud of you! If you haven't already, be sure to pop some popcorn and then check out the comments and see all of the brilliant responses Timothy received. This guy really knows how to start a conversation! 

What would the grounds of the suit be? How would you prove financial damages? There really isn't any legal grounds for a lawsuit. While what he did is abhorrent, it sounds like it has been handled correctly since charges have been filed. Don't expect him to get any more than a fine, which would be the appropriate punishment for any first time offender. Secondly, I hate people that bring their screaming kids on a plane. I can understand, if it is your first time flying with your child and you don't know how they will react, but I seriously had a woman sit down next to me with her crying three year old, and she says, "I hope you brought ear plugs because every time we fly he does this for hours." Really lady? You know he does this and you fly with him anyway? Next time drive or leave the kid at home with a sitter. I am so sick of parent who think they are untitled to make everyone around them miserable just because they are parents. on The Guy Who Hit a Baby on an Airplane

Weekly Wrap Up 2.2.13

I've stayed busy this week reading and writing. I'm making a lot of progress on my anthology I Just Want to Pee Alone and I've started working on my new book Going to School with People I Want to Punch in the Throat.

I'm getting my throat punched over at Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms contest. Last year I won this contest handily and this year the competition is so stiff with so many hysterical ladies that I will be lucky if I get 5th place. Please vote for me so I don't lose my street cred and have to start blogging about coupons.

I've got about a billion different ways for you to follow me and keep up with me now, so I thought I'd list them all here in case you're looking for one more way to be my friend.

Blog (duh). You can subscribe and get me delivered to your inbox or reader every day.
Blog Message Boards. Meet new friends who read PIWTPITT.
Facebook for the blog. I try not to clog your feed too much.
Facebook Author Page. This one is where you can find out what's going on with my writing.
Twitter. I tweet nonsense. Especially on Sunday nights at 9 PM EST at the #spikedpunch Twitter party. Join me this Sunday.
Pinterest. I pin funny stuff, food I want to make, food I'll never make, crafts, blogs and books I read, and exercise routines that I should probably get off my ass and do.
Goodreads. Share your book recommendations with me.

If you think it's a pain in the ass to follow me on all of these channels, try keeping them updated. I'm a social media whore.

Book Update:

If you are an Amazon Prime Member, you can borrow my book Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat for free right now. If you're not an Amazon Prime Member, the book is still full price, but totally worth it. If you want to buy the book for anything BUT a Kindle, you're going to have a problem for a bit. In order to make it a free borrow, Amazon requires me not to sell the book anywhere else. So . . . sorry about that non-Amazon people. I will let you know once it's all back online again for everyone.

Top Read Posts This Week:

PIWTPITT's 10 Rules for Grandparents - Even though my kids have wonderful grandparents I still had to make a list of rules, just because I enjoy making lists of rules. I was pleased to share this one with HuffingtonPost Parents this week as well.

Judgmental People Who Don't Think They're Judgmental - This is on old one, but I thought it was worth repeating, because I'm seeing more and more holier than thou people and it's driving me batty. If you're an asshat, just own it. That's all I ask.

Goodbye "30 Rock" It's Been Fun Chatting with You - My BFF Tina Fey spoke to me one last time on the series finale of her show.

I Was Interviewed! - Kim from Let Me Start By Saying interviewed me. She's a great blogger and an even better interviewer!

Which Downton Character are You? - I love Downton Abbey and I'm always trying to figure out which Crawley sister I am. After taking the official PBS Downton Abbey test I was told I am "Violet." Makes sense. I'm a sassy old lady. It was a red letter week for me when HuffingtonPost TV ran this one as well. Two in one week! I think HP might have a secret crush on me!

My Favorite Comments (and My Replies if Necessary):

Loved this! Kim, I had no idea you were such a talented interviewer. You've been holding out on me. Love the way you two played off each other. And I had no idea RachRiot was such a blog whore. I thought she and I had something special. Day-yam. on I Was Interviewed!

Looks like RachRiot has some explaining to do.

Thanks for answering all my questions! I think the cool thing about Gone Girl is that you hate both main characters, and you struggle with that feeling the rest of the book. It's our Book Club for Thursday's meeting, and I look forward to a very lively conversation. Not liking Seinfeld disturbs me. Not even The Contest? Nothing?? Please stop using the phrase "placenta pills" so I can stop throwing up in my mouth. Thank you. on I Was Interviewed!

Two of my favorites in one place! I love it! I wish I could have been the P.A. that fetches water during that interview. on I Was Interviewed!

I was crazy thirsty answering those questions. I wish I would have known I could have had a P.A. to bring me a drink! Next time for sure!

Next time you're reading a library book, think of this: Once, my kid dropped a library book in the toilet. When I called the library to see how much it was going to cost me, they suggested I let it dry and RETURN IT. I didn't, but it certainly makes me look at library books differently. I still read them. I'm not above toilet books, as long as they're free. on I Was Interviewed!

Right after I read this comment I took a closer look at my book and I noticed a brown fleck dried on the page. I skipped that page. 

Why is it that only women seem to write funny and intelligent blogs? All the blogs I find by men are about gadgets, fashion, cars and how to bang hot chicks (in case you're wondering, it apparently takes gadgets, fashion and cars). Enjoy both of your writing a lot! on I Was Interviewed!

Please note. This comment was made by a man. A very smart man. Who is not my husband.

Can I one-up EVERYONE here? My FIL was suspected of child molestation (not my kids, thank goodness) and we were not allowing him to see our kids. My mother was watching my 3yo, had strict instructions NOT to allow my FIL to see him, and lo and behold she took him over to my in-laws house and left him there all afternoon because she "felt bad he never got to see the grandkids". WTF????? on PIWTPITT's 10 Rules for Grandparents

Yup. You win. WTF??

Make my children keep up their personal hygiene at your house too! You made me brush my teeth and shower everyday. Bad breath and dirt do not skip a generation. Oh, and for goodness sake, make them brush their hair. It takes my girls' hair 2.3 seconds to turn into a tumbleweed on top of their head. on PIWTPITT's 10 Rules for Grandparents

I think everyone has their own miracle cure. My grandpa put Ben-Gay on everything, including skin cancer. My mom; rubbing alcohol. My husband; ice. Me? I say "you're dehydrated. drink a glass of water". on PIWTPITT's 10 Rules for Grandparents

My son never knew his grandparents, they were all deceased long before he was born. I'd give anything for him to have been "spoiled" by grandparents on PIWTPITT's 10 Rules for Grandparents

I like to think I'm the Dowager Countess of Grantham with my sarcasm and biting wit, but I'm probably more like Isobel Crawley. Annoyingly liberal, helpful and optimistic, but I get my subtle and clever jabs in there when necessary. on Which Downton Character Are You?

Some days, I'm Ethel...not because I'm a prostitute, but because every time Ethel is on the screen, I find myself saying "Oh, Ethel, you're gonna regret that!" and there are so very, very many days when I rue every single freaking decision I make. on Which Downton Character Are You?

In my opinion, the world needs a little more sarcasm and a little less self-righteousness. I totally heart your blog. on Judgmental People Who Don't Think THEY'RE Judgmental

I wish there was a like button for comments. They are hysterical. Also, isn't your title for the sake of sarcasm??? I don't think you literally want to punch everyone in the throat...it's F-U-N-N-Y! on Judgmental People Who Don't Think THEY'RE Judgmental

Everyone is judgmental in some way, shape or form. However, you make it funny. I bet "Judy" is reading your blog right now because once you start you just can't stop. ;) on Judgmental People Who Don't Think THEY'RE Judgmental

Wrap Up 1.26.13

This week has been a really productive week for me. (Finally!) I started working on my next book. Did you know I've got another book in the works? Well, I do. It's an anthology that I'm putting together of some of the funniest ladies on the 'net. I started reading through submissions this week and I'm so excited by what I'm seeing. This is going to be such a great book with all new material. Several of your favorites like Underachiever's Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess, Moms Who Drink and Swear, and Robin's Chicks will be in the book along with tons of others you know and even a few hidden gems I discovered that you may not know.

This anthology is something I've wanted to do for a year now. I started thinking about all of the talented ladies I know and how I would love to put together a collection featuring all of them and now I'm finally working towards that goal. I'm very excited.

Because I started working on another book I was advised to start a Facebook page for the author me - as opposed to the blogger me. I have so many hats, I'm like an overachieving writer type. Anyhoo, the author page is where I can keep you updated on the progress of future books and all things writing. The theory is I will not use the blog Facebook page for book updates (as if I can stop myself). I'm going to try that. If you'd like to follow Jen the Author, then click here. I don't post much on there yet, so at least I won't be accused of "clogging" anyone's feed.

Did you join the Twitter party last Sunday? I got caught up in a "Back the Future" marathon with my kids and I couldn't get back to the present to log in. I heard it was a lot of fun. I don't see any reason why I can't be there this week. Be sure to pop in to Twitter and say "Hello" at 9 PM eastern. You can follow the hashtag #spikedpunch or me @throat_punch. 

If you're not hanging out with me on Facebook yet, you should be. Last week I started a new thing where I ask you an ice breaker question. Yesterday was the second one. I asked: If you had to wear the underwear of someone famous, who would you choose and why?

Several people were more than a little grossed out at the question, but you know what? Boohoo. It's a hypothetical question, people. No need to get your panties (not the ones that belong to someone famous) in a bunch. Read the question. Did I say they were used or dirty underwear? Nope. I did not. That's on you. 

The people who decided to have fun with the question came up with lots of hilarious answers. I think my favorite was "Einstein. So I could be a smarty pants."

If you haven't read the answers, do yourself a favor and go read them. 

Also, this week I was nominated for the Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms contest. Last year I got first place. This year I'll be lucky to place in the top 5. The competition is stiff and I loooove so many girls on that list so it feels weird to be "competing" against one another. That being said, you know I'll be pissed if I don't make it to the Top 25, right? So please vote for me each and every day and twice on Sundays from your mobile device. Also, you can vote for EVERYONE on the list. Did you know that? Circle of Moms aren't assholes who make you choose. You get to vote for everyone you like.  

My Favorite Book Review This Week:

5.0 out of 5 stars Does her blog make you laugh? Then this absolutely will, too., January 24, 2013

By 

K. B. (New Jersey, USA) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)

This review is from: Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat (Kindle Edition)

It doesn't have to be Christmas for you to get a good laugh from Jen of the infamous blog People I Want to Punch in the Throat. If you enjoy her rants, raves and reviews online, then this collection of stories of her childhood through her own parenthood will please you to no end. Grab your copy today!

See? You don't have to worry that Christmas is over and that maybe this book isn't relevant anymore. This is a book that crosses lines and can be just as good on President's Day as it was on Christmas Eve. 

Top Read Posts This Week:

Rules for Raising a Boy - This was a classic list (I hate to say "repost") that found a new audience this week. If you have a son then you should totally read this list and then ignore all of my advice, because I have no idea what I'm talking about. Especially the part where I suggest boys never stand to pee. Apparently that emasculates our sons or something like that. All I know is unless he's going to clean up his piddle everywhere, he needs to sit his ass down.

Six Reasons You Should Sleep Naked - I read an article on Yahoo that inspired me to conduct my own unscientific study. I was surprised to read how many of you sleep naked. I didn't add it up, but I think it's above the national average. Way to get your freak on!

Getting to Know You is Like Looking in a Mirror - This post was inspired by last week's getting to know you question. I was surprised how many of us hate the same words like moist, panties, and succulent. I would like to add the word "lover" to the list. In the immortal words of my BFF Tina Fey acting as Liz Lemon "Lovers.. oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza."

Rules for Parents of Daughters - Another classic list where I've been accused of "slut shaming." I honestly don't know what to say this accusation. I'd rather shame my daughter in the hopes that she never becomes a slut rather than encourage her to be a slut. I'm the parent. I make the rules. These rules are for my daughter. If you want to let your daughter be a slut, go for it. 

Adolpha's Obsession with Public Restrooms - Adolpha and I have seen every public restroom out there.

My Favorite Comments (and My Replies if Necessary):

Wow! There are a lot of people commenting with similar stories. I have six children and none of them had a fetish with pubic toilets or any of that. Maybe its because I never took them anywhere very often. Hah. When my 2nd son was in jr high he always called from school to pick him up cuz of stomach issues. He would come home, poop and then go back to school. Once he hit HS he loves snappin' off a darky at school and leaving it for observation. Does that count? on Adolpha's Obsession with Public Restrooms

Here's some more useless shit that lives in my head. If you are forced to use a public bathroom and there is more than one stall, the first one is statistically the cleanest one in the joint. Think about it, you never want to use the first one. No does anyone else. And if you have a choice between the first one on the right and the first one on the left, go to the right. No one else ever goes in there. Hmmm...maybe my odd knowledge about public bathrooms is not so useless after all. And maybe I shouldn't have told all of you because now you'll all be peeing in the first rest room and getting it dirty and it won't be nice and clean when I get there. Forget I said anything. We never had this conversation. on Adolpha's Obsession with Public Restrooms

Son of a bitch! Somehow I got it in my head that the first stall was the DIRTIEST and so I've always avoided it. Now I'm going to have to rethink my public restroom strategy.

Something I'm really proud of is the fact that I know where EVERY EFFING BATHROOM IN DISNEYWORLD IS (that includes EPCOT, MGM Studios and ANIMAL KINGDOM). Keep in mind we DO NOT live in Florida. on Adolpha's Obsession with Public Restrooms

I was like this too, as a child. My parents used to call me the "bathroom critic." ANYWHERE we went, I had to use the bathroom, and then I'd come back with a full accounting of how many stalls, cleanliness factor, anything cool or out of the ordinary . . . . to this day my favorite was at a funeral home where a lot of our family funerals were held. My mother was aghast when she'd tell me a family member had passed on and would be laid out at XYZ funeral home - I'd respond with an enthusiastic "YES!!!!!" I'm 52 years old now and childbirth has made sure I know where every one of the best public restrooms are located. I've cut back on the commentary, however. on Adolpha's Obsession with Public Restrooms

Ah, yes. My daughter's obsession has been well documented. We've been on The Great American Crapper Tour for years. Uugh. The only thing that stops her in her tracks? Her nemesis: The auto-flush toilet. She is terrified of that powerful suction. on Adolpha's Obsession with Public Restrooms

Lord. That's all it takes. Why just stop with sleeping? Think I trying swimming naked at the county Aquatics Center today. on Six Reasons You Should Sleep Naked - A PIWTPITT Experiment

I have two sheets, a blanket and a down comforter. When I sleep naked, my hoo ha is still swaddled like a newborn. And I like it that way. on Six Reasons You Should Sleep Naked - A PIWTPITT Experiment

Sleeping naked just doesn't work for me. I hate it! Inevitably the hubs will roll over and squish one of my boobs that, due to size and age, does NOT stay where it is supposed to anymore!NOT FUN! on Six Reasons You Should Sleep Naked - A PIWTPITT Experiment

I can sum up in two words why I won't sleep naked: butt sweat. on Six Reasons You Should Sleep Naked - A PIWTPITT Experiment

I always sleep with a sports bra and panties. I've tried sleeping in the nude, and oddly enough, a bare vajayjay was not the problem - I couldn't stand to have these ten pound a piece jugs on my chest on the loose all throughout the night! It felt so odd to be topless and hanging all over the place while I was trying to sleep! Plus, my husband is already a walking-talking-boner. I would not get an ounce of sleep with him next to me if everything was so accessible! on Six Reasons You Should Sleep Naked - A PIWTPITT Experiment

As a man, I'm all for this. Just sayin. Now to convince the wife. I think the belly fat thing will be the clincher. on Six Reasons You Should Sleep Naked - A PIWTPITT Experiment

I love sleeping naked. It’s so much more comfortable and when my hubs is battling insomnia, well that’s always a fun way to be woken up in the middle of the night. Yes, confidence, there is something about walking around or sleeping in your birthday suit that is freeing. The belly fat, well that one is true for me too. Almost nothing left to lose. on Six Reasons You Should Sleep Naked - A PIWTPITT Experiment

Well, aren't you a confident sex kitten who doesn't mind in the least being woken up in the middle of the night for a quickie with your sleepless husband and your flat belly? I can't decide if I like you or hate you because of this comment. 

Here's a confession for you. When I had something to eat that got stuck between my teeth, and there is no thread to be found, guess what I use?!? he he he.. on Getting to Know You is Like Looking in a Mirror

I have a friend who is afraid of ham. Not just disgusted by it, but literally afraid of it. She can't be near it or see pictures of it. Any form of ham. on Getting to Know You is Like Looking in a Mirror

I have two uteruses(sp?). I hate snakes, with a passion. And I hate the word penis. on Getting to Know You is Like Looking in a Mirror

Uteri?

The first time I heard my mom say "Fuck you" to my dad was because he accidentally touched her leg with his toenail in bed the night before. I'm not big on feet, but I'm not that bad. -Amy on Getting to Know You is Like Looking in a Mirror

That sounds like a typical night at my house.