Weekly Wrap Up 8.25.12

Our first full week of school done.  The silence around my house is deafening, but you'll never catch me complaining.  It's heavenly.

Top Read Posts This Week:

Rep. Todd Akin - This guy is a legitimate freak show.  Last I heard this guy is sticking to his guns and staying in the race.  I actually kind of admire that.  After all, his party leaders say the same shit he says, they just use better words so they don't look like such BIG dicks.  I still hope he loses, but I'm glad he stood up to his party when they tried to throw him under the bus.

I receive a bit of grief about being political and calling Kansas and Missouri the "armpit" of America.  Look, I've always been a supporter of women's rights and I don't care if this guy is a politician or not.  If you go on TV and say this shit, I'm going to call you out.  This blog is about me and what makes me tick and what ticks me off.  Some days it will be political, but not every day, so just roll with it. 

As for calling Kansas and Missouri the "armpit," at least I didn't call them the "hairy asshole" of America.  Armpit implies that there is room for improvement.  Until we start electing officials who actually care to improve this place we will continue to be the armpit.  I'm not talking about building more strip malls and movieplexes.  I want leaders who actually care about the inhabitants (currently residing outside of the womb) of these states and make improvements to better our lives and our futures.  

Some Mini Punches to the Throat - What "Hell" does a Prince, a crazy Judge from Texas, skinny dipping in the Sea of Galilee and a face-kini have to do with each other?  Not a damn thing, but they all made the list.

PIWTPITT's Top 10 Reasons People are Compelled to Read Top 10 Lists - I think there is always room for lists, I just hate that everything must be a slideshow/list these days.  It annoys the ever loving hell out of me.  

Open Letter to Sadist Teachers - It was back to school night last night and I didn't get in trouble for my purple glue sticks.  Seems like I've got two great teachers who aren't sadists.  A few other teachers figured out I am Punchy and called me out.  Let's hope they don't hold this blog against my children.  

Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies - It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!  Actually, it really is looking like Christmas over at my mom's house.  I'm working on a top secret Christmas surprise and I need my mother's house to be done up in her normal, over the top, amazeballs, (bat shit crazy) Christmas decor so I convinced her to put up all her decorations this week.  I have been helping her and let's just say so far we've put in 28 man hours and we're close to half way done.  

Message Boards Update:

Rebecca is the latest reader to tell us about herself.  I love this thread, because I feel like I get a glimpse of who is out there.  You guys know so much about me from my girl crush on Tina, my aversion to hair removal and my desire to drive a minivan and now I get to know a bit about you too!  Are you a little shy to share?  No problem, start your own topic.  Did you know that when you comment on the message boards a link to your newest blog post shows up?  That is a great way to find new readers for your blog and new blogs for you to read, so join the message boards today.  It's easy and fun. 

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Rep. Todd Akin

I live in the fucking armpit of America where I am surrounded by people who continually vote ignoramuses into political office.

Have you heard about Congressman Todd Akin from Missouri yet?  My neighbors across the border in Missouri have a congressman who sits on the House Committee of Science, Space and Technology who thinks that if a woman suffers a "legitimate rape, the female body has ways to...shut that whole thing down."  

Yes, Missouri has elected the village idiot to Congress and now he's running for Senate.

Rep. Todd Akin - Science Enthusiast

If it wasn't so scary I'd laugh.  The man sits on the House Committee of SCIENCE, Space and Technology and he thinks that I just need to tell those rapey sperm to get away from my eggs.  Is that what science has taught him???  He also probably learned in his "science" class that there were dinosaurs on Noah's Ark.

And don't even get me started on what qualifies as a "legitimate" rape.  I didn't realize there was a legitimate rape.  "You were asking for it, slut.  That's why your body didn't shut that whole thing down.  Nope, wasn't a legitimate rape - abortion denied."  

Why is this guy even on the ballot?  This asshat thinks the female wonderland knows when it has been raped and will shut down the tubes and prevent unwanted pregnancies.  This guy might win the dumb ass award for the year.  With all the other idiots in office, that is some feat. 

Who votes for people like Akin?  Who looks at his voting record  (a mix of cuts to education, parks and embryonic stem cell research along with a healthy dose of support for concealed weapons) and thinks, "Yup, this is the guy for me!"

I'm sure there are some smart, educated people who vote for Akin, but it makes me feel better to imagine his supporters as toothless mouth breathers who say things like, "I hate smart kids, education is for the weak.  I quit school in 6th grade and I turned out just fine!  Parks suck.  Only perverts and gays hang out in parks.  I don't want my tax dollars supporting that kind of sin.  Embry...what???  What the hell science fiction is that?  You can pry my 9 mm from my cold, dead hand, my 2000 44 Special Bulldog from my front right pants pocket and my Star PD 45 ACP from my shoulder holster - all lethal, legal and necessary for one's safety."

I take it back.  I can't imagine there are any smart, educated people who are voting for this guy and his ilk.  There can't be.  How could they?  What has happened to our country?  How do these guys keep getting elected?

America should be ashamed of itself.  The voters in America continue to put whiners, freaks, buffoons, bigots, and all around assholes into office.

Akin has since said that he misspoke.  Of course he misspoke, but the thing is, I don't believe him.  I think that when he went to that interview and he said a "legitimate rape" can be countered by a woman's body he really meant it.  He believed in that "science."  Ha.  My second grader knows more about the biology of a woman's reproductive system than Akin does.

No, if he "misspoke" he would have instantly realized the nonsense that had vomited from his mouth and he would have quickly corrected himself right then, "Whoops!  Wait, what did I say?  Of course I didn't mean that.  That's not physically possible.  HOWEVER, what I meant to say was I think abortion is wrong in any instance.  If a woman is raped and she becomes pregnant as a result, I'm sorry to hear that.  But her right to choose an abortion should be denied because the rights of the unborn child are greater.  True, I haven't voted to support education for this child or parks for this child to play in.  True, I've made it easier to conceal weapons in the state this child will be raised in and this could result in the child one day being accidentally shot.  But none of that matters.  What matters is that this woman got herself in a pickle and now she's going to have to raise that pickle."

I don't care if you are pro-life or pro-choice.  That is not the issue here.  The issue is that we have a dolt in office and he is running for the Senate.  I don't care if you are Republican or Democrat, you should go out and vote.  Just don't vote for twits that think "legitimate rape" actually exists.

If you don't agree with my politics and you want to say so, fine.  Just make sure you say it respectfully. 

BE RESPECTFUL TO ONE ANOTHER IN THE COMMENTS SECTION.  YOUR FIGHT IS NOT WITH EACH OTHER.  It may seem hypocritical for me to rant and rave and then say you can't rant and rave.  I'm saying this, because I wrote this piece and I'm prepared to take criticism, but the people who comment here are not in a position to be attacked, they're just commenting and they didn't ask for a fight.  If you want to fight, go start your own blog.