Weekly Wrap Up 6.23.12

What a week!  I got home from camp with the kids and went straight into a week of swimming lessons.  Every time I take my kids to swimming lessons, I think of Stephenie Meyer saying how she wrote Twilight during her kids' swimming lessons...she must be a very fast writer (or her kids are slow learners) because I could barely get a to-do list written! 


Thursday night was a lot of fun and I've heard from several of you that you had fun too.  Be sure to let us know how your event went, we're all curious.  If you want to continue to keep up with one another and plan an another event, the best place to do that is the PIWTPITT Message Boards.  Check them out here.


I'm still hearing that many of you aren't getting me in your Facebook feeds anymore.  The easiest fix for that is to subscribe here at the blog or follow me on Twitter.

Top Read Posts This Week:

Look What Honda Sent Me - Yup, Honda sent me a minivan. It's still in the driveway tonight. I love how it looks there. My kids just want to move in and sleep in it. We're going to take it on a road trip next week, so that way the Hubs can fall in love with it too.

Making the Bus Monitor Cry - By now everyone has seen the video of Karen and the fucking twerps that abused her. Everyone went all fire and brimstone on these kids and I decided I'd rather go a different route. I sat down with the Hubs and we actually wrote this one together (unbelievable) and imagined what we WISHED Karen could have said to those little dickheads. I know she would have been fired if she'd even remotely tried to call them dipshits, but it's fun to dream. She could have at least called the cops. I'm pretty sure I would have done that.  Let the cops escort those fuckers home, because whatever a bus monitor is paid isn't enough to deal with those delinquents.

Tonight's the Night - The first PIWTPITT Friend's Party! It happened. Tell me how your city did. Did you meet anyone? Kansas City had about 16 people show up. We had a really fun time. I think the person who came the furthest was the lady from Beijing. Seriously. This is a funny story. I drove my friend Amy and her friend Meredith in the minivan to the party. We were parking and Amy and Meredith were admiring the minivan and all of its luxe features when a woman came up to me and said, "You're Jen, aren't you?" Ack! My first new potential friend! "Yessss..." I replied. "I knew it! Since you were talking about minivans, I figured it had to be you," she said.  

She then proceeded to tell us that she was in town for 2 days looking at houses because her family was moving from Beijing. Her friend in Beijing is a super fan and begged this woman to go to the party and meet me. So she dragged her husband and her child to this restaurant just so she could say hello and tweet her friend that she was there with me. My head was spinning. After some small talk (and me trying to sell myself as her Realtor, which she politely declined assuring me she had one - damn!!) she went to have dinner with her family. Pretty soon, she popped over to our table and said her husband told he would eat with the kid so she could hang with us. Kick ass, husband!!  

Father's Who Won't Change Diapers - This was a repost from the olden days, but still relevant. Sounds like there are a lot of great dads out there who are pulling their weight in the diaper duty department. Great!

Mini Me - Another conversation between Adolpha and Gomer that only proves to me that Adolpha is going to be a handful very soon.

New Posts for Babble This Week:

Are Helpful Men Creepy? - A friend told me about a man offering to help her and her children and she freaked out and called him creepy. WTH?

My Little Fashion Plate Designed Her Own Clothes - I insulted the quality of a company's product and so they sent me a gift card so that I could eat crow. I ate crow and it was delicious.

Can Bullies be Bullied? - A teacher in Texas got fired because she let the class hit the bully.

I Went on a Blind Date to Find a Friend - Why I almost didn't go to the PIWTPITT party.

10 Funny (Mom) Blogs You Should Read Today - I was surprised to hear that an advertiser said that he didn't know humor blogs existed. Hellooooo. So I decided to put together a list of some of the funniest women I know and share it with everyone. A note to advertisers: We are funny and we have fabulous funny readers who like to buy your shit.

Favorite Comments of the Week (and My Response if Necessary):

Thankfully I married a guy who has no problem changing diapers. I hate the douchey dads who say that they are "babysitting" their own damn kids. You're not babysitting....you're being a responsible parent!! on Fathers Who Won't Change Diapers

I worked with a lady whose husband wouldn't change diapers. There were a couple of times where he stayed home with a sick kid and he would bring them to our office so his wife would change the diaper. No joke! on Fathers Who Won't Change Diapers

I love your a man changing diapers is sexy logic. What else can we get the men to do by convincing them they are sexy doing it? Mopping floors is HOT! Scrubbing a toilet will earn you a BJ. I will show you something new if you clean the garage. Things could get interesting. on Fathers Who Won't Change Diapers

Sounds like Dad needs a blog of his own! A family who blogs together tells the world to fuck off together. on Happy Father's Day!

I keep telling him.

Love it... Want it... but my Little Bag of Crap can't be white because it has to live on the floor of my mini van for weeks at a time!-Steph on You're Going to Want This Stuff 

Surely it can be washed?

I overheard my daughter scolding her younger brother, 4 and 5 respectively, "if you ever do that again no more playing, no more toys, and no more water!" What? No water? I can assure you that I have never threatened my children with dehydration! on Mini Me

AWESOME. I knew I'd reached a new chapter in my life when I started commenting on how "cool" the new Odysseys were when each new model came out (the newest being, by far, the coolest). I *love* my Odyssey, something I never imagined I'd say about a minivan. But seriously, I'm wondering if I'll ever drive anything else - even when the kids eventually fly the nest. Enjoy - you won't want to give it back. I guarantee it. Those slidey doors are enough to seal the deal. No, wait, the DVD player with the headphones that allow the kids to watch movies and you to still listen to the radio are sheer genius. on Look What Honda Sent Me

I succumbed to the minivan long ago (kicking and screaming). But my newest one, 2011 tricked out T&C is like a mobile living room. I am driving all over the country (final stop, KC, btw) and it is a smooooottthhhhhh ride. The kids barely spoke out loud in 10 hours yesterday. Two screens (dvd on one, PlayStation on the other). ipod/ds charging (love that little outlet). I turn up some Eminem and drive like a gangsta filming an Imported from Detroit commercial. Badass. on Look What Honda Sent Me

MCC? it's okay, but I prefer Suburban Assault Vehicle. (I am totally jealous of the 15 cupholders, though!) on Look What Honda Sent Me

Here in Utah we call them Mormon Assault Vehicles. :) I don't want one...but I am kind of jello that you get to try one out for two weeks. on Look What Honda Sent Me

Now that all these vehicles come with so many drink holders, they need to start putting potties in them. If I have that many drinks in my car, (almost 2 per person, I will surely be asking for extra potty stops! on Look What Honda Sent Me

Well... check you out! What next? Why Tina Fey, of course! on Look What Honda Sent Me

LOL! I like how all the pissed off people post their comments anonymously. I have to admit... I'm guilty of being a tad OAM on occasion and my sister says the visor I wear is douchey. I am lucky enough to have a sister to call me out on my behavior. Everyone should be so lucky. Funny stuff! I love your husband's response! Chill out people. on Douchey Dads

Tonight's the Night

Tonight, tonight, da, da, da, da, da, daaaaa.  (I'm singing here.  Can't you tell?)

Tonight's the night, girls.  Tonight is the night you're going to meet your newest BFF or a potential stalker.  Either way, it's going to kick ass because you won't have to put the kids to bed and you can have a cocktail or a Coke with a group of women that have a sense of humor.

Who's going?  I think there will be about 20 in the Kansas City "Donner Party."  That's what our reservation is under.  We think it will keep the kitchen staff moving quickly with our orders.

I can't guarantee much about tonight, but I can guarantee that you will have a laugh.  I promised you some mixers to get the party started and here they are:

1.  If you could be any animal - what would you be and why?  (Correct answer:  Koala, rarrr.)

2.  What is the most inappropriate gift a guy ever gave you?  (Correct answer:  Tampax for your big menses.)

3.  What is an "In the Butt Bag"?  Follow up extra extra bonus question:  What act must you perform to get a bag from Marshalls?  (Correct answer:  Half-hearted handjob during Letterman.)

(If the mood gets dull, say "fuck it" and then pull out your phone and read Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies out loud to the group.)

Tomorrow I'd love to see some pics and hear the best answers to the mixer questions.  I've created areas on the PIWTPITT message boards, so log in and share.

If you've read this far and you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about.  Read this post that started it all:  

I know this will be hard for many of you to believe, but I don't have many friends.  (This is where you say, Duh!)

I have many acquaintances, but not too many close friends.  It's hard for me to find people who I can stand to be around and who can stand to be around me.

The other night the Hubs and I were lamenting that summer is coming and we don't have anyone to play with other than our 2 or 3 friends who we probably overwhelm and drown with attention.  We realized we probably need another friend or two to take some of the heat before we run off the few we actually have.

(Actually, the Hubs doesn't give a shit.  He'd be happy to hang out with me all day.  Awww.  Blech.  No offense to the Hubs, but I need more than him.  I need some social interaction and not with a bunch of douchey dads or Dolce moms.)

So I'm on the hunt for another friend or two.  I don't think it's going to be easy.  I am no peach.  I get it.  A lot of the reason I don't have many close friends is because I am a fairly crappy friend.  I'm going to be honest with you.  I tend to forget important dates like birthdays, anniversaries, scheduled surgeries, lunch dates, etc.  I have great intentions to call and catch up with my friends more than once a month, but I blink and suddenly it's been 3 months and then I think, Eh, if she wanted to talk to me, she would have called me.  We must not be as close as I thought.  I would love to have my friends over for a meal, but I'm a terrible cook and it would just be better for everyone if we went out for a meal.  I have a sense of humor that can be tough to accept.  I show I love my friends by teasing them and not everyone can take a good teasing.  I'm getting better at this and I've figured out who can take it and who can't and I'm dialing it down, but it's still hard for me to remember.

Sometimes it's like grade school all over again and trying to find someone you enjoy eating lunch with.  I'd just like to find a friend (or two) who has these qualities:

1.  Be real.  That's all I want.  Just be real.  Just be yourself, even if yourself is annoying, I'll respect you and like you for being yourself.

2.  Be able to laugh.  A lot.  Laugh at yourself, laugh at people around you, laugh at situations you find yourself in, laugh your ass off at me.  Just laugh.  I can't tell you how many women I've met lately who are afraid to laugh.  They smile a bit, but no one guffaws anymore.  Not even a chortle.

You gotta just let it go.  If you think something is funny, I want to hear your donkey bray laugh and your snort.  I'd love a good coffee spray.

3.  Be spontaneous.  I'm not the best at this, but I'd like to get better, so I figure if I find a friend who is spontaneous, you'll force me to be too.  It doesn't have be a Thelma & Louise-style cross country excursion, it can just be Let's grab some dinner and hit the park in an hour or Let's go get pedicures tomorrow.

4.  Be accepting.  I am who I am.  I can't change anymore than you can so I need you to accept me the way I am.

5.  Be a little crass.  I drop the F bomb like a truck driver and I think it's funny to talk about things like:   "Who would ever think it's a good idea to freeze their hand blown glass dildo?  They actually have to warn you about that?"

6.  Be confident.  We all have our down days where we need someone to give us a pep talk and that's fine, but I can't be friends with someone who is constantly down on herself, her marriage, her abilities, etc. and won't take the advice she gets when she asks for it.

7.  Be open.  I want to know you.  I want to know alllll about you.  I live for your dramas and I love to hear them over and over again.  (Seriously.)

8.  Be open and dramatic, but don't be crazy.  I don't know how else to say this.  I just don't want to ride the crazy train all the time.  I don't need a friend who is warm and friendly one minute and then cold and bitchy the next depending upon who she's hanging with at the time.  That's the kind of drama I don't want.

9.  Have a spouse the Hubs can play with.  It's much easier for me to sneak away for Girls' Night Out if he can have some friends to hang with too.

10.  This pretty much sums up my ideal friend:

11.  Be unique and interesting.  I don't know what exactly makes a person unique and interesting, but let's start with her being able to keep up her end of a conversation and it can't be about the weather.  I won't mind if all my friend can say is "I think the Kardashians are smart businesswomen."  I may disagree with her completely, but at least she has an opinion and I like that.  BTW my response to that statement would be, "Those women may run 'businesses,' but their entire business centers around staging fake, headline-grabbing relationships and being rewarded for leaking sex tapes and music videos that are sex tapes set to music.  I will call these girls and their Machiavellian mother many things, but busineswoman is not one of them."

I know I'm not alone with this lament.  I know there are some of you out there feeling the same way.  I've had some requests to help people connect with other PIWTPITT readers in their city.  If you're interesting in meeting some fellow punchies speak up in the comments and if there's enough interest, I'll designate a night in June as PIWTPITT Meet a New Friend Night.  If the Ya-Yas can do it, we surely can.

UPDATE:  I GOT SUCH AN OVERWHELMING RESPONSE THAT I'VE PICKED A DAY:  THURSDAY, JUNE 21.  I'VE STARTED MAKING EVENTS ON MY FACEBOOK PAGE, SO DON'T BE LEFT BEHIND.  CHECK AND SEE IF THERE IS A CITY NEAR YOU.  OBVIOUSLY I CAN'T BE AT ANY OF THESE, SO I NEED VOLUNTEERS TO BE IN CHARGE AND PICK A LOCATION AND TIME IN YOUR CITY.  PLEASE SEND ME AN EMAIL IF YOU CAN DO THAT.  

JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR - THIS IS FOR LADIES ONLY.  THIS IS LADIES NIGHT.  GUYS, IF YOU WANT A NIGHT, GO PLAN IT ON THE HUBS' PAGE.  WOMEN NEED TO BE FRIENDS WITH OTHER WOMEN.  WE'RE NOT LOOKING FOR FELLAS.

Don't worry, guys, I'm not leaving you out.  If you want a Guys' Night Out, let The Hubs know and he'll hook you up.

Share this with a friend!

WANT TO GO, BUT YOU HAVEN'T RSVP'D YET?  NOT A PROBLEM.  CLICK HERE AND SEE IF YOUR CITY IS HAVING A PARTY.  RSVP NOW AND GO.