We Can Do It!

Just last night we were talking about gender equality with our kids. (Because we do that when we're not singing the Diarrhea Song.) We were talking about what women get paid compared to men. Gomer announced, "Adolpha, when we're older I'll make more money than you, because I'm a boy."

My little feminist, Adolpha, was highly offended. "You will not! I will make as much money as you, Gomer!"

"Nope. Mom told me. Ladies make less than men even when they do the same job. It sucks, but that's the way it is."

Weekly Wrap Up 1.14.11

This week has been a busy week for me.

Top posts this week were:

Open Letter to Beyonce & Jay-Z - There were some allegations leveled against the couple and Lenox Hill Hospital.  I reacted to what I read and saw in the press.  Since I wrote this, there has been an investigation and it's all over now.  The parents never came forward again, I'm not sure what happened to them.  This post got flagged by FB and people had some trouble reposting it for about a day.  I appreciate anyone who went above and beyond to get it out there.

Rules for Parents of Daughters - This list wasn't as funny as my boy's list and I got some flack for that.  I feel that boys do a lot more "gross" things than girls do that should be stopped and girls do more self-destructive things and that's not funny.  This one also went viral this week.  Thanks again to those of you who kept sharing it.

Rules for Parents of Sons - This was in response to a sweet list I saw making the rounds about teaching boys to do laundry and such.  This was just my snarky take on what I thought could have been added to the list.

Things I Saw This Morning That Pissed Me Off - This was a list I wrote after watching the news one morning.

Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies - Finally, this post has been kicked out of first place and at this rate it might not even make the list next week.

My favorite comments of the week (and my replies):

Jen, You do have a son, right?  I have a boy and a girl and while I admired and posted your list for girls.  This list for boys is insulting.  It reflects a view of boys as simpletons.  You encourage strength, self respect and confidence for girls while you emphasize not "rubbing one out," not "standing to pee" and not "picking boogers" for boys.  This list just reflects a low opinion for boys.  You had the potential to come up with something much better especially for your son's sake. on Rules for Raising a Boy

Yes I have son.  Can you read?  The beginning of the boy's list clearly states that there is a sweet, nice list making the rounds and this was my version of the list.  It's not meant to be empowering and uplifting.  It was a joke. Why do I keep having to tell people what I write is a joke?  I guess I should be glad that so many people are taking my "words of wisdom" to heart, but I'm concerned how many people don't read closely.  


Of course charges were dismissed.  They can afford a 2,200 square foot nursery and a $500,000 minivan. I'm sure there was a "donation" to someone somewhere that made those charges magically disappear.  What selfish assholes!  My 1st son was a NICU baby, only my hospital didn't have a NICU and he was taken 35 miles away while I was made to stay at the original hospital.  I didn't see him for almost 2 days.  When I did make it to the hospital to see him, if I had been told that I couldn't see him because of some BULLSHIT like this, my ass probably would have wound up in jail. on Open Letter to Beyonce & Jay-Z

I could not agree more, but on advice from my legal counsel, I will remain silent.  Haha.

I find it funny that you discourage your daughter from reading teen magazines yet you're a faithful reader of People (?) and US (?). # hypocrite. on Weekly Wrap Up 1.6.12

Did I ever say I wasn't a hypocrite?  Of course I'm a hypocrite.  I'm not perfect.  Aren't we all hypocrites at times?  Also, I'm an adult woman who is not easily influenced by the shit I read in those rags.  And I never said "faithful" read of US, I've barely looked at that one.  Plus, if I don't read those magazines then how would I know who to punch?   


We broke a METAL bedframe.  When I was 6 months pregnant  Totally possible even if hubs isn't a vampire lol.  Some people LIKE rough sex - it's kinda refreshing to see someone *not* just "making love" in a movie but getting downright violent.  I think that should be on the list.  Let your daughter know that she's not "weird" for her sexual preference - sex between two consenting adults is not "weird" even if someone's tied up and getting smacked with a riding crop. on Rules for Parents of Daughters

I would like to read your blog.

I married young, I was married and done having kids before I was 20.  We have 2 beautiful daughters that are 8 and 10 and we are coming up on our 9th anniversary.  It's been the best years of my life and I don't regret anything!  While I was making dreams and goals with the love of my life my friends were out getting drunk in the bars and hooking up with numerous guys....I'm not so sure I made the wrong choice here.:)  I'm not saying if you don't get married young you'll be a bar hopper, but I am saying there is nothing wrong with getting married if you know you've found the one. on Rules for Parents of Daughters.

I hear what you're saying here.  These rules are coming from my experience.  I just know that if I'd gotten married at 20 I would not still be married to that person.  I've also seen a lot of my friends get married young and have it not work out vs. my friends who married later in life.  My parents got married in their very early 20s and had kids young and they're still together 40 years later.  It does work for some people, just not sure it would have worked for me so I'm advising my daughter to take her time.  PS - I do envy you for being such a young mother - that's one negative of waiting until I was 30 to get married. 

I love to follow your post...as a father and husband it is great b/c my wife and I can talk about it and laugh at it...and she can 'school' me on what a douche canoe is! on Contact Me

I love that there are some men out there reading the blog.  I'm also glad that you recognize that your wife is a wealth of knowledge. 

So you actually have to make your child lunches when they go to school?  Ah hell, I better start Googling now, 2 years will go by in a flash!  on Lunchbag Competitors

You mean you don't make your 2 year old amazing, interesting and fun lunches now?  The horror.  


Actually, in 2 years the lunch rage will probably be something else, so you might as well wait.

These comments need no reply.  I just love them and agree with them completely.  Preach it!

The difference between raising boys vs. raising girls:  when you have a boy, you only have to worry about one penis.  When you have a girl, you have to worry about ALL of them. on Rules for Parents of Daughters

God, why didn't people write these kinds of things when I was growing up?  My parents could have used a few of these lessons. on Rules for Parents of Daughters

For the salesgirls at a clothing department shop who ask you to sign up for a credit card when they're ringing up your stuff.  I understand you are probably being forced to ask me if I want one, but by the FOURTH time in a row you've asked, you've pushed my bitch-switch (totally stealing this BTW) and I will no longer politely refuse.

SG: Are you using your :insert store card: today?
Me:  No
SG: Would you like to sign up for a card?
Me: No thanks.
SG: Are you sure?  You could save 10% today?
Me: Still no, but thank you.
SG: It will only take a minute to sign you up!
Me: I'm really not interested.
SG: You will receive discounts in the mail if you sign up.
Me: Can anyone hear me or am I just saying no in my head?  For the love of God, STFU!!!! on Got a Punch?

A huge PITT to my male co-workers.  If you cannot hit the toilet, please sit down or clean up after yourself.  I do not enjoy looking at or stepping in your pee.  On the same note, if you decide you need to go #2, please make sure all of your #2 goes down the toilet as I also don't enjoy looking at or smelling what you ate last night. on Got a Punch?

Being stupid is NOT CUTE.  Watch the news.  Keep up with global and local events.  Learn to drive a stick.  Learn to change a tire and check your oil.  Learn basic household maintenance.  Have your own tool box and know how to use the items inside!  Use the internet to find out how to do something instead of just waiting for him to get home to take care of it for you. on Rules for Parents of Daughters

Open Letter to Beyonce & Jay-Z

UPDATE:  This is the article I read that upset me. 

Is anybody else tired of celebrities being treated like royalty?  Because I sure am.  I read a lot over the last couple of days about Beyonce and Jay-Z's escapades at the hospital and it really made me upset.  I was a NICU parent 7 years ago and I can't imagine being denied access to my kid because a celebrity also happened to give birth when I did.

So I've written an open letter to Beyonce and Jay-Z and I really hope they read it.

Dear Beyonce and Jay-Z,

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter.

I was glad to hear that you were able to have your friends and family (including your makeup artist) come and visit you and your new daughter and you were able to have a catered lunch.

That's great.

But what I really want to talk to you about are the NICU parents sharing the hospital with you whose feelings you didn't take into account for one second.

Was it really necessary to lock down the entire floor and block parents from the NICU just so you could use the hallway?  I get that you're big stars and you have to worry about security and whatnot, but there's no reason to be complete assholes.

You know how right now you feel an overwhelming love for Blue mixed with a little fear, uncertainty and anxiety?  Well, NICU parents feel that times a million and the last thing they need is more stress added to their already stressful lives by a couple of divas (you're one too, Jay-Z, don't deny it) who think no one else has ever given birth before.

My bitty baby.

As a former NICU parent I can tell you how easy it is to flip flop back and forth between the excitement of having a new baby and the heart-stopping fear that your child is not well.

When you're in the NICU it is almost unbearable to pass the "normal" parents in the halls who have the pleasure of choosing whether or not they want their baby in the room with them, choosing whether to breastfeed or bottle feed, or the worst: the parents taking large, robust babies home in adorable outfits with lots of photo ops while your child is still hooked up to machines and fighting to live.

These are the parents you had no regard for.

When you're in the NICU, you get 2 maybe 3 visitors allowed at a time.  Each visitor must scrub in like a surgeon before they're allowed in the nursery.  Some visitors are barred at the door if they show any sign of a sniffle or a cough - that is certain death for many of the babies in the NICU.  Some babies are so sick they can't be handled, so their parents just gaze at them and whisper words of encouragement like, "C'mon buddy, you need to fight now.  You need to be strong, because Daddy and I love you so much and we need you to be with us."

Those are the kinds of memories these new parents were making while you were hosting a catered lunch.

The NICU parents were eating cold soup from a vending machine and realizing that the perfect birth they imagined was not happening and what they really needed was some compassion and instead they got hassled - by your "staff."

When you're in the NICU, you need support and lots of it.  You need your family and your friends to rally around you and keep you going.  Some parents are in the hospital with their babies for days, weeks, months and all they live for are the visits that continue to sustain them.

Imagine the distress of these parents - the ones you didn't care about - to find that their loved ones had been relocated or stopped from visiting.  Not for a cold, but because someone in your entourage needed to go out for a smoke or whatever was so important to shut down the hallway.

Were these measures really necessary?  I get that you need to worry about your security, but on the other hand, what are the chances that someone who wants to injure you, your baby or one of your visitors just happens to be in Lenox Hill Hospital with a baby in the NICU that day??  Pretty low is my uneducated guess.

We all want to protect our children, but covering up security cameras sounds like a way to protect your wallet more than your child.  It makes no sense to me that you're so worried some crazy person is going to get you that you install bullet proof windows and doors, but then you cover the security cameras?  If, for some reason (God forbid), someone did get in, you'd need those cameras to help catch that person.

I think you covered the cameras because you want to be sure no one has a picture of Blue.  You want to be the ones to sell her image to the highest bidder without the worry that a grainy surveillance photo is out there.  By covering the cameras though, you put everyone else's child at risk and that was a shitty thing to do.

I understand what happened, I really do.  New parents are PSYCHOTIC.  We all go through it.  It's just what we do.  Even the most normal and down to Earth people lose their shit a bit when they have a baby.  I don't know why we have such high expectations from our stars.  You guys are so out of touch with reality to start with and then you add first time parents to it and you guys go crazy.  I mean, seriously, a $500,000 minivan??  WTF?  Who is going to drive this?  Will you need a shower while you're making a run to Babies 'R' Us?

Either way, it's over now.  Now it's damage control time.  It's time to admit you were wrong and put out an apology.  Jay-Z - own it.  Once you sell the photos of Blue, a nice sizable donation (i.e, the whole check) to March of Dimes would be great.  Or better yet, pay the bills for the parents in the NICU that you disrupted - who are probably still there today wondering when their child will be able to go home.

PS - This story could all be rumor and conjecture.  I have no idea what to believe anymore.  I see articles and stories and then they're retracted.  If none of this is true (as the hospital is saying), then set the record straight.  I truly hope it's not true.

UPDATE: Since I wrote this post an investigation has been done and the complaints against Beyonce and Jay-Z and the hospital have been dismissed. 

SECOND UPDATE:  I received an email from the mother who was denied access to her twins in the NICU.  She thanked me for bringing attention this matter.  Her babies were still in the NICU when I heard from her, but she was going to be bringing them home that day.  She assured me that her story is the truth and that she will be taking further action about the matter.  She didn't want to do anything until her babies were home and healthy.  She promised to keep me posted.