I'm This Much Closer to a Minivan

OK, so you guys are not going to believe this.  Remember a couple of months ago when I wrote about my secret desire and passion to drive a minivan?  Well...the Hubs got me a minivan!

Just joking it's a rental from Florida.  He thought it would be funny to rent a minivan while we were there and make it look like the Elf delivered it to me.

Little does he know how much magic that little Elf has, because today I got an email offering me a minivan!!  Sorta.

OK, so Honda has apparently contacted a driving experience company to offer me a chance to "spend some time" in an Odyssey.

Honda Odyssey - badass and super sleek.

I'm not sure what "spend some time" means exactly so I contacted Honda to find out the details.  In the meantime I sent an email to Toyota to see if they'd be interested in giving me a chance to "spend some time" in a Sienna AWD.

Toyota Sienna - neither snow nor rain nor gloom of night can stop me in this baby!

And after my trip to Florida, I realized I left out Chrysler.  We drove the Town & Country down there and I tell you what, people, it was a pretty sweet van.  I loved the rearview camera!  So, Chrysler if you want in - you let me know.

Chrysler Town & Country - surprisingly spacious and comfortable and lots of features!  Who knew?

Now, I have no idea what "spend some time" in a minivan means, so I thought I'd let Honda, Toyota - and Chrysler - know what I'm thinking.  I'd love to get a minivan for a year - not a basic model, I need the "Mobile Command Center."  Something that I can really brag about.  I would add a PS to every one of my blog posts here on the website about how much I love driving my swaggerwagon and I'd also put a blurb in my About Jen tab about my minivan love.  In the scheme of things it's not much from these car makers budgets to give me a van and let me pimp them out as only I can:  "Mmm....kids and I are enjoying nice cold beverages from the built in cooler in my Honda/Toyota/Chrysler!"

Please don't punch me because I'm not afraid to whore myself out for a free ride - wouldn't you if someone gave you the chance?  At least I'm not asking for this:

Yeah, it's a crystal mini replica of the Disney castle that retails for $37,500.  I think a minivan is a much better buy.

Maybe if I get this van, it will prompt Tina Fey to call me because she'll want to watch a movie in my badass minivan!

Me - For Wanting a Minivan

Last week you found out I was a closet crafter and now I have another sad confession to make:

I really want a minivan.

It's not like I need a minivan.  I only have 2 children and no pets.  I just really want one.

Bizarre, right?  Even a little sick and twisted.  I can't explain it.  No one understands it.  I barely understand it.

Right now I drive a Toyota Venza.  It's a very nice car, but do you know what demographic Toyota is marketing the Venza to?  Baby Boomers.  I drive a Baby Boomer car.  I want a Swagger Wagon, not a Boomermobile.  Are you listening Toyota and Honda marketing people?  I would actually LOVE to drive one of your vehicles compared to the many people who complain about having to drive a minivan.

I want a minivan in black, preferably, because black is more badass and I want to drive a badass minivan, because black is the only badass minivan color there is.  Duh.

I want to have "slidey doors" (as my kids call them) that I can open and close with a push of the button so my kids can jump in or out like parachuters on an airplane.  These slidey doors would also come in handy when my children throw open their doors and ram them into the cars parked next to us.  The people who park next to me would appreciate it if I drove a minivan.  It's almost like I'd be helping mankind if I drove one.

I want enough seats for my kids and their friends when we're going somewhere.  I hate that I always have to say, "I can't take anyone, because my car can only hold 2 boosters/carseats."  If I had my sweet ride, I would have a whole row of extra seats available!

If I had a minivan, I wouldn't stop with just the automatic doors.  I couldn't possibly stop there.  My dream is to drive a badass minivan so I'd also need the DVD player with headphones (please God, with headphones because I can't listen to "Phineas & Ferb" while I'm driving - I'll drive off a cliff), Bluetooth (hands free calling is safer), I'd want the power tailgate (no sense getting my hands dirty when that's an option) and I'd want the leather wrapped steering wheel (just 'cause I just like "leathah").

I don't have a minivan because the Hubs has deemed it an impractical car for our family (and I think he thinks he'd look like a wuss driving it).  I know he's right -  he would look pretty wussy driving it, but who cares?

Just today the conversation arose again.  We were on the carpool line surrounded by happy minivan drivers and the Hubs said, "Really?  You really want to drive one of those things?"

"Of course."

"But why?  They're so...."

"What?  You think you're better than a minivan, don't you?"  I asked.

"Yes, I guess I do.  First of all, I hate to carpool and by driving a small car I never have to carpool.  Second of all, driving a minivan is like waving a sign that says, 'I've given up.'"

"You're an asshole."

"Pretty much.  But if you really want one I'll get you one."

Awww....he's my asshole.