I'm Baaaaaack!

If you've been following along on Facebook and Instagram, then you'll know that I've just returned from a two-week trip on the road with the family.

I'm not sure how I got suckered into such a thing, but it had a lot to do with the Hubs and his rotten childhood. You see, The Hubs was raised in a home where road trips were never done. He had this idea that driving across the country is a romantic and fun adventure best shared with the people closest to you. He envisioned the four of us playing "I Spy" for hours and singing Kumbaya as we wound our way through beautiful countryside. At least I think that's what he imagined when he proposed the idea of a road trip.

I was horrified. I'll be the first to admit: I'm a spoiled rotten woman who prefers to travel the quickest way possible to anywhere. I've been on road trips as a child and I still get the shakes when I think about using gas station bathrooms in Bum Fuck, Ohio and orange construction signs make me break out in a cold sweat.

Oh My God, I'm Going on a Road Trip to See You

The Hubs and I have been married for thirteen years and for thirteen years he has suggested we take a road trip.

I don't know about you, but I am not a big fan of the road trip. Especially with kids. I grew up driving cross country to see relatives and those are not some of my fondest memories. I remember being wedged into the backseat with a suitcase under my feet and my brother, C.B., totally invading my side of the car. "I'm not touching you. Maybe my pillow is touching you, Jenni! I can't control what my pillow touches." I remember looking out the window at the bumper to bumper traffic and fantasizing about jumping out of the car and running away from C.B. and his stupid pillow that was obviously touching me. I remember my dad trying not to swear at the bad drivers around him. "Where do you do you think you're going? We're all stuck here, jack--" and "You just went to the bathroom an hour ago. We're finally getting somewhere and you want me to stop? What the hell?" My dad perfected his one-handed driving technique so he could crank down his window and flip the bird with the other hand. (Yes, my rage-filled apple didn't fall far from the tree.)

PIWTPITT Road Trip 2012 - The Road to Pimpdom

Today is a busy day for the fam.  We are getting ready to hit the road tomorrow.  We've decided to take The Badass Minivan on a road trip.  (A lot of you are new and have no idea why I'm putting so much emphasis on my vehicle - read here to catch up.)  The SAV (Suburban Assault Vehicle) has done nicely getting me to and from the movies, the pool and various playdates, but now I'm ready to test it out on the open road.

I won't say where I'm going...yet.  I will say it's a long ride and I'm glad the minivan has a cooler for juice pouches - I just wish it had an onboard bathroom too.

We leave at the ass crack of dawn tomorrow (in this house that means 8ish) and I'll be on Twitter all day giving live updates.  Be sure to click here and follow me on Twitter so you can be in the know.

Since I will be in the front seat and won't be able to watch "Chipwrecked" two times in a row on the wide screen in the back, I'll be entertaining myself on Twitter all the way to my destination:

I'll be giving clues as to where we're going - I'm going some place where it's illegal to tease skunks.

I'll play "Name that Song" with my favorite 80s station on the XM Radio - Darken the city, night is a wire/Steam in the subway, earth is a afire

I will tweet stupid shit the Hubs says when he's driving, like this gem - "You fell asleep and I got lost.  It's your fault. You should have been awake to tell me where to go."  (Luckily, we have built in GPS this time around.)

Adolpha and Gomer updates - "Are we there yet?", "I'm hungry.", "I need a bathroom.", "Mommy, are you blogging about us again?"

And of course, I'll be pimping out shit the whole way:  what I love about the 2012 Honda Odyssey Touring Elite (it's more than just a pretty cup holder), my favorite blog posts from my archives, my favorite blog posts of other blogs I read, and of course, a question and answer time with me and the Hubs.

So do yourself a favor and clear your schedule now and be sure to follow me on Twitter for 8 hours of non stop, action packed, amazing and unpredictable exciting self promotion and pimpage unlike you have ever seen before (and, oh yeah, don't forget to follow the repeat on the journey home).