Lululemon Won't Crush Your Man's Balls

"My balls are too big for these pants. I wish there was a solution."

Let me just file story this under, HUGE ASS SIGH.

Men make fun of women and the purchases we make to help us fight wrinkles, fat, and errant chin hairs. But, you know what? Sometimes men are just as stupid as we are. It might be vanity that keeps us buying more creams and Spanx. We're motivated to make our asses bigger or smaller, our necks firmer, our hair silkier. Our handwriting neater?? Those poor companies that cater to us women and our low self esteem have obviously had enough, because with men, you just need to focus on one little -- excuse me, I mean a HUGE -- part of their body and they will freak the fuck out.

That area is their crotch, of course. There is nothing that will motivate a man more than telling him he has a puny prick.

This thought has kept companies like Trojan in the business of selling MAGNUM size condoms. I just went to their website and I saw that they don't even have a category for "Small." You must choose from "All Fits," "Regular," "Large," and "Extra Large." Oh for goodness sake! If I were in charge, I'd do it the Starbucks way and call their sizes "Harmonica," "Piccolo," "Recorder," "Clarinet," and "Bassoon." Men know nothing of musical instruments, very few of them have any idea if a piccolo is bigger than a clarinet. All they would care about is the fact that these are all instruments women play with their pretty mouths. Mmmmm.

Ahhh, men. They'll buy anything that assures them that their manhood is a bulging, straining, beast of burden that they must lug around all day long.

That's why they're snapping up $128 pants from Lululemon that promise not to crush their enormo nads.

Chippy is Sorry That You Made Him Sad

OK, remember last week when I wrote about Lululemon's founder telling the world that there's nothing wrong with his yoga pants, rather it's your ass and thighs that are the problem?

Well, he apologized.

Only, it's one of the worst apologies ever given. This guy - Chippy, as I like to call him - took his apology to the Fuck You Level.

Lululemon's Yoga Pants Aren't the Problem - You Are

I swear, I can't turn on the news without hearing about yet another company with some d-bag at the top sticking his foot in his mouth. Don't these guys have PR firms that can handle this stuff? Do you think they know the cameras are on when they start talking or do they think they're just hanging out with their douchey buddies?

A few months ago it was Abercrombie & Fitch's CEO telling people they were too fat and ugly to shop at their stores. This week it is Lululemon's co-founder blaming an obvious defect with their product on women's fat asses and thighs and "over-zealous wearage." (I just made up that term, but I think if you read further, you will see that it fits and I'm betting it will be on a Lululemon CYA/disclaimer tag very soon.)