The Unicorn and the Douchebag

As you know, I'm at BlogHer this week where I'm hanging out with 5,000 fellow bloggers in NYC.  I've been having a great time catching up with many of the bloggers who I read.  BlogHer is kind of crazy.  During the day everyone is buttoned up and normal and business-like.  They pass out business cards and pimp their blogs and impress the sponsors with their abilities to hawk shit.  But when the lights go down, the freak comes out.

Last night was Sparklecorn.  THE party of BlogHer (or so I've read everywhere else).  Sparklecorn is where you see people dressed up like oversized fairies (seriously, with wings) or in cocktail dresses or in cargo pants (did you really think I'd wear a cocktail dress?).  They get loaded up and they dance like rockstars.

The centerpiece of Sparklecorn is an enormous cake in the shape of a unicorn.  When I was reading about what to expect at BlogHer, a common complaint I saw over and over again was regarding the excessive unicorn cake and how annoying it was that the organizers spent so much money on the cake and then didn't allow anyone to eat it.

Uni the Cake says "I'm delicious, but you'd never know it!"

Yup.  The cake sits there all night in a spotlight while everyone parties around it.  It did seem a bit odd.  It was especially odd because the food this weekend has absolutely sucked.  (Note to BlogHer:  appetizers are NOT dinner.)

While we partied around this flour-y unicorn, I noticed an enormous amount of men at the party.  I've heard there are several men here at the conference, but I hadn't come across too many yet.  The party was full of guys and it was weird.  It totally changed the vibe.

I arrived late and the party was in full swing.  Everyone around me was plastered and I got a lot of "I love you, mans."

I settled in for some funny people watching and I'm happy to say I was not disappointed.

I came across a reader, Jenny at Multiple Food Allergy Help and we hung out for a bit chatting about our blogs.  The party started winding down and we were ready to go when I noticed this large group of loud asshole type people hanging around Uni (yeah, I named the cake).

Suddenly, out of nowhere this completely drunk dickhead walked up to Uni and PUNCHED him in the face!!!

Yeah, this jackhole punched a cake in the head.  He punched a cake.  An innocent, happy, little unicorn cake.  Uni didn't do anything to this motherfucker and yet, he felt the need to punch him.

I will remember Uni the way he was, sparkly and yummy looking.

I couldn't believe it.  I was shocked.  The cake exploded and all of his fucked up friends cheered for him.  And then I got pissed.  I yelled, "What a douchebag!"  He actually nodded in agreement.  That proves it right there.

What a fucking moron.  What the hell, dude?  I realize that maybe you were pissed that the organizers won't let you eat Uni and you're hungry, but that's still no excuse to turn Uni into a "unicorpse"!  (Thank you, Jenny for that gem of a word.)

It's 1:30 in the fucking morning and the people working this party would like to get the fuck home and you just created a huge fucking mess because you thought it would be awesome to punch a pastry in the head.

Douchebag doesn't even cover it, you shit for brains.