The Guy Who Hit a Baby on an Airplane

I don't have to tell any mother reading this that traveling on an airplane with little kids sucks. Besides the ridiculous amount of shit you must carry on the plane to make sure that your kid doesn't melt down an hour into a three hour flight, you must also worry about everyone around you. You're constantly wondering, "Is that lady in aisle 12 giving me the evil eye because I'm taking my kid to the bathroom for the fourth time in an hour?" or "The guy in front of me just sighed heavily and moved around in his seat. Is that passive aggressive speak for 'shut your kid up'?"

My kids don't have a lot of experience traveling, but they're decent travelers. They've always been able to stay quiet with enough food shoved into their mouths and electronic devices waved in their faces. You can try and entertain them and keep them quiet, but sometimes kids will just lose their shit on a plane.

And when a kid does freak out, there isn't much you can do except try and figure out ways to calm him down.

I can tell you what doesn't work. When the passenger in the seat next to you slaps your crying baby and calls him the "N" word. Yeah. That happened.

Can you imagine? I can't even begin to comprehend that happening. First, I would think I must have just imagined that. Surely the old man next to me didn't just slap my baby and call him a racial slur? Second, I would say, Yes, I think he did do that. What the fuck, man? Third, I would be arrested by the closest air marshal, because I would go fucking ballistic on his racist, baby-slapping ass. I would calmly, carefully, and cautiously hand my child to the nearest responsible looking person and then I would beat that old man with in my in-flight magazine and try to strangle him with a seat belt. My fellow travelers would have to drag me off of him before I snatched him bald.

What would you do if this guy hit your kid?

I know I ask this a lot, but it bears repeating: What is wrong with people??? Most people wouldn't even consider hitting their own kid and this guy thinks he can hit a stranger's kid? I don't know what his excuse is, nor do I care, because there is no excuse. This guy does not deserve to even be heard. There is nothing he can say that would make me think, "Oh, OK, now it makes sense." I don't care if that baby did nothing but scream and throw chewed up crackers at this guy. Sure, that would suck. But not enough to bitch slap a toddler.

There are federal charges pending against this asshat right now and if convicted he's looking at a year in jail and I read this morning that he's lost his job. That sounds like a good start, but if I was this child's mother I would bring a suit against this guy the likes of which he's never seen. I would take him for everything he's got. He would pay for my child's college education and the down payment on his first home and his retirement. When I got done with this dickhead he would be living in a cardboard box under an overpass.