Open Letter to Catherine and William

Dear Catherine and William,

Well, it sounds like the royal uterus is vacant once again. Congratulations you two. You've done it. You've got the heir, and you've got some time to work on a spare. Welcome to the toughest job you'll ever love (no, it's not the Peace Corps).

Source: Lego

I don't have much advice for royal parents, except maybe don't let the other royals get too close to him - especially the Queen. (What is her deal? Can she never just be happy? She's the Queen of England for goodness sake - smile!) Look, you guys seem FAIRLY normal (as normal as royalty can be on yachts in exotic places and greeting millions of adoring fans all while looking smashing) and the others just seem completely off their rocker. Oh! I've got another word of advice: Maybe don't let him know he's going to be King until like the day before? That's a lot of pressure to put on a kid and can you imagine a toddler who knows that someday he'll be a real king? Toddlers are already little dictators, trust me, you can't give them that kind of power! Make him think that he's going to have to grow up and work in a fast food restaurant to earn money for a state college (or the British equivalent) instead.

Now, let's get to the real issue at hand: What are you going to name him? I know you've been thinking about this for awhile and so have I. I'm a big fan of names like Henry and James, but don't do Hennree or Jaymes or else I'll never buy the commemorative plate. I'm trusting you guys not to screw this up. All I have left is the royal family to keep the sanctity of proper name spelling going.

No pressure, but no one is going to take King Jax very seriously.

Well, I should let you two get some sleep. If you find yourself up for a midnight feeding and you can't get back to sleep, try reading my new book I Just Want to Pee Alone (the title will make sense to you very soon) or follow me on Facebook and Twitter.

Love,

Jen

And now the immortal words of Jen Lancaster: "You know what Kate Middleton isn't going to name her baby? North."

So what do YOU think Kate and Will WON'T name their baby?