Happy St. Patrick's Day from the Elf on the Shelf?

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!!  Did the naughty Leprechaun visit in the night and leave cornstarch footprints or did you did you decide it was better to get up early so you could hit the local Irish pub at dawn for kegs and eggs (remember those days)?

Guess what?  I did not make a Leprechaun Trap.  Surprising, I know.  I decided to reserve my craftiness since I've been warned that I will actually have to make one in a few years as a school project!!  Are you kidding me?!  I can't wait to hear the educational value of that!

I knew there were some OAM St. Paddy's Day shenanigans out there and I wanted to see what I could find.  I was disappointed to see those girls really slacked off on St. Paddy's Day!  I could only find the occasional rainbow cake, a couple of lame traps and recipes for corned beef and cabbage.  With these results, I felt like an overachiever with my plans to serve Lucky Charms for breakfast (no green milk though, I don't think my kids would touch it)!

The Over Achievers Are at it Again

Oh no they didn't!  The over achievers are at it again and this time they've taken on Valentine's Day.  If I see one more picture of heart shaped pancakes and dyed red milk I'm going to scream.  And don't even get me started on this:

Photo courtesy of OAM with sense of humor

Put that damn Elf away!!!  He does not belong out on Valentine's Day!!!

My Facebook started blowing up this morning and didn't stop all day.  I saw so many cutesy Valentine's that kids did not make.

Do not try to tell me that kids made half the Valentine's I saw today.  There's no way.  Kids did not take an adorable photo of themselves holding out their arm and the kids did not punch a hole in the picture and put a sucker in there so it looks like they're handing you the sucker from the precious photo.  Kids did not make these Nintendo DS Valentines:

Or these dynamite valentines:

Kids did not melt chocolate over a stove and pour the steaming hot liquid into candy molds in the shapes of hearts, Legos, roses, etc.  Kids did not get on the computer and design and print colorful cardstock with fun little sayings like "Owl Love You Forever" and then staple them to the tops of plastic bags full of homemade candy they didn't make.  I just don't believe it.

Looking through the Valentine's my kids received today, I will say the majority of the kids did address them at least, but that's about it.

Even I had to get on the bandwagon a bit with the overachievers.  My own kids gave out store bought cards with included tattoos (The ones that included pencils were all sold out, damn it.  I guess that's what I get when I wait until the weekend before to buy my Valentines).  I had to sit there for an hour poking those minuscule tattoo corners into the stupid slits on the cards, because my kids lack the patience and dexterity to do it themselves.  I would have chucked the tattoos, except the cards say, "Enjoy your tattoo!" and my kids were watching me making sure I included a tattoo for all their friends.  They know me so well!  They knew if they left me alone to my own devices, I'd throw the tattoos in the trash and call it done.  I know how long it took me to assemble those stupid things and they'll never end up on anyone's Pinterest boards.  I should have done the damn photo with the sucker thing.  It might have actually been faster.

And since when did Valentine's become Christmas and Halloween rolled into one?  My kids came home with so much candy and presents today it couldn't all fit in their backpacks.  We are still eating our way through Halloween and Christmas candy at this point.  We do not need anymore.

I saw the pictures of the overachievers who were up bright and early giving their kids gifts for Valentine's Day.  I will get on board with the Easter Bunny bringing you a little something, but Cupid?  I don't think so.  Not in this house.  I believe I just bought a shitload of gifts for my kids not 2 months ago and a fat guy got all the credit, the hell I'm doing that again only now it's a fat baby looking thing getting the credit.

Most of the gifts I saw were Legos or art supplies or things like that.  I did see an iTouch though and I heard about bouquets of flowers being delivered to the schools - for kids.  I feel sorry for the future husbands of those girls.  If they've been getting a dozen roses since Kindergarten, imagine what they're going to want when they're 40!  A heart shaped pizza and "Breaking Dawn" on DVD is not going to suffice (thank you, Hubs!!).

It wasn't just the kids either.  It was the teachers too.  At the class party today there were a few gifts for the teacher.  Of course, my kid wanted to know where our gift for the teacher was.  How was I supposed to know we were giving gifts??  I didn't realize the teacher was my sweetheart and I should have brought her a box of chocolates.

I tell you, it's amazing how the overachievers can take the simplest holiday and turn it into a production and an event "for the kids."  Ha!  The overachievers aren't doing it for the kids.  They're doing it for themselves.  They're doing it so they can have all the other moms say to them, "How adorable!  What a cute idea.  You're so creative and fun!  I would love to be your kid!"  I just want them to own it and say it out loud.  I want them to say, "I like to make cutesy crafty things for my kids to give out so that people will tell me how great I am.  I like to give the teacher a gift because I know that no one else will and I'll stand out and look like a champ."  Just own it and I'll leave you alone.

I have lots of annoying and egotistical things I do, but the difference is, I own them.  For instance, I will tell anyone, I am a whore for comments on my blog.  I love comments.  I check my comments all the time.  I love to read the comments and I enjoy reading them - even the nasty ones make me happy.  At least someone's reading (not as carefully as I'd like sometimes, but reading nonetheless).  See?  That wasn't hard. Now you try.

Eh, I don't know why I'm amazed every time the overachievers raise the bar and make me look like an ass, but I am.  And every holiday it seems to gets worse.  I've already noticed St. Patrick's Day trending out there.  Oh God, it's coming.  I refuse to make green milk and shamrock shaped pancakes and I'll be damned if I ever make this stupid thing:

Yup, it's a fucking Leprechaun trap.