Marni Kotak - "Artist"

Have you heard of this chick yet?  WTF?  Seriously.  She is an artist in Brooklyn who is going to give birth to her first child live in an art gallery.  After reading her bio, I've decided this will be nothing new for her.  Apparently, she specializes in her own real life re-enactments.  She's performed her own birth (ew), attending her grandfather's funeral (who cares?) and losing her virginity (ick).  WTF?  Why can't she just get a job as a telemarketer?  Who does this shit?  Better yet, who supports this shit?

I'm about to pop. Come watch it LIVE.

It's being billed as her "most profound and physically challenging performance" yet.  Ya think?  You mean giving birth will be physically harder than pretending to attend grandpa's funeral?

I would never wish a birth complication on anyone, but it really would serve her right if for some reason her doctor/midwife/doula/stargazer (whoever is taking charge of her medical care) determines her baby needs a Cesarean section and it can't be done at the gallery.

OK, so I've never been a real fan of art so it's not a stretch for me to hate this woman.

Don't get me wrong, I like a pretty picture on my wall, I enjoy a good movie and a great book, but I despise "performance art".

Just because you can take a crap in public, I won't let you call it art.  Ooh look, I'm typing on my computer.  I'm re-enacting yesterday's blog post!  I'm an artist!

I mean, seriously, what is wrong with this lady and the people who are signed up to come and witness the birth?  We have become way too voyeuristic and we share way too much.

This isn't art, this is narcissism.  This is "Look at me, look at me!" wrapped up as art.  Marni isn't built like my favorite attention whore, Courtney (did you see the pics of her and Doug at the pumpkin patch this weekend before they were kicked out???), so she has to resort to using what she's got - a uterus and very little modesty when it comes to complete strangers seeing her shit herself while she's pushing.  Oh, it will happen, people.

She's also going to raise Baby X (I assume once the baby is born it will be given a ridiculous name like Santana or Oberon) as an art installation.  It will document her child's upbringing from birth through college.  Yeah, that's called Facebook, dumbass.  Oberon slept through the night last night.  A miracle!  I can't believe Santana is already 2 years old.  It's amazing how time flies.  Seems like just yesterday I gave birth to her in art gallery.  I'm so grateful to the homeless man who wandered by and gave her a blessing.  It has been life-changing!  If that's art, then we've all got child-rearing installations going on, lady.  You don't get to raise a kid and call it art.

She also hates Facebook because she thinks people today are desperately seeking meaning in their lives and Facebook is enabling that by letting them post the most mundane things.  Uhhh....you want me to get off my ass and walk down to an art gallery to see you re-enact your grandfather's funeral.  At least on Facebook I just have to read about it.

The more I think about it, I think I've changed my mind.  I want to be a performance artist.  I want to set up my entire bedroom and bathroom in the middle of an art gallery.  I want soundproof glass walls that no one can see through - only I can see out.  I have food that I order delivered to me, books, cable, Internet and a phone that only makes outgoing phone calls.  I get to stay there for a week in complete silence and solitude.  It will be the most profound (and relaxing) time of my life.  I can re-enact nights that I slept 8 hours before I had children.  I can  re-enact reading books that I enjoyed many years ago.  I can blog about my experiences in my box and make fun of the people I see through the glass.