My Rockstar Demands

I just read the list of demands that Lady Gaga makes when she's on tour. You know, the items that she requests to be in her dressing room when she performs.

It got me thinking. When does this happen? Right now when I go somewhere I'm thrilled if I'm offered a glass of water. At what point is the water not enough and you start saying, "Is this Pellegrino? It feels like it's room temperature. I like my Pellegrino chilled to 55 degrees and served in a crystal goblet."

If I suddenly became a Youtube sensation/rock star over night what would I demand?

Would I keep it real or would I go crazy? Probably a bit of both. The fame would go straight to my head.

Gaga wants white leather couches and fan art on the walls along with lavender, white and yellow flowers ONLY in the room.

I'm not a fan of leather, it's always cold and when I'm sweaty I stick to it. I'll be sweaty since I'm performing my hit single so I'd better stay away from leather. I've also never owned a white couch in my life. The idea of it gives me palpitations. Have you seen what a Sharpie and a child can do to a white couch?

I'm more of a cozy sectional kind of girl with a big ottoman to put my feet up on. I'd prefer a neutral color that can cover stains and slip covers for easy washing. I will require all mirrors to circus mirrors that make me look tall and thin. 

As for flowers. Eh. I can take them or leave them. I'd rather have a fruit - or better yet, a cookie - bouquet that you can eat.

The pictures on the walls should be a combination of inspirational kitties ("Hang in there!") and Grumpy Cat ("Break a leg! Seriously.").

The food. I'd go on tour just so I could make insane food demands. 

Gaga has asked for "whole-wheat bread, low-sugar peanut butter with flax seed, bran flake cereal, fruit, hummus, and homemade guacamole. A 24-hour hotel kitchen access request was put in for her own personal chef."

I'd want ONLY blue M&Ms in a clear bowl, New York style pizza - always hot, because you never know when my entourage or I will want a slice, green apples (red apples will be smashed on the floor), creamy peanut butter, Haribo Gummi Bears (because all other brands suck), Raisin Bran with extra raisins, breakfast tea, and access to a crockpot just in case my crew decides to whip up some Rotel cheese dip.

Now that I think about it, my list of demands is less Gaga and more Roseanne. 

What about you? What would your rockstar demands look like?

Please don't make me turn to singing to pay my bills - no one will like that. Vote for me at Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms contest.