Things I Saw This Morning That Pissed Me Off

1.  2012 "Celebrity Apprentice."  No, no, no!  I saw the list of "celebrities" today for the new Apprentice.  Are you fucking kidding me, Donald?  Half of these people haven't been "celebrities" since 1987 and the other half are a mix of D-List reality "stars," mobsters and Donald publicity plants (I'm talking about you, Miss Universe).

Don't get me wrong, being a Joisey girl myself I have to say, I love to watch a good table flip or mob hit. So I'll be watching when Teresa Giudice flips the board room table on her way out the door or when Victoria Gotti shivs Cheryl Tiegs for the win.  My only complaint is, you can't call these people "celebrities."

Maybe it's time to retire this franchise.  Obviously, they couldn't get anyone "good" on here.  Unless they're ready to call it "Has Beens, Wanna Bes & Psychos Apprentice" this should be the last season.

2.  Casey Anthony's video blog.  Just seeing that bitch's face makes my blood boil.  Have you seen her video?  Here it is.  (Don't click the link if you don't want to give her any more play.)  She blathers a lot about how "surreal" her life is right now.  Is it "surreal" because her kid is dead or because she got away with murder?  She mentions she's adopted a dog - who the fuck let that woman have a dog?  Don't they know what she did to her kid?  She shouldn't be allowed to have a goldfish.  She also talks about someone who has paid for her phone and a camera she received as a gift.  I've said this before and I'll say it again:  Anyone who sends this woman money, gifts, etc. should be shot.

I think the most irritating and disturbing thing about this video is her behavior.  She acts like a fucking victim.  She's totally playing it.  "I'm excited I can Skype."  ("I'm excited I can show losers my tits.")  "Now I have someone I can talk to."  ("Call me, losers and I'll show you my tits.")  "I hope that things stay good and they only get better," she says wistfully.  Wow, she's such a pathetic actor.  My five year old does a better job looking wistful.  (I think that's code for "I'm ready to pose in "Playboy" when I'm done here.")  "I hate being on camera."  BULLSHIT.  I don't believe that for a second.  

That woman is textbook sociopath and watching her gave me the chills.

3.  Demi Moore is not always happy with her looks.  On one hand, this is a real problem and I think I feel sorry for her.  I'm trying to do better with beautiful women with low self-esteem, but I just want to shake them.  It's just that I really can't imagine looking like Demi Moore and having self esteem issues.  I want to scream, "YOU'RE DEMI MOORE!!!  YOU'RE ALMOST 50 YEARS OLD AND YOU'RE HOTTER NOW THAN MOST OF US HAVE EVER BEEN IN OUR ENTIRE LIVES!"

My question is:  Does she really suffer from bouts of low self-esteem OR is she just trying to relate to her  "ordinary" fans so we won't hate her and we'll buy magazines with photo spreads of her looking fabulous?

Nothing drives me battier than beautiful women who try to say they have bad hair days too.  My whole life I've had a bad hair day.

Demi says she feels like her "body is betraying" her.  She's pushing 50, of course her body is betraying her.  It's called aging.

4.  A Kardashian Magazine.  It's a sign of the Apocalypse for sure.  No, I think a sign of the Apocalypse would be if the Kardashians could stay out of the press for 24 hours - what a bunch of media whores.

5.  The guy who got naked at "Alvin and the Chipmunks."  Here I was upset about a little bad language and ruining the Easter Bunny.  Ha!  It seems that it could have been worse.  This guy (nice teeth) got naked during the "Alvin" movie for the promise of crack and sex.

7.  $650 strollers that are being recalled.  If I paid $650 for a stroller, it better change diapers, read a story to my kid and drive itself.

Instead, the front wheel sometimes locks and causes the stroller to tip over.  WTF?  You'd think they  might check that before they sell them to people with babies.

8.  Elin Nordegren leveled a $12 million house.  WTF?  She just bought the house and then leveled it.  Essentially, she paid $12 million dollars for a LOT.  Did I miss something?  Was Tiger in the house when she bulldozed it?

Donald Trump

What an arrogant POS.  Is there anything he doesn't think he's good at?  Oh yeah, being poor.  He'd suck at that.

I will admit I've watched his crappy show in the past, but I really couldn't get past the fact that he looks like he has a rodent nest on his head and the sun constantly in his beady eyes.  Those shots with him by his helicopter with the blades churning and the nest NEVER moving really freaked me out.  His coat would be whipping, he'd practically be tipping over from the wind, but the nest stayed put.  Not even the slightest ruffle.  WTF?  With all his money, can the man not buy a mirror?  How much does he have to pay his people for them to say his hair looks great?  Who is his hair stylist?  The world should be allowed to know so that we can all stay the hell away from him/her.

OK, so The Donald (does he prefer that name or did someone make that up for him?) is already treated like the prince of some small Middle Eastern country (seriously, who else but those guys and The Donald takes a dump on a throne literally made of gold??) and now he thinks he'd like to be President of the United States?

I read a few months ago he sent a top aide to Iowa to promote his bid.  I'll give him props for finding Iowa at least.  When I lived in NYC, most New Yorkers confused Iowa, Ohio and Idaho.  They were all the same state in their minds.  Luckily, I was from Kansas and they all know Kansas.  Well, actually they only know two things about Kansas: "Do you know Dorothy?" (She's a fictional character, dumbass.) and "Was your house ever destroyed by a tornado?" (No.  Have you ever been pushed in front of an oncoming subway train?  Because I get all my knowledge about New York City from "Law &Order," just like you obviously get your information from "The Wizard of Oz.")

But, in true out-of-touch-with-the-masses style Trump was quoted by The Des Moines Register as saying that he planned to meet "many, many people - maybe all the people."  In Iowa??  Really, Donald??  I realize that to a big city slicker like yourself, Iowa seems pretty small, but that's a bold comment.  There are over 3 million people in Iowa, you douche.

You've had a few months now to meet all the people of Iowa, Donald, how did that go for you?  My cousins don't recall making your acquaintance and you're a pretty memorable guy so I'm thinking you weren't able to meet all the people of Iowa.

What a jackhole.  Who says stupid shit like that?  Megalomaniacs.

When I heard he was going to host a Republican debate I thought - Oh good, something to really laugh at.  Seriously, can you imagine that guy hosting the debate?  He'd never let a candidate get an answer in.  He'd ask a question and then answer it himself.  That debate would run for days, because he wouldn't shut up.

He's such a dick.

I'm glad to see no one really took him seriously and agreed to come to his debate.  Well, that's not true, Gingrich and Santorum said they'd come.  Of they course they did.  Gingrich would make an appearance at an opening for a 7-11 if he was promised a soundbite and at this point, Santorum was just happy to be invited to any debate.  (When will that guy get a clue and quit?)

Wow.  Are Americans really going to rally around this asshat?  What gives?  Is Newt not condescending enough?  Is Bachmann not crazy enough?  Is Cain not dumb enough?  Is Romney too good looking?  Is Obama too compassionate?

We're in serious trouble here if there are actually people out there who think The Donald would make a good President of the United States.  What are his qualifications to be President?  He's a joke.  The world already laughs at us, do we really need to give them more fodder?

The sun is setting on our empire and we've got Trump who thinks he should throw his hat in the ring?  What does he do except buy buildings, make them tackier (Can you imagine the White House during his "reign"?), declare bankruptcy (3 times), say "You're Fired," brag about himself (a lot), write a book (or 17), and marry beautiful women who get paid handsomely to sleep with him and produce heirs (I realize I'm not even close to being hot enough to be in the running to be the next Mrs. Trump, but if I were, there isn't enough money in the world to get me into bed with him.  I'd choose Hef before him.  Or that really old guy that Anna Nicole Smith married.).

I don't care if you vote Republican or Democrat, just please, don't vote for this moron.

Birthers

Let's just start with the name.  WTF??  Who ever thought that was a good name for this group?  What a stupid name.  What does it even mean?

You know how women are accused of having penis envy?  I think this might be birthing envy.  It must just piss those men off that they can send a man to the moon, they can tame wild animals, they can wage war on three continents at once, they can stand to pee, they can cause world economies to rise and fall, but they can't squeeze an 8 pound bowling ball out of their hooha so they called themselves Birthers.

I take offense to that name. If anyone's a "Birther" it's all of us women who have the stretch marks, the episiotomy scars, the c-section scars, the memories of hours of painful labor (medicated and non-medicated), and finally the sensation of bringing life into the world.  The hell YOU'RE a birther, Donald - you pompous, douchebag.

If it were up to me, I'd just name them: Racists.

Because that's what they are.

Plain and simple.

A bunch of sheet-wearing, cross-burning, lynch-mob-lovin' racists.

Barack Obama is the President of the United States.  He won the election fair and square (he didn't even have to have his brother down in Florida help him steal it) so show some fucking respect and stop being such bigots.

He is an American citizen.  He was born in Hawaii.  I realize we're dealing with seriously ignorant people, so maybe they didn't realize that while Hawaii is not a part of the mainland - it is still a part of the United States.

He is not a secret Muslim.  (And BTW, why do we care if he's Christian or not?   The world is changing, people.  There will be a day when we don't have a Christian President so you'd better pull on your big boy pants and get ready because it's gonna rock your world.)

These Birthers hide their racism behind code words and I'm so sick and tired of them speaking in code.

That's why I was glad to hear about Marilyn Davenport.

Finally, a Birther who proves they're a bunch of racists.  When Obama was first elected President, Davenport sent an email showing a picture of the White House lawn planted with watermelons and now she's sent out a "family picture" showing President Obama as a monkey.  Davenport claimed she didn't realize these pictures were racist or offensive - she thought they were funny and that's why she sent them to a few of her friends who would get the joke and never intended for her emails to be made public (she's forming a mob as we speak to smoke out the "coward" who outed her).  Why don't you just burn a cross on the front lawn and call him the N word, Marilyn?

I can't believe she's a former Christian publisher!  Hey Marilyn, did you ever read anything you published?  Do you remember learning about Jesus and the way he treated people who were different than him?  Do you remember learning the little (albeit, annoying) saying:  What Would Jesus Do????  'Cause this ain't it!

I am embarrassed to be an American these days.  We are 1930s Germany!  We have political groups forming that are openly (and privately) hostile to people of color, to people who are non-Christian, to people who are immigrants, to people who are homosexual and to people who are poor.

The rest of us stand by and say, "Yeah, but those guys like Trump, Palin, Bachman, Beck - they're all crazy - surely, no one takes them seriously."  Oh yes they do.  Unfortunately they do and it's up to us - the sane ones - to rein in the cuckoos and put them back in the clock before they do real harm.

Let me tell you about an anonymous text I saw on the day President Obama was sworn into office.  The text read:  "There's a coon in the White House, everyone get your gun!"  That is a racist death threat against the President of the United States.

Davenport's email may not incite violence, but who knows what other emails she's sent out that haven't been made public?  I think she is the tip of the racist, homophobic, xenophobic iceberg that call themselves the Birthers and I want to punch them in the throat.