The other day the Hubs was scrolling though some of the Twitter profiles of my readers. He does this on occasion. It's actually very helpful usually because it's always good to know who's following you. Today he stopped short when he found one:
Hubs: Whoa.
Me: What?
Hubs: Nothing.
Me: What? Is it a famous person? Am I finally going to get my own Wil Wheaton?
Hubs: No. Wil Wheaton doesn't want you. He wants the Bloggess. I told you, you need to focus on Tina Fey - keep your eye on the prize.You don't want Wil Wheaton. If you want someone from Star Trek, go for George Takei.
Me: I keep trying, but Tina won't call me. If she wants to change delis I'm cool with that.
Hubs: You gotta try harder. Maybe if you looked like this chick she'd call you.
Me: What chick? What are you talking about?
Hubs: This chick who reads your blog. I bet she gets calls all the time.
Me: What?! Are you going through my followers looking for hot women? What the fuck?
Hubs: No! I'm doing research on your readers. You should know your readers, Jen. It's the mark of a good writer to know her audience. I'm just trying to be helpful.
Me: Gee...thanks for your help. Stop oggling that woman!
Hubs: I've moved on. I found someone hotter. Look at this girl. She is so hot. Why is she reading you?
Me: What do you mean? Hot girls can't read me?
Hubs: I don't know. She's just.....
Me: What? Does she not look like she has a sense of humor?
Hubs: No, she looks like she has many talents and reading isn't one of them.
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| Hey Hubs, your wife is hilarious. |
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LOL, well I know he wasn't oggling me, I use the same stock photo for my Twitter that I use for my blog etc...
ReplyDeleteMy cans only look that good when I read magazines.
ReplyDeleteJust because she has a photo on her profile doesn't mean that's what she REALLY looks like. To quote my SnarkHero, Dr. House, "Everybody lies." ;o)
ReplyDeleteWas it a fish face picture? I hate that shit!
ReplyDeleteno matter how nice, how smart or how loving...husbands are men and men are horndogs
ReplyDeleteAmen!
DeleteI think being funny is way hotter than looking "hot." It's all very subjective anyway, isn't it? Some people think Sarah Jessica Parker is hot and many others think she looks like the winner of the Kentucky Derby. You make me laugh. That's hot.
ReplyDeleteThat would be my husband, he thinks she's fugly.
DeleteShe can totally read. Or at least, she knows all the letters right up to DDD.
ReplyDeleteWhat anonymous said...yep! And can you blame him for looking?
ReplyDeleteI'm hot. In flashes. ;-)
ReplyDeleteYou just made me snort!!! Love it!!!
Deletemy Hubs peed himself when Wil started following him on tumblr. I know the feeling and the lead up to that moment!
ReplyDeleteI think I have a lot of Spam/Porn followers on Twitter. Probably looking for mono-kini's...not necessarily the best representation of my readership as a whole.
ReplyDeleteawe, shucks!
ReplyDeleteWe are hot!
ReplyDeletemy hotness depends on who you ask. Some are more biased than others ;)
ReplyDeleteYou are hilarious and I love reading!
I don't follow you on Twitter, so I know he wasn't talking about me, but he should check out your Facebook followers. We are definitely a hot bunch! :)
ReplyDeleteDoesn't he know hot girls love PIWTPITT also. Hey, that's a great line for your blog just so you know! "HOT GIRLS LOVE PIWTPITT"
ReplyDeleteI'm hot...well,I'm a hot mess.That still counts as hot right?
ReplyDeleteAs long as he isn't ranking them yet. Going to check out your twitter followers now.....
ReplyDeleteI love this post. We can all imagine it was our pic he stumbled upon.
ReplyDeleteWait - I thought our mutual hotness is what brought us all together??
ReplyDeleteGood stuff! Hey, The Hubs, have you done the "she's fat" scroll... that's where you'll find me. Oh, I'll also be in the "no make-up" "blah hair" "dork" categories... BTW, I wore old-school, nerd specs before they were cool.
ReplyDeleteLove you both!
*wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle YEAH*
ReplyDeleteWe're sexy and we know it...
Wil Wheaton, the Jar Jar Binks of Star Trek.
ReplyDeleteIs that the When Harry Met Sally diner with the famous pastrami? If so, I want to go to there! If Tina stands you up, call me. (I'm half Jewish...I can help you with the menu.)
ReplyDeleteI think we hot girls unite in reading material, :)
ReplyDeleteI actually think what your husband did/said was pretty inappropriate. Thank you reinforcing my refusal to marry.
ReplyDeleteOh get off your high horse! People who are secure in their relationships can comment about how good another person looks without offending their significant other.
DeleteYea. My guy and I talk like that all the time, because we're best friends too. You should hear us talk about the people we actually know!
DeleteUm, no, actually, he wasn't just commenting on others. He was suggesting that she was physically inadequate:
DeleteHubs: You gotta try harder. Maybe if you looked like this chick she'd call you.
Personally, I think it is unacceptable to compare your wife -TO HER FACE- to someone you obviously find more attractive. In fact, it's disgusting. If you allow your man to speak that way to you, that's your problem. Perhaps you might also ask him where exactly he's going when he leaves the house without you.
If you don't think this kind of exchange between them is funny, why the hell are you here? Go to some crappy craft blog and pretend it's 1954.
DeleteWe all have hidden talents...as long as we keep our sweatpants on!
ReplyDeleteTell that perv to stop looking at my petals. Freak.
ReplyDeleteYour readers are all hot! Thank you VERY MUCH! :)
ReplyDeleteAs a single mom it would mean more to me if a single man was saying I was hot. It doesn't mean anything when the man is married. Cock block.
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with the Hubs on George Takei being the better Star Trek option. And I totally snorted at "No, she looks like she has many talents and reading isn't one of them." There's never a dull moment at your house, is there?
ReplyDeleteTell the Hubs i haven't finished the "full change" but i appreciate the compliment.
ReplyDeletebwahahahahahaha!
DeleteYou are friggin hilarious!! Am I hot? Im a mother of four who has been married twice... my husband likes me, thats all I care about. But YOU are awesome and I LOVE reading your posts!!!
ReplyDeleteApparently you picked your witmate along with your soulmate. :) Well done.
ReplyDeleteMy avatar is my dog....wonder what that says about me....you know what it says...I watch too much crime drama on tv and am afraid of stalkers (cause I'm that hot. jk). :)
ReplyDeleteThat comment is FANTASTIC
DeleteLove it! First, yes, your readers are hot. I assumed that was a given. Second, my avatar is a pic my dad took of me at a wedding of a family friend. So...clearly, he was talking about me ;)
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious as usual :D I love it!!
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to let you know that I have left you an award on my blog. You can find it underneath of the awards tab if you are interested in picking it on up :)
http://rantingsofamouthybitch.blogspot.com/
FUNNY!! I think we are hot! Humor is hot, I think. Anyways, there are many HOT women that follow us all on twitter. Within 20 minutes of being on there I had 5-6 hot followers...that's kinda my problem with the twitter, you can't deny them like on facebook. Anyways, glad he thinks we are hot, we think he's hot too. :)
ReplyDeleteDevan
I just dropped a lump of buttery cracker and cheese on my leg and then ate it off my trousers. Pretty sure it wasn't my twitter pic.
ReplyDeleteWell, since funny is hot, I hope I qualify.
ReplyDeleteAlso, ladies, he was talking about me. My picture is a teddy bear with a camera. ;)
I like to think it was my picture the Hubs stumbled upon. Then again, it couldn't be because I have many talents, and reading IS one of them.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Profile pictures are VERY misleading most of the time.
ReplyDeleteI think if you want people to respect you, you need to make a profile picture like that little gal your husband is admiring. Your readers will be like, "Jen can be kind of mean sometimes, but look how she appreciates literature. She doesn't wear ratty underpants like all those other bloggers. Plus, she's classy enough to know you should throw on a pair of heels when you're hanging around your house, mostly naked." It will make you more relatable.
ReplyDeleteThe picture chick must be a librarian. We all look like that.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your headline I thought it meant your husband was into you wearing reading glasses.
ReplyDeleteShows the raging thump of my libido.