This year we knew we'd be here for warmer weather so we actually planned a day to hit the beach. After our experience yesterday, I think next time we should probably plan to skip Disney and Legoland and all the rest and just spend our week at the beach! Ugh.
My kids are beach kids. Who knew? Not me, because I'm certainly not. I cannot stand the beach. Yup. You read that right. I hate the beach.
I hate the feeling of sand between my toes (and my butt cheeks - how does it work its way in there??). I hate the constant din of the waves crashing against the beach. I know many people actually pay for machines to make that noise for them, because they find it relaxing, but I think that machine would drive me to kill myself. I would just like some silence please!! I hate the masses of people who surround you at the beach. (No thank you, I don't want to hear your music or brush the sand off me that you kicked on me because you didn't give me a large enough perimeter when you were taking your romantic walk along the beach with your partner.)
I've never tried it, but I'm guessing a private cove with super soft, pristine sand and a quiet surf would be OK with me. I think I need to go to the beach they way Richard Branson goes to the beach. Maybe then I'd like it.
Of course my kids are beach kids. The Hubs is a beach person. Ugh. What surprised me was that somehow after all these years, the Hubs missed the memo that I don't like the beach. I realized yesterday how that happened.
The one time the Hubs and I went on a "beach" vacation was when we went to Hawaii a few months after we were married. The Hubs wanted to spend his whole time walking on the beach (Ouch, ouch, ouch. Isn't there a path we can walk on instead? Oops, I think I just kicked sand on that woman applying fresh sunscreen. Sorry!), snorkeling (Fish! Eek! They're too close!) and photographing the water (Oh God, my ears!! Didn't we take a picture of this bluff already? What are we going to do with these pictures when we get home - make an hour long slideshow for friends and neighbors???).
We were newlyweds and I guess for some reason I felt like I couldn't let him know what a grouch I am (Ha!) so I tagged along on all of these excursions and I was miserable. I finally confessed to him yesterday he ruined my trip to Hawaii. He was shocked. How could he be? Have I ever suggested another trip the beach with him? He told me I ruined his trip, because we didn't do enough of the above mentioned stuff and I spent too much time at the pool! What?!!
The pool is so much better. I get an umbrella (no burning for me), I'm close to a real bathroom, there are food and drinks within a few feet and the best part: NO sand and NO waves and a lot of times there is an adults-only pool so NO kids even. Ahhhh.....bliss. This is relaxing. This is my idea of a vacation. Not tromping all over the rocky beach looking for shells. Not photographing one more beautiful sand dune or wave. And definitely no snorkeling, not letting any fish rub up against me.
We realized yesterday that we are not compatible for beach travel together. We need to find other people to travel with so the Hubs has a friend for snorkeling and I have a friend to sit by the pool (in our muumuu cover ups) and make fun of the people who obviously didn't have access to mirrors when they bought their swimsuits when we're not reading one of the 20 great books we brought.
Maybe I'll plan a PIWTPITT Hawaiian Excursion 2013 for all the couples in the same boat (well, boat might not be the right word, because unless it's a sunset dinner cruise, I really have no desire to go out on a boat). Who will join us?
If I'm alone, I also prefer the pool. If I have my 2.5 year old daughter, the beach is the way to go. She can entertain herself in the sand and by the shore for hours giving me time to read and relax. If she's with me at the pool, I'm much more on edge and nervous she'll fall in.
ReplyDeleteAlso, my in-laws prefer amusement park and historical place vacations (think Colonial Williamsburg) which I hate. What 2.5 year old (or 37 year old) cares about the Civil War?
ReplyDeleteI love the beach, and my kids love the beach, but I agree it would be nice to have my own personal cove w/ no other people AND I also get tired of hearing the waves crashing, hate white noise. We've not been to the ocean but the beach at Lake Michigan is one of our favorite places to be...and...no sharks :D
ReplyDeleteI agree !!! I love the sound of the waves but I must admit I am NOT a fan of sand in all the wrong places! LoL
DeleteWe have awesome lakes here in MI...my son has autism and water has been his happy place since he was very young...Torch Lake is one of our faves.
BONUS ....no sharks, we're at the top of the food chain !
I've never been to Torch Lake but I've heard of it. I guess I never think of not being close to water, living in MI we are surrounded by it at every turn. I just assume that everywhere is like that. I forget that it's not. Have to agree w/ ya about the sand...I hate that too!
DeleteIndeed sand is not my favorite. My SN son loves water too, but my in-laws pool is the easiest way to entertain him. That and wave pools. Haven't been to Lake Michigan with him; he's a walker so we have to walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk. I'm tired, I'm old. Walking gets old. :)
DeleteWhich beach did you go to? If you go out to Jetty Park (just past the ports in Cocoa) there is usually not a whole lot of people out there. Plus they have a little bait shop in case you forget anything, a snack place, and a playground (with some grills). We much prefer it over the tourist filled Cocoa Beach and various others.
ReplyDeleteSo see, the key is to ask a Floridian where to go before sticking yourself on a crowded beach. WE know how to hide from you tourists ;)
Very true! There is a beach that we go to that the only time I see a tourist is if they happen to stop and ask for directions!
DeleteI love the beach, but hate the people. If I could have my own watery oasis with the perfect weather, I'd absolutely love it.
ReplyDeleteI prefer pools as well. Sand gets into EVERYTHING!!!! you try to dry yourself with your towel and get covered in sand. It's all over your feet and in your crack and other unfortunate places. Then you get it all in your car and inevitably in your shower at home. Awful!!!!
ReplyDeleteI want to retract my vote now. People who hate the beach are just as bad as people who hate dogs (for no reason). And if you want something written in the sand nicely, I'm your woman, it's my business :D
ReplyDeleteI used to live on creek in the mountains. Idyllic postcard scene. How I hated the noise of that creek and rejoiced each winter what that sucker would freeze over and finally STFU until spring. But I love the beach (must be all that sand in my buttcrack).
ReplyDeleteSatellite Beach (just south of Cocoa Beach) has some great quiet beaches. I would recommend that the next time you want a quiet beach.
ReplyDeleteI love the beach! I grew up in coastal NC and am now in KS and I miss it so much! My kids have never seen it and that's something I hope to fix soon. :) I understand though, finding sand in EVERY nook and cranny is annoying. At least we are getting a Legoland here in KC so you can def skip that next time!
ReplyDeletethe beach is paradise in my eyes! I really can't wrap my thought around someone not loving it. However, it has to be the Gulf of Mexico... no East coast beaches will do.
ReplyDeleteNow you're just making things up. You cannot hate the beach. Seriously? All these people who think you are their twin are gonna unfollow you ;)...
ReplyDeleteYou should have come just up the coast to the Panama City Beach/Destin area. NOT crowded - PRISTINE white sand ... HEAVEN!!!!!
Hope you manage to enjoy at least some of your vacay!!!
I was just going to ask the same thing. Surely you're running out of material and starting to get desperate. You can't possibly hate this many things. I'd like to think you're a regular mom who bitches occasionally about the same things we all find annoying, but I'm beginning to think you might need some meds. Suck it up like you want the rest of the world to do and quit yer bitchin'. love, me (a california girl who loves the beach)
DeleteI live at the jersey shore and hate the beach also, it is possible HATERS!!! I have even managed to convince my 3 boys it sucks also! I prefer my private pool club where I am permitted to wheel in my cooler filled with adult beverages and lounge poolside while my boys do flips off the diving boards. Lighten up and have a cocktail!!!!
DeleteI live in Australia and hate the beach! We are surrounded by beaches lol The only time I really like the beach is when it is pristine sand and pristine water.
DeleteSorry Destin is crowded... especially if you've been coming here for 33 years. I've watched it turn into a tourist attraction. I personally prefer Santa Rosa Beach, although it is getting crowded also. Hate beaches with sky scraper condos!!
DeleteGrowing up in IL the beach/sun was THE GOAL for any vacation. Now we live in NC and can get to the beach in a few hours. We go a couple of times a year. My kids LOVE it. I don't LOVE the sand everywhere and I have a limit on the amount of time I can stand to be sandy. Despite that I would say I love the beach, too, but can certainly appreciate that pool day, too!
ReplyDeleteSo funny! I always feel so gross after salt water too. I would much rather go to the pool! I always think a shark is going to eat me and I hate salt water. Everything gets so sandy, it drives me nuts!!
ReplyDeleteI hate sand. If there were a beach with no sand, I would be ALL OVER that! I discovered this distinction with the brilliant idea of purchasing the "Sand & Water Table" for my kids. I love the ocean, the salt in the air, the sound of the surf (at a distance or else don't bother trying to talk to me cause I won't be able to hear you), and all the beachy things that go along - the food, the crapy touristy stores, the boardwalks. But, I hate sand.
ReplyDeleteOur sand table is now full of rice, oatmeal, or cornmeal, depending on what is on sale at the store.
Funny that the "Floridian" above told you to go to Jetty Park. If they were from this area, they would know that is a HORRIBLE place to go, if you hate crowded beaches. It's one of the most crowded places in our town, that is "the closest beach to Orlando". Yuck!! I was saying in your last post, I live in Cocoa Beach, next time just come to my house and we'll have cocktails!!
ReplyDeleteCertified beach bum. I'll still vote for you again, anyway!
ReplyDeleteRather eat sh$$ with a knittin needle than go to Disney again.
ReplyDeleteI'd go on your Hawaii trip, but my husband and I are opposites of you and your husband. I love the beach. I believe all food tastes better when eaten on the beach, all books are better when read on the beach, and all pictures taken at the beach are automatically awesome. But my husband, he does not like the beach. Hates sun. So the pool probably wouldn't work for him either, unless he was guaranteed an umbrella. Maybe he could join the faction that likes to sit indoors and read.
ReplyDeleteUgh, and salt water? Yuck. I hear ya on the beach thing. Give me a pool anyday (heck, the beach can even be in the background).
ReplyDeleteYou and my hubs can hang out and me and your hubs will hit the beach . I love it. It's calming he says it's boring. I like the water he says it stinks. I will agree and day I hate the sand but you can't have a beach without sand so I'll still take it. We love the gulf side too , nothing compares. Its calmer, clear and hello sunsets that yes I photograph!!! Lol I would rather a week at the beach than any other trip.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, the only time I really like the beach is when I go fully clothes with a beach chair so that I can sit near the edge and be ready to jump in to fight the undertow that is stealing away my children. I fear the ocean the way someone above fears the pool--in a pool, my kids can swim, and I can swim, so no worries. In the ocean, it's vast, there are waves and rocks and all kinds of variables. I can't relax unless I go alone or unless my husband says "You relax, I'll watch the kids," which, God bless that man, he does 7 times out of ten!
ReplyDeleteNot sure my hubby would look too cute wearing a muumuu will lounging by the pool with y'all, but that's where he'd rather be! I'm the beach/ocean/boat/snorkeling person in our marriage! Thankfully, he does enjoy taking a blanket and a late night picnic out on the beach with me....just talking, laughing, feeling like we are the only two people in the world! LOL!
ReplyDeleteSand is the devil's flooring. I cannot think of one thing I hate more then sand. I'm one of those mom's that makes their kids shower and go swimming before they can come back to the hotel room after a day at the beach. And if sand ends up in my bed....vacation over!!!
ReplyDeleteMy hubby and I hate the beach...and the pool. We like gloomy trips to old European cities. We have no desire to go to Hawaii. But at least we are compatible that way!
ReplyDeleteI love the beach and the lake, but i will admit I enjoy it most in a very controlled environment, which means a comfy chair with an umbrella, plenty of cocktails, my trashy mags and ideally my husband and children several (meaning at least 7-10') feet away from me. Do not breach my perimeter of solitude or we are going home.
ReplyDeleteI also hate the beach!! After 12 years, my husband still says, "Everyone loves the beach!" in a really incredulous way whenever it comes up (usually since he has planned yet another beachy excursion for the fam), as though I am a freakish anomaly and if he just forces me to endure enough of them, I will one day turn to him and smile lovingly--the sand in my teeth from our fun beach picnic glinting in the sun--and say," Wow! You were right, honey, the beach is fabulous!"
ReplyDeleteWe rented a house on the ocean the year we lived in RI and you could hear the bell from the buoy clanging all night--along with incessant waves. It drove me to the brink of insanity; I would lie there literally gritting my teeth and the husband would happily say, "You can really hear the buoy tonight-it's so restful!" and then drop instantly off to sleep. A-hole. I love nothing about the ocean-the howling wind, the sand in every crevice, the waves, the creepy things that are lurking in the water, the six pounds of sand you take home in the towels and car that you can never get rid of, the sound of the waves, and most of all the smell. I've never understood why people inhale deeply and make comments about how great it is. *gag* For me, the ocean, with it's salty fishy odor, is exactly how I have always imagined the really skeevy brothels must smell...
As an Orlando resident, try south New Smyrna beach but even better is heading over to the west coast of Florida (Clearwater/St. Pete-ish area) during your next trip to the area. It will be a different beach experience for all of you and while you may still hate it, it should at least be quieter (the waves are smaller in the Gulf!).
ReplyDeleteAhhh, I too am not the biggest beach person. Problem is I live by the beach. I'm going to blame my parents for this one. I lived by the beach my whole life, and they never took me. My mom didn't like to sand. All, my other friends went, just not us. So now I'm married to a surfer that loves the beach. So, to solve the walking in the sand issue, I wear tall platform flip flops. Changed my life. I bring a big old sheet and lay that down and make my little happy beach lounging spot. I bring an umbrella too so the sun isn't so intense. I also make it a rule since we are 2 miles from the beach(bragging) we just go for no more then 2 hours at a time. I've learned to adapt. We all compromise so every one wins.
ReplyDeletethis is SO me--except my problem is my husband is even LESS of a beach person than me. So that makes ME the beach person! wtf?
ReplyDeleteWhen we went to the beach for TWO weeks, on the 6th day the boy says, "I don't want to go to the beach, there's way too much sand there!". Who knew?
ReplyDeleteThe last time we went to the beach was last labor day and in the middle of a hurricane because they would not refund our money...you think the sand is bad on a normal day?! We drove through sand storms that would have probably ripped your skin off if you were outside...forget sand in your crack...it would have been up your butt lol....the waves were 2x as tall as on a normal day but it was very interesting to see the storms roll in...we had about an hour of play time on the beach, and we got our romantic walk in after the kids went to bed but it was fhe first time I loved the beach...didnt have to worry about burning to a crisp!
ReplyDeleteGo to the Kauai Marriott in Lihue, HI! The beach and beautiful pool are literally right NEXT to each other and you can walk back and forth between them all day long. Add in the bar, lounge chairs with umbrellas and the REAL bathrooms and it is the perfect spot! I hate sand but can lounge near enough to watch my kids play in the sand and surf all day long while the beach bartenders keep offering to bring me another drink...sweet!
ReplyDeleteyou're losing me jen, you're losing me
ReplyDeleteDo the kids go with the Hubs? If that case, we're in. I much prefer reading by the pool while judging swimsuits to the beach, while my husband & kids like the beach! Let me know when this trip is planned!
ReplyDeleteI love the beach! So much I cannot live away from it. We are about an hour away right now and that is my limit.
ReplyDeleteI'm not really a bathing suit person so no sandy cheeks for me. I could sit on the sand and watch and listen to the waves for hours.
Sand at the beach = Nature's exfoliator! Like what you like and keep writing about what you don't like. It's YOUR blog! And we punchsters like your blog the way it is. Now wipe that sand off your keyboard and get back to the blog!
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, if you get a stick you can draw a person on the beach - anthropomorphise it, if you like - and then punch it in the throat.
ReplyDeleteThat might make a trip to the beach more enjoyable.
My parents have taken separate vacations for years. He likes to go to Florida and fish in the Gulf. She likes to go to Arizona to visit her mother and go on scenic tours. They each hate the activities that the other wants to do.
ReplyDeleteThey love their system.
"Only" 70 degrees???? That's incredibly warm water!!! The kids on the beach here in Northern CA frolic in the 55 degree water!
ReplyDeleteI think she was talking about the temperature outside, not in the water
DeleteYep, definitely not with you on this one. You just need to go to the right beach. Heaven!
ReplyDeleteAs one of the "freaks" that HATED (seriously, like ex-boyfriend seeing at the high-school reunion with the cheer-leader he cheated on you with(and then married) that looks like Christie Brinkly hated) living in Hawaii, I feel your pain! I grew up in Northern California and I love the rocky outcropping with NO people and NO SAND kind of beaches. Mind you, these lovely places are 10 minutes from a great mall or spa, so there's no commitment to a day trip because you ventured by to say hello to a few seagulls!
ReplyDeleteHawaii had sand-oh so much sand-and tons of people, smelly food, smokers flicking their butts into the sand, beer drinkers that left their bottle caps everywhere and many a beer bottle given the opportunity to become "sea-glass" (nice term for "buffed garbage") and hot sticky weather, bugs and oh by the way, did I mention that I freakin' HATE sunscreen????
And taking my children to the beach is TORTURE!!!! For doubters-picture, if you will, standing at a beach-side open-aired shower with your husband, each holding one leg of a screaming 2 year old, while you tried to get sand out of her vagina. Now, tell me how much FUN that is!
You know, almost NONE of my friends like to vacation the same way their spouses do. THIS is why people just stay in their rooms during their honeymoons. At least then, there's ONE thing you can agree on doing! haha
Come to New Smyrna Beach and I will take you to the place without lots of peeps!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have the exact same problem. I like to be able to look at the beach and I do like the sound of the ocean. But I have no interest in setting foot on it. The sand is HORRIBLE! I feel like I'm finding it everywhere for weeks afterwards. And swimming in the ocean just freaks me out. The saltwater is gross and I don't want the fish touching me. I just want to lounge by the pool. He just doesn't understand. We took our son to the beach when he was not quite 2 and he hated it too. He didn't want to touch the sand and kept telling us it was "ucky". Hubby was so pissed at me. He thinks I turned the little one against the beach. No, he just gets how gross it is!
ReplyDeleteI love the beach. Love love love LOVE the beach. I get anxious when I go too long without going to the beach. I live in New England and I'll even go to the beach in the dead of winter when the wind is whipping at me and the sand is mixed with ice and the surf is frozen.
ReplyDeleteI went to the beach just 2 days ago and I sat in my folding camp chair and I took several hundred photos of the waves and the dunes and the loose sand blowing and a bunch of dogs playing in the water. It Was Awwwwwwesome!!! I even took a bunch of videos of the waves (I just stood there with my camera phone pointed in one spot) so that when I got home I could replay it over and over and over again because I find the sound of waves so soothing and relaxing.
Soft sandy beaches are great but so are the ones that aren't so soft and sandy... that have a gajillion tiny rocks that you have to wear shoes at ... because when the waves go out, the water across the little rocks makes a soft tinkling noise that's just ... musical.
siiiiiigh!
<3
On one of our first "dates" (I still don't call it a real date), my husband took me on a romantic beach stroll that was a total of seven effing miles. Obviously I was the one that didn't get the beach hike memo because he wore tennis shoes and I wore flip flops. I don't know if you've worn sandals at the beach for seven miles but the sand between your toes rubs them raw. So on the way back (we had already done 3.5 of these miles so im still fresh) we decide to walk in the sand. The sand was so ungodly hot that I got blisters from the burns that the sand caused mebecause it was so hot. Later in the day I bought myself a pair of sneakers, I think he should have paid for them since my feet were destroyed by his crappy plan but he didn't. True romance at its finest!
ReplyDeleteI could have wrote this. I don't so much hate the water, it is the sand. I hate it. My family takes a trip to Lake Michigan each year and the best year was the one I skipped while pregnant and on bed rest. My family thought of me and filled a pop bottle with sand. When I go I spread a blanket out and give anyone within a 500 ft radius the evil eye. My kids feel the need to take small piles of sand and place them on my blanket. They are truly evil like that. My mom is insane and actually lets the grandkids bury her in the sand. What kind of sick twisted person does this?
ReplyDeleteI thought u were a jersey girl... What jersey girl doesn't like the beach!!!
ReplyDeleteWe live on the gulf coast. I too hate the beach. I don't like water when I can't see the bottom, I don't like fish, and I hate sand. It gets everywhere! And you can't get away from it. Plus...our gulf of Mexico water is some kinda nasty looking and I'm convinced there are dead people in there since after Katrina.
ReplyDeleteI love the beach! We live across the street from a lake, which is great, but I really miss the ocean. I was so excited to go to Florida (yes we went to Disney World for three days even though our poor California boys never have gone to Disneyland) just so we could touch the Atlantic and the Gulf! I was sorely disappointed when we were unable to touch the Bering Strait and Artic Ocean when we went to Alaska.
ReplyDeleteI live in Alaska. Did you go to Nome or Barrow? If so, why?!?!?!?!
DeleteKort
Hasn't anyone heard of baby powder to get sand off of your body? It works great, I use it before the kids eat, on our feet before getting in the car and anywhere else that needs it!
ReplyDeleteFrom a Florida resident, St Pete Beach on the west coast is the place to go.. Lots of live music and bars poolside and beachside.. Let the kiddos run around while you watch, enjoying a nice beverage, listening to greag bands.. Priceless. Might have to head out there now :-)
ReplyDeleteCheck out Bahia de la Luna in Puerto Angel, Oaxaca, Mexico. It could be your beach. No pool though!
ReplyDeleteWent with my hubs (direct flight from Houston) and it was a blissfully private beach. Now I want to go back with the kids.
I'm with you. I don't like the beach either. I don't like getting sand stuck to me. I'm all about the pool that's 20 yards away from the beach at the resort.
ReplyDeleteAwww...really? The beach is magical. I have nerve damage so can't go in the cold water without excruciating pain, but the smell, the sun, the experience of something so much larger than myself. I LOVE it. I used to love snorkeling even though my heart would nearly burst through my chest when large fish came near me. You just need to find your PERFECT beach complete with silence, beach blanket, picnic basket, and calm waves with NO ONE around. You'll have a completely different perspective. :)
ReplyDeletebahamas
DeleteI love the beach, it's my favorite place.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I don't like the sand in all areas of my body. And, southern sand is softer than northern sand.
I HATE sand and the beach!! Fist bump!
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of the beach---but the reality sucks. Hate, hate, hate sand between my toes and fingers!
ReplyDeleteI HATE sand. I love the beach but I HATE sand. Especially since it never goes away. Ever. I still have sand in my suitcase from my life in Puerto Rico almost 7 years ago! I loved the beach in Brighton, UK though. No sand, just rocks. :)
ReplyDeletePIWTPITT is grammatically incorrect. When creating an acronym, certain words do not get a capital letter. Instead it should read "PIWPT" or "PiWtPitT." Personally, I prefer the second one.
ReplyDeleteNope you're not alone. I live in Miami, Florida and make it to the beach once a year by accident. My family now makes fun of me because they wonder if my baby will ever know what sand is! LOL.
ReplyDeletethe beach is by far the WORST place ever! My daughter is two.. and went to the beach once.. with her godmother... I didn't even take her, I hate it that much... Sand sucks, the sun is too bright, I burn to the point that I get sun poison, even with SPF 65.. it's terrible!!
ReplyDeleteIt is really funny how people hate the beach yet flock there anyways. We do it. I like the beach without kids. (chair, nap, drinks, nap...you get it) I HATE it with the kids, I can't even SIT much less lay/doze. Sandy juice, sandy snacks, sandy diapers, sandy towels, sandy sunscreen application, sandy butt crack....no thank you!! Our annual beach trip with the kids is planned for late May. Punch taken. (Lord help me)
ReplyDeleteSeriously...I hate the sand as well! I spent too much time in the world's most giant sandbox (Kuwait) during the war and have hated sand ever since. I now have a 4 year old that loves parks with sand and always wants me to play in the crap with her. Ewwwww!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a sand fan either. That was tough growing up in Hawaii and San Diego... I know, cry you a river...
ReplyDeleteI also hate the beach with the passion of 1000 suns. The ocean has...things...in it.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a poster, I'm a lurker, but I just thought I'd share that I do not like beaches either, except in my imagination. I hate sand - my ideal beach would have soft grass all the way to the water's edge, which would be very warm and no gross squishy mud in it, minimal amounts of other people, good bathrooms close by that are clean and do not stink, and cheap tasty food available. I do like picturesque places, but the wind on beaches is horrific! Even if you pack yummy food, who likes eating when the wind kicks sand everywhere?? One crunch of sand, and I want to hurl!
ReplyDeleteGod, I absolutely HATE the beach. And I live in FL, literally five feet away from it. No, I don't have children, but I'm guessing if I did they would never see it either.
ReplyDelete