tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post3923099489418627252..comments2023-10-14T09:44:21.840-05:00Comments on People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Anyone Else Falling Apart Or Is It Just Me?Jen Piwtpitthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09576108150881254072noreply@blogger.comBlogger75125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-77135374635950320422021-01-17T16:08:50.975-06:002021-01-17T16:08:50.975-06:00Don’t worry you are on the right track and your fo...Don’t worry you are on the right track and your foot will heal. Keep taking one day at a time.Gráinne MLHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11928394311980568796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-13472836990239727522021-01-17T16:08:01.146-06:002021-01-17T16:08:01.146-06:00Don’t worry, you are on the right track. Use your ...Don’t worry, you are on the right track. Use your quiet time recovering to journal and plan your next steps. Gráinne MLHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11928394311980568796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-47246291272430443382021-01-17T16:06:22.688-06:002021-01-17T16:06:22.688-06:00Me too! Good for you Unknown.Me too! Good for you Unknown.Gráinne MLHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11928394311980568796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-7207842726888250282020-10-04T19:13:14.900-05:002020-10-04T19:13:14.900-05:00I have had a multitude of multi-species family. I ...I have had a multitude of multi-species family. I have adored them all. I have worked with animals for years as a vet tech, educator, personal caregiver, and animal activist. That being said an animal is an animal. Mine are always treated with love and kindness, given excellent food, beds, care, cages, terrariums or aquariums. I train the ones that are trainable to be a good member of the family. BUT they are not spoiled, treat me like they are the leader of the pack, taught that they come first in all things, coddled, spoiled, doted on or annoy family and friends. They need to be cared for according to their species and/or breed. We are companions but not equals. Nor are they allowed to ever think they rule the roost. In that way they make a wonderful contribution to our lives. And don’t get me started with the fake service dog thing or the emotional support cat allowed to go anywhere and everywhere. We actually have a service dog in our home and he knows his job and does it without jumping, barking, whining, or annoying others when we are out. KaZ Akershttps://www.kazakers.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-76975812938570734622020-09-23T11:43:58.304-05:002020-09-23T11:43:58.304-05:00Same here. I do wish that medical practitioners w...Same here. I do wish that medical practitioners would ask us how we REALLY are (and not just in passing to check that box), actually listen to our responses and partner with us so we may be our best physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Too many of them are not doing that, and I'm also a healthcare provider: I know what standard of care is expected, but too many of providers are dismissive of these issues. For the last four years, I've played primary care roulette, trying to find a physician, NP or PA who would listen without rolling their eyes, respond without demeaning (being talked down to and called "sweetie" repeatedly does not foster a positive therapeutic relationship with any patient). I have described to them all of the same feelings you just wrote about, literally begged them for help. In response, I was told by multiple providers (at several different family practice clinics) that it was all in my head, that women have survived just fine for eons and that I need to suck it up, that I need a psych consult, that my labs are fine and that there was nothing wrong with me, that it's not good for my busy husband and daughters for me to be having a pity party. They dash out the exam room door before I can ask any questions and then the nurse comes in to continue telling me the same. I've read all these comments from women who ARE being listened to and taken care of, and I'm wondering...where did you ladies find your doctor/NP/PA? What do I need to say or do to have them believe me? It's not healthy for women our age to go without screenings but I've left every clinic so deflated that I can't bear to go back and be treated like that again. Thank you for writing about this topic! And I'm glad to know from the comments that professional empathy exists somewhere. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-40042184812832766562020-09-23T09:43:29.105-05:002020-09-23T09:43:29.105-05:00I hit that wall about four years ago. I had a lon...I hit that wall about four years ago. I had a long-term relationship fail, followed in a few months by a job shake-up that I'd been re-assured wouldn't happen. One of my best friends and I had had a falling out, another one had endured a serious and personality-altering health crisis, while yet another long-time friend was suffering at the end stages of a terminal illness. I had no source of joy and just getting through the day left me raw. And that was on top of the sturm und drang of perimenopause. I got help. I got meds. I had to disengage from some of the social issues with friends, and that's still not back on an even keel. (But I can currently blame the pandemic.)But overall, it's better. Some things got fixed; some things were let go for now. There is still an amount of existential dread, but I think that that is true for most everyone. Juliethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13093632313903040972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-69981568800402725562020-09-03T13:43:47.272-05:002020-09-03T13:43:47.272-05:00I just turned 53 two days ago...can definitely rel...I just turned 53 two days ago...can definitely relate to everything you said, say, posted, etc. Thanks for the writing and all the feels! You ARE NOT alone!!!!Crazyd0gladyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07240928865485102407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-65382227197187460162020-08-25T07:55:12.908-05:002020-08-25T07:55:12.908-05:00If honest, everyone can relate to something or all...If honest, everyone can relate to something or all that you are feeling. I'm 57 (did I really just type that). I do have those feelings of not being able to get all the things I want to accomplished -- but as the years left shrink -- at least I have a renewed sense of urgency. And having traveled this road longer than you, my only advice (dare I suggest) is to monitor expectations. We all need to go easier on ourselves. Of course, this creates a continual pull between the urgency of time running out and an acceptance that what I'm doing and done is enough. Trying to enjoy the journey. I've learned that any happiness achieved by accomplishing goals is fleeting, if I don't feel that it is enough just to wake up each day, be grateful and try to do something -- no matter how small -- for someone else. Hugs.Jamie Mileshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03464973297373372882noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-84788316515725495192020-08-24T09:45:42.718-05:002020-08-24T09:45:42.718-05:00You are not alone. Even as a man I went through so...You are not alone. Even as a man I went through some of the same things you are going through now. There are milestones in everyone's life and sometimes in between them we have time to reflect on what has come so far and we are always the most critical of ourselves. As you said it will pass. As for your relationship with your husband I have a suggestion for both of you. I only suggest this because it worked for me and was like an epiphany. I struggled with trying to find a satisfying relationship for years. I went to counseling and tried everything. The relationship I am in now is the best I have ever had and I attribute it to a great partner how turned me onto a book. I never was one for self-help books but this one hit a chord with me and a light came on and has burned bright ever since. The book is called The 5 Languages of Love. It helped me, it may or may not help you but it is worth a shot. Keep the faith and know we are all in this together. Garrett Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02819345881194572226noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-23399024937999240492020-08-24T00:11:10.899-05:002020-08-24T00:11:10.899-05:00You're not obligated to be funny. You're n...You're not obligated to be funny. You're not obligated to entertain us. You ARE obligated to take the best care of yourself that you can, and to an extent, to those close to you who love you the most. As to "making sure everyone has what they need," what if you just . . . don't? From what I've read over the years, your husband sounds like a good guy -- can't he pick up some of the slack in doing some of the heavy lifting for your kids? Are there things you do for them that they're now old enough to do for themselves? I think sometimes when we have tiny little kids, we set ourselves on autopilot and the next thing you know you're doing the laundry and packing lunches for people who are 14 or 15 years old. Maybe see if you can realign some of those rote tasks?<br /><br />I'm going through a little upheaval myself. My son and his girlfriend just moved (yesterday! sob!) to another state, and I'm staring down the barrel of a hard reality. Once again, I'm having to teach myself that while he'll always (by his own admission) need my wisdom and perspective, he truly doesn't need anyone in the Mommy role anymore. I'm over the moon with joy for them -- they've found their dream house in their dream location and they're SO READY to start building their dream life. And I'm on the periphery. That's a hard gulp for the single mom of any only child who was, in essence, his only parent until he was 17 when his dad decided to step up.<br /><br />I truly wish you peace and joy, and I honestly hope some color starts to push in around the edges of all the grayness you're in the middle of right now.jillsiferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17292170090208123748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-11888821075567859122020-08-23T15:54:49.899-05:002020-08-23T15:54:49.899-05:00I am in my 70s and well remember what you are expe...I am in my 70s and well remember what you are experiencing. Talk to your doctor/gyn about peri-menopause (Yes, it's for real and we used to be able to temper it with HRT before the link to cancer.) and an anti-depressant. They don't turn you into a grinning Bozo-the-Clown but help you to cope with every day annoyances without becoming a witch. I have a much better sense of priorities and have learned to deal with what's important and what I just need to let go. It's liberating and I hope you can say the same soon.gloriaphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09973728648240255169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-79021595982241899782020-08-23T15:44:55.894-05:002020-08-23T15:44:55.894-05:00With you on so many levels. Our generation of 50 ...With you on so many levels. Our generation of 50 year olds is really having trouble. Raised by the greatest generation who just followed tradition for women ( maybe not great but some kind of guidance was there). And the Boomers stick together and make everything they do a nation issue, so we're left trying to figure out how to make our lives work in the abyss. dance teacherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17079452798029079162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-89770063764058963432020-08-23T13:31:42.207-05:002020-08-23T13:31:42.207-05:00At age 62 I have gone through the same Fam. You wi...At age 62 I have gone through the same Fam. You will make it through. My heart is with y'all My Sisters��Gaylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06512473265804938981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-28976339032306595412019-08-10T14:09:42.805-05:002019-08-10T14:09:42.805-05:00Aww Jen. I feel you. This is a weird age. Old enou...Aww Jen. I feel you. This is a weird age. Old enough to look back critically on your life, not old enough to say “hey if I didn’t end up in jail or on the pole, I did ok”. It really sucks. I now grind my teeth constantly. It’s fracturing them, giving me headaches. My dentist does not seem to care. He actually asked how I was sure I did it. Hmm, because I have consciousness? His only suggestion is to wear one of those bite guards. Okay 24/7? At work? The constant waves of feelings, a roller coaster minus the entertainment value. It’s exhausting. Please see your doctor. Some talk therapy, maybe an antidepressant. Hormones definitely play a huge part. I wish you all the best. You have given me many hours of respite from my own relentless brain with your writing. I hope you can be kind to yourself. It can be better. I wish you peace.melmelmelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01931310377540221280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-33557622287333320432019-07-18T11:53:10.087-05:002019-07-18T11:53:10.087-05:00Jen, I am so blown away and so grateful that you w...Jen, I am so blown away and so grateful that you wrote this. You've been the only blogger I follow for years, for the humor, but this is a whole 'nother level because everything in your post is EVERYTHING I am going through right now. I just started counseling for all of this (just had 4th session this week). I'm so grateful for your vulnerability so that I and others could see that we are not alone... and like depression, we can be open about it and get help and support and commiseration!! I joined the FB group too.<br /><br />I don't know if this might help you or others but I am just starting a depression lifestyle treatment called TLC that is supposedly highly effective, and is stuff that all humans need anyway so it's worth it regardless. Here's the website. http://tlc.ku.edu/<br /><br />I wish you all the best in your journey through this. Lots of long-distance love and hugs from a stranger. <3Amy Greennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-57694954774654457592019-07-16T23:15:09.454-05:002019-07-16T23:15:09.454-05:00Sister I've been where you are. HugsSister I've been where you are. HugsGaylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06512473265804938981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-70105827249436149972019-07-16T10:51:47.467-05:002019-07-16T10:51:47.467-05:00It's not just you. I can relate to so much of ...It's not just you. I can relate to so much of this.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062515721930179695noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-4234531752657222232019-07-13T16:19:26.861-05:002019-07-13T16:19:26.861-05:00This is exactly my life. I could cry and am crying...This is exactly my life. I could cry and am crying. I lost me somewhere and do not know how to get her back. I actually laughed with joy playing with my grand daughter who is two at her antics and thought to myself - when was the last time I truly was happy and laughed uncontrollably? I have been trying to be more aware of myself and what I need and not follow along the normal routine. Have made any great strides but I am optimistic. Finding out it isn’t just me has been a true bright spot. GoodWitchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03011434239389581208noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-83043244141097747132019-07-12T17:48:16.649-05:002019-07-12T17:48:16.649-05:00That sounds a lot like depression, which may or ma...That sounds a lot like depression, which may or may not be a result of your age. Talk to someone-online or off- about how you're feeling. Grab some chocolate and a kitten. Take some time to love yourself. You're worth it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-60766862430186241382019-07-12T12:16:00.061-05:002019-07-12T12:16:00.061-05:00Thank you for writing this. I'm almost 43 with...Thank you for writing this. I'm almost 43 with 2 kids, 5 pets, a husband, and a career. I often feel like I'm the only one going through this/thinking these thoughts/feeling this way. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. I'm always afraid that I'll burden the people listening if I speak up or that they'll think less of me. It's not fair for us to feel shame for something that is so natural and normal. I appreciate your honesty!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-8041239901566770882019-07-11T22:13:16.286-05:002019-07-11T22:13:16.286-05:00--continued--
* Take a warm shower or a bath. It...--continued--<br /><br />* Take a warm shower or a bath. It's the simple pleasures that can get you through.<br />* You don't have to compete, unless you take joy from competing.<br />* Walk or get some exercise. I'm not even slightly athletic, but holy cow can exercise affect how you feel. <br />* Extend unconditional trust. There's no shame in trusting no matter what the consequences.<br />* Don't judge, and accept no shame. Both are burdens you need not bear.<br />* There are many people who care, even if it is not apparent. You're never really alone.<br /><br />Above all, don't give up at the low point. Those with the least actually have the most potential. I know that this all may sound like a self-help book or some other garbage, but these are principles that I have assembled independently through some very challenging and hopeless times. I don't purport to have the answer(s), but I do know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know you but I'm unambiguously here to help. <br /><br />Your friend Tom, <br />computer programmer and generally a regular guy who has faced (and faces) very similar strugglesAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16491701206775034984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-70887929284275762942019-07-11T22:12:50.376-05:002019-07-11T22:12:50.376-05:00--continued--
* Engage with art. Watch performer...--continued--<br /><br />* Engage with art. Watch performers, paint, see live music.<br />* Give. Giving can feel amazing and you're never too low to help another. Even giving love or compassion is giving. In fact, it's the most valuable thing you can give.<br />* Put yourself out there. What do you have to lose?<br />* Listen to music. Its therapeutic power is immeasurable. My father was dying and hopeless, but just a tiny bit of music he once loved would transform him instantly. It's very powerful.<br />* Cast away stress however possible. It's a fantasy.<br />* Don't take yourself too seriously. Or life for that matter. It is simply what you make of it.<br />* Know that the fundamental meaning of life is really just to live. That's about all we can even know about life.<br />* The woes of humanity are not your fault, and are out of your control. Mother nature will live on no matter what happens. <br />* Live for yourself. If you fear neglecting those around you remember that you cant take care of anyone unless you have taken care of yourself.<br />* Talk about how you feel. Write about how you feel. Facing/exploring it truly helps.<br />* Remember that things can always be worse, but they can always be better too. It sounds counterintuitive, but think how many people have turned terrible circumstances into strength. In fact, the more fortunate you are, the less fulfilled you can be. People who win the lottery are very likely to be more unhappy. While people who have endured the worst things possible often have a very positive outlook.<br />* Know that no person necessarily REALLY knows anything, no matter their credentials.<br />* The answer you find is more valuable than any one else's opinion.<br />* Seek out your true friends.<br />* Think about and define your values.<br />* Commiserate with someone else. Spend some of your time with someone who is unhappy and explore the feelings together. You'll be helping them and putting things in perspective.<br />* Know that things are not what they seem. The only thing you really know is that you exist. Everything else is filtered through perception and might not even be real. I know this feels scary, but preconceptions drive a lot of what makes us unhappy. Expectations, criticism, views on right or wrong, opinions. None of it can harm you if you don't let it.<br />* Laugh at every opportunity. Seek the things that made you laugh in the past. <br />* Remember that without the contrast of pain, there is no joy. Sometimes struggle is what keeps you alive. People who don't have risks or fears often feel the most hopeless. <br /><br />--continued--<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16491701206775034984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-70731652686514223002019-07-11T22:11:46.263-05:002019-07-11T22:11:46.263-05:00--continued--
Here are some things that strangel...--continued--<br /><br /> Here are some things that strangely helped me. Even on the chance that there is one small thing helpful you can take away. <br /><br />* You're not alone.<br />* It's okay to be damaged. We all are.<br />* Embrace the pain, sadness, self doubt, PTSD, anger, whatever and don't be afraid to face it. It's okay to cry. We do those things for a reason.<br />* There is always hope and never a reason to give up.<br />* Let go of the things that feel toxic to your heart. People or things that hurt you. Even toxic expectations you have of yourself. That doesn't mean to quit your job or skip town. It means do your best and accept that is all you can do. <br />* You're not obligated to watch the news. Comes out that the world keeps turning.<br />* Don't let the negativity of others draw you in.<br />* This is normal for any feeling and intelligent human.<br />* This is what waking up feels like. It can hurt, but it's a path to happiness.<br />* Let go and trust life to lead you. <br />* Leap into something outside of your comfort zone and the self you've never met can emerge. There are parts of me I never knew existed until I let go and faced the the things I feared the most. The real you and your hidden talents or passions sometimes have to be found through challenging experiences. Go to a bar where you feel out of place. Spend time with the homeless. Take an improv class (chuckle, I trying to do this and its my biggest fear). Whatever feels unnatural.<br />* Open yourself up to criticism and embrace change on your own terms.<br />* Trust yourself.<br />* Forgive yourself.<br />* Let go of the notion that you can control everything/anything.<br />* Get back the person you feel like you left behind.<br />* Embrace your passions (again). Get back to your roots.<br /><br />--continued--Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16491701206775034984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-73278916080439002072019-07-11T22:08:35.657-05:002019-07-11T22:08:35.657-05:00Don't feel guilty, afraid, or hopeless. It...Don't feel guilty, afraid, or hopeless. It's a sign that you are coming to life that you feel this way, and that's a good thing. I'm turning 50 this year and there's definitely a mortality factor. But I believe this is a natural way to feel if you are human. Life can feel empty or pointless, and it's a tough feeling. I was divorced 12 years ago and have two boys that are growing up fast. I've lost my father, and even endured the loss of a best friend. All of this can add up, and I've spent a lot of time crushed under the weight of sadness, sitting on the floor of the shower crying while the water runs down. Not that I know how you feel, but I sincerely empathize. I'm not religious, but I can say with certainty that religious experiences lie in the most unexpected places. <br /><br />Please know that this is my opinion, and that he answer could be very different for different people. But I'm not hearing from your cry for help that the answer is with medicine, an asshole doctor, or even Christ, but through opening yourself up to a soul search. Try to trust yourself and to trust life to lead you to the answer. Though in many ways the day-to-day of my life has not improved, I have not felt hopeless for a while, and I currently feel like the haze has lifted and the sun shines down on me every day. <br /><br />--continued--Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16491701206775034984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984487997306130330.post-68262761340647236732019-07-11T16:13:12.631-05:002019-07-11T16:13:12.631-05:00Oh sweetie. Go talk to your Doctor about 10 millig...Oh sweetie. Go talk to your Doctor about 10 milligrams of Citalopram. It saved my life. I felt exactly this way 3 years ago. Now I am holding steady.. with 10 milligrams of Citalopram on my side. And I bought a giant black pickup truck and named him Odin. So...yeah I get you. Hang in there.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08701217404415478363noreply@blogger.com