When I Realized I Wasn't Tough Enough for NYC - Pt. 2

I started this story yesterday.  You might want to catch up so you can follow along.

All I wanted was a grilled cheese sandwich.
I came out of the subway station and found that the downpour was still going on.  I fought the rushing water to get back up the stairs and headed for the disgusting grocery store.

When I Realized I Wasn't Tough Enough for NYC - Pt. 1

I'm watching the Sandy aftermath on television this morning and I am thinking about when I lived in New York City.  New Yorkers are some of the toughest people I know and this Sandy thing isn't going to be a problem for many of them.  They'll come through just fine, you know why?  Because every day life in New York City is tough.

Weekly Wrap Up 10.27.12

Top Read Posts This Week:

Friends Are Hard to Find - Part 2 - My friend Sandy tried to arrange a playdate for her daughter Olive with a classmate, Drusilla.  This one got some fiery comments.  Let me explain a few things:  this happened face to face, so there was no way for Sandy to "hang up" the phone on her.  Sandy didn't walk away from her, because she was trying to find Olive a friend and this woman was being uncooperative.  Sandy is THE nicest person I know (she actually barely reads this blog, because she thinks I'm a "little mean" on here - no offense, Jen) and she was trying to HELP Drusilla's mom come up with a solution.  It wasn't until later when she replayed the conversation in her head she realized the woman was being such a twat.

It Might Be a Tumor

I just completed another week of my work out.  I've worked hard and been faithful every week.  How does my body repay me?  By rebelling.  I have a pain in my leg that has been bothering me since before I started this workout and now it just throbs all day long.  It was really bothering me Monday night and so I did what any normal person with pain would do.  I Googled it.

So, I came up with two possible diagnoses:

1.  Sciatica.  I heard horror stories about this debilitating condition while I was pregnant.  Every woman I came into contact with with regale me with her story of pregnancy-induced sciatica.  She would explain in detail how much it hurt and where and when and why.  Finally, she would tell me, the only relief was to deliver her 12 pound bundle of joy.  Since I am not pregnant - really, I'm not.  I know it seems like I'm giving a lot of weird symptoms and hints to doctors appointments that could imply I am pregnant, but I swear I am not - since I am not pregnant, I don't have a chance at relief if I can't deliver a 10+ pound baby!

How NOT to Make a New Friend

After yesterday's post I got to thinking.  How do you go about inviting another mom out for coffee or a playdate at the park?  I have no idea.  But I do know what you SHOULDN'T say.

Weekly Wrap Up 10.21.12

I just got back from spending the weekend in Omaha celebrating my grandfather's 90th birthday.  Our trip was . . . interesting.  Let's just say stay tuned for a post about that!

Top Read Posts This Week:

At Least Get to Know Me Before You Stick Me With That Thing - When I wrote this, I didn't even think for a moment that people might suspect I was pregnant until all the questions started coming in.  Let me put everyone's mind to rest (especially the Hubs'):  I.  Am. Not.  Pregnant.  I had a new Mirena inserted and the doctor wasn't confident it was in the right place and so that's why he ordered an ultrasound and no one told me it would be one that they shove up my hooha.  The tech found the Mirena right away and confirmed it was in the correct place, but she couldn't find my left ovary and that's when the fun really began as she explored my wonderland.  She never did find it.

Top 3 Reasons Why I Can't Go to the Gym

This is week three of my transformation.  Catch up here and here.

Yesterday was my day to go to Starting-Line Fitness and see my trainer, Kris.



I did not want to go.

Weekly Wrap Up 10.13.12

Another week over and all I have to show for it is one trashed house.  Seriously.  I know I complain a lot about how messy my house can get, but this week is ridiculous.  I had 200 books delivered to my house in 5 boxes (so those are still sitting in the hallway), I had 100 bubble wrap mailers delivered - another box and our weather has been anything from 80 degrees to 50 degrees this week so I have an assortment of jackets, coats, hats, flip flops, rain boots and tennis shoes strewn through out the house.

I've ignored all of this so I could focus on what's important:  perfecting my signature so I can sign some books!  Needless to say, it's still not perfected.  I apologize to those of you who will receive a book that looks like my signature says "Mary."  I got a little carried away and decided my "M"s are so much better looking than my "J"s.

If you ordered a signed copy through PayPal, then start checking your mail.  I finished them all and I will be dropping them off at the post office today.  

A Little Update

Hey everybody, I wanted to give you an update on my book!  Nook is STILL not ready yet.  I've been in touch with B&N daily and they keep telling there is a technical glitch of some kind on their end and they're "working on it."  Once Nook is up and running I will let you know.

Book sales are going well.  I'm really excited that so many of you have already purchased the book.  Thank you, thank you!  World domination is in my sights.  I can now say I am an "Amazon Best Seller."  The beauty of Amazon is they have about a bazillion different categories where you can classify your books and so you can always feel like you're rocking at least one category.  As of right this moment I am in the Top 10 of TWO humor categories.  Look out Parenting & Family Humor, I aim to be number one in your category!  Boom.

Weekly Wrap Up 10.6.12

Top Read Posts This Week:

Adolpha at Cheerleading Practice - I signed Adolpha up for a cheerleading clinic at my alma mater.  Tonight she was supposed to perform at the halftime show at the game.  I paid $35 for the clinic and $6 to get into the game and she gave up before the end of the first quarter because she was "too cold."  Looks like she's over cheerleading.  Now she's looking for an indoor sport she can try.

My Book Cover is Done! - I had so many kick ass entries, but in the end the awesome Jake Clark won me over.  There were a lot of choice comments for my old professor.  He actually died last year so I won't be able to give him a copy.

My Book is Ready for Purchase!!

The book is available!!  I thought the book cover announcement was exciting, but I'm going to go ahead and say this is more exciting.

OK, so it's a bit confusing and I'll do my best to explain it to you.  Please try and follow my ramblings because I have no idea how to make a flow chart.

Let's start with the easiest one:

NOOK - Sorry, it's not available yet for Nook.  The Nookers are taking their sweet time getting it set up on their site and I have no idea when they'll be ready.  I'll keep you posted once I know more.

KINDLE - If you'd like to download it RIGHT NOW then just go ahead and click this link and I'll see you when you're done reading.

PAPERBACK BOOK DELIVERED TO YOUR DOOR - You don't have a Kindle or a Nook or any other device you'd like to read on?  Are you a book sniffer who loves the smell of a new book?  Then this is the option for you.  You can order a copy here and it will be sent to you in a few days.

Week 2 of My Transformation

Well, I'm gearing up this morning for my second work out this week with my new personal trainer, Kris, at Starting Line Fitness.

I just hope she reads this and takes it easy on me today, because she really kicked my ass on Tuesday - I'm still hobbling along because muscles I never even knew existed are sore.  I arrived on Tuesday in a bad mood and I think she tried get me to a happy place with exercise and that runner's high/endorphin shit doesn't work with me.  Instead, as the hour progressed the black cloud over my head just kept getting darker and darker.  I'm not sure how many times I muttered, "Son.  Of.  A.  Bitch." but I'm pretty sure it was a lot.  I'm positive I yelled it when she showed me this contraption:


It's a set of ropes suspended from the ceiling.  (No, it's not a sex swing, you pervs.)  It's for reverse push ups or some such nonsense.  I don't know what they're called, but they're my own personal hell. You basically hang on to the loops and lean waaaaaayyy back so you're reclined and then you pull yourself up.  Just when you get high enough for it not to hurt anymore you go back down to more pain.  I think I did these three separate times on Tuesday.  I'm such a Pillsbury Dough Girl that I actually got blisters on this stupid thing.  I doubt I will ever like this one.

My Book Cover is Done!

It's happening!  I am sitting here tonight looking at the brand new cover design for my BOOK!!!  I can not even begin to tell you guys how excited I am.  Isn't it perfect?  I had so many awesome submissions it was hard to choose.  In the end I chose this one, because every time I look at those carolers' heads on the floor, it makes me laugh.

Do You Like YA Books? Then Enter This Giveaway

I don't usually do giveaways unless it's Bic lady pens that I've bought with my own money, but I recently had the chance to meet K.D. McEntire, the author of the awesome Lightbringer series.  She reads the blog and once she saw my various book threads on here she just knew that I had to read her books.  She was right.  When I told her how much I enjoyed them, she offered to give away some copies of her books to you guys.  How could I deny you that opportunity?

I know that a lot of you are very similar to me when it comes to our taste in books.  If that's the case, then you will love Lightbringer and the second installment Reaper.

These books are YA paranormal stories that suck you in and are different than anything I've ever read before (and I've read a lot of YA paranormal).  K.D. has imagined a world that coexists with ours, where some people can go back and forth between the two.  Her heroine, Wendy, is one of those people.  Wendy is a human that can send lost souls into the light.  Without her help, the Lost are doomed to roam the Never.  Because Wendy is human, every time she sends a soul into the light, it takes a toll on her.  Not to mention that she has to battle against darker forces who feed on the Lost.  In the meantime, Wendy meets a guardian of the Lost - Piotr and starts to fall for him, even though she might have to send him into the light eventually.  (Relationships are never easy in these types of books, are they?)

Anyone Else Falling Apart Or Is It Just Me?

So I'm pretty sure I'm going through a midlife crisis. I feel like I'm falling apart. I feel like the more I try to keep fro...