TIME Magazine

Surely you've seen this new cover at TIME Magazine.


Hey, TIME, stop this right now!  What the hell is wrong with you?

Let's start with the picture that you chose.  I don't have hard stats (and I'm way too lazy to go do real research), but my informal polls at the playground lead me to believe that most moms who subscribe to attachment parenting are older hippie moms with gray hair and saggy boobs and Subarus.  Why aren't they on your cover too?

Actually, where did you find the woman on your cover?  A young, hot, defiant woman who practices attachment parenting?  I've never seen anything like her and my guess is it took you a long time to find her.  She's like the Yeti of the attachment parenting world.

Are you a bunch of pimply teenage boys over there who get turned on watching a MILF breastfeed?

It's as if Beavis and Butthead are in charge at your offices.  Actually, I take that back, apparently the Hubs is in on it too.  Here's what he said to me tonight:  "Have you seen this thing?  Holy crap.  It's arousing and disturbing all at the same time."

Nice job, TIME, sounds like you got just the reaction you were looking for, you perverted jackholes.

Just say what it is:  It's Mother's Day, which is usually a boring topic for our magazine, so we decided to spice it up a bit.  

I think the powers that be at TIME sat around the board room and had this imaginary conversation:

Man 1:  The article kind of sucks, because attachment parenting is kind of boring and hardcore and no one will read it, so let's make sure the cover is titillating.  

Man 2:  Heehee, you said tit-illating.  

Man 1:  Haha.  I did.  Well, I think it's a good word for what we want.  Let's see the photos we have to choose from.

Man 2:  We've got tons of pictures of nursing moms to choose from, but their breasts are so....well-used....

Man 1:  "Well-used"?  Hell, these things look like 2 week old helium balloons.  Yech.  No amount of photoshop can help those.  Oh my God, is that a hair on this one's nipple?

Man 2:  Yes.  We've been told those are very normal.

Man 1:  I don't know.  I think she should get that checked out.  Blech.  Don't we have any one young with perky boobies - yeah, they need to be boobies, because breasts are just too real looking. Hello...who is this?

Man 2:  Her name is Jamie Lynn Grumet and that is her 3, almost 4, year old there on the stool.

Man 1:  Jamie Lynn Grumet, I am going to make you famous.

Ugh, you idiots.

Now, what about the caption:  "Are You Mom Enough?"

Fuck you, TIME.  It's Mother's Day weekend and you're going to trot that boring mommy wars shit out now?

(Here's a genius idea for you guys for Father's Day, let's start the daddy wars - have you heard of Douchey Dads?  I can hook you up with a great model for your cover, I can take you to their natural habitat.)

Yeah, I'm mom enough.  I don't need to put on my fabulous skinny jeans and whip out my itty bitty titty to feed my preschooler (I refuse to call that kid a "toddler") on the cover of a national magazine to prove it.

I also don't need Dr. William Sears - the guru of attachment parenting - telling me I'm not mom enough.  This guy has the market cornered on making moms feel like absolute shit.  He loves to tell us all how we're doing it wrong and how inadequate we are because:

  • We don't breastfeed our kids until they can spell "delicious and refreshing breast milk."
  • We don't co-sleep with our kids until they absolutely beg to leave the family bed out of sheer embarrassment from telling their friends at middle school they still sleep with mommy and daddy.  
  • We don't love our babies, because occasionally we put them in bouncy seats to give our aching backs a break. 

Between TIME Magazine showing us that you should be hot when you breastfeed and Dr. Sears telling us that we're screwing up our kids if we don't practice attachment parenting, I think it's going to be a great Mother's Day.

Thanks for pulling out all the stops to make this one special, TIME!

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms reading this.  We all raise our kids differently and we're all doing the best we can do.  Don't buy into this shit and just know you ARE mom enough!



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262 comments:

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Anonymous said...

OMG, if you breastfeed until they talk, that makes you a real sick individual! I cannot believe people think that shit is funny! I think it's sick & twisted! Breast feeding is NORMAL to a point, when they grow teeth & start talking, DONE! Or your just plain out right NASTY!

Leah Petersen said...

I'm not sure how going on a rant that contains a bunch of unfounded generalizations and general intolerance for any position but your own is any different than a cover/article obviously meant to be inflammatory. Good job falling for it, and for making yourself look ignorant.

[email protected] said...

First off, she didn't say SHE did it because she enjoyed it. Get off her back. Every mom is different and NOBODY is right or wrong. What she chose to do was her decision and not your business to judge. She even said when she realized her son needed to be weaned and did it immediately. Some babies/kids develop routines or habits and it is comforting for the child. For you to call her a child molester is going way to far. She didn't rob her son of his innocence and wasn't doing anything inappropriate with him. You are the one who is making a big deal about it. My 3 year old daughter still showers with me.....does that make me a bad mom because she sees me naked? She actually doesn't pay any attention to the fact I have no clothes on and we don't make a big deal about it. I have taught my two older girls about modesty and what is ok and what is not ok. We don't make a huge deal about things though but they know it is not ok to walk around in their underwear at 11 years old even though they really have nothing to hide. Once YOU make a big deal about it, the kids will start to wonder what the big deal is and then exploration/experimentation will start to take place with their friends......because it must be a BIG DEAL and you have peaked their curiosity.

How do you view moms who live in poverty in 3rd world countries who have no choice but to breastfeed their children until they are 3, 4 or 5 years old? Are they molesting their children too? What about the women who don't cover up their breasts in those countries? This is not an unnatural thing but our society has made it a big deal.

I agree with Jenn on the TIME magazine cover but YOU are out of line on your response to Lena!! I find it amazing that cowards sit there behind their computers and post replies such as yours as "ANONYMOUS" but would never have the courage to post their real identity or say it to someone's face.

Unknown said...

Parent in whatever fashion works for your family and don't hate on people who do it differently than you.

Two negative situations that this article creates:

1. The cover is tasteless and presents women as objects. A source of food and nothing more. This mentality of thinking that women are only moms, only created to feed and raise their offspring, and serve no other purpose, is offensive. Yes, I am a mom but I am also a person with needs of my own that do not revolve around my family. The idea that motherhood means neglecting yourself entirely for the needs of your family is antiquated and the phrase, "are you mom enough" is only a shot designed to force us back to the kitchen. It's an attempt at using guilt to get us to go willingly. Well fuck you Time, I'm not much of a cook and I hate doing dishes.

2. As evidenced by the comments on this post alone, it creates dissent amongst women. Whether we agree on parenting styles or not, we should not allow a bunch of stupid men to set us against each other. Women got the right to leave the kitchen by sticking together. Fighting amongst ourselves over shit that we can't, and have no right, to control, isn't doing any of us any favors.

If ap is going to create a bunch of needy adults, that is their problem. We already have droves of adults with entitlement issues and I doubt they were all breast fed until they were five. Different experiences will have a different effect on every child. Hating on each other because we disagree in parenting styles is pointless. To each his own.

P.s. I breast fed both of my kids for a month. It was the best I could physically do and guess what...I'm still mom enough. If you love your kids and are trying to be the best parent you can, that is all that matters.

[email protected] said...

Well said!!!!! We all have our own style of parenting and shouldn't judge other mom because NOBODY is right or wrong, and NO MOM is perfect. We all do what we think is best and hope for the best outcome.

Anonymous said...

That child is at least five years old!

[email protected] said...

You crack me up and I love your posts!!!

Stasi14 said...

This is not suppose to be about bashing the "hippie mom's" who extend nursing beyond the first six months.I nursed mine til they were 2. I am no hippie, I just believe in extended nursing if the child still wants to nurse.

Some women don't nurse. They say "I tried, I just couldn't" which is usually bullshit. They chose not to in most circumstances, which is fine.It is hard to get through that first couple of months and a lot of women give it up. Fine, no judgements here. Some people don't want to nurse at all. Fine, no judgements here. However, you should OWN IT. Don't find some way to degrade women who do nurse. It is a personal choice.

The "anonymous" person that called women child molesters and perverts because they nursed a child who was old enough to walk? Seriously, what is wrong with you? My one child walked at 10 months. So at 10months and 1 day I am now a child molester if I didn't immediately rip my child from the breast because she could walk? I am suddenly a egocentric, over clingy mom? There is nothing wrong with nursing a toddler, and it is a personal choice, and it is natural and healthy and not in anyway abusive.

That aside, Time Magazine should not be exploiting this kid. This freaking picture will be plastered on his locker in the 5th grade with "your Mom" jokes until he is 50 years old.It isn't about the nursing. It is about the publicity at the child's expense.

Different people have different parenting techniques and as long as the kid is being cared for, everyone else can piss off with their opinions.My son is 2 1/2 and fighting me like hell because he doesn't want to be weaned. It is my choice to wean him because I am ready (even if he isn't). However, neither my son nor I are perverts. Anyone who acts like extended nursing is perverted needs to have their head examined. If that is what you think, you are the pervert, not the nursing mom. And perhaps you need punched in the throat along with Time Magazine.

Anonymous said...

I am a mother and grandmother and I must say I not only find the TIME picture distasteful but this twisted woman and her "Attachment Parenting" disgusting and in dire need of psychological help!
Of the many, many people I have spoken with about this more agree with me than the nut jobs who think that nursing your semi-grown children is - in any way - acceptable.

Anonymous said...

P.S. In fact I have yet to speak with ANYONE who finds this theory within the realms of 'balanced behavior'. Beyond that, the TIME picture is totally offensive.
My subscription is being cancelled!

Anonymous said...

I'm just so fed up with these child development experts (so many of them men in their fifties) tellig us everything we're doing wrong as mothers, tearing us down and pitting us against one another. Am I Mom enough? Dr Douchbag: I AM MOM. Plain and simple. What are my boobs doing right now? None of your damn business.

Michaela said...

Seriously, punch this trick in the throat.

I don't even have to read the comments to know people are probably bashing whomever doesn't agree with how they parented their kids. I personally did not breast feed either of my kids. I found it rather gross and disturbing, not all natural and awesome like some people say. My chi-chis swelled up like balloons, hurt, leaked, were sore, tender, and hot to the touch - HELL TO THE FUCKING NO.

I don't care how you raise your kids - I see this cover and I see a kid who spends the rest of his life going after tits. Whether its his girlfriend, teachers, random strangers, co-workers - this kid is going to have issues. Its one thing to feed an actual baby, or pump your milk, but this kid is NOT A BABY. Cut the fucking cord already! Damn! Its like incest at that age. He isn't dumb, he probably doesn't even want to do it, but mom probably feels a bit lonely without her son at the breast and lets him know it. And how does her spouse feel watching this shit go on every day?

This isn't celebrating some sort of independence that women have gained. Its fucking embarrassing.

Anonymous said...

didn't read all the comments so this may have been already been said but this child is not really breast feeding he is sucking boobie- he doesn't get his food supply from his mother's breast it is a pacifier and a habit. a child will continue this habit until he has another source of happiness and comfort in his life.
Also note that lengthy breast feeding in a method of weight control. Several Hollywood Hotties have mentioned they have found it very effective. No attactment parenting involved just keep the figure to keep the employment coming. Yes, I did breast feed my children and I don't know how anyone gets a child to continue after about 1 1/2 they are too busy and the world has too many other wonderful things to do and eat.

Lacey Worsdell said...

Well put! Time Magazine deserves a TKO for this one!!!

Time magazine has just proven that they are no better than the Enquirer and US Weekly-- I'm shocked that they would stoop so low creating such a sensationalized cover.

I will not attack another mother for doing what she believes is right. I think our society does it too much, and other mothers are sometimes the worst offenders. For Me-- I am not comfortable nursing past 12 months (I made it to 7 months- it's so much work! Props to moms that make it the full 12 months or even do it at all)... That is just my opinion. And although it is very difficult not to judge people who believe that this nursing at 4 years old is normal... It's not my place to to force my opinion down someone's throat. Nor is it their place to question whether I am Mom Enough because I did something different.

All I hope for the child and wish for the mom in this photo is that she loves her child as much as I love mine. Because in the end we are both mothers without instruction manuals doing what we feel is best and right for our child... That is what matters most. Right?

Anonymous said...

I wonder the same thing. I guess I didn't AP, not that I consciously chose not to, I just kinda figured out what I wanted to do as I went along. My kids were sleeping in their crib in their rooms at 2 months (My sleep is too important to me to try to share the bed with a wiggly baby!) I breastfed for 1 yr etc.
But while I was breastfeeding it felt so unnatural to have the boobs being sexual with my husband... he basically wasn't allowed to touch them for a year after each child, because the boobs had a purpose at that time. I can't imagine pushing that off for a few years and having my husband feel like he's been replaced by a child or something.

spymay said...

Wow Anonymous..that was pretty harsh.Even though I wouldn't breastfeed any of my kids until they were that old, I'm certainly not going to compare those who do to child molesters.I like to reserve that comparison to someone who actually desrves it-like that skeezy teacher who left his wife and moved into an apartment with one of his students the second she turned eighteen.

Anonymous said...

This culture could do well to address the problems with DETACHMENT parenting methods of all the parents who have kids and then go on to live their selfish lives while treating their child(ren) as an accessory, without one thought to helping them grow up to their full potential. I feel all the moms who commented that they will be successful if only not to raise a psychopath actually have higher standards for their children and want the absolute best for them. And THAT is what makes you 'MOM ENOUGH'! Otherwise, when our kids are grown there will be an entire generation of "non-psychopaths" running our country and raising and teaching the next generation. I, for one, desire so much more for and from my children.

Anonymous said...

Oh stop it you're being so dramatic. Every parent gets to make their own decisions, mind your business.

Anonymous said...

(Couldn't tell if this got posted...sorry if it appears twice)
This culture could do well to address the problems with DETACHMENT parenting methods of all the parents who have kids and then go on to live their selfish lives while treating their child(ren) as an accessory, without one thought to helping them grow up to their full potential. I feel all the moms who commented that they will be successful if only not to raise a psychopath actually have higher standards for their children and want the absolute best for them. And THAT is what makes you 'MOM ENOUGH'! Otherwise, when our kids are grown there will be an entire generation of "non-psychopaths" running our country and raising and teaching the next generation. I, for one, desire so much more for and from my children.

Lisa said...

Agreed. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Hi Anonymous at 9:10 pm - "hater" here. My mom breastfed all us kids but probably not after a year. Was I attached to her? of course, numb nuts. What bothers me about this parenting movement is the arrogance, the idea that unless you indulge your children and baby them, keeping them a "baby" because that's how YOU want them to stay, you will somehow damage them. You admit that your daughter has other things she is more interested in other than your earth mother life giving bosom and yet you keep drawing her back into a state of infancy. anyone who brings attention to this arrogant and self centered practice is a "hater". To indulge overly long in breastfeeding in order to prove how pure and loving you are even though children are developing and exploring the world is asinine.and why do children have the right to dominate the parents marital bed? I often hear how "bonding" this practice is from moms. Haven't heard how much the men are enjoying this, however. I know of one friend of mine whose husband now sleeps in another room in order to accommodate this co sleeping bs. the kids are 5 and 4 for god's sake. uh - ya: it's all BS. And because one can see through the flaws in this philosophy does not make one a "hater". It's called discourse.

Bee's hive said...

Thank you oh wise one...you're preachin' to "this" choir.

Roe said...

Wow, ANONYMOUS, did you really just accuse a mother of being a child molester because she was breastfeeding her child? I think your the sick one if that is the message you got from reading her comment. Another coward/troll with a twisted mind.

Anonymous said...

AYo...I couldn't have said it any better! :) And remember we're all doing the best we can. Opinions are like assholes...we all have them! Happy Mother's Day to all of you wonderful mom's out there. Thanks Jen for keeping us all laughing!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for these responses. Some troll earlier blasted some mom for bf until 3. It's no ones biz! I breast fed my girls until 2, the youngest until 2.5 b/c she had a blood issue and the ped told me if I felt like it, to keep going, it was helping her health wise! Suck it haters, and quit judging! I'm not saying I agree W/ TIme article or that awful photo, which is disturbing! Bottom line, do what's best for you and your family, and don't judge others!

Anonymous said...

There's an overwhelming amount of comments to read here, so I apologize if I'm just repeating what someone has already said:

I'm worried about the child. What kind of bullying will he face when he's in high school?? "Hey, there's that kid on that old magazine cover, sucking his mom's boob at (nearly) 4 years old."

That'll make for a great adolescent experience. /sarcasm

In the meantime, thank you for the article; and Happy Mother's Day to all the lovely mommas here!

greenly said...

How is that woman producing milk?! I'm not offended as every headline is geared to stir some kind of stupid shit up. However, [magazine, blog,etc] I too call their bull shit. Granted, it is an important issue, especially in lieu of processed formula as an alternative...or having moms who can't afford that crap (another conversation)..Oh wait! That wasn't their target audience. haha
I breast fed for over 3 month (awful, and I sought professional advice), and then pumped 1 more month and was DONE! My infant at the time was totally over it too. She's 3 and thriving (or shows no signs of being a sociopath...yet!). Happy Mother's Day!

Kim Duran said...

I wonder what high school is going to look like for this kid as he's forever known as the Time Magazine boob kid. And I loved the ridiculousness of the whole thing so much that I drew my own cartoony parody on my website. Thanks for the inspiration, Time. Now why don't don't you go out and find a real news story.

Anonymous said...

I have a confession. I breastfeed. My son is 2 and I still breastfeed him. It's a nurture thing. Non sexual, non issue. I also co sleep with him. I have no regrets. I also have a brilliant 5 year old who is well adjusted, impressive, smart, and completely healthy and independent. I did the same thing with him and let him stop when he was ready. That kid was also potty trained by 2. I am not a hippy. I am a normal person who didn't vote for Obama. What are you gonna do?

Pattyann said...

I haven't read the article but if time believes in attachment parenting then on father's day they should have a cover saying "Mr. Mom, are you man enough?" and make all the working men that provide for their families feel like crap for not being home with the kids all day long...

Dee said...

Dear Anonymous - educate yourself.

Amy said...

Well, I'm not old. I *may* be slightly hippie-ish, but that depends on to whom I'm compared. My hair isn't gray. My girls aren't saggy, and before my mommy-mini-van, I drove a beautiful Mustang. Of course, I've only been a mom for 24weeks.
I've been around babies all my life, and attachment parenting is the best way for my family.
I'm glad that Time is getting the word out about this thought process, but the title was totally counter-productive.
So Punchy, make sure Time is at the end of your punch, not us AP moms. You should learn more about us. (I just made chocolate chip cookies from scratch while breast feeding. Cricket is still nursing/sleeping in my arms while I'm typing this. How AP of me!) We don't compare our mommy-ness to anyone else, and we don't think anyone that doesn't practice AP isn't "mom enough"...that would be douchy.

Julie said...

To the last "anonymous" poster- who the hell are you to judge how other women raise their kids? You're just as bad as the doctor who's telling mothers they aren't good enough for NOT extending the time they breastfeed, just on the opposite end of the argument. It's not HIS place, and it's not YOUR place either. Go raise your kids the way you want to and leave other mothers to do it their way. Mind your damn business. As mothers we need to be supportive of each other. Not telling others they're bad moms because they don't do it "your way". Ugh, your comment disgusts me.

FabulousMamaChronicles said...

"most moms who subscribe to attachment parenting are older hippie moms with gray hair and saggy boobs and Subarus." Umm...what? Do I look like an old hippie to anyone? I drive a 2009 black Mitsubishi Lancer if that even means anything. I'm not a fan of the TIME scandal either for a few reasons but I don't think spouting ignorant remarks about those who choose to parent along the lines of the 'attachment' philosophy is helpful to anyone. The only remark I agree with is the concluding phrase about all mothers being mom enough, as that speaks for itself.

Anonymous said...

I'm not saying that this attachment parenting is good or bad - but I have to question the motivation of the women in this TIME spread putting their KIDS out there in a national forum in this kind of fashion. It's clearly a controversial subject and I would think that the kid on the cover is going to have to deal with his mom's decision to have him photographed at age 3 ON HER BOOB for the rest of his life. Plus, in this digital age and this stuff going viral, these kids will able to access this photograph FOREVER. You can't tell me he won't get teased about this.

LorelNicolette said...

Anon, you have no clue what you are talking about. Go do some research on Google.

Sam said...

Few things that bother me: Only maybe one or two of my friends are older hippie ladies (I don't know anything about cars, so whatever there). In my AP group there are moms from 19-40s, black, white, Hmong, other flavors of Asian, biracial, Christian, Catholic, Pagan, Athiest, Agnostic, LDS, fat, thin, drop dead sexy, plain/ugly (like me), etc. etc. I have friends who are just as hot as Jamie. My friend Dionna was in the spread as one of the moms not picked for the cover image.

Next, I'm sure you realize that Time didn't pick the photo, they CREATED it, right? There was a much nicer picture of Jamie holding her kidget and nursing him inside, but that wasn't sensational enough, of course. She wasn't told what they were doing with the cover--when they got there, they had Madonna-with-Jesus pictures on the wall and that's what they were lead to believe they were going to be taking :(

Finally, neither I nor most of the AP moms I know gives much hoo about Dr. Sears other than using him as an information source.

You should be parenting as you feel is right and if you feel it's right, no one else should be able to make you feel bad for it. Just like I'm not going to let anyone make me feel bad for being AP and having nursed a 4 year old. I met my child's needs and did what was right for MY family. Which has zipedeedooda to do with anyone else's family.

Only comfortable nursing for a year? Good for you for giving your kidget a year of milk! And I can tell you that basically all of full-term nursing mamas I know feel the same. It's about you loving your kids, not about who's nursed how long (or at all--I have plenty of AP friends who never nursed).

The "Mommy Wars" are media-driven and have little basis in real life. Keeping in mind the internet is still media--there are assholes everywhere and the internet lets them out in droves.

All that said, I agree. Time magazine deserves a punch in the face and no one should be going around making anyone feel bad about their parenting.

Anonymous said...

Shut the fuck up with your stupidity. So if a child starts walking at 10 months, they are now too old to nurse? You're ridiculous. The WHO even recommends till age 2. Duh.

Anonymous said...

*eyeroll* Grow up. Breastfeeding is a natural part of parenting. The only reason YOU think it's perverse and a form of molestation is because you view boobs as a sexual object. Do you think they only turn into sexual objects after the age of one? Do boobs have a timer on them? Moron.

Anonymous said...

@Deb - I have to disagree. As a successful entrepreneur and mom to an 18 month old (whom I breastfeed, co-sleep with and still carry) and someone who runs/walks on a regular basis, attachment parenting CAN be done while balancing all of those things. I still go out with my girlfriends every week, I go to the spa regularly and I do date nights with my hubby. I think you can do it all and not feel like you are returning to the 1950s or feel pressured to do so. I'm living proof of that.

Anonymous said...

AMEN! Exactly what I was thinking when I read this. I love this blog but this post has me so sad. Attachment parenting is ONE style of parenting and Jen certainly seems like she has AP parents labeled quite nicely... Coming from a 29 year old AP parent who also subscribes to many other parenting styles, it's just disappointing.

Anonymous said...

'Cause, you know, I constantly read magazines from 10 years ago to find things to tease my friends about. And with all the internet stuff, I can SO easily find articles from that long ago.

Anonymous said...

You have a lot of questions about attachment parenting that could be easily answered by those people who subscribe to that parenting method. It could offer the opportunity to turn your assumptions into realities and make you look way less ignorant.

Anonymous said...

Yes, good thing you did wean him at 1. Wouldn't want to have to teach him about sexuality and the human body... *eyeroll*

Besides, you may want to check up on your kid. Apparently it's not considered "normal sexual behaviour" for a child to think an erotic magazine is erotic in any way before the age of nine. (See http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_What_Normal/?page=2) Perhaps it is instead a learned behaviour from someone else inside the home? Yes, that is simply speculation but so is saying that he would have becomes sexually aroused from breastfeeding after the age of 1.

Anonymous said...

@Lisa ... THANK YOU. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Anonymous said...

+1 ... So disappointed in this post right now.

Anonymous said...

YES! This is one of the best comments on this entire post. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Anonymous said...

Where did she say she enjoyed it? Also, why is feeding your baby the milk we were biologically made to produce tantamount to child abuse? If you don't want to nurse your kid, then don't. But maybe read a book or an article about the benefits of breastmilk before you start spouting ignorant comments. We are mammals, just because we can type words on a keyboard doesn't change that fact.

Anonymous said...

You are just as bad... quit the mommy wars.... It is not sick to nurse a walker. Babies walk as young as 8 months.

To compare having sex with a child to a child being in the parents bed is very disturbing. Mine don't sleep with me, they have their own beds - but if they are scared in the night - they might come in for a cuddle. If you think that is sexual, you might want to question your own tendencies.

StayAtHomeDad12 said...

I was a latch key kid, not because of the reasons you gave out, but because my mother was working her ass off to get a nursing degree. Did we cosleep? Yep. Why? Because we were living in a one room(as in, ONE ROOM, not bedroom) apartment on a hideaway bed. I had to learn how to take care of myself, but just in the sense that I learned how to make basic meals and do my own laundry by eight years old. By the way, I am a guy, but my wife went through much the same issues as I did, because while she had both parents, her mother was a nut and she had to learn fairly quick how to take care of herself.
My wife and I have three daughters who have been raised a little different each time, because, HEY PRESTO, they are three diffrent people. Is it any goddamn business of anyone how we have raised our kids? Not when people remark how well behaved and happy our kids are.
Now to the main question. Is my wife mom enough? Tell you what. Anyone who wants to ask that can send a reply to this and I will be happy to meet somewhere to discuss it between me, them and Mr. Fungo Bat.

HistorianMom said...

So then most women for most of history would have to be incarcerated. That can't be right.

Anonymous said...

zackly X 2.
I would also add that I have a problem with the idea that the child is dictating what a woman does with her body. It's a bit different when the baby is young and you have to make sure they get what they need. But when they are 3 -4- 5 years old and basically having an argument with mom about getting their "milky" (I have seen this)- you have crossed the line form looking after your baby to spoiling and indulging your child in the name of some sort of idea of pure parenting that is superior to what every generation has done previously.

Anonymous said...

Thank you!
When will this self indulgent trend end?
and the co-sleeping? let's look at it for real shall we? How does the man figure in this? I knew someone who practiced this BS and the hsuband had to move to his own room down the hall. The children slept with the mother until they were 5 and 6. and even then it was a huge battle. By that time the relationship was long over. In the old days there was a hierarchy. I know that is dirty word nowadays but there is something in "mommy and daddy say so" that we have lost. this Attachment parenting thing subverts this idea. doesn't sound politically correct but this is what is happening. that's why people have a gut reaction to it.

Anonymous said...

oh - but you can't be a real mom if you don't let the child dictate what to do with your own body. don't you know that? You're so selfish.

Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous:
You seem to be hung up on this child molestation thing, which makes me think that something like that may have happened to you in the past - if so, I am really, really sorry. I am sure that it is easy to see molestation everywhere if one has been molested, but you are an adult now and have the responsibility to get over your issues and not take them out on others. If you have ever breastfed, you know that there is very little enjoyable about the act itself, unless we are talking about the sheer relief that comes from having one's overly engorged breast emptied - but you get that same relief from a breast pump. If there is any enjoyment in breastfeeding, it is that of being close to your child and believing that you are doing what is good for them. Children, of course, get the enjoyment of closeness and nourishment. If any of that is sexual, then stroking your child's head, hugging them, giving them a kiss is sexual, too. Do you hug and kiss and pet your child or do you avoid any and all physical contact for fear that it might be misconstrued by the child, yourself and/or those around you? Had I been asked how long I thought one should/could breastfeed before I ever had a child, I would have said a year, year and a half. I probably would've raised an eyebrow at a woman with a child older than that still breastfeeding. However, I ended up nursing my daughter until just last week, and she is 2 1/2. Nothing sick or sexual about it. It actually got to the point where I was glad to be done because on the purely physical side of it, there was nothing enjoyable about it. My daughter associated it with the warmth and comfort and love she has always known. She decided that she no longer needed that type of reassurance to go to sleep at night (just like Lena's child my daughter, at the end, would merely nurse when tired and about to go to sleep). She has discovered other mechanisms to soothe herself to sleep. I truly feel for you if you have the feeling that the only reason anyone would breastfeed that long would be for some sort of misguided pleasure. I am sure if someone conducted a long-range study on the phsychological welfare of those who breastfed past 12 months or 18 months, one would find that they are perfectly normal if not healthier than most of us. If you were to interview sexual predators, on the other hand, you would probably find that extended breastfeeding is not a common characteristic among them. I am not trying to make you feel bad because I feel for you, but I do need to call you out on this because you are hurting others when it is you who are hurt - sorry if I sound like some sort of hippie, but in this case, I think, this sort of language is justified.

Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous:
You seem to be hung up on this child molestation thing, which makes me think that something like that may have happened to you in the past - if so, I am really, really sorry. I am sure that it is easy to see molestation everywhere if one has been molested, but you are an adult now and have the responsibility to get over your issues and not take them out on others. If you have ever breastfed, you know that there is very little enjoyable about the act itself, unless we are talking about the sheer relief that comes from having one's overly engorged breast emptied - but you get that same relief from a breast pump. If there is any enjoyment in breastfeeding, it is that of being close to your child and believing that you are doing what is good for them. Children, of course, get the enjoyment of closeness and nourishment. If any of that is sexual, then stroking your child's head, hugging them, giving them a kiss is sexual, too. Do you hug and kiss and pet your child or do you avoid any and all physical contact for fear that it might be misconstrued by the child, yourself and/or those around you? Had I been asked how long I thought one should/could breastfeed before I ever had a child, I would have said a year, year and a half. I probably would've raised an eyebrow at a woman with a child older than that still breastfeeding. However, I ended up nursing my daughter until just last week, and she is 2 1/2. Nothing sick or sexual about it. It actually got to the point where I was glad to be done because on the purely physical side of it, there was nothing enjoyable about it. My daughter associated it with the warmth and comfort and love she has always known. She decided that she no longer needed that type of reassurance to go to sleep at night (just like Lena's child my daughter, at the end, would merely nurse when tired and about to go to sleep). She has discovered other mechanisms to soothe herself to sleep. I truly feel for you if you have the feeling that the only reason anyone would breastfeed that long would be for some sort of misguided pleasure. I am sure if someone conducted a long-range study on the phsychological welfare of those who breastfed past 12 months or 18 months, one would find that they are perfectly normal if not healthier than most of us. If you were to interview sexual predators, on the other hand, you would probably find that extended breastfeeding is not a common characteristic among them. I am not trying to make you feel bad because I feel for you, but I do need to call you out on this because you are hurting others when it is you who are hurt - sorry if I sound like some sort of hippie, but in this case, I think, this sort of language is justified.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous, you're an idiot. The World Health Organization and Health Canada BOTH recommend breastfeeding until at least two. And many many cultures worldwide breastfeed far longer. It is OUR culture which is OBSESSED with breasts that gets so hung up over breastfeeding. It ISN'T child abuse. It's completely natural. Yes, the cover of the magazine is stupid. But breastfeeding a child until he/she self-weans is actually THE NORM when considered from a world-wide and historical perspective.

YOU are the one is fucked up. But you know what? Our entire culture is fucked up when it comes to over-sexualizing women...so, it isn't really your fault. But being a total asshole to a woman who is simply sharing?--totally your fault.

Anonymous said...

As a mom who nursed all three kiddos and is still nursing the youngest (2 in July) we go back and forth with the frequency and times we nurse. As a matter of fact, I thought we were weaning last month and all of a sudden my daughter wants to nurse all day. Yes, I'd love to have my boobs back. I actually said "ew" out loud to the idea of pumping at this stage and getting a cup with a straw.
When we talk about beverage choices I don't offer nursing but sometimes that's the option she selects. I never really labeled what I'm doing as Attachment Parenting but I'm guessing it is?
--Regarding sexual abuse: at this age my child views the breast as a source of comfort not a sex object. That's just gross. I also don't see it as a sexual act. That's even more gross. Unfortunately, my boobs have been pretty utilitarian for the past two years. Ask my husband, he'll agree. ;P I can't wait to get them back, but now's just not the time.

Lastly, I don't know many kids who invite their friends over for 'milk' and cookies. Do you? ;)

Anonymous said...

AMEN!

The Blair Bulletin said...

I believe this would be a good time to use my new favorite word.
Time Magazine...this article...the cover...creators....what a bunch of fucktards!

Anonymous said...

"Yeah, I'm mom enough. I don't need to put on my fabulous skinny jeans and whip out my itty bitty titty to feed my preschooler (I refuse to call that kid a "toddler") on the cover of a national magazine to prove it."

I thought I was gonna die laughing when I read this. I love your blog!

Anonymous said...

I don't see anything wrong with nursing until 3. It doesn't make anyone a child molester to do so, either.

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