Rules for Parents of Daughters

I realized when I wrote my sons' piece earlier this week I titled it Rules for Mothers of Sons.  I was so wrong to just single out mothers.  These rules are for all parents.  Sorry, dads, you don't get a pass.  Kids need as much guidance as they can get!

Tonight I went out with the girls and I told them I was going to write this post so they helped me come up with some good ones!  Thanks, girls!

So here we go:  PIWTPITT 25 Rules for Parents of Daughters (because as I was making this list it seemed to me that I can screw up my daughter easier than my son so I needed more rules):

1.  Teach your daughter to never allow herself to be anyone's property and that you will cut her out of your will if she ever wears shorts that claim otherwise.

Mike's bitch would get a kick in the ass


2.  Teach your daughter to talk about her feelings - not eat them or purge them.  Or if she doesn't want to talk, teach her to express her feelings through writing, art, music, sports, etc.  Anything but food or drugs.

3.  Teach your daughter to work with what she's got and love what she's got.  Tall, short, fat, thin, your daughter is beautiful - inside and out.  Make sure you tell her all the time and make sure she believes it.  




4.  Teach your daughter to like and respect herself and demand respect from those around her.  She might end up lonely at times, but at least she won't be a doormat.

5.  Teach your daughter that "fish lips" photos are never appropriate and never attractive.


6.  Teach your daughter to value herself enough to defend herself - physically and verbally.  Let your daughter watch "The Burning Bed."  She'll never forget it and she'll always know she has "options" if she finds herself in an abusive relationship.

7.  Teach your daughter to go easy on the plastic surgery.

Aging gracefully can't be worse than this hot mess.

8.  Teach your daughter to be strong and confident in her abilities and not be afraid of failure.  Teach her that sometimes she will fail, but she can't let that fear stop her from trying something.



9.  Teach your daughter that has the right to get loud.  Make sure she knows girls can get angry, they can have opinions and they can throw "lady like" behavior out the window if necessary.



10.  Teach your daughter to never text/email/snail mail naked photos of herself to anyone.  Ever.  Ever.  Ever.

11.  Teach your daughter what a douche canoe is so she can avoid them.


12.  Teach your daughter to never steal her best friend's boyfriend.  That's just a real skank move.  What is it that our mothers always told us?  "Boys come and go, but girlfriends are forever."  Still true.

13.  Teach your daughter that having her underwear and half her ass hanging out the back of her jeans is not attracting anyone substantial nor does it make her look smart - even in the library.


14.  Never let your daughter wear clothing with sexually inappropriate "cutesy" sayings.

Her shirt says "Hooters' Girl in Training." Nice job, parents. You suck.

15.  Teach your daughter that smart girls get further in life than slutty girls.

16.  Teach your daughter to walk away from the teen magazines.  There is so much pressure put on young girls these days to look pretty or hot it's nauseating.


 859 Ways to Get Pretty for Summer and Look Hot in a Bikini??  Really?  How about 859 Tips to Ace the SATs! or 100 Books We Love! or 252 Ways to Succeed in Life Without Using Your Boobs!  ??

17.  Don't let your 9 year old dancer look like a 25 year old Pussycat Doll.



18.  Teach your daughter that bigger boobs isn't necessarily a good thing.



19.  Don't let your daughter marry young.  Encourage her to get out and see the world, live on her own and figure out who she is and what she wants in a partner before she settles down.

20.  Teach your daughter that there's nothing wrong with staying home on a Friday night and reading a good book, but try to get her to read more than just Chick Lit.  Give her The Gift of Fear.  This book really empowers women to spot danger signals.  Unfortunately in the world we live in, this is an important gift to have.

21.  Teach your daughter to beat the boys at their own games.

22.  Teach your daughter to be able to laugh at herself and have a sense of humor.  There are so many women I meet that say they have a sense of humor, but they really don't.

23.  Teach your daughter that the "Queen Bees" and "Wanna Bees" and "mean girls" are a waste of time and she should just invest in one or two great friends.

24.  Don't allow her to pierce or tattoo her body until she's on her own.

25.  Teach your daughter that her choices in life are limitless.  She really can do anything - except maybe use the Men's Restroom.

I know there are more, so let's hear them!

If you like what you read, please follow me on Facebook or Twitter!


Want to read something new? Check out my books!

457 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   401 – 457 of 457
Leah said...

I like a lot of this, but how about we drop the "slut" language that unconsciously still teaches girls to associate sexuality with shame? How about if even in the most well-intentioned piece, we don't reproduce the same lousy logic that hurts girls in the first place?

Unknown said...

do i feel my daughter has to be married before sex no but i want her to know that just because everyone else is doing it she doesn't have to, i want it to be her choice to do it when she is ready herself to do it wether it be marriage or that boyfriend she had for however long yes i have my ideals on how long i want her to wait but the truth of the matter is it doesn't work that way they will have sex when they want to and we have no say in that the only thing we can do is make sure we prepare them enough to make sure they do it safely.

Unknown said...

for me the language thing means nothing probably because because i have a son that has autism/tourettes he heard what the f**k now when he gets upset this comes out alot so i never judge others when swearing is used since i wouldn't want my son being judged when he swears since he can't help it

Unknown said...

As someone who married young ( 23) I can say that sometimes marring young isnt always bad

Unknown said...

Teach your daughter, and sons, that it is important to respect others for their differences. This world is a big place, with many opposing ideas, values, traditions and beliefs.

Unknown said...

Really? Isn't that teaching your 6th grade daughter to be mean to the boy? How does teaching our children to bully and tease empower them?

Unknown said...

Really? It didn't sound to me like the boy really did anything except express surprise that they own the same shoes. How does teaching our children to tease and bully empower them?

mary28 said...

Somehow, teach your daughter to be independent but not too independent. She should know how to fix a toilet and change a car tire. But at the same time teach her that it is ok to be taken care of my someone else

citiznen_127 said...

26. Teach your daughter that "slutty" is just a term that was made up by religious extremists to make women feel bad about themselves.
27. Teach your daughter that princesses have never been anything but slaves.
28. Teach your daughter how to physically defend herself because that is a basic requirement for being a free and capable adult.

Anonymous said...

I completely support and preach this thought process...the problem is, there are people out there that say to "let everything go" and "always forgive...don't hold onto grudges"...but where's the happy medium? How can she possibly learn lessons and not allow people to take advantage of her sweet nature without remembering when she was wronged and holding a grudge? If you just "let it go" and forgive, then how can you really learn to change what you will or will not accept?

Unknown said...

Keep a journal....I am the mother of two little girls right now. I remember the whole, "I was your age once" and "I know what you are up to I did the same thing as a teen". Do you think I believed my Mother?.....Of course not. Do you think I listened?...heck no! So, I decided to keep a journal for the great...and not so great times. I have a few entries in there about how they would be driving me crazy one day, and that I know in their teen years they'll have the "I hate you Mom" moments...but that I'll always love them. And that some day their heart will get broken...or life will go quite crazy, but I've been there before and they will survive. I do this so one day I can pull out that journal and show them ....See, I knew this would happen and I HAVE been there before. It's also a good way to show them raising kids isn't always easy. On the other hand it helps me too. I get to remember specific scenarios, moments, words, in detail. Rather than just the standard weight, height, age, teeth, blah.

Unknown said...

So she insulted the boy? You missed the whole point of the article Einstein.

nycMomOf4 said...

I would add to teach young girls to be kind to each other because women are manner to reach other than men. It's women tearing each other down so often.

Heather said...

I try to give a good handshake but I do hate the pissing contests some guys try. I had a friend of my husbands shake my hand the other day and it hurt for a good 10 minutes.

Unknown said...

I disagree with the marrying young. Let my husband at 19. We married at almost . We did not have kids until we were 30 and at 35 I just graduated with honors a week ago today all while being the sole breadwinner while my hubby was a stay at home dad. My point is that there is no set point in our lives that the person we are meant to be with shows up. I know it sounds like a fantasy but I knew right away I would marry him. We waited almost 3 years to get married and we lived with each for a year prior as a test run. believe me I heard 19 over and over and over but luckily I was raised to think for myself and know whats best for me.

Anonymous said...

Having sex after marriage has its perks too- no worries about STDs or jealousy about former partners, for one. And learning together is another bonus.

That being said, I think it's important for moms to be honest with our girls about sex- that it IS fun, or at least it is if you're doing it right... and that sometimes it takes some work to figure out how to do it right, and yeah it's not always spectacular, but it should be good most of the time...

I also think it's important not to shame our kids about masturbation and exploring their own bodies.

I don't think it's unreasonable to teach "no sex before marriage", if that's your value system, but it is unreasonable to deny that feelings are powerful things, or that sex isn't a great thing that's meant to be enjoyed by two people in love. There's no shame in my house, but my daughter has decided to wait until marriage, and I'm very proud of her for making that choice for herself.

Unknown said...

Great list. I would add, Avoid boys who hate their moms... and ... Stop saying you're sorry all the time.

Maybee said...

Do not depend on anyone else for your happiness. Not a man or a women..Be independent and not NEED a man/women to fulfill you. I have three grown children, all educated and married, in that order...they all have married spouses who are independent and can be alone for the weekend and still survive. Love your honesty..Happy New Year !!

coffee queen said...

2 things -
Teach basic house repair and car repair and when to call a professional. she needs to know these things. it will save her $$$
do not put anything on social media that Nana would be embarrassed to see. remember it's permanent and that employers, potential mates, anyone is looking at your profile.

Anonymous said...

And, I love you even more than before...Thank you. Thank you and Jen, a very sincere THANK YOU!

Lisa said...

Hopefully, if they learn #11 and #9, they will never need #6, but #6 is a LIFE SAVER. I never learned #11, but I sure used #6....

Andie Powers said...

Teach her to say no. To anything: dates she doesn't want to go on, friendships that don't feed her spiritually or unwanted sexual advances. Saying NO to even the most trivial thing is an important tool for any girl to have.

Unknown said...

All good advice. But, if she needs to use the men's room go ahead and do it! I do. My husband guards the door for me so that no one goes in! LOL

SRDesigns said...

So you want her to be mean ?

SRDesigns said...

My thoughts exactly vsmv1216. What kind of patent tells . Their child to belittle another ? A poor one that's what . Shame on you Orangies Atic.
Shame Shame

SRDesigns said...

Self Confidence. It shows no self confidence . I'm don't think that shows no self respectn I think it's confidence you ment. Correct?

Caitlin Hackett said...

I agree with almost all of points, this is great! My only addition would be to teach our girls not to slut shame other women. Even some of the 25 points seem to come across a bit negatively about being a "skank" or being "slutty". While I do completely agree that girls should be taught early on that they are so much more than just sex symbols, that it is their hearts and minds and not their boobs and butts that matter, I also am saddened to see so much of the "slut" and skank" aspect mentioned here. I think as women we need to teach our daughters to not only judge themselves less harshly, but also to judge other women less harshly, we are all in this together. We cannot expect to teach our girls that women who wear certain clothes, such as shorts with words on the butt, are "sluts" or "skanks", and somehow expect that they won't internalize that, and start to believe that what they wear defines who they are as well. I think this goes for boys as well honestly. I think that it should be a discussion with girls about choices, good and bad, about having self respect, and having a positive body image, rather than telling them that someone is slutty and teaching them to judge other women this way.

Unknown said...

brilliant. This should be in a handy fridge magnet ....or cell phone and iPod cases!!
the one I always stress is: Know Thyself ...and you will always know your worth.

Unknown said...

Agree that EVERY woman should read The Gift of Fear by Gavin Debecker. Awesome book, and could save your life! Also highly recommend to any fathers of daughters.. Or anyone who IS a daughter to read Strong Fathers, Srong Daughters by Meg Meeker. Outstanding book! Must read!

Unknown said...

Proud to say that this piece describes everything I love about my 24 year old daughter

Unknown said...

Here! HERE!! To ALL of those in this world who KNOW that they DON'T WANT KIDS and ACTUALLY DON'T HAVE THEM! CUDO'S TO YOU ALL and THANK YOU!

TrixieJo302 said...

Actually, if your daughter attends the Women of Faith Conference, she can even use the Men's restroom! LOL.

TrixieJo302 said...

I whole-heartedly agree the sex is something that should be shared with only your husband (or wife). Sex God's way is a gift from our creator.

Unknown said...

How bout "use the word "sorry" half as often."
xo,
meredith
badsandy.com

Unknown said...

when my daughter met her boyfriend's parents for the first time, she shook the dad's (and Army Master Sgt) hand and he said "wow, you really get right in there!" Proudest.Moment.Ever.

Diana said...

IMO, I would like my girls to be married before they have sex for THEM - not because of what others think. I know people who were virgins when they married and they never regretted it. I know people who were NOT (I am one) and HAVE regretted it. It is a matter of faith and faithfulness to the one God has chosen for you. Sex can and should be a sacred experience. Nobody is shaming anyone, I don't think. Just because one's beliefs are of a different standard, it doesn't mean they are disrespecting others' beliefs of practices. People are too over-sensitive.

OlsonS923 said...

It should be no sex b4 marriage. Finding out what you "like" is bullshit. You find out what you like with your hubby and make sure he does it. Divorce rate is ridiculously low for people who do this. What is mature about taking the chance on std's and pregnancy by sleeping with people b4 you're married just to "find what you like"? Btw what makes sex the best is doing it with someone you love and who loves you back. Lots of people who try and find out what "good sex" is end up not in marriage or divorced is bc it becomes never good enough after awhile. You may have great sex b4 ur married but marriage has ups and downs and sometimes no sex for awhile. Stupid reasoning to marry or not marry. People and preferences change. You can either get a new guy every time they change or marry someone who is willing to stick thru all the changes. And that won't happen if he's worried about getting good sex. Thats when you get left for the skank.

OlsonS923 said...

But also teaching them they don't have to act like men to compete in the work place. It is not weakness to still act like a lady. You can rock the femininity and still get ahead.

JessFox said...

I've used the men's room before. Hey when you gotta go and the bathroom is occupied sometimes you don't have a choice.

Anonymous said...

I like this comment! I was hoping someone would say something about #19. I got married at 21 to my high school sweetheart (we started dating at 16, moved out together at 18). We are 27 now with a one-year old little girl and our lives could NOT be any cooler! I discovered myself just fine while having him by my side. In fact, he helped! We have done much traveling, and we still travel. Getting married is not the end! For most, it is the beginning.

Maija said...

Agree! If you want respect for what you are trying to convey preachy absolutes can shut down ears that need to hear some important points. I think women can be strong without acting like negative male heterosexual stereotypes,etc. Children come into this world with unique personalities -you can drill them as much as you can and they may still choose to act, say, do and think about things differently than you would like. I find that with two kids now 22 & almost 19 -one of whom is part of the LBGT community - you need to approach and speak to them in a manner that they will take in what you are saying, even if they don't agree with you at the time. My kids are both very strong willed, compassionate and tough. They know what it is like not to fit in and how harsh, judgemental and hipocritcal many are in this world.

Maija said...

Thank you! So many kids on the street because parents don't like the fact that their children don't identify as heterosexual .

Maija said...

You expressed what I feel much better than what I wrote. Thanks for adding this.

IfWishesWerePennies said...

...really? teach your daughter to sass mouth someone for no reason, how sweet

Unknown said...

Be independent; at least have the *ability* to support yourself, even if you decide to be a stay-at-home-mom.

Unknown said...

[email protected] I used to tell my baby cousins (not babies anymore but to me they will always be my babies lol) that dating should be like chocolate samples or boxes of chocolates.. you have to take a bite out of them to see if you want the whole thing lol.. and chocolate boxes come in varieties for a reason ;)

Unknown said...

Excellent! i heartily agree

randomx6 said...

Wrong...gender shaming sucks...

Splash90 said...

Yes!!!!

Persisparrow said...

What does your daughter gain by being bitchy about it? Better yet : What do you get from encouraging her to be mean ?

vpmom said...

Teach your daughters that kindness, compassion, humility and gentleness are some of the strongest character traits that they can develop.

jtreagus said...

Or not, since that reinforces gender stereotypes

Unknown said...

Teach your daughters that college isn't for everybody. Want to go to cosmetology school? Do it. Want to be a plumber? Do it. Want to join the military? Do it. College will always be there if you choose to return to school. Don't let anyone tell you are less intelligent, wasting your time, or a loser if you choose anything but college.

RainbowChazer's Reviews said...

If your daughter wants to be a tomboy or geek, let them. Not every female has to be a girly girl with dresses, heels and tons of makeup.

If they are introverted and prefer not to socialise, don't make them. It will only cause unncessary anxiety on their behalf.

Emily Okita said...

How about teaching your kids not to judge others based on what they wear, regardless of how skimpy or revealing it may be? That everyone deserves human respect and clothes are just clothes? Or that breast size doesn't matter in general? Not to judge others looks, and find beauty in everyone. How to recognise abusive behaviors in the first place (the twilight series is textbook abusive)? That her body is hers and not anyone (including parents') property. That tattoos don't change who you are on the inside, that it's just important to make sure the parlor is reputable, licensed, and opens all of their equipment in front of you (sealed ink and needles), do research on what the process is supposed to be like so if anuthing is off they know, to be wise in placement and in choosing their tattoo, and proper aftercare? Teach them that others who sexualize them as underage kids are wrong, it's not a kids fault if they develop early. That slut shaming is just girl-on-girl hate, and if it's not you're body, it's not your judgement. Teach kids all the excuses people will make to try to sleep with them, and that any pressure is a deal breaker, that if they don't give positive and enthuasistic consent, no one has the right to do anything sexual to them. Teach them that no one is entitled to their affection or love or interest regardless of how "nice" the person is being. That rejection hurts and while we can't control what our emotions are, we DO have control over how we react to them, and it's our own responsibility to accept rejection without malice, violence, or any other inappropriate behavior. That it's never a person's fault if they are sexually assaulted or harassed, the one at fault is the perpetrator who doesn't have the most basic level of self control. That girly things are not inherently shallow, and they can like what they want. That they don't have to fit into gender roles but if they feel like it fits for them, they can do that too. Teach them that whatever they put on their body does not define them, as long as they respect themselves, and others.

Emily Okita said...

And teach them that even if they say yes to something, they can still change their mind in the middle, and it's their right. That anyone who says otherwise is not respecting their boundaries, and it's not ok. Teach them that it's ok for guys to be feminine just as it's ok for girls to be masculine. And that body language is important. Just cuz someone says they are ok, doesn't mean that they aren't just trying to be polite when they're actually uncomfortable.

Unknown said...

I do not get what is so appealing about "wanting to punch someone in the throat" and also why you are an expert. I think this blog is hateful, ugly and pretty disgusting.

«Oldest ‹Older   401 – 457 of 457   Newer› Newest»

Covid-19 is Serious, But I Won't Stop Being Funny

Hey! How's it going? Everybody hanging in there? It's weird being home all the time, right? As a full-time writer, pants-loathe...

Popular Posts