Last night both of my children decided to remind me what I was missing.
I actually got to bed at a decent hour last night (thank goodness, or I'd be napping right now instead of writing) and I'd been asleep about 2 hours when I realized I was having a conversation with the boy. (FYI, there's been a question about whether or not I actually named them. Of course, I've named my children, just would rather not tell you their names. I make fun of children's names, imagine how many readers I'd lose if I told you I'd named my son Gomer and my daughter Adolpha?)
Back to my half coherent conversation with Gomer.
He was standing beside my bed telling me about a scary dream he had that woke him up. He woke up and then he could hear voices in his room and footsteps in his closet and hissing noises coming from under his bed.
I woke up completely and started breaking it down for him:
The voices: You listen to a radio all night long, because you don't like silence in your room.
The footsteps: Your closet attaches to an unfinished attic space and you're hearing the wind creak the boards out there.
The hissing: You have a cough so you have a humidifier in your room at the end of your bed. It hisses steam.
Now go back to bed.
This did nothing to make him feel better. Sooooo...I dragged my ass out of bed and trotted him back upstairs to his room. We investigated all the noises and reconfirmed I was correct in my earlier assumptions. He still was not 100% convinced. I was exhausted and didn't want a fight. I flopped into his bed and tried to sleep with him.
This was a terrible idea. His room IS noisy and kinda of Creepy! The floors do creak, the radio is ridiculously loud in a quiet house (even on a low volume setting), his nightlight blinded me and the stupid humidifier hissed.
I thought I would stay until he dozed off and then I'd slip out. Instead, I managed to fall asleep.
That's when I had my sexy hot dream/nightmare.
It was a nightmare, but I think it was supposed to be a sex dream. It started out with me knowing that I was cheating on the Hubs. I was getting ready to go on a hot date. Woohoo. That's not the nightmare part. The nightmare part was that my lover was not good looking - not even a little bit. He was scrawny and pasty. And we weren't on a "date" we were cheating by shopping together at Target for our own children. We were in the shoe aisle and he asked if he could "steal a kiss." I thought, OK, this should be good. Public sex or something kinky like that. Nope. He kissed my cheek, told me I should get a new pair of tennis shoes and moved on to the toy aisle!!
|Shopping Alone is just a DREAM|
Are you fucking kidding me? How pathetic is this? This is the best I can do? Even in my own dreams I can't do any better than a scrawny guy at Target? Where are the hotties?
I think what happened is that subconsciously I knew that I was sharing a bed with my son and so when my brain realized I was going to have a sexy dream my brain said, "OH hell no! You stop right there, missy. We are not going down that road. You're going to Target with a dork and buying shoes. You need new tennis shoes."
At least I hope that's what happened. Otherwise, my subconscious thinks I'm a complete loser. The Hubs would probably have some theory about how I'm so satisfied at home, I don't need to have sexy dreams. Nice theory, babe.
Regardless, because my dream was so unsatisfying, I woke up. That's when I heard the girl leave her room calling for me.
I found her downstairs in my room looking for me. She'd had a bad dream, because the boy had told her a spider lives under her bed. Nice job, genius. (This morning I made him tell her he killed it after breakfast. Hopefully that will nip THAT in the bud.)
Ugh. I marched her back upstairs and collapsed into bed with her and 1,000 stuffed animals, because again, not in the mood to fight. I slept fitfully for the next few hours with her knee in my back and her hair in my mouth and a stuffed poodle for a pillow.
The Hubs woke us up around 8 am and I was actually pissed at him.
I was pissed because not once did he hear our children wake up and not once did he notice I was no longer in bed with him for most of the night.
Nope, that SOB slept like a baby and I was so pissed because I couldn't even make him jealous with my super hot sexy dream.
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