Ultra-Competitive Moms

Ultra-Competitive Moms (you know if you're one).  I'm a mom and I'm super proud of my kids, but these UCM turn bragging about the kids into an Olympic sport.  


Don't get me wrong, if you get a group of moms together, there's always going to be some friendly comparing:    Carson walked at 9 months!  Ella loves to read!  Emma scored 2 goals at her soccer game!  Aiden got the highest score on the spelling test this week!  


These moms are fine, but there will always be that ONE mom who just doesn't know when to stop.  You just won't believe what her daughter, Aighmey, can do!  You're right.  I won't believe it.  (BTW, you pronounce that "Amy" don't you know?  The UCMs even have to TRY to one up us on spelling ordinary, popular 80's names in "unique and adorable fashions".   If they can't turn ordinary names unique, they just take weird locations and turn those into names for their kids.  Like:  Capri.  Niiice, you do realize you just named your kid after an ultra slim women's cigarette introduced in the 80's?  PS - if you live in the KC metro we even have a casino called Isle of Capri.) 


Aighmey doesn't just hit her milestones, she knocks them out of the park.  Aighmey walked at 7 months;  she's teaching ESL students how to read in English and Spanish (she's in Kindergarten); she's the captain of her semi-professional soccer team and she plays 3 positions during most games so when she's not scoring her typical 5 goals, she's also saving 10; Aighmey is the best speller in the state - she's spelling at a college level.


These moms I can handle, because it's very easy to call B.S. on at least one claim.  "Hola Aighmey!  Spell immunoelectrophoretically."  Cue the cricket chirp.  Yeah, that's what I thought.  


The UCM who make it a little harder are the moms who see giftedness in things like cutting paper or swinging the highest on the swings at recess.  There's not much you can say when you hear:  "Brytnay's teacher says she's the best in her class at sitting still during rug time!"  Brytnay is 7.  She's been participating in rug time since she was two.  She should be able to sit still.  Or "Jersey received an award on Thursday for being the best in his class at hanging up his coat in the proper place!"   He's a middle-schooler.  There's an award?  Seriously?  Do you hang it on the fridge?


What??  Moms have a hard enough job as it is, why are you constantly slinging your ultra-competitive nonsense at me?  Why does it all have to be a competition?  Who are the average kids out there anymore?  You'll NEVER hear:  "Terrah is the most average student in her class!"  They don't make a bumper sticker for that!


And really, If I write a big enough check, can't I get my kid on the semi-pro soccer team too?  


We're raising a bunch of wussies who think they should get an award for hanging up their coats!  What's going to happen when Elyiot applies for a summer job and "excellent gluing skills" are not seen as a job requirement?  It's going to rock his tiny world.    


I love my kids and I want to protect them too.  I get that we all want them to have confidence in themselves and their abilities, but do your kid a favor and make him/her work to a REAL achievement and don't reward silly, made up achievements.  I'm not saying we need to go Tiger Mom on our kids (that woman is nuts), but do we really need to reward a child for pooping in the potty when he's 6?  Even my kid who potty trained at the GENIUS-level age of 3 1/2 doesn't get a reward anymore.  


Ultra-competitive moms get a punch in the throat.


Nothing drives me crazier than the UCMs who do this.